Let me start by saying I know our family is very blessed. We have 2 children, both are identified as gifted and both are in the gifted program at their respective schools. My question concerns my youngest, who is 10. She is currently in 5th grade for most of her day, but goes to the middle school for math with the 6th graders. She says she is still not challenged enough and when her 2nd quarter report card came back with a grade of 100% in the 6th grade math, it was confirmed. We've met with the gifted coordinator, and school principal to try to determine how best to challenge her. (At present, our gifted program is not very extensive, but the district is working to improve it.) Anyway, both the principal and gifted coordinator feel she needs to skip a grade and that the best time would be at the end of the school year and she would skip 6th and go into 7th next year. We have no doubts she could academically keep up with the work. She is very responsible and very determined and is a hard worker. I'm more concerned with the social aspect...and with the long-term aspect of her graduating at 16. Our daughter is in favor of skipping a grade. She knows she will need to make new friends, but to her, it's worth it to get the academic challenge. I don't want to force her to grow up any faster than she has to, but I don't want her to be bored/not challenged at school either. She is very mature for her age and makes good choices, but she's already one of the youngest in her class and so putting her into class with kids 1-2 years older than she is makes me nervous. Any parents/teachers who can give me advice would be appreciated.
For those asking about the older one, we call him "Peter Pan". He's always the one we thought would advance a grade...his iq is higher than hers and he's agewise on the cusp of the next grade up anyway. He's been offered the opportunity nearly every year, but he declines it. He is adamantly opposed skipping a grade. He doesn't want to leave his friends and he doesn't want to grow up any faster than he has to. He is not as emotionally mature as his sister and we will never force him to skip a grade. It would have to be his idea. He is however, proud of his sister and does not have a problem with her skipping a grade.
Is there a way for her to spend a couple days in the 7th grade this year before she makes up her mind? It would be great if she could go "visit" with a 7th grader and go through a couple days of the schedule, see what lunch, etc. is like. It would be especially great if she could talk to other students who've done the same thing. If after doing that she's still eager to do it, I say go for it!
How lucky to have children who are so gifted - congratulations!
We had the same problem in our house growing-up. I was the one drawn into the gifted magnet program in 3rd grade, my sisters were not. At one point, I was 2 grade levels ahead in math - the same grade as my sister who couldn't handle it. So, she took summer school to get ahead of me and not be faced with being in the same class as her younger sister.
That's something I would think about - not only the impact on the younger daughter, but also how it might affect the older daughter.
If your younger daughter is OK with it, I wouldn't discourage it. But, the teenage years are tough. She'll be in a much different place from most of the kids in her class, and that appears to be where the advancement can be most difficult for children who are advanced into the next class.
One thing I did in high school to challenge me was to start taking classes at a local community college. We had an accredited University closer, but as a former professor, my father thought the teachers at a community college would be more interested in my development than in their research.
I'd also check to see if any near-by colleges/universities have programs for gifted children. I know Ball State University (Muncie, IN) has a program where teenagers are basically enrolled in college as young as their sophomore years. It's brutal, but for the truly gifted students, it gives them the opportunity to be in an appropriate environment.
Finally, I'd also recommend perhaps taking it upon yourselves to find a tutor/activity that really challenges her outside of school. If it's science, math, dance, etc. perhaps the extra attention outside of school will broaden her horizons, keep her engaged in something outside the boundaries of school and prevent the social backlash of moving her up inappropriately.
Good luck!
Your fear of the social aspect is legit. My niece is in one grade above her age and middle school has been brutal for her & my sister. My niece is having a difficult time trying to fit in. She is a lot more immature than her classmates. She is starting high school next year & I am not sure she is going to make it. My niece says the peer pressure is to much for her to handle. I would suggest you weigh all your options before making the grade change. Perhaps you can have a high school kid come to your home to tutor her. Or where I live there is a place geared toward homeschoolers but anyone can sign up but they have specific subjects that kids can take. Best of luck
Do not hold her back in the boring 7th grade math and then the 8th. Let her go ahead as far as she needs. We have had issues with this forever and it was only in 8th grade with a new principal who was willing to let mine take a chance and do Alg and Geoetry in 8th. She is a sophomore and completely bored in Calculus right now, it is the only math class we have left. She took AP Stats last year. She only skipped 2nd, should have skipped 7th but they wouldn't let her.
Let her go M.. You are so, so, so lucky to have a such a proactive and willing school district.
