Seeking Ideas - West Orange,NJ

Hello N.,

I take my daughter to a local playgroup on the mornings she is not in preschool. I take her with me on my errands and talk and sing with her. I love taking her out for a slice of pizza some days for lunch. I take her to the library as well. Without the parks during winter it isn't easy.

I let her watch a little TV (Playhouse Disney, Noggin, PBS Kids) and play internet games based on the shows she is allowed to watch (time is always limitted). This usually instigates her imagination which she will then play endlessly by herself with all her imaginary friends. Its really very interesting to listen to her scenarios. She also has an older brother who she adores and plays with when he gets home from school. She does karate 1 or 2 times a week as well.

Good luck!!! (not sure if your other 2 are older or younger...that changes things a bit.) She's lucky to have a mom like you who cares about filling her day with things to do. However, sometimes leaving her alone and letting her imagination take flight is a good thing too.

hi N., i know it is hard during the cold weather when you cant get to go outside to play. look into your local resources. i joined the childrens museum, we went at least 2-3 times a week, took classes there, special events, etc. it was worth every penny. actually, a few years ago i asked the grandparents to chip in for the membership for us in place of toys on their birthday, and it has become a bit of a tradition, its perfect. see if there is anything like that near you, or an aquarium, something like that. check out your local library for programs, or go to your town/county website, there are often free programs for the little ones. there are lots of things out there, look into it. and if you must stay home, play games, and get crafty! go to ac moore or michaels, and get some craft stuff. try different things. we are currently into foam things, those sheets, shapes, with some glue, feathers, pom poms, etc, lots of fun. bake things together. costumes are fun, too, especially now you can get them cheap after halloween, build up a costume chest and play dress up. make a photo album together,of all her favorite stuff. my kids looooove to go through their album, plus it helps them remember places and people. let her help you with household chores, make it fun, dance. also, my kids love to go to plays, local kids productions in little community playhouses, tix are usually under $10, and its a great experience for them. have fun :)

Go on www.meetup.com and type in mom or children. There are lots of moms groups in many areas that get together to do things. I am a member of a moms group in my area, and they have things scheduled all the time, from playgroups to visits to museums, etc. This will give your daughter the opportunity to socialize with other kids her age and give you some time with adults!

I usually schedule activities for my kids...not everyday, but about 2-3 x'a a week...either a storytime at the library(potterybarn kids has one on tuesday mornings and after 5 times your child gets a $10 gift card to use in the store...it's like someone is paying me to get my kiddo to read :), we are in a mom's group and try to do an activity once a week, we do running club with my older kids at school once a week too and my lil ones love that! I love my kids going to preschool because they love it, and it gives them the opportunity to interact with not only kids but other adults...that being said I don't think it's a must have, but it does break up the week/day...and I can do my errands while he's at school and focus on fun stuff when he's home...you got a lot of great advice already, but I really like my mom's group for 2 reasons...now I know what's availble in the area for my kids and if I want company I've got some and if not I can do the same activites on my own time/schedule.

Hi N.
Sounds as if you are a very busy productive mom.
Sounds also like you have a daughter who is willing to do preschool some of the day. That is very exciting, some will indicate preschool for children and I taught there. There are drawbacks. With the twins I set my day up to do preschool with all the preschool activities including calendar time, which teaches numbers, months, days, weather, appropriate clothing and anything else you want to include such as moon, and planets. You mention academics, but puzzles and playdough are done in preschool, along with music(instruments, and band, as well as types of music itself(patriotic, gospel, folk, etc) plus learning the words is great memory skill if they are done as a fun activity they can develop a life long love.
Don't forget listening & picking out what instruments are playing. There are also sounds we hear(train, siren, hammering). Naming them is also fun. Games, & physical activity(jumprope and bouncing balls) Baking cookies etc is also fun and a great way introduce fractions so they don't seem so overwhelming when kids are introduced to them at a later age.
All of these things take time to plan, and you to be there interacting, so don't forget quiet time, that involves her thinking of things to do. I called it recess, which some call quiet time or naptime. Mine never liked naptime they didn't want to sleep, and we were not sure we wanted them to. Recess was good, and I let them play as long as they were being good and thinking of constructive things to do(dolls, blocks, lego's,or imagination play(dress up) A good preschool will do all these things, but you have no control over who is in the room. I am not much of a person to say your child needs preschool.
I am not much into passive entertainment, and not much into computers as entertainment, however, AOK with them as learning tools guided by adults.
20 minute time slots are good, unless otherwise dictated by your child.
God bless you with wisdom and strength. Parenting takes more energy than any business. I can see you spend much time at your business. I know you will invest time in your daughter as well.
K. SAHM, taught preschool some then decided to homeschool. Married 38 years, adult children 37 coach, 32 lawyer, and twins 18 who left for college last fall(they are waiting for grades each with a goal of 3.5 or better in each class, both were able to opt out of two exams because of having 4.0 in the class--they are in different schools 4 hours from each other) after years of homeschooling. The average public schooler gets about 3 hours of actually in classroom study time each day, which means with planning if I homeschool 8-12 which I did for years without interruption(that would be rare in public school) I have taught an hour more than the school and we have the afternoon to do other things.

napping at 4 is unusual. she should really be in preK or nursery school, esp. if she is so interested in subjects. nursery school is very important for socialization purposes as well and to prepare her for kindergarden.
i too am a ia sophia advisor, and i sold tupperware 15 years ago to get living room furniture. i do not sell tw anymore. i am also a reiki master (my passion) and have a clientele and teach classes and lastly, teach religious school (have since a sr. in college). i have 2 girls 14 and 9 years old. hope this helps.

