Potty Training Problem

Just my opinion, but making a kid that young clean up after himself, as one person suggested, seems quite cruel to me. Doesn't matter if it works; not everything that works is right.

He is not trained yet. Potty training does not happen all at once for the most part - it comes and goes. He is not doing anything wrong, and don't characterize it that way. He's just playing around with the concept and the habit, which isn't really a habit for him yet but will be. I've experienced this with or without a new child in the house. Two and a half is still pretty young to be completely trained. It sounds as if you are making it more important than it has to be, celebrating successes and controling what he drinks, etc. Instead, you might try backing off a bit. Be patient and matter-of-fact and don't make it a huge issue. It'll work itself out.

Yes, this is new sibling 101. He's craving your attention and as another mom said, to him, bad attention is better than no attention. Consider this plan, in order...

Specifically regarding the "accidents", I agree with the mom that said put him back in pull ups for now and show him that he can still go on the potty and just use these as underpants. I know it seems counterintuitive to "go backwards", but if you can put that out of your mind, it will save your sanity. Take it off the table...make it a non-issue for now. He won't go to college in diapers. He has all the information and training on how to go on the potty. He'll decide when the final deal is done. Until then, it's like banging your head against a wall. I bet it won't take a week until he says it's time.

It's VERY important to spend extra time (yes, I know you have no "extra" time!!) with him ALONE. Give him 100 hugs a day. Remember, he's been the center of your universe for so long...he's sad to not have you at his beck and call all the time.

Next, (you're probably already doing this)try to find a few ways to consistently involve him as "mommy's helper". He needs to learn that the baby can't do ANYTHING for himself, but that the big boy can. He can be proud of all the things he can do "by himself" (or with a little behind the scenes help from mom and dad) and all the things he can do to help the family.

Try to praise him way more than usual...way more. Things like "wow, you're really trying hard!", "I didn't know you could do that by yourself, way to go!", "I love it when you help me by bringing a diaper to me!" That will boost his ego and he'll want more of the "good" attention. Try to ignore his bad behavior (that is, don't make a big deal of it...say it once then move on.) If you take away the reaction and interaction that's involved with the bad behavior, he'll find it not very interesting and not worth his while.

As he puffs up and sees how important his new job is and how important he still is in your family, he'll want to get back to the bigboy pants asap.

Good luck and God Bless!

You're a bit farther ahead than we are, 18 months working on training now, doing pretty well by the way. I do tend to think that it's an attention issue. Even today, while I was busy doing a couple of other things, my son decided to pee without abandon after going in the potty on his own accord for about 1 1/2 weeks now.

I agree that he should help to clean up his mess. It is not cruel and unusual punishment for a 2 1/2 year old! My son actually enjoys cleaning up after himself. My doc was the one that reccommended it. Of course you're the one making sure it's done thoroughly after his attempt, but he needs to have that responsibility.

Good luck!

I never had this issue with my oldest when her sister was born, but I'm having problems with the little girl I sit for. I had a baby on the 16th of May and now the girl I sit for is doing the same thing you described. It is funny because she's not mine but she's the one regressing. She's not quite 2 and I think I may have trained her a little too early, but she's done so well. But since I've had the baby she's been having problems and I think it is two things.

1.) she doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go potty.
2.) she is jealous of the baby and wants attention????

Her mother and I scold her for going in her panties. Some days she does great and others she will pittle in her panties all day.

The one thing I've had to start doing is just put her on the potty every hour regardless of whether she tells me or not. I make a big deal everytime we sit and there is not little pittle spot on her big girl panties. She will do great for a few days and then have an accident as soon as I forget to sit her on the pot.

If I ask her if she needs to go potty she will always say no and then I'll take her and she will go. She just doesn't want to stop playing.

Good luck!! I'll read the other posts to see if someone writes something I can use too.

Well, I'm in process of potty-training my 3 year old and am not nearly as far as you, so good job! But I've done a lot of research and one technique that's a little bit controversial, but worked for us, is to have your son clean up after himself when he has an accident.

I tried this and, of course, well-supervised my son while he did it. I didn't encourage him or give him praise, I just said matter-of-factly, "This is what happens, you made a mess, you need to clean it." He hasn't had an accident since.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Good luck!

L.,
Do not get discouraged...I have heard several stories exactly like yours in which the one child was potty-trained and then a baby comes along and they have regressed. My neighbor has a 4 1/2 year old girl who was fully potty-trained but when her baby sister arrived she regressed back to pull-ups at night and would refuse to go in the potty. I think it is a stage they go through. Just continue to encourage him, provide consistent expectations, and follow through on your consequences. Good Luck and congrats on the new baby!
J.

Your son is reacting out of jealousy. I was in your situation and what I did was involve my toddler with the his new sibling. I told him that the new baby was his baby and he had to help me take care of the baby. I let him get the pampers, help me with the feeding etc. Once he felt that taking care of the baby was for everyone, not just mommy he was fine.

Hi. I'm expecting in August and have a son that just turned two. My son's dr. recommended that we start exposing him to toilet training but don't stress because he will revert after the baby comes. He said that our goal should be by age 3.

