Potty Training Problem...

I had this problem with my daughter when she first started. The problem with her was positioning. She couldn't push efficiently enough. I had her stand on the potty with one foot on each side, and squat. I know it sounds rediculous, but it worked for her. (She also thought it was very funny) Oh yeah and she sits down now. My husband was concerned she wouldn't start sitting down to go, but as soon as she got better controlled of her body she started going "normally". Good luck.

Hi! My son did the same thing. What finally worked for him was PEZ. He enjoys collecting them and he LOVES the candy. I told him he could pick one when he pooped on the potty. We had a couple of accidents, but it pretty much worked like a charm. It is very frustrating, but hang in there. Good luck!

Our son also was around 4 before he finally got the poopy thing down. When trying to come up with a solution for our boy, I came a across an article that described a cycle of not being able to recognize the need to poop, the backing up of the bowels, the pain of this backing up and the elimination of such a large bowel movement. The result of this cycle is a weakening of the muscles which in turn makes the cycle start all over again. The first thing we decided to do was to make sure there was absolutely no negative reactions no matter how frustrated we were. Since we knew our son was well hydrated the next step we took was a diet that avoided all binding foods. After we got the stools softened a bit and he was having an easier time going, we worked on adding bulk to help strengthen the muscles. It took some time but we finally got things regulated and have had no problems since. I wish you much luck and I hope I have helped even a little. I wish I could point you to the article because it was much more helpful than I have been here.

Congrats on your remission! As far as the potty training thing goes, here is a thought. My daughter has a similar problem, she would go pee on the potty but would put on a pull up and go hide behind a chair to go poop..One day I took her Barbie doll (that is what she was into at the time, with your sone you could use his favorite toy) I pretended to let Barbie sit on the potty and in my hand behind the Barbie I had some small chocolate chips..I told her "Look, Barbie goes poop on the potty!" and slowly dropped the chips into the potty so that she could see the chips but not that they were coming from my hand...That was that..she then went poop on the potty! I wish you good luck with this and hope it works...I havbe twin boys who are 3 and I am trying to train them as well...I think boys do take a bit longer than girls. Good luck in your job hunt! You sound like a great Mom and your son is lucky to have you!!

Hey, A. H! I have just recently gone through the potty training thing with my son. He was just over three and I felt like he was taking forever. All of my friends had started potty training much earlier with their little ones and they were in underwear when my son was still in pullups. I was getting so frustrated and many days we were both in tears because I was frustrated and I think that I had him scared to death. A friend of mine told me what she had done when in the same situation. I tried it and it eventually worked. As soon as my son would get up, I would have him go potty (pee-pee) and then we would not put the pull-up back on. I just dressed him in a very long t-shirt. He hated not to have pants on, but I told him no pants unless he would poo-poo in the potty. I was nervous that he would make a mess on the carpet and he did pee a few times on the carpet. I just tried to be very patient with him. There was one time that he pooped on the carpet and he was so afraid that he would be in huge trouble. I cleaned it up and reassured him that he wasn't bad. We also boutght several small cars and wrapped them up and put them up out of reach. We told him that if he poo-pooed in the potty, he could open a surprise. For a couple of weeks I had stressed so much about it, but I realized that was getting us no where. He would go pee-pee on his own, but never poop. He did go about three days without pooping. Then finally one day, he ran in the bathroom without having to be reminded. He pooped a huge amount, all that he had been holding on for three days and finally could hold it no more. We were so excited and gave high fives all around. He got to open a surprise and we took him to McDOnald's. It was slow at first and I still reminded him, but he took off and hasn't had an accident since. SOme of my friends started so early and pushed their kids before they were ready, I think. They are still having problems with accidents. I think for Isaiah, he was finally ready, and we just had to do everything to make it possible for him and more exciting. He still gets excited and calls me in to see his masterpiece each time. I hope that this helps you out. I know it can be so frustrating. I feel with you and I will pray that this works for you.

