Potty Training Issue

I don't know if you tries taking away things he really likes or not. My son really loves Playstation and everytime he pooped his pants we took it away and we just to keep doing it and consistent. It has to be something they really like and don't want to give up.

I am going through the same situation with my 4 year old, but he will poop on the potty sometimes. Sometimes I guess it just takes time and he will eventually go when he is ready. I also had the same issue with my middle son. All it took was time and when he is ready he will go. Good luck!

I am am married mom of almost 12 yrs. with 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

My daugher didnt want to potty train for #2s, so we bought Kandoo wipes to put on the back of the toilet, told her they were her "special wipes" and for her, that took care of the problem. She came out of the bathroom one morning FUMING MAD because someone had used all of HER wipes!

I think with every child who abstains from pooy on the potty, the "bribe" will be different. You'll have to trial and error to find something that works for him- something that will catch his interest and make it a big deal for him to sit on the toilet. Something that makes him WANT to do it.

After we bought the kandoo wipes and made them a big deal for her, she would sit on the toilet and TRY to poop just to use the wipes.

Hi J.-

We are going through the same thing with my almost 4 year old daughter. She is the same way as your son. (Actually, thought I was reading my own request for help that was on this site a few weeks back.) We took her to the Gi Specialist, Dr. White, at Children's Hospital. They took x-rays and blood work to rule any medical issues. The x-ray showed that she was extremely constipated. We had been giving her miralax for several weeks, but it did not seem to be working. The dr increased the miralax to 2 tsp twice a day and suggested more fiber. We gave her Oat Bran in pancakes or mixed in yogurt, whatever we could hide it in. We also made sure she was drinking every drop of the juice with the miralax. We told her it was her "special juice." With in a week, there were things coming out of her that I never imagined could be in an adult let alone a little girl. Now, about 3 weeks later, she is doing much better. She will poop in the potty at least once a day. She is still going in her panties, but we are working on that. Good Luck and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel! Melanie

This is going to sound odd, but I swear it worked with my 2 1/2 year old who was doing the same thing as your child. I had to teach him how to hold the sides of the potty (we use a regular adult potty with a seat insert b/c he REFUSED to use the smaller sized potty chairs) to help him push his poop out. I had read that one of the hurdles kids face while potty training is gravity - when they're in diapers or pull-ups, they can poop standing up (leg strength helps them), but when they're on an adult chair, they loose the leg push from the floor. Once we taught him how to do this, he's been accident free since then.

Dear J.,

I am feeling your pain. My 3 1/2 year old girl has absolutely no interest in getting rid of her diapers. And we've tried everything. And it seems as if every mom around me has had a breeze with their toddler -- very intimidating. So we're really trying not to succumb to the peer pressure. But you know how frustrating it is.
One of the things we're trying that was suggested by a friend is to play a running game with the potty. We put the kiddie potty in the playroom and pick several starting points in the room. We stand across the room and shout "I have to potty!!" and run to the potty, pull the pants down and sit. Then we get up, pull the pants up and try the next point in the room and run again to the potty. All the time shouting "I have to potty!!" The shouting and the running are the fun things for her and makes it a silly game rather than something serious.
So far, it's not bringing any results, because she still stand there, frozen, and pees in her pants.
But it's a new game and we're working on it. If this doesn't bring results we may try that timer idea. The 'set the timer to try the potty every hour' idea.
Good luck, J.. I am with ya!

This is (in his mind) the only control left that he has over you. I believe it is about attention and unfortunately it is a negative. Keep encourageing him and loving him through it. Take the time every time to let him know how much he is loved. One day it will click and he will find out that he can get your attention through another source of a happier event. Like drawing pictures, helping make cookies, reading a book with just him, a outing with daddy or with mommy with just him. The bottom line is love him through it. His behavior will change.

He won't sometimes there is fear, sometimes you just don't know. Be patient.

My daughter is 11. She would poop in a pullup until she was 4 and refused the potty. She'd actually ask for it and go sit in the corner. It was a huge struggle and very frustrating for me. But, low and behold, one day she did it! My advice - just let it go. He'll go on his own time. The more you fight with him, the more he wants to be in control.

Good luck and know that he will not be going in a diaper when he's 20!!

I could have written this! We went through the same thing with my son. Even the pediatrician's advice didn't work (sticker chart for every successful time). Now my daughter is having the same problem with her just-turned 3-year-old son. My son solved the dilemma himself. When his sister was one week old, he came down the stairs and said, "Mommy, I'm not going to poop in my pants anymore. Babies poop in their pants, and I'm a big boy." And that was it! He never did it again. So...have you thought about another baby? In lieu of this, try letting him be around a diaper change a few time with a little baby. Maybe that will help.

