Seeking Opinion in Adult Outsiders Kissing Toddlers in Mouth

If the person is a stranger, then I would have to say that is not right. However, just because the person is not a family member does not mean they are not close to the child. If the person kissing the child make you feel uncomfortable then maybe they are not as close to you as they think. Just explain to them, that you do not care for them to do that and let it go. If they continue to do it, or try to do it again. I would report them to the police. I have kissed my friends kids on the mouth when they were younger. But I was extremely close to those children, and had a small hand in raising them. The same is true for my friends doing the same with my kids. I never thought anything about it. These are also the same ppl that would take my kids on vacations with them, so I guess that shows what a bond there was.

A hug or a kiss on the cheek is fine NOT THE MOUTH. There are to many bugs out there for this child to get. Plus you can never know if this person has other problems//////. I would never kiss someone's child on the mouth myself.

While I certainly understand your concern, it is her parent's right and responsibility to decide what is right for their child. If you don't feel like they didn't see what happened, certainly mention it to them, but it isn't your place to question their parenting unless you actually witnessed something untoward.

While it certainly increases the probability, not every child that is abused or molested suffers lifelong psychological scarring. If he wasn't demanding/forcing/or otherwise fondling this child...you are judging him by this one action which could, and likely is, completely innocent.

People are grossed out by all sorts of things, it doesn't mean that we get to impose our will on them. I wish my two-year old would quit licking me (and I wish my dogs would quit licking her)!

Save them being completely negligent, leave the parenting decisions to her parents.

disgusting and wrong. I kiss my babies on the mouth, but I am their momma and we pretty much have the same germs around us. I nursed my babies, too, so I feel like we can be close like that. But if ANYONE else put their lips on my babies' lips that would be the LAST time they came near my children.

I bet the parents were shocked and did not know how to react, but really the child needs to know that it is not at all appropriate for an adult (Stranger!) to kiss her like that.

I'm upset just reading about it.

I'm not sure there is evidence to back up your opinion; what is thought "normal" or "disgusting" in terms of kissing varies a lot from culture to culture.

I'm a germaphobe, so it would have grossed me out also. Germs like the herpes cold sore virus can be easily passed on by kissing or sharing drinks. However not all parents worry about germs like I do.

As far as psychological effects, there is some evidence that *forcing* kids to hug and kiss adults or sit in their laps can be detrimental. And they might be less likely to speak up to or about a potential abuser. But I'm guessing from what you are describing this is not forced.

If you think that this is sexually inappropriate behavior on the part of the adult, and not just a cultural difference, I think you should speak up.

Hi A.,
thank you for being so cautious. I most difinetely think adults, especially those that are not close family members should not be kissing young children in the mouth- If the situation occurs again I would sweetly say- please refrain from kissing this child in the mouth-- if they cannot understand your concern then too bad- the childs safety from germs should be paramount. hugging should be good enough
good luck and blessings

Hi A.
Oh no no no, that is not appropriate for someone who isn't even related to the child. That sounds creepy to me. Especially when the child dosen't even know this person.
I would talk to the family and see what they say....your gut feelings are right, let us know what happens.
Good luck.

Ewww. I don't know that there are studies to support your feelings, as this would be mildly (understantment)inappropriate and unethical even to test, but it is just common sence.
I know there are studies which have proven that mothers, fathers, and siblings kissing (mouth, i'm not certain about)actually helps to develope an immune system.
I agree with PP that the parents were most likely in shock, and won't let it happen again. I don't think you need facts to get that, and you won't really find those kinds of facts here.
This doesn't sound like it was a stranger either. It sounds like another family member or close family friend, though that doesn't make it any different, but it does mean that it needs to be approached differetly.
I think that an emotional, concerned approach would be more effective than a "factual study" in this case anyway. This isn;t a sanitary issue as much as a stranger danger issue.

ETA AFter reading others responces. This child is 3 and 3 is very different from 10. Aunts have no right to say yes or no for anything, but should share their feelings. Don't be hurt if she doesn't listen. Mom is always the final say and may know more about the situation, such as upbringing, or ethnic customs that might be fueling this.
My father kisses DD on the lips. She is 4 and there is no threat there. Could it be that this man is a father figure for mom and has been out of the area during her upbringing? I don't see the difference between my mother kissing her on the lips and my father kissing her on the lips.

Also IN the mouth? That needs to be clearified. I miss read it as ON the mouth. HUGE difference.

Hi A.,
Yes that is inappropriate behavior for an adult. I have 2 little kids and I don't even kiss them on the mouth. Tell some immediately. This guy is a disgusting pervert.

I personally do not let my children kiss ANYONE on the mouth. They do see my husband and I kiss on the mouth, and I told them that when they are married they can kiss their spouses on the mouth, but that they should not kiss ANYONE ELSE on the mouth. Unfortunately, this is not your own child, and I'm not sure how you are related/associated to the child or her family. I know it's annoying, when others think they can do anything with someone else's child that is not their own. However, this needs to be kept in the hands of her parents. You might mention the incident to them, and suggest that they stand up for their parental rights with others who think they can do anything with their kids. I'm thinking they are probably as appalled as you are, just shocked that this happened. That's probably what my reaction would be. Then, later on, I would be seething that someone thought they had a right to do this to my child. Of course, we all need to be vigilant, and not let others think they can do what ever they want with our kids. Maybe them seeing these responses will help. A lot of us need help speaking up against others who don't think about what they're doing (such as the guy who kissed the little girl on the mouth).

