Question for Sahm's

Updated on December 03, 2011
D.J. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
44 answers

I was at my kid field day having a coversation with another parent and she asked me where did I work. I told her that I didnt, that I was a SAHM. She says, so what do you do for money? I say, I have my housband debit card. She says, So what if he were to leave you? What would you do? I never thought about that. My housband is wonderful and I think our marriage is gonna last forever BUT she got me to thinking..What would I do if he were to leave me? I know that eventually I could get child support and alimony but that will take time to kick in. To the SAHM's..what would you do if your housband left you tommorrow for another woman or whatever reason, and all of the bills are due, and he took all of the money out of the accounts. Im starting a personal savings that he know nothing about asap!

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So What Happened?

Wow you women sure do have alot of faith in your men. But let's not forget one thing matter how wonderful they are and no matter how well you know them, they are still human. And humans are not perfect. We all make mistakes. I have severalmyears of experience of being a call center manager, but with our economy being the way it is..finding a job would take awhile. I dont have alot of family to depend on. So I would kind of be SOL if he were to leave. So I started a savings account some time ago. Not to be sneaky but just to have some money put away for emergencies.

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answers from Detroit on

Did you tell that lady to mind her own damn business? Good grief!!
That chick needs to stick to talking about the weather!

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Boca Raton on

If that happened, (which I think hell would freeze over before that, knock on wood) I would be screwed, lol....
I don't agree with you starting a personal savings account on the side though.. It's being sneaky.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Bellingham on

I, and the women in my family have always thought 'accounts that are not to be known about' are a good idea. Funnily enough, there have been no abandonments, separations or divorces. I think it's a good thing for a woman to have a little of her own money, even if it's not a bolt fund.

5 moms found this helpful

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answers from Dallas on

I could easily take money out. We are both on every bank account we have.

Personally, I can't live my life wondering about what I'd do if he left me. How depressing. I know I can get money easily, if needed. I don't bother myself with hypotheticals.

I am NOT going to stash away money from my husband. I will NOT be dishonest. He knows where our money is, and I know. It's a MARRIAGE. We function on being open and honest. It scratches at the surface of your marriage, to have financial secrets. I will not live thinking at any moment he will have one foot out the door. Why live life with such little faith? If my marriage falls apart, so be it. I'm not going to start stashing money and living as if any day it could. That could damage a marriage just as much.

11 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

That's easy:

Call my lawyer in the morning
File a series of "emergency" papers with the court the afternoon

The list of papers have very specific names, and I'm going to mangle at least one of them but here they are:

- Emergency order of custody
- Emergency order of child support
- Emergency order of spousal support (spousal support only holds up in court after 10 years in my state, but the emergency order would hang in the meantime... and I've BEEN married 10 years, so it would hold later)
- HERE'S THE ONE I'M GOING TO MANGLE: Emergency Order of The Mortgage & Bills (not the right name)

In a 'ditch and run' scenario the papers would go immediately to his job, garnishing all future paychecks. If he had his last paycheck arranged to go elsewhere (assuming a true "run" scenario -rare-) it would yank his paycheck into a court trustee type thing. It shows a lack of good faith, and the courts reeeeally aren't keen on either spouse screwing over the other. Half. Exactly half is what they will tolerate. Anything beyond half is grounds to have a VERY irate judge coming down on you.

More commonly, it just completely BINDS the person leaving (when they're the breadwinner) to paying the mortgage and utilities until courtdates and mediation dates can be set . ALSO it completely and totally stops them from taking the children out of state or out of country. Bam!

Are there holes in the system some clever P or B could work around with offshore accounts and such? Of course. But Ps & Bs of that level are few and far between.


"What would you do if he left you"???????

What the heck kinda question is that?

That's like saying "What if he murders you?" (since the usual guilty party is a spouse or lover), and statistically even if it isn't your spouse or lover, you're FAR more likely to be killed by a member of your own family than by a stranger.

One would assume that if you've MARRIED a person, and have come up with a plan FOR YOUR OWN FAMILY that it's something the two of you have decided upon together and have worked out the details.

