Hello Mamas,
My daughter (4) has been in daycare full time since she was one so you think we would have figured this out by now. She has done good in the past with being dropped off at school. Last year, she started being "shy" and wanting the teacher to take her hand when she arrives. We switched daycares a few months ago and she did great at first but it has gotten progressively worse. This morning she had a fit and the teacher had to hold her to prevent her from running back to me. She is fine after I leave. Every morning I'm very matter of fact about everything - operating with complete expectation that we won't have an issue. It seems like she is playing a game but I'm not sure what she gets out of it. I don't give her much empathy and I still walk out the door every day. Maybe the teachers are giving her too much attention over this? Can anyone recommend strategies?
TIA!
Yikes! I wasn't disparaging her teachers - I work with them to address behavioral issues. Different kids may need more or less attention...
Thanks for the encouragement and book recommendation! I ordered it yesterday. She has been impersonating llama llama (misses mama) which has not been helpful. I pointed out llama llama doesn't cling to mama and that seemed to help this morning.
Get the book The Kissing Hand. Give each other kissing hands and a quick good-bye and see you later. She'll be alright. If you think the taking the hand thing is playing into something, talk to the teacher and start just sending her in to play vs waiting for someone to come get her. You're otherwise smart to be keeping it short and positive.
You're already doing the right thing. Go in, kiss goodbye, tell her when you'll be back, and leave.
Keep doing it and she'll be fine in no time.
It's common for kids to go through separation anxiety at this age, and that may be what she's/you're experiencing. I would recommend that you do give her more reassurance, rather than less empathy.
Do keep your drop off short, sweet and upbeat, and develop a drop off routine... a special saying, handshake, a hug routine. Consider tucking in a picture of the family or of just the two of you in her backpack so she can look at it if she feels sad or worried. Think about arranging play dates so she can develop good friendships with classmates.See if another family member or friend can take turns with you dropping her off some days or picking up another friend on the way.
It's good that the teachers are involved and can take her from you at drop off. They see his over and over and should be well versed in handling it.
It is a phase that she's get over relatively quickly, so don't sweat it. Do remember that separation anxiety mean that there is a loving and strong bond between you and your daughter :) She's not putting on a show... she genuinely misses you~
Good luck~
ours went in phases too, it would get worse, then better, than worse...i really think as long as you stick to one good-bye hug/kiss and don't turn back, that's really all you can do. the teachers should be accustomed to it. don't make it worse by letting her cling and giving in to her behavior- you want them on your side ;) good luck!
The only other strategy I would use (because it was recommended to me) would be to remind her before drop off how she is going to act, and ask her to repeat it back to you. "So when we get to school, we aren't going to be upset, because we will see each other very soon, and you always have lots of fun at school. What are you going to do when we get to school?" Walk her through the desired drop off scenario - I am going to drop you off, give you a hug and a kiss goodbye, and you are going to go play with x or whatever it is she does. I feel like for my son whenever he gets some attention from putting on a "show" it will become a routine. "This is the part of the day when I throw a tantrum and I have mom's undivided attention!" I've also heard its good to discuss the desired behavior before bed so that it sinks in and they think about it as they are trying to fall asleep. Sometimes that is easier said than done. Good luck! Age 4 has been a whole new ball game for us :)
I doubt you can stop this. It sounds to me like you and the teachers are doing exactly what is needed here. You approach drop off as if this weren't going to happen -- AGAIN!! You give her a brief, loving goodbye, and the teacher takes her by the hand, holds her or whatever it takes to keep her in the classroom while you exit. You say she is fine after you leave. My guess is that it takes her, at most, five minutes to settle down. This is not an abnormal situation for a child going to preschool. It may go on with her for a long time yet, or she may stop it within a few months. Either way, she will survive and thrive... and so will you. I don't think the children who behave this way at drop off "get" anything out of it unless it may be an inner satisfaction that they've expressed themselves as to how much they love their parents and how much they'll miss them during the day. They are emotional little beings and don't know yet how to express themselves without such emotional demonstrations.