Sounds like you should let her skip a grade then! Lucky you for having two great kids!
I was a year ahead in school (didn't skip a grade, just started a year early). I graduated high school at 16 and college at 20. I was also mature for my age and academics were never an issue. The only time, truly, ONLY TIME, the age difference ever affected me was the last year of college when all my 21yr old friends were going out to bars legally and I couldn't...legally. That's it. That's the grand total of the impact I felt because of being the youngest in my class my whole life. My youngest daughter also is a year ahead - she's in 2nd grade, although she should be in 1st. So far, no problems whatsoever. She's well adjusted and fits in perfectly with the kids who are 1-2 yrs older. If your daughter is smart enough to skip a grade and mature enough to realize she needs the academic challenge, let her do it. Definitely.
If she wants to do it and you think she can handle it, then let her move up. She will already know people from the math class she's in now. My friend's daughter moved up a grade and handled it with no major issues. Obviously there were the normal teen issues, no one can escape that! Good luck!
Dear P.,
Please listen to your daughter and if she wants to move ahead for the academic challenge, allow her. I left high school at 15 to go to an early admissions college. My year of HS prior to that was awful. I was depressed, I did not like the atmosphere and I asked my parents many times to let me leave/ switch school to no avail. I finally took it upon myself to apply to college and only when I was accepted did my parents offer to let me switch HS. By that point, I was more interested in leaving HS all together and moving onto college. It is still a decision to this day that I am proud I made.
I kept my close friends from my age and made new friends as well. Your daughter is discovering who she is. Trust her. Let her tell you her fears, her wants, her hopes, and her wishes. You might be able to aid her in accomplishing the things she wants the most.
Have faith in her.
regards,
ann m.
She is old enough to know what she wants & needs; so let her do it. I'm sure she will adjust just fine. Especially if she will be in the gifted program in the new grade too. Honors kids are kinder than the general public.
Hi, P.:
May I ask, Why are you nervous?
If she is willing to make the transition, what are your concerns.
Many students graduate from high school at 16 and move on to college.
Don't worry, She will be fine. D.
Have you ever considered for "homeschooling" for part of the day?
Here in Florida, public and private schoolers, as well as homeschoolers, can take courses through Florida Virtual School (www.flvs.net). Perhaps she could pick up higher level math courses that way and stay with her class the rest of the day (???). Not sure what is available in PA but it's something to consider.
My older son (10th grader) just started homeschooling this year (we have homeschooled our younger child for three years). One of the things that he loves most about it is that he can go at a faster pace and finish the courses early. FLVS has honors and AP classes so it's a great way to get a high level curriculum.
You might also want to see if your county has any "dual enrollment" options (i.e., taking college level courses at a university for high school credit).
Your daughter sounds like an amazing student - it's great that you are sensitive to her unique needs.
First off congrats on having such gifted responsible children. I would suggest you lay her skip ahead to the 7th grade. If it becomes an issue, you can always hold her back in the future and let her rejoin her previous classmates. From what you described, however, it sounds like she may adjust well.
There are ways to allow her to be challenged academically and still not grow up too fast. You can check with local community colleges and see if she can take some college level courses. It will allow her to get a head start on college, be academically challenge remain in her current grade.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
If everyone feels that your daughter is ready academically, and she wants the challenge, then go for it! But remember that you need to have an open talk with your daughter about the social aspects of the switch. I think she'll handle it better than you might to be honest. You will not be able to protect her from hearing the other kids talk about sex, or use language that is inappropriate, from seeing some girls dress suggestively in ways that your daughter couldn't even if she wanted to. You are going to need to let her know that it's okay to talk to you about these things, and you're going ot need to be able to sort it all out with her without blushing! Sure the school is going to have rules and a dress code, but kids have to come in dressed in their lowcut tops before they can be told to change and they have to call other kids mom's MILFs before they can be punished. My point is, it's out there and the damage is done; then the school reacts.
As a seventh grade teacher, I can tell you that there are usually three or four seventh graders every year who are a younger than average, like your daughter. They are in high level (well behaved) classes, and excel academically and almost always socially within those classes. But we also have several 15 year olds in seventh grade every year. There is a reason our handbook specifically says that middle school students are not permitted to have cars on campus. While these students won't be in your daughter's academic classes, they'll be in the halls and homeroom and maybe gym and art too. Your daughter will quickly size up this situation, just make sure you're there to listen as she adjusts.