Why on EARTH live like a single parent if YOU'RE NOT A SINGLE PARENT?

That's like living in a bunker because there MIGHT be nuclear war, or an invasion of the chinese. Sure AFTER such an eventuality, live like a single parent or post apocolyptically... but BEFORE????

i mean... if your husband is abusive, or you're planning on leaving him for other reasons... yeah. Get your ducks in a row. If NOT? Well, how would YOU feel if you found out your spouse was lying to you and hiding away money and assets? A LITTLE betrayed, perhaps?

Sheesh. Some people.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

IMO, in a normal relationship both of your names should be on everything for just that reason. If tradegy were to strike tomorrow, the other person and children would be taken care of.
The whole seperate money thing is trouble waiting to happen, IMO

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I'm not a SAHM, but I was curious about your question. I really think that every person, but especially women need some "F-you Funds" (sorry not a friendly term) - by this I mean, an absolute emergency fund that in an absolute emergency, you could take you, your kids, and be safe and secure for at least 2 months. And you should always consider staying current with some kind of marketable skill, or small business idea, and a wealth of contacts outside your immediate family. Someone once told me that was a good way to think of the "2-months salary" engagement ring rule - if you had to, you could always cash in a diamond!
This sounds extreme, but consider all kinds of women who suddenly find themselves in an unhappy marriage, or suddenly with hidden debts, or divorced, abused, or widowed. And how many women are completely clueless about their family's finances to begin with - what accounts the money is held in, the names on the accounts, the investments, the debts, etc.? And shoot, considering this economy, how many households find themselves in a totally different economic situation than what was planned. What's your backup plan as a couple, and as an individual?
I have a great marriage, and my husband actually knows I have some savings on the side that is mine, and mine alone. If anything happened to him, whether it was his fault or just simple bad circumstances, I hope this would help me & my family stabilize and restart our lives.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Richmond on

Hiding money is a TERRIBLE idea. That woman sounds off her rocker, to be quite honest. Talk to your husband about your fears, tell him you know it sounds silly, but the fear is real, and ask him to either give you an 'allowance' that you can either spend or save.

My husband, for some reason, thinks I'm going to leave him... um, no, but the point is, he sometimes fears the same things, and he DOES work. Most of our really big assets are mine (the cars, our bed, the couch, etc)... Even though I think he's being ridiculous, I still have to be sensitive to how he feels, and your husband will hopefully be sensitive to how YOU feel.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

I don't think you should go freaking out, especially if YOUR marriage is in a good place, but I just want to say that you can not count on child support or alimony.....eventually.

I've worked my head off to raise two kids as a single mom because I couldn't ever count on any of that.
My husband made tons of money and he had the means to get out of it.
Just saying....
I don't think you should start hiding money from your husband based on some random thing someone else said to you.
However, I think it would be wise to consider what might happen if your loving husband left you involuntarily.
What would you do if you lost him? Perhaps thinking in terms of life insurance, etc might be something to discuss.
Take a class here and there.
Do things to stay active for yourself.
It can't do anything but enrich you no matter what.

Best wishes.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Ive been a SAHM for 4.5 yrs now and handle everything.I dont think i have ever thought about your question.But since we have been together(8 yrs) i have controlled just about everything, financially speaking.LOL.I handle every account that we have. I really dont think my husband would even know where to go to get CDs or Savings accounts. I dont think he even knows where our daughter's account is. The most he would know is the Checking. But i have never worried about not having access to money. I handle the finances and have more control over it than he does :) I am very lucky to have that. There is actually a savings account without his name on it because he doesnt want to take the time to go to the bank in person and add it!!
It all comes down to TRUST IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
P.S. Those are some pretty blunt personal question for a classmate mom to be askng on a field trip. ;)

6 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

Okay starting a savings account behind his back is a bad idea if you are not having issues. Just tell him you love him and trust him but you feel you need this if you must but come tax time he will know and then it will be awkward to explain. So long as all accounts are held jointly you have few issues since at the time you need it you can legally take half and open an account just in your name.

