Separation Anxiety - Meridian,ID

It may take some time. Have your friend give her daughter a sticker and kiss it, put it on her shirt and tell her that is for when she feels sad or misses her mommy.
Have her mom just kiss, hug and walk out the door, making it a least drawn out as possible.
Have a good distraction the second she leaves, a cool toy, movie, puzzle or snack, talk to her in a very upbeat voice, try not to coddle her if she starts getting upset but just get her involved in something right away.
It may take some time but the key to what you stated is she does find her way and calm down and ends up enjoying herself.
As for your son, remind him she just misses her mommy and it is his job to help her out not make it harder. Empower him with a task of helping the little girl feel welcome and find something for them both to do, playdough, anything to keep them busy.
Give it some time! :)

Ditto to what everyone else said. I do a home daycare. I sit them down and tell them how it is. Then after that you don't give them any attention to their tantrums. If needed, they go to time out. Your 2 year old son is probably having a hard enough time sharing you with his new sister. Now this is new so it's an adjustment too.

Idea: Try to only hold your baby when it's time to nurse. That's best anyway so she won't think you hold her anytime she wants. Put a play pen in your LR to put her in for play time. Get down on floor and play with all of them. Give each one a turn to sit on your lap -- maybe read 2 books, etc. Then the rest of the time they are on their own until she leaves.

Best wishes, D.

I work at a daycare where we see this ALL the time. If your friend lingers for good-byes... that will make it worse. She needs to give her loves, wish her a good day and tell her she will be back to get her later. Then walk out. We gently tell our kiddos, "mom/ dad will be back after nap (or what ever activity fits) so come help us build (or what ever activity we are doing)". We make a point to have a fun activity going when they arrive so they want to play. IF they have a melt down we allow them space to cry it out, but we do not add attention to the situation as it is fuel for the fire. This gets them over the hump and they move on. We often have to remind parents to "drop and go".

Your friends little one is old enough to understand that a hug from you and comforting words are all you can give her right now. The more you play into her fits the worse it will get. "I have to feed the baby, you can sit in the chair until you calm yourself down, or stop crying and help me!"

I know this sounds cold-hearted, but this is the perfect time to teach her how to comfort herself and know that she is part of a group that needs your attention.

I do in home child care as well. Most of the children that I watch do experience this to some level. I agree that it is
VERY important to acknowlege that she misses her mommy, but again explain simply that Mommy will be gone for a little while and she WILL come back. Give her a quick hug and remind her that you and the other children are her friends and want her to be at your house. Then, don't give her any responce to her crying or whining, et. Some children are more stubborn than others, but eventually all of the kids learn that I love them and they relax and enjoy themselves. Make sure that she knows you are excited to see her when she comes and that you will look forward to seeing her the next time she comes. Good luck!

Does your friend have something that her daughter can have when the mom leaves. A blanket, a sweater, a doll, something that smells like her and is comforting? Something that when she hits that bump she can have, but only during that time? Have her give her a kiss in her hand, hold it tight, and tell her that when she needs mommy to put her hand up to her check and she will have mommy's kiss. Good luck.

Good advice from everyone so far. I have been lucky with my 3 year old with only minimal seperation anxiety. I think there are 2 reasons for this:
- from the time he was little and would fuss when I left his sight I would always say "Son, I'll be right back."
- whenever I leave him at a sitters or Grandma's house I get him situated then ask for a hug and kiss and tell him "I'll see you in a couple hours" (or however long it will be)
I have noticed that when my son had the biggest problems there were other things going on in his life. We moved. Dad started travelling for work. etc. You might want to talk to your friend about if there are new stresses in her and her daughter's life. And then suggest that your friend talk to her about it. Little ones understand far more than we know.