Problem with Son's Classmate

It could be that this little boy is not so popular and gets picked on by the other kids and your son is the only one that treats him like another kid and not an outsider. Kids like tha tend to do that.
And his granparents get excited that he has a friend so they want to do things with him and for him. YOu just need to set boundaries and rules and enforce them so they respect them or just don't let your son go over.
Explained to your son it's okay to speak up.He can set his own boundaries for this friend. Ask him what he wants to do with him. Let him decide and help him to find the right words to say so his friend doesn't get this feelings hurt.

this is wild. i am having an eerily similar situation. same age just moved. ONE friend who is inviting self over, constantly around, live with grandpa, mom sometimes, dad is MIA. kid never sits still. lurks around my home locks the bedroom doors and bathroom. is shy but also seems like he has a side that is for lack of a better word "detached"? like he and my nephew get into arguments and the friend is very physical with my nephew who is very sensitive and passive. he seems sneaky and I've caught him in my room and my sisters as well a few times. he is into par core and seems to be without rules or boundaries. gets hurt all the time. i won't let my nephew go to his home i don't think it is supervised well to say the least! the boys shiftiness and erratic hot and cold behavior is off-putting. he likes to hide also? once i ran around in panic cuz i couldn't find him even ran down the street thinking he would just leave my house with no question. only to find him curling bizzarley behind a table?! even my nephew is in his way saying he doesn't like the kid. i have such uneasy feelings towards this boy and see a scary incline in impulsive acts & danger for my nephew especially if this friendship continues. what do i do? what did you do??? thank you!

I think the other boy needs to learn some hard lessons soon. I feel bad for him but he isn't your problem. It sounds harsh but neither the family nor the child seem to respect your bounderies. I think honesty is important. I think your son should not have to feel obligated to be friends with such an unhealthy boy.I moved across town to get away from a family like that. I understand what you are going through. Pray for him and try not to feel guilty. Good Luck!

I have not been in this same exact situation, but can tell that you should follow your gut with this one. Your child does not need to be put in a situation where he can not have other friends. I would be worried that if this other child is so possesive that something may have happened to him to make him this way and it may put your child in an awkward situation when alone with this child. Talk to the grandma and see what may be going on as to why the boy doesn't want to socialize with other kids. Then maybe the two of you can come up with a resolution that can help both boys and they can have a group of friends together.

From reading what u have explained.. Maybe the boy has had problems in the past with his parents? Its seems as though if he doesnt get his way then no way at all.. Also to im sure u have gotten this advice. Do u think the boy may need some help with therapy? Of course as us parents know kids can be jealous of one another, but whats going on with this one is different. Maybe talking to the grandparents would be help.. I know its hard to keep making excuses. Good luck to u..

Girl, JUST SAY NO!!!

Your son is first and foremost MOST important. The relationship is obviously dysfunctional and this may have trickled down from the parents. Your support and continuation of this friendship is showing and telling your son that its o.k. I would discuss the issue of taking my child out of town with them and discontinue the relationship. Explain to your son what healthy friendships appear to look like. I'm sure he feels smothered himself. Give him the opportunity to express how he feels about the friendship first. Explore the dynamics of the friendship with your son, just so you can try and find out if anything inappropriate (other than what you have seen), has happend. Then explain to him why it must end. So, what if that child has no other friends. " I understand Why"!!! Let, his parents deal with that issue. I'm don't want to be cruel but your 8yo son being in such and controlling situation for so long is scarry. I's up to you to provide protection and safety for your child.

Hallo S.,
my daughter had a simular problem, but it was not so bad. I don't think that your son should have to deal with this.
If this is a major ishue for you, you should talk to the teacher, and have them put him in a different classroom, where they have different recess time. I know, that it bothered my daughter a graet deal. Talk to your son and find out what he thinks about doing that. Maiby he has other friends in his
class, that he doesnt want to leave. Let him decide.This friend can still come over or so, but at least he will be able to play with other children during recess.
The girl that did that to my daughter wasn't even in the same class, they only saw each other at recess. When my daughter told me, i suggested for her to tell so and so to either accept the fact that they could all play together,or she was not going to play with her at all. Of course , that is not going to work for everybody.
Or maiby you can talk to the teacher and visit your son for recess a couple of times, tell your son to go ahead and play with other kids, and watch the situation first hand, and help out, if necessary. Do it maiby ones a week, untill the problem is settled. Good luck, let us know what happened. A.

I have not had this issue myself but it sounds weird to me. Something odd that you can't put your finger on is not a godd feeling when it comes to people you have around your children. Honesty is the best policy. Talk with your son, then express your feelings along with his to the grandmom, then talk to the child. By everyone not hiding a deep secret it will let the natural events of the situation unfold. You want to teach your children honesty and when something is bothering you or them you should teach them that open communication works when done in a nice way. Hope this helps.

S.,

We had a very similar situation with our neighbor boy two doors down on our street (lives with Grandparents, visits parents 15 miles away one weekend a month.) Just as you described, something socially is amiss with the whole family.

Because no one had taught our neighbor boy otherwise, we had to explain that he could not come in our house or yard when no one was home or watch us through the windows when we were home (and many other things.) I felt guilty asking him to knock before entering our home or eating our food, and saying no when he constantly asked to go places with our family. Eventually we had to say that he could only play with our kids in the front yard when I was out there to supervise because there were so many problems.

My best advice is to draw some very clear boundaries. Decide how much you can handle of this family and stick to it. Explain to his Grandmother when and how often he can come over and he needs to stay at the home (no more taking him places.) If they can't respect your wishes then you need to decline the invitations altogether.

Teach your son to express his needs and feelings clearly to this boy without being cruel. "I can play with you today at recess and I want to play with _____ tomorrow. I am still your friend, but ______ needs a friend, too. I will play with you again next week." This boy will have a hard time swallowing this, but he needs to learn.

In my situation, I would sometimes become frustrated and wanted to talk negatively about this boy and his family. But I held my tongue because I would only hurt my children and thier relationship with me if they heard me talking about someone like that. The good news is another boy moved in about 1/2 mile away and they ride their bikes to each other's homes. Our neighbor also joined a sports team and is much less dependent on our family. Despite the size of your town, hopefully something similar might happen. Or maybe you could suggest to the Grandmother that the boy join a team or group to expand his social circle.

Best of luck,
S.

I would talk to his grandmother and tell her what is going on. Try to envite the little boy over and then envite some other kids over also. Get them to play together and if the other boy tries to get your boy to stop playing with the other kids then tell him that he can either go home or go play by hisself in the room, but that your son wants to play with the other kids. Also if he stays at your house and he doesn't listen to your rules then send him to the room and call his grandmother and maybe one day he will see that if he does not listen to you then he will be sent home. Don't feel bad for not enviting him or telling his grandmother no that your son can't come over. You need to watch out for your child and not be scared to say what you feel.

I think the boy has co-dependancy issues. Space would be good for your son's sake. This can be huge later in life if it continues now.

HI S.,
I have not been in your stuation....yet..II hope not. But dont be afraid to let his grandmother, the boy, and the school now how you feel about the situation. Also talk to your son and thell him if he doest feel comfortabe either he doest have to accept that kind of behavior from the kid. Make sure that in school they are not in the same classs or recess. The school should listen to you. If they dont listen maybe the school doest care abouth their students. How about finding him a new school.And about the grandparents taking ur son to other places without your permision i would straight out tell them how I feel, and also let them know that your son will not be allowed to visit their house. I would rather be safe than sorry. And if the grandparents or the kid feel bad I rather them feel bad than my own son feel bad. Hope I didn't sound mean.