Pregnant and I Have a Three-year Old

Updated on September 07, 2011
C.D. asks from Eugene, OR
13 answers

Hi Mamas-
I am nine weeks pregnant with our second child. We have a bright, funny, yet very challenging three year old. She is very mommy-centered and won't let her Dad do much (bath, potty, bedtime, etc.) We haven't told our daughter yet that I am expecting. We want to wait until after the first trimester.

I have been nauseous almost all day for the past week and I don't know how to handle my daughter when I am so sick all the time. I was helping her brush her teeth last night when I got sick in the toilet right next her. She was totally freaked out. I called for her dad to come help, but then my daughter tantrummed because she wanted only me. Ugh.

So how did you handle being pregnant with a three year old, and especially morning sickness? I am so worried if it is this bad now, what it will be like when baby comes!

What can I do next?

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

It sounds like you need to step back and let your husband brush your daughters teeth and take on more one on one dealings with her. It doesn't matter if toddler doesn't like it, he needs to make that relationship happen. She may fight it now, but it will happen if you all continue with it. You will need his help with your daughter even more after baby comes.

Dr. Sears has some great advice on how dads can make this happen:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-develo...

and some more great discipline tactics:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

Also, ask your Dr. for Zofran. One of the best anti-nausea meds out there.

3 moms found this helpful

C.A.

answers from New York on

We told my daughter right away that she was going to have a brother or sister. She is 3 1/2 and she helps me alot. She even knew about me being sick. Whenever I got sick she would tell my husband "the baby is making mommy sick again" I have actually had her holding my hair back so that I did "puke" on it. Sometimes she would cry cause I was so sick. She didn't like it and thought that I was being hurt.
I would have your husband help out any way. Even if she doesn't like it. Explain to her that you don't feel well and that daddy needs to help you. She has to get used to someone else helping her. It may take time but if your husband makes a game of it then maybe she won't mind him helping.
Hang in there, I know how you feel. I was so sick that I actually lost 20 lbs cause I just couldn't eat. Baby is healthy and I have 24 days to go. Try to eat small portions and drink plenty so that you don't dehydrate. Best of Luck and Congrats!

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P.E.

answers from Boston on

Maybe look into preschool a couple of days a week? My son totally did a turn around independence wise after he started. Let your husband drop her off and pick her up so she gains trust with him...just a thought! Congrats and good luck.

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C.G.

answers from Atlanta on

Sorry you're sick!
You're going to have to be firm with her that daddy is going to do things. And unfortunately, the tantrums are going to get worse for a while before she realizes that it won't change the fact that daddy is doing these things also. But it's so better to deal with it now instead of waiting until the baby is born. Once you have your second, you don't want to be dealing with your daughter's tantrums. And if you wait, she'll resent the baby for all the things you don't do for her.
Good luck!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Baby steps. Have your husband in the room while you are trying the night routine. Tell your daughter that you aren't feeling well and that the dr. said that Dad had to help out with things since you don't feel well. Worked with my kid.

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S.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I don't have advise with pregnancy but I went through something similar with my 16 month old. Couple months back I wanted to wean off night time feeding. My son would refuse to have his dad rock him to sleep and would cry for M.. It took few days for him to realize he needs to take the sippy and sleeptime is with dad. Now he sees in the room but doesn't ask for M. anymore.He is happy with daddy. Be consistent with your daughter - since she is 3 years, you can tell her you need to rest as your tummy aches or something(whatever she understands) and that dad has to take care of her until you get better.

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S.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

I have a clingy two year old and am 20 weeks pregnant so I feel for you. The important thing is even when you do tell your daughter about the new baby don't say things like "mommy can't do that because it could hurt the baby." you don't want your daughter resenting the baby for mommy not being able to play. with my son I just tell him that I am not feeling good, or no I can't give him a piggyback ride because my back hurts" he threw tantrums at first but now seems to understand. However my son is more of a daddy's boy so it is a little easier for me. but if you are not feeling well just tell her daddy has to help, that is just the way it is.