Have him go in with his father when he is going and this will for sure work , if the father is willing

I have a friend whose son had the same issue but he was 5. She started with giving him rewards that he is really interested in, in his case is was playing videogames for 30 mins. his problem is that he is a sanguine personality (loves to play and be around people) and sitting down to poop took more time away from playing and hanging out. She had to use that against him, taking favorite toys as soon as he pooped and earning them back, not being able to play with other kids if they were over...and putting toys near the toilet.. Have you tried to ask him why he doesn't like to poop on the potty? I wish you luck, and what ever you do...dont feel like a bad mom because of this, he is making the decision to poop in his pants, not you!

My son would also refuse to poop in the potty. He always had pretty large and firm bowel movements, would often go days without, therefore causing the movement to be more painful. His pediatrician put him on Miralax (over the counter). He would have 2tsp mixed w/water everyday to try to soften his stool. Also, immediately after every meal he would sit on the potty for 5-10 minutes, not demanding that he do anything, he was just getting into the habit. After 3 days on this regiment, he was trained, completely. The pediatrician suggested to keep him on 1 tsp miralax per day for 6 weeks, which we did until his bowels were back to normal. He actually poops every night right before bed, like clockwork - I wish I was that regular! lol Best of luck to you, I know it is very stressful, but he will get it!!!

I am with you on this one. My son will be 4 in July. And here I thought I was going to have him potty trained right after he turned 2. Hah! We feel we have tried everything also. I am anxious to see what kind of advice you get.

OK, this is going to sound gross, but it works. If he asks you to change him or acts like having dirty pants discomforts him, try making him wait. Don't change him right away. Of course don't wait long enough for him to get a rash or anything, but just a few minutes of him wanting out of it will help. Also, with our 3 year old, my mom used an old trick of (after making her walk around a few minutes in dirty pants) taking the underwear and washing it out in the sink and then putting it back on them. It's clean, but just damp from rinsing out the poop. Of course, that only works if it's a reasonably solid poop so the underwear isn't soaking wet. It's worth a try and it only took about 2 days of doing this for my daughter to get the picture!

My daughter refused to use the potty as well. The only thing that worked for me... I made her clean up her own messes (with my help of course). She had to stop play or tv time to clean her own underpants and get cleaned up herself. It seemed to work cause it took less time to use the toilet than to clean up the mess. She stopped going in her pants in about 3 weeks. Good Luck!!

It took my daughter a lot longer to poop in the potty than it did to pee. Like your son, by 3 1/2 she always used the potty to pee, but would not poop in the potty. I heard that this is very normal and to just give it time. Sure enough, by the time she was 4 she was pooping in the potty as well. We didn't do anything special, just continued to encourage her and tried to not make a big deal out of it. Eventually something just clicked and she was okay with it.

We used a timer. She was not allowed to get up until the time had expired. It helped. We read books, talked about things, etc. She got to the point where SHE SET THE TIMER. Now.....we don't even need one. She had bee doing the SAME thing.

If he has any kind of "poop schedule" at all.......it should help. If he's inconsistent, it will probably be more difficult.

We also put a chart/piece of paper on the wall. She was allowed to put a sticker on EVERY TIME SHE POOPED....originally it was for any potty at all. SHE LOVED adding stickers and was proud to let everyone know what the stickers were for!

Many times this is a control issue. You can try giving your son more control in other parts of this life. Or even the illusion of control--give him choices when you don't care about the outcome. (eg: Let him choose if he wants to wear the blue or red shirt. Let your son pick the plate he uses at dinner. Let him choose what he gets for lunch. etc) Kids who feel they don't have enough control in other parts of their lives will often pick one of the things they can completely control (sleeping, eating or pooping) and use that to gain some sense of control.

The other issue that sometimes comes up is not wanting to "lose a part of themselves." Some kids see poop as a part of themselves and seeing it go down the toilet freaks them out. For these kids, you can create a goodbye ritual--say goodbye to the poop before you flush the toilet, etc--which often helps kids with these issues.

Hope one of these ideas works for you. Just take heart that it won't go on forever!

I had the same problem with my son. He would also get too busy playing to take time to go! Luckily, I live in a rural area, so I sent him out a couple of times with no diaper, and no pants. He seemed to realize what that "feeling" was, and what was going to happen. This may sound primitive, but after a couple of times he got the idea. We have had no problems since! (He was almost 4 at the time. Now he is 5) Hope this helps!

i am a single mother of 2. A 5 year old girl and a 17 month old boy. i am having the same issue with my 5 year old. nothing seems to work or she will have a few great days in a row and we are back to square one again. i am new to this mamasource thing so bear with me. but i need help tooo!!!

