Helping 3-Year Old Cope with School Anxiety

as a preschool teacher for many years.. all the ladies that posted here are right on!! I know how hard it is.. \two of my kids were so VELCRO kids.. they cried and cried but the teacher reassured me they settled down once I left.. that is key.. if the teacher says he is fine once he settles down.. then go with that for sure. don't worry.. ask about his day and remind him how successful he was and how you always come back and leave it at that. maybe invite some of the kids in his class over from time to time.. that always has helped my kids to see a familiar face!! good luck.. !!

Hi--My daughter who just started kindergarten after going to preschool last year is STILL having a hard time. She has been crying for the last week and a half of school and cried at the beginning for preschool. She was/is fine at school and tells me that she had a great day at school. I personally think that some kids adjust better than others. I now have to promise her that I will not leave the school when I drop her off. I tell her that I have to park where no one can see me. It seems to have eased her anxiety a bit. I know that I shouldn't tell her that I am staying there, however it makes her getting out of the car easier.

When she was in preschool, I asked the teacher to "hook" me up with other moms in the classroom. The teacher was wonderful, she gave me the phone numbers to all of the moms of the girls in the class. We did some playdates with two of the girls and it seemed to ease some of the anxiety. I do plan on doing the same type of networking this year. And although the girls all go to different schools for kindergarten we do get together often to keep the girls in touch.

I have also received two great friends thanks to my daughter--Best of luck to you. It is hard to see your little guy so upset, but hopefully it will get better quickly.

The other responses were great, and I would just add to give him a picture of your family and tell him he can put it in his pocket and if he is sad or misses you he can pull it out and look at it. My son cried for 2 months straight, the whole time- 2.5 hours- but the teachers were awesome at sticking it out and it is exactly what he needed. When your at home, talk up about how great school is. Also, can you visit the playground at school at all on the weekends or at night (if it's outside?). Also, talk about how proud you are of him for going to school- to others in front of him so he can brag or he can hear you brag about him being a big boy. Good luck! It's heartbreaking I know.

Make your goodbye a consistent routine that is short and sweet. Hold his hand, walk him to the door, give him a hug and a kiss goodbye, with a promise to return and an "I can't wait to hear all about your exciting day when I come to get you!".

Then leave.

Do not draw out the goodbye, lingering over one more hug, one more kiss, one more promise. Any preschool or daycare teacher will tell you that the long goodbye only heightens the tears and drama. They will also tell you that usually within minutes of your departure they are smiling, happy, and playing.

My almost 3 year old has been going to daycare 2 days per week for two years. Once in while she still has a meltdown when I leave her (like today). In addition to all the other great suggestions you've gotten, I just want to add that I learned the names of some of her favorite playmates and favorite activities at school through routine conversations with her about her day. I regularly get her excited about going to school by reminding her she may get to see, "so and so" or do "such and such."

Ask the school for specific ideas. Our preschool hands out a helpful 3-4 page article on separation anxiety. I just tossed mine out. I would be happy to get another one for you and snail mail it to you.

Lots of hugs, reassurance, positive tone, speak about upcoming events with excitement, emphasize that this school is only for BIG kids. Another suggestion would be to get appropriate books at the library on the topic. One that comes to mind is The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. My first grader found comfort in this story even after hearing it for the last 3 years. Special memento in his backpack....reassuring family photo, special trinket, stuffed heart with a lipstick kiss on it to name a few. Best of luck! Let me know if you would like the article.

EDIT: Another suggestion after reading Adrsma's post: develop a secret yet quick handshake that you use at the drop off. A friend did this with her daughter and it was very comforting to her child.

My son hated being left at a park district play program at 3 but was fine when he went off to PRE-K the following year.
You know your child best so if he is having a VERY rough time you might consider keeping him at home another year.