Hi N.,

Sounds like you must be an experienced mom if you have 3 kids and only mention one at home with you. Your daughter should be able to do some preschool learning, as you mentioned, but her whole day should not be like school. In my opinion, we institutionalize our children way too young. There is no rush (or shouldn't be)...there are actually countries that don't even start teaching academics until late in childhood (ages 9 and 10 or even later) and those kids end up learning just as much as our poor 3 and 4 year olds who get schooled to death from the moment they can speak! Play is the most important activity for a 4 year old. Your daughter needs to learn to entertain herself some. Don't feel like you need to structure every minute of her day...the most learning occurs when children are able to use their own creativity simply to play...either with you, with other children, or with her dolls.

For the purpose of perspective, I have 5 children, 2 in public school, one homeschooled, and 2 still at home. I don't "do school" with my 4 year old. She spends her day playing with her little sister (which does involve arts at the table in addition to typical 4 and 2 year old playing and bickering!). I'm not worried about her academic future even though she cannot write a single letter yet.

Do I sound cynical? I'm just a mom who is tired of the state dictating what my kids need to learn and when they need to learn it, so I'm gradually taking back control of my children's education, and I know they will be better off for it. My son who homeschools is learning lots and doesn't have to spend hours every evening doing homework. He gets to have it all...learning during school hours, and play before and after...he gets to be a kid...something the system is gradually taking away from our kids.

So, don't worry about what to do with your 4 year old. She is old enough to entertain herself. There are lots of activities you can take her to if you feel the need, but it sounds like you know what you are doing.

D.
mom to 5 with one more on the way

You have some great ideas about the library, play groups etc for socialization. Arts and crafts are great. Lots of 4 year olds give up naps, but you could have quiet time. I would also suggest that she be a part of household chores and errands. She can help you in the grocery store, you have real life lessons to learn there. She can find the product that is on your coupon, count out how many apples or yogurts you are buying. She can learn how to fold towels, underwear, match socks. She can learn how to sweep and dust. She can also help set and clear the table. My 4 year old helps with this stuff, and my other kids did too when they were at that age.

There are many things that you can do... join a local mom's club, some are free or low cost. This way you can go to playgroups ect. Go to the $$ store and stock up on beads, paper, glue graft items, ect. Get some work books to do for math, spelling, what ever he would like. You can play store, school with them as well. Now, he/she wont take a nap I would do quiet time, have them read a book, play soothing music, do something for 1/2 hour to an hour so that you can get things done to. Do it everyday and it will become natural to them. Take care.

I noticed many people suggested preschool. Personally, I don't think preschool is necessary, and I think they learn better from their own mothers. Use these early years to explore the interests of your child. Join some classes at your local YMCA, go to the classes offered by your local library, start violin or karate or soccer, get involved in some sort of play group that meets once or twice a week, etc.

I like to use the mornings to work on preschool-type activites. Once everyone is dressed, beds made, dishes done, etc., we sit down to do something with letters or math, sometimes both. I then usually get out puzzles or something they can do independently while I get a couple of things done and fix lunch. I usually read books to them during lunch. After lunch is quiet time--a must here. They are in their rooms with books or coloring or a couple of toys for about an hour. After quiet time, we practice violin and then I might get a game out. I give them some independent play time, or maybe let them watch a show. Sometimes I'll make a "fort" for them out of blankets and let them have a snack inside. This is all very flexible. I just pick three or four things I feel are essential throughout the day and try to do those at the same time. Use all the other activities you have up your sleeve to fill in the gaps.

Dear N.,

You didn't mention if she is in preschool at all. I own a preschool and my four year olds are in a full kindergarten prep program. Basically at 4 socialization is important however the academic prep for kindergarten is crucial if you are not homeschooling her. Many children attend daycare for years and with a good program have the advantages of good early education. If she is not in pre-k I think you should look into a good program for her. I am not sure where you live and if your district provides a full day program, where I live and the surrounding towns that have full day kindergarten offer a free pre-k 4 program. Enough about preschool, when my kids were small our local library would have so many events, library story hour with arts and crafts and they are all free. I know it is a challenge because I was a stay at home mom as well. My daughter however was so much easier to amuse them my son. If you gave her a doll she would use her imagination and play for hours. I would love to bake with them, let them help me prepare dinner, we would read together, and I am not ashamed to say I did allow tv as long as it was age appropriate for some down time. My kids gave up naps at around 2 1/2 so it was so a very long day. If she doesn't want to nap why not get a pillow and blanket let her lie down on the couch and watch a tv program she likes, just call it quiet time there is nothing wrong with tv in moderation. If you are home with kids all day you need a break so don't let anyone make you feel bad about that. If we played with our kids all day who would cook, clean, shop, and basically run the house. By the way I love lia sophia jewelry I have tons of it!!! Good luck and happy holidays!!