I was that stay at home mom, trust me, you know when it is going in the crapper, for years.

Other than that, volunteer where you are keeping up marketable skills. Very few have rich husbands and that is the only way you can marginally stay a stay at home mom. I demanded in my decree spousal support for the four years it took me to get my degree. I went into accounting and IT because they are areas where you can work from home so if my kids still need me I can be there for them.

You are at the mercy of your husbands income. Mine refused to pay anything but the mortgage and utilities but mostly because he refused to get the hell out of the house until the divorce was final. I made the mistake of not being on our savings account and he took it all. He also trashed our credit not paying any of the bills until after the divorce was final. :(

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Okay, that woman sounds LOONY!! Maybe she was just curious though because she wants to do it but doesn't trust her husband? Who knows.

When I was a SAHM, I never really thought about that. I have my degree and I work, but before I did that, it didn't cross my mind. Now I know I could go back to my family if I needed to, so I guess that would have been my plan.

I think hiding money is a bad idea.

My husband and I both work but we now need both of our salaries...kind of the more you make the more you spend philosophy sadly. So when he was out of work it was bad.

Don't worry about the what-ifs. I'm sure if anything were to happen, your husband would take care of the kids and you until you could get on your feet. But live in today :).

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Hiding money from your husband and being dishonest is reason for HIM to LEAVE you. Don't give him cause to believe that your up to something suspicious.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Utica on

That personal and so very private savings account could just end up being the cause of your marriage to end. What a way to have trust and faith in your relationship. Seriously I think you let this other parent get to you in a really bad way. I would take a breather and let this other parents insecurities not become your own
Good Luck

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Fort Wayne on

I'm sorry but what a B****! nothing like planting the seed of doubt. My 1st husband died unexpectedly, and I survived, while we had no children together he left me with a MOUND of debt that I was not even aware of. I survived and actually came out of it a stronger person. With my marriage now we have things ready and in place if he or I should pass, the other will be taken care of so will our dd. As for him leaving me he could not afford it, and I know I would be fine I would get a job and do what needs to be done.
And dont be sneaky about starting a savings plan he will find out and that could be a whole other ball of trouble. Just tell him its important for you to have your own acct for your credit rating or open it jointly with your kiddo. I have both one of my own and joint with dd.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

I have a personal savings/checking account. My husband knows about it and, in fact, he puts 9% of his bi-weekly paycheck into that account. I don't touch that account. Neither does he. (He has a card in his name, but I have it locked away in the safe.) He does this for me because he knows that my first husband left me and emptied my accounts. He wants me to feel safe. Plus, we joke that when we've been married 25+ years we'll have an awesome savings account!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

That's harsh for someone to automatically make that comment. True, but does every marriage lead to divorce? I'm a stay at home mom and it's fine. I watch (well not as much as I should) what I spend, but we have a fine understanding of how our children should be raised, and taking care of the house etc. My mom had me pepared with the "what if"? also. She told me to be prepared for anything in life. "Have something in your hands just in case you might need to use it". I got my teaching degree, and was pretty much set after that. But nothing is guaranteed, I might not be able to get into teaching again since I've been a SAHM for 9 years now. I might be obligated to do other work like be a sales person, or wash bathrooms if our economy doesn't improve. That is not a lot of money to bring home and raise children with. Luckily we try to save and save and save. My dad always said, put your money in the bank to have for emergencies and what not. Don't spend on your clothing so much or unnecessary luxuries. Some people have it easier than others, but that too is a short term luxury. You never know what life will bring. I'm not as good about this as my parents are. Our generation of women and men spend soooo much money, and it's become hard to learn to stop spending, am I wrong?
Be well.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I don't worry about it because I trust him, and he me.
I am not paranoid.