A. T

There are some great tips here! I'm currently going through training with my 3 1/2 year old son. What worked for us is, first of all, having an incentive. If he pooped on the potty he got to go to a friends house that he doesn't get to see very often. Secondly, he was having a lot of accidents in his pants so we took off his underwear and pants and let him run around in the house that way. Since there was nothing to poop in, miraculously, he went in the potty! There are also some good tips on pampers.com. Best of luck!

When my son was that age, my pediatrician recommended the following. Once your son is as potty trained as he is, tell him that it is not ok to poop in his underwear. Tell them that if he isnt ready to poop on the potty, that is absolutely fine, but he has to come to you and tell you that he needs a pull up on. Put him in a pull up and tell him he can poop in his pull up, but that he has to stay in the bathroom in his pull up until he is finished, then come in and empty the pull up in the toilet, so he sees it go in the potty, and flush. Now, for my son it only took once or twice and that was the end of that. But, she did mention that she has had parents in the past, who have eventually cut the bottom out of the pull up and had them sit on the potty that way. Its a slow process, but it works, and allows him to progress without the stress and pressure of anyone trying to convince him its ok to do.
One other thought, when he goes in his diaper, does he really have to work at going? Does he have to squat to go? He may be having a hard time getting in the right position on the potty to push.

My daughter was the same way. She would ask for a pull up so that she could go poop. If I said no, then she would hold it too and get constipated. She seemed so scared to poop on the potty. My husband said that he had heard that kids are afraid that the poop is part of them and when we flush, part of them is being flushed too. I tried everything with my daughter and then I became somewhat forcefull and told her that she HAD to poop on the toilet. Of course she screamed and cried and begged, my husband and my 21 year old son and his girl friend sat in the bathroom with her. We just kept telling her it would be ok. She told me that she had to go and we tried somemore. Everybody taking turns and bribing her with candy and finally she went. (She was 5) We celebrated with a "Poop" Party. We bought her a cake and a balloon and made a big thing out of it. She has never had a mistake since.
Try to find something that he really likes and use it as a bribe. Keep telling him that it is okay. Show him when you go on the toilet that it is okay. Nothing bad will happen. I would give him some apple juice (Makes it easier to go) and try to comfort him in the bathroom. Above all: Be patient.

Good luck A..

My son is 3 1/2 & within the last couple of months starting pooping in the potty. He had the peeing down in no time & it took a couple more weeks for the pooping. It has been said that because pooping requires a different set of muscles & a different action all together, that it can take them longer to get. For us, we just happened to find the right "bribe" that worked. My son loves everything "Daddy" related. He especially loves "Daddy's candy" (gummy dinosaurs). He only gets this treat after pooping in the potty. It only took a couple of accidents for him to get this. Obviously, it took a while for us to find the "magic" tool. I also had to be VERY observant as to my son's signals. He also would go 3-4 days before going in the potty. I also have a cousin that found a special toy that her son wanted. He only got this toy after pooping. He went that night. It took her several months to get to this point. He was also 3-4 years.
It has been said that every child has a thing of value for them. It may be that that's all it will take for you. Finding the right value for your son. Good luck & be patient, he'll get it.

Brooke's suggestions are excellent given your son's age and that he is mostly potty trained already. Her pediatrician has the right idea - it's something to work on every day but it is a gradual, no-stress, logical transition. Also, others who have said to make sure there's no pressure/negativity surrounding pooping in his diapers are absolutely right too - your approach must remain relaxed, matter-of-fact, loving, patient, and supportive. And consistent - that people poop in the bathroom, that poop is flushed down the toilet (even if it goes first into the diaper). I definitely do NOT think it would be a good idea to just stop any efforts to potty train for poop at this point - the vast majority of kids do not just train themselves. It's up to us as parents to support them through learning this skill. Have you talked to your 4 year old about how it's more comfortable and healthier to poop regularly instead of holding it? Have you guys read that book called "Everyone Poops" by Taro Gomi?
http://www.kanemiller.com/book.asp?sku=25&sc=1

