Seeking Advice on 2Yr Old Son - Separation Issues?

Hi Stace, I used to babysit little ones around that age and I had a little girl that would cry when her mom would leave my house. Her mom would come in and stay for a few minutes and like you said try to "prep" her before she left. That never works. I finally told the mom to just bring her to the door and say "good-bye" from there. The first day the little girl seemed confused but she didn't cry.From then on the little girl would just walk in the door every morning with a smile on her face. I think if the parents seem stressed or uneasy about leaving, the children pick up on it. If I were you I would try not to "prep" him and see how that works. Good luck.

It sounds like he doesn't have a good relationship with the new sitter. Is the person someone you know well? Do they come to your home or do you take your child to them? It is very hard to find a person who is trustworthy when it comes to childcare. I had to find out the hard way that my mother-in-law was less than kind to my sons when they were very young. She was allowed to babysit them a few times because my husband insisted that since she had a "daycare" in her home she knew how. She would keep them in a crib all day if they were younger than two - maybe changing the diaper, maybe not - and she used a switch to keep them in line if they were old enough to be out of the cage. She was always glued to the television set and her house was filthy - I hated taking them there. Finally I just wouldn't do it anymore - and it caused a lot of problems between me and my husband because I was adamant. Don't trust anyone you haven't personally watched interact with your child. And don't ever feel obligated to let someone watch your child because someone else thinks it will be okay. Follow your gut feelings and if you have any doubts about someone DON'T leave your child with them. You need to get references - and CALL them - to find out about anyone you are hiring to take care of a small child who can't speak for their self. Finding out how she treated small children made me do whatever I had to in order to keep my children with me when they were younger than five and could start kindergarten - and then I was a classroom volunteer through second grade. If I had no option I would only leave them with my own parents/brother/sister because I know and trust them well enough - but otherwise until they could talk to me and understand and tell me everything they stayed with me. It was hard financially but I felt better knowing my kids weren't being abused. Good luck.

The best advice I have ever heard of is you, dad and babysitter spending time together with your toddler....so that the babysitter is more viewed as a family member. This is how wealthy people got away with having nannies/nurses/ governesses and calm kids. The nannies often lived AT the home, and I imagine there were not lots of switches.
Kids thrive on strong relationships that branch out FROM Mom and Dad. They need consistency badly. It is hard enough for them to communicate, and imagine having to teach your personal language (toddler talk) to a new person frequently. Being misunderstood all day has got to be frustrating...and possibly frightening.
Psychopaths are created by our foster care system, due to switching kids from home to home. No bonding happens. I know this is an extreme example, but you can extrapolate from there that a weaker base is built for emotional health in kids when there are lots of changes in babysitters/daycare workers etc.
Try to find a good sitter and stick with them, and make them "family".

Hi Stace -

What does he tell you when you ask him what it is that he is afraid of? That's the best way to set your approach.

On an emotional level, this is obviously very traumatic. You can give him Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower Essence) to help on an emotional level - or you can look for a specific blend, based on what he tells you.

Let me know if I can help.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger
Holistic Healthcare Practitioner
Certified Clinical Herbalist
Certified Life Coach

I went through a child dev. classes and one of the first things that they taught me was seperation issues. Explain to your son (on his level) that you need to go to work or whatever but you will always come back for him. Try to keep it the same...same babysitter...same place...same times..etc.. It will let him adjust better. It might even make him excited to go if he knows that you will always be back before lunch or before bed...or whenever. I use to always send my daughter with her favorite item...an item that reminded her of me and home while away(it was her blankey) and that worked also. Hope that helps!!

Hi Stace, I have a 2 year old boy too. He never had separation anxiety for the longest time, then he developed it all of a sudden just after he turned 2. He cries his little eyes out and holds on really tight to me whenever I leave him with someone other than daddy and it breaks my heart too! What I've learned though is that he cries for literally, 30 seconds after I walk out the door and is just fine afterwards. Our routine whenever we leave him is this: Maybe the 10 minutes before we go, we tell him that we are leaving and who is coming to stay with him and how much fun they'll have, which he'll usually be excited about. Then, when the babysitter arrives or when we take him to where he'll be staying, we tell him how much we love him (that's mostly for my own peace of mind that I've told him that!) and hug him and kiss him. Then we leave promtly, crying or not, without going back to try to calm him down. I'll usually call whoever is with him a little later to see how he is and, without fail, he's always been just fine and happy. It's like pulling off a band-aid, you gotta do it quick! It is important to keep leaving him and to always say goodbye, not sneak out. I have friends who have had toruble with their little ones because if they had snuck out, the kiddo is never assured that they are coming back and it could create trust issues. It's just a phase and he'll grow out of it. In the meantime, we get to teach him how to be independant and to trust you! Good luck to you