Why would this woman say something like that to you? Obviously she doesn't trust her own husband.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

I would get a job. Just because I stay at home now does not mean that is my plan forever, that is why I already got my education.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Des Moines on

I think planning is just prudent. If you're prepared for floods/hurricanes/blizzards, etc you should also take a moment to think about whatyou'd do if hubby left or got hit by a bus or lost his job. (Although I don't think I'd start a seperate savings account without telling him in a marriage with no problems-- how would you feel if you found out he had a bank account he started without telling you?)

And while you're disaster planning does HE have a plan in case the bus hits you? Your kids might appreciate it if he did!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Please don't let this woman's ideas rock your world!
Obviously SHE has issues. That doesn't mean that you do too!

"Aware" is O. thing--"Paranoid" is another!

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Augusta on

I think starting an account like that is asking for trouble.

if he finds out you started a secret account he's going to start asking questions like " are you planning to leave me?" or " so you don't think we have what it takes to make it?" " not a lot of faith in our marriage huh?"

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Milwaukee on

I too have a marriage that I hope will last forever (or till one of us passes away). I am a stay at home mom, work very little on the side but make under $500 a month.

To be honest I am not going to have a back up plan, I will do anything I can to make my marriage work. If heaven forbid the marriage ends I will do what I have to do to support myself and child, get a job, move back with parents (or other relatives) while I get back on my feet. I will not have a personal stash of cash, hubby and I are into this together I am not going to start second guessing things and create tension or distrust. I guess if my past something had happened to me maybe I would be more willing to have seperate accounts but for now I trust that our marriage is going to last (we both come from homes with our parents still married and they are reaching 30-40 years married, plus hubby and I have been married 7 years).

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Orlando on

I have money put in my own account that i got after my father and grandfather passed away. It's not enough to last me a lifetime but it's enough to survive while I renew my certification for surgical assistant. And yes my husband does know about my account, i would never hide that from him.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I can't believe someone would say that! My husband better NOT leave me...I will hunt him down like a dog. What if *I* left my husband? why even play the "what if" game? That certainly doesn't help keep your marriage stronger, does it? What if he leaves? I will figure it out. What if he dies? I will figure it out. What if all the bills are due? i will figure it out. I am not going to dwell on it though...I got too many other things to think about.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Providence on

I have my own savings account, which my husband actually set up for me. It's in my name. Any money I recieve goes in there. Honestly though, why on earth would someone even ask that kind of question to a stranger? If he were to leave me, what would I do? That's just rude. Like I couldn't do anything by myself? Seriously wrong..

Anyways, that's just not in the cards for me. I know my husband well enough to know that even if he found someone else, he wouldn't just leave me high and dry. Especially with a son. He's not that kind of a coward. So, I am really not worried. Plus, his family would disown him right then and there. It's even ridiculous to think about it for me.

Now, if something were to happen to my husband, that's a different story. I have a degree and years of experience. I would do whatever I had to do to stay afloat. I would manage.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Louisville on

This actually happened to me. I worked, at the time, but all of our debt was in my name only, while all our assets were in his name only. When we separated, I didn't have enough $$ to pay our bills, while he had no legal obligation to those bills. I couldn't get any court orders, since there's no real legal separation where I live. It was pretty awful. I ended up borrowing a bunch of $$ from my parents. It didn't feel good.

I met with a lawyer and she told me in thefuture to ALWAYS have my name on the assets - the house, the cars, the bank accounts - and if I was unsure of my income to be wary of having my name on debts (credit cards, etc). This way, in a future separation or divorce, my spouse could not legally wipe out accounts and/or withhold assets from me.

When we got back together, I immediately had my name added to every. single. asset we have. And while I couldn't remove myself from our debts, I was successful in adding him to some, so that I wouldn't be solely responsible for them.

Having a small savings is good, but if you have any real concerns about a disintegration of your marriage, it's more important to demonstrate ownership (full or partial) over y'all's assets - especially if you don't live in a community property state.

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answers from Dover on

I look at it a different way. What if something happened to my husband and he could no longer support us? That's why I think, even if you have a great supportive and healthy marriage, every woman out there needs to get an education or training in something that will bring adequate income into her home. Then she needs to work or volunteer in that field to keep her knowledge and skills current. If he dies, the insurance will only stretch so far and there is no alimony or child support. The social security is a pittance, so that won't stretch far either.