As for being scared, perhaps he is not scared of monsters in the toilet - maybe he is scared of feeling his poop come out? If he's ever had uncomfortable bowel movements/constipation, that could make him apprehensive about going too. Lastly, it's really important to:
* observe & learn his body language prior to when he needs to poop (so you can recognize when he needs to go and quietly, non-chalantly help him get to the toilet - you maybe be able to predict this better than he can, and then help him recognize this behavior in himself)
* try to see what position he's in when he actually poops - does he remain standing? is he in a deep squat? - and then provide him with a toilet + step stool or small potty that would allow him to be in that same position when he does eventually try without the diaper (or with a hole cut out of the diaper)
* I know it might sound a little awkward, but encourage him to sit on the toilet whenever YOU have to go - do it together, read a book together while you're there to distract him enough so that he can relax and perhaps poop, and if you have to poop, talk him through what it's like (so that he's less scared, so that he knows it's ok)

Just stay positive and know that you and your son are absolutely able to work together as a team to help him learn to poop in the toilet and not in his diaper. As you said, he's quite capable (writing his name, adding on his fingers, toilet trained for pee), you know he can do it, and as long as you remain no-big-deal, supportive, loving, gradual and committed to the process, he will be toilet independent sooner than you think!

it sounds like you have tried just about everything in order to have your son pooping on the potty. i know that you have told him that you got all the "monsters" out of the bathroom, but maybe you should go buy some "monster spray" from that "spiecal monster removal store" or word it anyway your child can understand. go to the store (when ur child isnt home) and go buy one of those empty spray bottle, write monster spray on it, and get water, some kind of perfume, and VERY LITTLE food coloring. mix it all together and you will have a scented with color liquid, that u can spray all over the bathroom. let him spray it nessaccery, so that he knows the monster spray is there, and it will keep the monsters out of the bathroom. this little trick also works for children that are having problems sleeping because of monsters under the bed or in the closet. hopefully this works for ya, and will have him pooping in the potty

Our daughter is sometimes hesitant to use the potty and I recently figured out that it's the flushing that scares her. So I tell her we will not flush until she's gone and that has helped. Worth a shot?

If you happen to be near a book store or better yet your local library (saves money) Theyve got tons of great books for preschoolers about "GOING POTTY" you might want to give that a shot..If anything it might give him a boost of confidence and calm his fears which could help him go on his own.I wish you lots of luck!!!

And kudos for being a single mom and trying to provide the best for you and your son!!

I had this problem with my daughter, who is now 6 1/2 years old. She was 4 1/2 years old and attending her second year of preschool before she started pooping on the potty. She had been peeing on the potty since before 3 years old. She would wear underpants all day, come home from school or babysitter, put on her pull-ups and poop, and then we would have to change her. We tried offering things if she went poop on the potty, but she wasn't interested. We asked the dr and he said she knew exactly what she was doing and it was a control thing. He said ignore it, because she was looking for attention, and saying anything about the poop was attention regardless if it was positive or negative attention.

In my daughters case, she had been through a lot in a short period of time at a young age. She didn't know how to cope and I think this was her way of having control over something. In a 10 month period so much happened. We moved into a new house. A week after we had the keys to the new house I found out I was expecting my 2nd child. Then her baby brother was born and six days after that her grandmother (my mother died - only 55 years old). Her grandmother was basically her only daycare provider her entire little life. So then she had to go to a new sitter, who was never abusive to my children, but she just wasn't meant to watch kids. I don't think she had the patience.

Then one day, at around 4 1/2 years old, she was in a situation where she didn't have a choice but to poop on the potty. She was someplace with daddy and didn't have a pull-up on. She went on the potty and that was the last of the pull-ups.

That's my story. Just keep giving positive reinforcement to your son. Don't make a big deal if he does poop, because again, it is attention. There is obviously a reason he won't do it and until he can learn how to handle whatever it is, this is how he chooses to express it.