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S.S.

answers from Seattle on

Your daughter probably knows something is up - kids are smarter than we give them credit for! I had a two-year-old when I was pregnant with twins and it was tough - especially the morning sickness. I would say that once that eases up (it peaks at 10 weeks so it will start to wane soon), you'll be able to handle things a lot better. I had a lot of problems at the end of my pregnancy for obvious reasons (I was HUGE and had trouble changing diapers and dressing my son because I couldn't get near to him!). But if you can get some help around the house, that would be good - especially for the last trimester. For us, three and a half was waaaay worse than the 'terrible twos' so it could be your daughter's age. In any case, I would start talking to her about letting daddy help out more - try telling her it hurts his feelings and makes him feel left out when she doesn't let him help. Kids can be empathetic at this age. In any case, hang in there! You'll be fine in a few weeks!

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

When I was pregnant with twins, I was put on bedrest. Our son was the same way about me. I was so upset because HE was upset and someone told me, "this is going to help him learn to let others care for him. That's good because when the babies come, he won't have your attention all the time." It was so true!! And he did amazingly well when the twins turned his little world upside down. :)
You are going to have to back off and have daddy help your daughter when he can. Tell her, mommy is sick and I need daddy to ... this time. Even when you are feeling better, he should be doing things for/with her. It will really help her adjust to the new baby, I promise!

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L.L.

answers from Topeka on

I'm also 9 weeks pregnant this is our 4th I have an 8,4,2 yr old I simply explain to them "mommy isn't feeling well"I have told my children already & my son understands my 4 yr. old says is the baby making you sick can you not eat because of the baby well she is so right on,my 2 yr. old I have to remind her don't pounce on me, mommy has a baby in her belly then she is like OK baby in there.
Right now i'm tired that is my main illness during any & all pregnancies I have yet to vomit didn't with my 3rd did with my 1st & 2nd,i',m queasy hate the smell of food's I love oranges eat them before a meal & i'm able to eat more of the food it helps with the queasiness & the hunger feeling.Children adjust they do I have been there seen it & as long as you have time for each of them everday & show your love support & guide them through the daily life they will be fine.Right now what you can do is talk to her sit on the couch grab a baby & tell her mommy has a baby in her belly it is growing & will be here,your going to be a big sister they are willing to help mommy with the smallest of task get her involoved the earlier the better.And yes I had morning sickness taking care of my children laid on the couch here & there while taking care of my children they were right there with me they are the most patient kind loving children well behaved I might add children.You will survive.This time around I will let them know that daddy is going to have to help mommy more this time & when it comes to me asking daddy to help you,you must not cry & throw a tantrum it is because mommy isn't feeling well,followed with hugs & kisses.When is your due date?Mine is 4/3/12.Congrats!!!!

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M.G.

answers from Chicago on

Now is a great time to start transitioning her, otherwise she might resent baby when he/she comes. My twins had just turned two when I found out I was pregnant. I used TV a lot in the first trimester. It allowed me to sit on the couch after a long day at work but still spend time with my little guys.

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

Time for her to work out her tantrums like any other three year old. No you may nots for the mild ones, time outs in her room (no more than 8 - 10 min) for the not so mild ones and do this now, not when the baby comes. Daddy will have to spend more time alone with her now and she will learn to adapt. Lastly, trust in your and your husbands good love and child rearing ability so far to see you through. But deal with the tantrums now.......

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T.D.

answers from Portland on

It is important to make sure that Dad gets the opportunity to do more for her. We were having this problem with our 3 yr old this past year and slowly we started with more Daddy things. She risisted at first, and we had a few tantrums but she lived and so did we. I would warn her first so she didn't have a sudden "No, Daddy is going to do that". In your case I would sit down with her and talk to her about you feeling sick and Daddy needing to help with some things. Let her know that if you tell her Daddy will do something for her (get her snack, help her go potty, put her to bed, give bath...whatever) then either Daddy does it or she doesn't get it. For us it was morning routine since I'm a stay home MOm. She didn't want Daddy doing anything in the morning, not even give her milk or turn on the TV. So, the night before I would say "Daddy is getting up with you in the morning and getting you milk and Curious George, and if you don't let him do it then you won't get any milk or TV". We had to stick to it a few times (long tantrum and no milk or TV) but you bet the next time, she let daddy do it! It's worked with bedtime too "you let Daddy do books, or you go straight to bed without them", always with warning earlier in the evening so she knew it was comming. This will make it SO much easier once the baby is here.

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