For me, I could go back to work as a preschool teacher. I am starting college soon to get my degree in women's crisis intervention counseling. I will volunteer in that area until I am ready to work outside the home full time or until my income is needed.

My sons would come and stay with me and help me with the younger kids and I actually think that's a good thing. The idea that we will pull together until I am on my feet. All of my kids will be in school next year, so that's good, less childcare to pay, if any.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Holey moley....what a conversation starter at field day!!

I would suggest taking a breather and really think clearly before her marriage doomsday comment takes over your life. Don't go stashing money...I don't agree with relationships behind a spouses back or stashing money. It is all in hiding and dishonesty.

I watched first hand what happens when a husband chooses to be a coward and ditch out on commitment and covenants made to God, wife and family in hopes of fulfilling lofty dreams,aspirations and a new honey. My dad did this with four kids in the home ranging from ages11-19 and a SAHM wife. He left a letter for my mom to read when she got home and walked away...ya..a real wimpy way to ditch. We were all there when she read the letter...we thought it was something exciting daddy left before leaving for work. poor mom's heart was aching after she silently read it and looked at us 4 kids then tell us Daddy's "news".

With this experience I saw firsthand the financial ruin it places on a family and the stress it causes. My mom went to work for minimum wage and sold everything we had and we moved into a tiny duplex. We did not get on government assistance but our church helped with food here and there. My mom had to file for divorce so that she could get child support...a measly 100 bucks a kid..which my dad alimony but he left her with debt and bill collectors. It was sick how he tried to remove himself from responsibility.

Even after this experience I still choose to be a SAHM. I will not live in fear of past experiences. I chose to make some pro active life decisions to help me if anything every happened...divorce or death. I got my degree and worked before kids were ever born. I dated my husband and watched to see how he treated others, his family, his mother especially, his duty to serving others and God before his own interest and desires. I wanted to see a selfless man..not a selfish and self centered man like my father.

I (and my husband) see the value of me being home full time outweighing the reasons to go to work because of the "what ifs". My name is on everything, we make all big decisions together. My husband has a couple large life insurance policies on him..mine are smaller. We make investments that my name is on also. I also told him a few times up front when we were dating and newly married that my past experience has given me a real backbone and I will not choose mercy if he ever tries the same kind of shenanigans as my father. I will take him to the cleaners for everything I can. He knows I am serious...I will not wilt...I am a fighter!! My mom or sister ..maybe both would most likely move in with me to help with kids and I would go to work. I would be sad but not devastated.

Take what this woman said and use it to help your marriage if it is lacking in any area. Talk to your husband about your open and honest. Talk weekly to each other about your relationship and ask him what he needs from you...ask him. Talk to him about what you need more of from him. It is amazing how many couples do not do this...they get defensive if their spouse feels neglected or unhappy. I often ask my husband, "So how are WE doing? You happy?" I listen to him and look for ways to lighten his load and make him feel loved, honored and cherished. In turn he does this to me too...he is an amazing man.

This was rather lengthy but something that hits home with me.

Good luck and best wishes at forever!!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

I have a line of credit solely in my name that I can tap if I need to, and a credit card just in my name. Honestly if my husband left me the first thing I would do would be to pull money out of that line, take my daughter, and fly back home!

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answers from Santa Fe on

I have a Biology degree and a masters of science degree and plenty of work experience. I would simply go back to work. I want to do that some year anyway. My mom has a long time boyfriend who she does not trust and he gives her a monthly amount to spend. She saves a chunk of that every month just in case. She has quite a large savings. I think that it is sad that you are starting a savings account that your husband does not know about...are you not a team? Do you not trust him? Don't let that one woman worry you so much, but yes it is always good to save money. My aunt and uncle were married 35 years and then suddenly he left her. She did not even know their relationship was in trouble and he had made up his mind and would not do counseling. My poor aunt had only been a stay at home mom and had no job skills. She did eventually find a job at her local library and at the same time started working on a degree. It was quite a shock to her though.