My son was the same way for awhile. I don't know if what helped us will help you, especially since it was a fluke...he got a stomach bug that gave him diarrhea. He was needing to go so often and it was so gross in his pants he couldn't help but go on the potty. After the diarrhea cleared up he was over any fears of pooping on the potty and he was used to it. Unfortunately you don't really want to "give" your child diarrhea. Don't know how or if this can help you, but it's what worked in our case.

I had the same problem with my daughter- she is going on 3 years old next month but has been potty trained since last summer (she would not have a bowel movement on the potty though). Finally I just ignored the problem and put her in pull ups only (we told her that big girl panties are only for girls that always use the potty- for both types of movements). She wore pull ups for a few months and then one day just did it. I did not mention using the potty for a bowel movement and when she went in her pull up I changed it without any conversation about using the potty. She consistently used the potty to urinate and we always praised her when she went- did the potty dance etc... Good luck! Potty training has been my least favorite thing about being a mom- its tough!

I bought special toilet paper for my son and told him he can only wipe his own hiney when he goes on the potty. So far it works about 1 out of 3 times. He's also terrified of the toilet but he says (I think) that HE doesn't want to get flushed down the potty and poop is part of him.

I know it will pass, but like you, I'm kind of confused.

I'll be watching the other answers you get to see if I can snag any other tips.

I worked in a day care potty training 2 year olds...and found a lot of them view pooping as a part of them being "sent away" for good when the potty got flushed. I would suggest that when he has to go, sit him on the potty and talk to him that the poopy has to go bye-bye so it won't make his tummy hurt...considering he's held it for days on you and obviously had side effects from it, remind him how he felt when he held it in. He's old enough to understand that...then make a big deal out of him going. I do this with my 2 year old daughter (she's been training since she was a year old). When she goes on the potty, I make a big fuss ("Big girl Tia poopied on the potty" in sing-song) and then teach her flushing is ok by telling her to try and flush and to "tell the poopie bye-bye"...she doesn't flush on her own yet, just wiggles the handle, but she waves bye-bye to the poopie and then I flush for her. Now, she will poop on the potty and will even let me know when we are out that she has to go (she does this by whining and pointing to her pull-up as she does not talk much yet) and I take it very seriously by telling her I will get her to the potty right away (and doing it).

The only suggestion I have to offer is- have you tried giving him things that would stimulate his digestive system so he has to go every day or two? Like raisins, fiber, green vegetables, prunes, apples, and fruit. Maybe if it doesn't hurt when it comes out it would be easier for him to learn. Do you stay in the bathroom with him? Maybe that would help him so he isn't scared. You may want to ask him what he is scared of specifically- that he is going to fall in, that the monsters are going to eat his poop as it comes out (ok sounds gross, but kids have crazy imaginations), that it's going to hurt when it comes out, or something else. If you can get to the bottom of exactly what he is afraid of, you will probably be able to help him with that fear, and hopefully that will fix the problem. Good luck!

A.,

It is quite common for boys to learn later. If he is having issues, don't push him. In fact, take all the stress away. Tell him when he needs to poop, to just go get a pull-up or diaper, and then let you know when he is done so you can clean him up. When he does, thank him for being cooperative, wipe him up in a pleasant manner, and ask him if he'd like to wear his big boy pants again. Whenever he pees in the toilet, praise him.

When all the pressure has been removed for a couple weeks, casually ask him if he'd like to use the potty instead of the pull-up. If he says no, just say OK.

Just be patient. He will continue to grow and change, and it will happen. It will take longer if you stress him out about it.

And, yeah, I know whereof I speak, because my oldest turned 5 in September, and finally spontaneously began to use the potty two weeks later. We had tried having him wear big boy pants, but I didn't like all the extra laundry. We had tried pull-ups, but they really aren't very absorbant. We had tried stickers and rewards. My husband tried the negative reinforcement scolding. Nothing worked. I kept telling him to be patient. Now, finally, it is working.

Best wishes!
K.