That is outrageous! A man kissing a little girl on the mouth who is not a relative and a stranger to the girl. You better believe I would have no reservations about stopping that immediately and I couldn't care less about causing embarrassment or causing a scene. It's too bad no one put the welfare of the child first.

Hi A.,

This is one of those issues that people are going to have varying feelings about. You asked in your subject line for an opinion so I'll give you mine. I don't kiss anyone on the mouth except my husband. I don't kiss my daughter or son on the mouth. To me that is an incredibly intimate expression of affection. It will be a delicate subject for you to bring this up with the family. Good Luck!

D.

You might need to give a little more information and description with regards to "kissing a 3 yo girl in the mouth". What exactly to you mean by kissing her "in the mouth"?

I would NOT be happy with this behavior....

Many cultures/families kiss on the lips (but not open mouthed). It makes me very uncomfortable as well. But, I have a dear friend that would be considered an outstanding Christian woman and she kisses her grown sons on the lips. She actually came to me and asked me about it because someone had mentioned something to her. It wasn't an issue with her or her sons at all. They thought nothing of it. It would be an issue with me, but knowing her, I would have to say it is just a difference in backgrounds.

With this person being a "him" as you mentioned the little girl didn't know "him" at all. I would be VERY concerned! Did the little girls parants see him kissing theit daughter in the mouth? I have 5 yr old twins & thats a BIG issue with me. I tell them DO NOT LET ANYONE KISS YOU ON THE MOUTH except me & your your family here at home. What you saw wit that guy kissing her on the mouth sounds rather perverted to me!! With you being close to the family I would talk to the parents & explain the disgusted feeling it gave you. Evidently you did not feel this was "just a kiss". Im like you, my blood would be boiling & my stomach churning!! But I would not just let it pass by, I would approach the parents whether they saw it or not!
Let us know the outcome. If the parents do not stop him from this & keep their daughter away from "him" I think if I saw it happen again, I would consider getting child protection involved. For the most part, a child molestor starts out "making friends" and getting the child comfortable & trusting them! (this is not always the case) as we see on the news too many times, abduction & death) But the molestors that are in family or friends of family usually work that way. Hopefully this is not the case at all, but it would scare the *heck* out of me & my child WOULD NOT be allowed back around him. PERIOD!
Good Luck & God Bless you for looking out after that little girl!

Hi Auntie A.,
I think women: mothers,grandmothers, aunts,sisters,daughters,etc.,have an intuition about kissing and whatever the intuition says should be followed. There are also those who do not think, and thus live their lives unconsciously, with terrible effects in the lives of children around them. Knowing that you cannot change others, only yourself, once spoken, a truth remains to be practiced or not. You can only lead by example. The only guide need be followed is : is this action going to improve the immune system of the child or impact the immune system negatively.
Yesterday I saw a toddler child being asked by his mom to kiss all the adult "aunts and uncles" on the cheek goodbye, including me whom he had never seen before. Because I could see that it was his choice to do so, I accepted a pure peck on the cheek, not being sick. Another "uncle" said to the child: "that's ok you don't have to give me a kiss", but the child insisted, the "uncle" relented and all was well. Even in this situation I wondered if it was right to teach a child to do this,which I never required my children to do. But this family is known as a family that reaches out to help others, and I guess it was his mom's way of teaching this early, supervised by her.
What I am trying to say is, cultures have their traditions, but because the world has lost purity of heart like the small children, people in those cultures have grabbed that pure love and used it to fill their own selfish needs. If we give more to others and serve others, the purity will resurface and whatever we do will not be tainted. As mothers who teach children, we must stop and think what are we teaching them, and invest in the way that we feel by intuition is right...for the benefit of the child.
Bless you,
New Grandma K.

I am with all the other posters, it was really weird. We are kissy over here with my almost two year old, but only with mommy, daddy, and the grandmas or aunts. If I saw anyone that was not a direct family member kissing my child I would not be cool with it at all and would put a stop to it asap. Actually, we had a situation where we were around someone on a fairly regular basis who always seemed overly interested in our son. She would just watch him ALL the time. If you looked at her, her eyes were on my son. There would be other children around but she only had eyes for my boy. SUPER CREEPY!!! I always made a point to keep her away from my son as subtly as possible. Well one day my husband made a joke about it and I said "You noticed it too!" From then on, we were even more diligent that she not hold our child or ever be alone with him. Seriously our guts told us if she had the chance she might take him. We had no proof of anything so we just had to go with what we felt. She isn't in our life anymore but wow that was no fun. So, I would maybe mention your feelings to the parents. Maybe they felt it but were just unsure if they were being overly paranoid. God gives us gut instinct for a reason. Validating them might be just what they need to help them put a stop to that in the future. In any case, I too think it was not appropriate at all.

my husband n I kiss our two on the lips but I would not allow others to do so. Not even relatives. From what I have learned on t.v ( u know those shows to teach parents how to protect the kids) predators often start with small gestures to see how the child reacts then he progresses if the child does not cry, tell, etc. We are as a society over sensitive about molestation, so I feel bad for this guy if he just had loving intentions, but I think we have to be extra cautions. If he had just done it once, I would think creepy but let it go. Many times? No way I would allow that person around my child.

Maybe you can send an edited request...
I don't understand what you mean "in the mouth?" Do you mean a peck on the lips? Please clarify. Thanks,

Hi A.,

I understand your discomfort and admire you for wanting to talk to the family. Stop It Now has a hotline you can call and they will talk to you about how to talk to the family in a way that is productive.

www.stopitnow.com/
1.888.PREVENT

Good luck!
G.

In the mouth that is just disgusting relative or not I'd confront the parents cause something is not right there