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answers from Bloomington on

I've been around the block enough times to realize that nothing goes according to plan. Last minute cross country moves, parents dying, loss of income and house.... but, I survived. I know how. When the sh$t hits the fan, I will be way or another. With or without my spouse.

I do work very part-time, but it is not even enough to pay for gas and food for the month. I do keep my skills sharpened with volunteering and with my part-time job. I feel that if I needed to be working full time in a week, I would be. I also know that family and friends are a network that will be utilized if need be.

I don't have emergency money. I don't plan on hiding any. Extra money goes in OUR savings account. If he decided to run/leave/ etc. I will be one mean mama bear protecting my young (and he knows it). He can take everything he wants except my babies. I will survive....

This other parent seems very insecure, but I'm glad she got you thinking about surviving. Life is not predictable. There is no point in thinking about the specific what-if's, but just that "what would I do if I needed to?" helps. A mental, "I can do it, no matter what."

Don't hide the account, if you feel the need to open one.

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answers from Detroit on

First of all, why would you let a stranger rattle you? Sounds like this is someone with a lot of her own insecurities.

If saving money makes you feel more secure then you should do it. However, it's unlikely he'd leave you high and dry right off the bat. It's more likely there would be a transition period, although there are no guarantees.

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answers from Chicago on

I have thought about this tons of times. I would hope that I would treat my husband is such a way that if we got to a divorce (which I don't think we'd ever do), he would take care of me and the kids. For starters, half of this is mine. I have credit cards that I can use, and bank accounts I can access. If he prevents me from doing so, he will be in trouble, because they are mine too.

Hiding money from a spouse is a good way to destroy trust. Marriage is about trust.

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answers from Atlanta on

You can't keep a bank account secret forever. Every year-end, there will be annual tax statements mailed from the bank. You'll need to reconcile any interest on your tax return... Bad idea to try and keep something secret.

My personal belief is that if you prepare for a divorce, you will eventually get a divorce.

And if he were to up and leave, consider that you'd probably need at least $10,000 for a divorce attorney retainer... and most of the people I know who have gotten divorced say it cost them close to $25,000 for the divorce, especially if you have custody issues.

The unfortunate reality of being a SAHM is that this is a risk, whether its financial devastation from divorce or the sudden death of your spouse. If you don't generate your own income, you are dependent on someone else to support you. And I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but that is something all SAHMs should consider.

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answers from Washington DC on

We do his/hers/ours. This started because prior to being married we each had debts of our own. We are on each other's bank accounts because if something were to happen to him (like his friend's early and untimely death) then I would be able to access the main account and pay for groceries while things got settled out. If I thought a split was coming, I'd take other steps like moving money. Like April said, other than something catastrophic, you're likely to see it coming.

I've seen it several times where women have NO IDEA what bills there are or what accounts there are and are blindsided with the loss of their spouse. As long as it's on the up and up, you should be alright. Don't be scared, but do be prepared.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Athens on

I think too many of these women have too much faith in their husbands. Men are men. You have no idea what they are doing when they are not at home. Even the ones you wouldn't expect, would if they thought they could get away with it. The man you marry is not the one you divorce.

Always have a back up plan ladies. Don't be a fool.

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answers from Milwaukee on

I'd be in a world of hurt MOSTLY because of the economy in this area.

There would have to be some REALLY weird meltdown for him to bail. Not that I'm some great goddess but because we've been thru really bad things (medical issues, deaths, and job loss) and survived just fine. He also REALLY likes our life the way it is and I KNOW he couldn't leave our son. He's 'addicted' to him just as bad as I am! LOL.

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answers from Williamsport on

I'd be right out there with all the other losers scamming welfare who don't deserve to vote and procreate according to some ladies on this site. Good thing their bullet proof golden cages and flawless marriages will never be at risk.

