Separation Anxiety with the Baby Sitter

I didn't experience this myself... except once. My little one cried when we left "Nana's" once. We had been visiting and she wanted to STAY AT MY MOTHER's when the rest of the family was leaving to go home... we live 6 hours away... I was a tiny bit hurt that she wanted to stay with my mom than go home with us... but it only happened that once. She had been having a great time with my mom though, and Nanas know how to spoil and give that one-on-one attention that they crave at this age.

So, I would just say: 1) it's a phase she will outgrow; and 2) try to make it more fun for her. What I mean by that is, she is playing and doing fun stuff with lots of attention when she is with her sitter, right? When you come to pick her up, she has to stop whatever it was she was doing. They especially need help transitioning from one activity to another at this age, too. So, maybe address that with the sitter, and try to build a few extra minutes into your "pick-up-time" routine, so she can complete something she is doing or know that "in 5 minutes we will be getting in the car"... Then, when you get home, try NOT to get straight down to work (dinner, chores, etc). Make time (even 15 minutes will help) to play with your daughter. And tell her as you're packing into the car what you have planned for when you get home... "Guess what we get to do when we get home today?!.... We have some brand new purple play-doh!! And I want you to help me make animals with it.... Does that sound fun??" Try to get her to anticipate something fun when you get home.

Learning to transition is a big part of growing up. Start now in small steps. As she gets older, you can be more grown up about it too... " Two more minutes on the swing, then we have to get in the car and go ___"... And when they are old enough for computer time it will be the same thing.. "5 more minutes, then you have to get up."

Just try not to take it too personally right now. She spends a lot of time with her sitter and probably has a firm bond with her. That is a GOOD thing. The separation anxiety is a normal thing.
Best wishes...

Hi, B.. Well, Sweetie, you're very, very fortunate that your daughter cries for 5 minutes, because some kids cry for hours, throw tantrums, and make themselves sick over separation anxiety.

What your daughter is doing is a good sign. It means she has bonded with you on a healthy, deep level, and it also means that she is capable of bonding with the sitter, another person, too. She's not yet 2 years old, so do not expect her to get out of this stage just yet. She will grow out of it eventually.

It sounds like she's exhibiting the healthy form of separation anxiety, where she cries for 5 minutes and then moves on to other things. I don't think you need to change a thing...except for the sitter leaving her alone. Why is the sitter leaving the room? I would say that the sitter should be with the child at all times unless it is for nap time when the child is in a crib or playpen or secure bed. I have no problem with the sitter walking away to use the bathroom, but again, the child should be secured somehow so that she doesn't get hurt while she is unsupervised.

About the pregnancy...what does your daughter understand about it? Does she know that a new baby is on the way? She is probably too young to comprehend it, but if you are having health complications and have had to change your routine with your daughter, then she may react to those changes in the way you pay attention to her. She isn't really going to understand, at less than 2 years of age, what it means to have the next baby in line growing in your womb...but she may be confused by any changes you have made in your routine. That will make the separation anxiety more intense, for sure.

But it doesn't sound like it's horrible, either. Remember that a 2-yr-old's vocabulary is limited, and she doesn't have a whole lot of words to express her thoughts and feelings (even though she may talk a great deal, her language isn't as sophisticated as an adult's), so "No no no" is all she may be able to say about it. She will eventually understand that when people go away, they always come back, and she doesn't have to worry about never seeing you again. That takes time. Just be patient, and know that this is a stage she will pass through soon. Just don't worry about the fact that she is in that stage, and don't give it too much attention or she will do it more to get more attention. There is nothing you can do to make this phase go by faster.

Peace,
Syl

I'm sure it saddens you that she is sad to leave the sitter, but look on the bright side... YOU HAVE A GOOD SITTER THAT SHE LOVES! She has a healthy relationship with her so you don't have to worry that your sitter is abusing her. It will pass I'm sure like all things, but count your blessings that you found a good one :)

Well, at least you know she is well cared for and happy with her sitter. I would look at this as a positive.

My boys are the same way with daddy. When I leave the house they will kiss me and wave bye-bye and go back to playing with daddy. But, god forbid daddy leave the house without them, and it is total meltdown for the both of them. My husband went to run errands on Saturday and I stayed home with the kids, and my 21mo literally laid on the floor in in front of the door for an hour crying "daddy...daddy,...daddy." And (even better) when I pick them up from day care (normally daddy's duty, so it's rare that I do) my 3yo will start to cry actual tears and say "no, I want daddy." I swear the teachers probably think I beat them or something.

It can be disheartening, but at least I know I can be glad (and proud of DH) that they have a good relationship with daddy. I think as mommies we are sometimes taken for granted becasue they KNOW we would never leave them/hurt them, so their trust in us is unconditional and they don't need to show it.

check out the sitter! What is it that is liked so much. What behavior management style you vs her. attention given

HI B., I have an 18 month old and I am 6 1/2 months pregs too. I am a stay at home mom which is probably the reason she cries her heart out when I leave her. This evening for example, I make sure to always say goodbye to her and I let her know where I am going. I don't "disappear". My husband picked her up, and sure enough she started to cry and call out for mami. Talk about a break your heart moment, but I make sure that when I say I'm leaving I leave, but she knows that mami will always come back. It is hard, but I speak to her everyday, I let her know about her little sister in mami's belly, I have noticed however that she is a lot more "clingy" than normal. But instead of pushing her away I try to distract her with tasks or games or anything I can think of so as to not pick her up and carry her. It seems to work. I'll be reading what other moms respond to you, because it seems like we are in the same boat.

Good luck, and by the way, I am also due in February!
K

Oh, around 18M separation anxiety is at it's height--so feel lucky that she only cries for 5 minutes. This is TOTALLY normal behavior and the best thing is to give her confidence that there is nothing wrong with you leaving, and reassure you will always come back (which you will).
The best thing you can do to accomplish this is remain upbeat--don't look distressed yourself,and DON'T linger. A kiss good-bye and then off you go! Keep your good-bye routine short and sweet--but consistent. Kids thrive on consistency because it takes away the fear of not knowing what is going to happen next. If she knows that this is what always happens, then she will adjust and just expect it.