With that said, I used to teach preschool and some of my students, mostly boys were not potty trained completely by 3. So some other advice I can offer from working with parents is that making your son help clean up is not cruel or wrong it's called a logical consequence. Just make sure that you are helping him and using a calm voice when talking to him about it. I also suggest if you go back to pull-ups that you put them over his underwear. Pull-ups take away the bothersome wet feeling so if you do it that way, you don't get the mess and he will still feel uncomfortable. Just some ideas. Good luck.

My son went through this as well a few months after he was potty trained. My third was already born by the time he started potty training, so there wasn't a regression, it was more defiance. He's a stubborn kid by nature, so he decided that he didn't want to pee in the potty, so he didn't. Also, some of the time, he was too busy playing outside to go potty. I know that the experts say not to reprimand when they have accidents, but these weren't accidents, and he did get into trouble. He sat in the naughty spot, or couldn't go outside if he peed or pooped in his pants deliberately. Eventually, he realized the trouble wasn't worth it, and he went when I asked him too. I also realized that he's got a huge bladder, and can hold it for a LONG time. So, sometimes when he said he didn't have to go, he really didn't. Anyway, eventually we worked it out, and now at 3.5, he's not had an accident for a really long time.

Good luck! Potty training is tough!

I think you are reacting to his behavior. He does not have much control in life but he does when it comes to using the toilet. Do not react! Don't even react when he does it right. He is trying to control your emotions. He can make you happy, angry, sad etc.... If he uses the potty, just say " Oh I bet that felt better than wet pants, " then move on to a different discussion. Have a very monotone voice when discussing any incidence about peeing. If he pees in his pants, don't get mad or sad. TEll him he needs to change his underwear and pants. Again, very little discussion. Save your emotions for other things like watching him play, or clean up etc. He is looking for attention from you and he is thinking, Hmm- I think I would like to see mommy mad right now. or maybe I can make her smile. Don't give him any emotion. I am a mother of 3. My oldest now 17. All my kids were trained around age 2. Waiting until age 3 just makes for a smarter kid who likes to be in control. Good luck.

By the way, my first child held her poop. Sometimes for 5 days. We worked several months to get through that, with a lot of constipation. It wasn't until I stopped reacting to her and made it her problem, not mine, then it disappeared within a couple of days. My next two were a breeze! I learned from my first. Your child is responsible for his body and feelings that he has to pee. Remind him if you are going somewhere, but don't get so involved. He would rather be dry than wet. Be matter of fact. Tell him that everyone uses the toilet. Don't praise him for using it. It is an expectation. Just reaffirm after he uses it that he must feel better. ( Not YOU!)

When he is not around and you know he can't hear you. You can call your mom, or friend and tell them how excited you are that he is finally using the potty again. Just don't let him hear you!
Good luck!
D.

I could have written your post - it sounds EXACTLY like what we went through! My son was SO easy to train, but about six months after he was potty trained (with no accident) he started peeing his pants a little bit (sometimes a lot) before telling me he had to go. I think part of it was that the novelty had worn off and he would not want to stop whatever he was doing to go to the potty anymore. We tried everything and what finally worked was not letting him have apple juice (his favorite thing) after he had an accident for the rest of the day. He could have whatever else to drink, but not apple juice. That pretty much stopped it immediately. I would not have used this approach had I thought he couldn't understand, or did not have the ability to go in the potty, but those things weren't the case, and tying a small consequence to his actions has worked very well. Good luck and congratulations on the new baby!

My daughter decided to potty train soon after we brought our other daughter home so the situation was a little different. Anyway, b/c I had a newborn and was not ready to potty train, I decided to use a timer as she loves them. We went potty whenever it went off and rewarded her with a sticker and a chart and when the chart was full she got something little. We only did maybe 3 charts and she did great. We also used some mini m&m's as motivators. Good luck. The transition IS hard but so much fun! Good luck.

This sounds like a typical response to a change he is not happy with. Attention is divided now and really, this is normal. For your sake, I would probably suggest you put him back in pull-ups and explain his big boy pants will come back when he stops peeing his pants. Just nicely explain that big boys don't wet their pants. You may try explaining that the time you spend changing him and cleaning him up could be time you read or play something with him. He is a very intelligent kid and he will get it. After all, right now, negative attention is better than not attention (in his eyes). Also be careful as to your response when he does have an accident. Maybe put pull-ups in the bathroom and teach him to change himself. Give him place to throw away the wet and he can put on the new - he will realize that you are not going to jump just because he wet, so maybe this just isn't worth it. My youngest did the same thing - in her case, just didn't want me spending time with her older sister (I home school). It was just a way to get to me whether positive or negative. I just had to learn not to react. He will come around - don't stress yourself.

Same thing happened with my son. When I brought home the new baby he actually even wanted to drink out of a bottle again. He wanted me to hold him like a baby, he wanted to wear diapers like the baby etc... I believe they just want attention like the new baby gets and will do whatever they can to get attention. At the advice of my pediatrician I involved the 3 year old in helping me change the babies diapers, feeding the baby, making bottles, etc..
This made him feel like a big boy and a big helper and he got the attention he was trying to get. Hang in there