(sorry to be snooty, there have just been lots of debates on here lately about the welfare single moms who certain people think deserve to be tossed off welfare immediately)

Actually I just had this discussion with my mom's husband who thinks divorced people are a symptom of the country's immorality and do not deserve any government aid......I pointed out exactly what would happen if my husband up and left the three kids and I:

A) we'd move to a tiny apartment and stop all music lessons and extras (not many extras but they'd all stop)

B) I'd quit homeschooling, put my oldest in our crappy public school and go fill out an application at Wal Mart. I used to work in the garment industry as a designer, but we moved to this area to afford a family on one income and there is no garment work here and I wouldn't have the capital to move back to NYC and start over in these circumstances.

C) One job out here wouldn't support us for daycare on top of bills so I might need two and I can forget seeing my kids very often.

D) I'd probably need food stamps and state medical insurance (we're uninsured now because we don't qualify and cant' afford private)

HORROR OF HORRORS what a low life scammer I'd be. But apparently all these other welfare reformers would be fine if this happened to them. Or better yet, they're so morally superior, nothing bad will ever happen to them.

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answers from Houston on

I really can't believe someone said that to you honestly. You can't live life worrying about the crazy what ifs in life. I mean what if the stock market plummets, what if he loses that good job, what if a child falls ill and finances are strapped to the bone to care for them... I mean none of us spends all day worrying about every possible what if in life. What if never ends. I think putting aside a little fun money to bust out on vacation or just have if anything unexpected comes up is great, having money on the side in case of divorce is not wise in my opinion. If someone said that to me personally I would say 'I don't appreciate you even suggesting that my husband is not an honorable man, don't do it again'. But that's just me ;)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Savannah on

I have a part time job that i work at one day a week. otherwise the money comes from hubby. however, we have always had a separate bank account. yes money from his checks go into my account. i have my own bills and a bit of play money. i do 99% of the christmas/birthday shopping, which he gladly will just put the money in for and then let me shop. no we will likely never have a joint account and he does pay most of the bills. but we have conversations about money often enough to stay on the same page.

as for the what if query, i have as much education as he does. no i don't have a full time job now but it's the economy at work. if i had to work any job just to pay the bills then i would work any honest job as long as i had to. that is the facts of life.



answers from Atlanta on

Actually it's something that ALL women need to think about -strongly! Gone are the days when you're guaranteed alimony, so never count on that either. I know more than one woman who has been totally screwed when hubby decided to up and leave. It's a great idea to have savings squirreled away for ANY reason! I certainly hope your marriage lasts forever and is happy, but you never know. My parents were happily married (for the most part), but my mother got panicky about this type of thing too. At least she did basically run a seasonal business they had, but she always told me to make sure I had my own money. It's important. I see so many women who would have nothing to fall back on or use or anything if their husbands came home one day and told them it was over -and they had complete faith in their relationships too!

For those telling you a private savings account would be saying you plan on it ending -I wonder if they have anything insured? We certainly hope our houses don't get flooded or burn down or get robbed, and we hope we don't have car accidents or that our spouses die suddenly, but we buy insurance just in case!

Another way to help yourself -make sure your checking and any current accounts are in BOTH of your names. Make sure your name is on the property deed to the house and any other real estate you may own. At least then you're entitled to half if you divorce.


answers from Lakeland on

I trust my hubby so I don’t think he will ever cheat. I also know that even though he is not happy with his ex-wife’s lifestyle he still pays child support and alimony. If we were to split up I would go right back to work and we would have to split our assets. I know he would always take care of our daughter, I would not expect him to take care of me. I also know he would never leave me out in the street, he is not like that.



answers from Atlanta on

Shame on the mother that has caused you these doubts about your marriage. Doing things behind your husbands back are never a good thing.

On the other hand, make sure that there are not things that he might be keeping from you. Get involved in your finances. Make sure your name is on all bank accounts and savings. Look at debits and credits and make sure that he is not stashing something on the side. You do not have to sneak money to protect yourself. Possibly get involved in a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace seminar. Prepare for your future......whether with your husband or without. Best of luck!

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