We had the same problem with our son, who is now 6. I, too, was afraid he'd never learn! We tried everything you mentioned and nothing worked. We lost our deposit on summer camp because he couldn't go if he wasn't fully potty trained. Then late in the summer we went on vacation and had a 14-hour drive. I was not about to worry about his issues and simply stuck him in a pull-up for the trip and didn't even bother asking him if he needed to go or anything. And guess what -- he potty trained himself! I don't know what it was, but he just started using the potty every time and didn't have an accident that whole week of vacation and on after that. Maybe just the fact that we let up about it? Didn't talk about it, no rewards or punishments/negative consequences, nothing. Or maybe it was just the right time. But anyway, hang in there!!! It took us over a year, but it finally happened!

Hi J....I have been dealing with the same thing (Son just turned 3)! He holds it in till it hurts too much to go :( So we have decided to get him a "poop toy". Its a toy (Thomas the tain view master) we keep in the bathroom, he only gets to play with it when he sits on the potty. We have him sit right after breakfast. It has worked for us a few times now, everyday it gets a little easier for the poor guy. I hope this helps!
Good Luck!
~K.

When my son did that, we made him clean out his own underwear in the sink. Man, he hated that. Never a problem again!

We had the exact same issue. The bad news is that nothing we did had any impact either (and we tried it all), but the good news is that about a week after his 4th birthday, he decided he was ready and we haven't had a single problem since (he is now 5 1/2). "They" say the child will do it when they are ready, and I guess that is right. Just hope it is sooner rather than later.

By the way, our second child also is a daughter, 2 years younger. She is now 3 1/2 and has been pretty much fully trained since before her 3rd birthday. This one was much easier - hope this will be the case for you, too.

Sorry, I don't have any advice, only encouragement. Hang in there! I am going through the very exact same thing with my daughter who will turn four in September. Mastered the peeing, but the other is becoming a tougher issue. We did have one success yesterday, only cause I was watching her closely at the time and saw her straining. Told her to stop pushing (with a firm but loving voice) then carried her into the bathroom, and helped her get on. Otherwise, she would have taken her time, played with a toy on the way, and have it already done, before she even thought about getting on the toilet.

This happened to a friend of mine. Someone eventually bought her son underwear with a cartoon character on the butt, and the kid didn't want to poop on the character. Who knew??

Rest assured, he won't be pooping in his pants at 20. With any luck, he'll have it down in the next couple weeks. For my son, it took finding that one thing that he placed a lot of value in. Someone mentioned video games, for us it was a treat. We referred to it as "Daddy's candy". My son almost idolizes his Dad and anything that Dad does is great. Think about things that your son LOVES, can't do without, and try that. Patience, it will happen.

Have you tried having your son run around the house with no bottoms on? That is the way I got him to go poop on the potty. He did not want to go on the floor and without underpants on he had no choice but to sit on the potty. I only had to do that for two days and he has been completely potty trained for over 6 months now. Just one of many ideas I am sure. Good luck, my son will be 4 in April

I have the EXACT same issue...my 3 1/2 year old son has been "potty" trained since his 3rd birthday but refuses to poop in the toilet. Bribles, rewards, poopy charts and treats have never worked...he just refuses to poop on the toilet. He asks for a pullup to poop in each time he needs to go, and if I tell him no and to poop on the toilet then he will withhold until he is constipated...which in turn creates a whole new problem! :( It's not fun and I feel your pain, but my son's pediatrician assured me that this is a "control" issue and my son will poop on the toilet when he's ready. For whatever reason, my son feels more "secure" pooping in a pullup than pooping on the toilet. I, too, am hoping that he's not 20 when he finally poops on the toilet! Hang in there and know that this is an EXTREMELY common problem...however, as a Mother, it doesn't make it any easier. I try to just take it one day at a time.

Oh I feel your pain! Our daughter, now 5, refused to poop in the potty until just after she turned 4. I like you tried everything and nothing worked. She would poop as soon as we put her in Pull-ups to take a nap or go to bed at night. This went on for about 1 1/2 years. And then finally she decided she was ready and started pooping in the potty and hasn't pooped anywhere else since. Now she still is sopping wet in the morning, but I figure she won't go to college in Pull-ups. Every other thing I've spent a great deal of time trying to fix has so far taken care of itself in time. So my best advice is to make pooping in the potty the least important thing in the world to you. Not easy I know! The other thing is make sure he isn't constipated at all, we had our daughter on Miralaxx for years at her pediatrician's suggestion. Good luck!

it must seem strange that for 2-3 years they poop in their diapers, and we accept it and essentially "diaper train" them to do it... then one day all of a sudden that's wrong and they are gross and they are supposed to go in the toilet. it sounds like he just hasn't learned to poop in a different situation yet. he's probably wondering why he can't just do it the same way he always has.

my son just started doing it on his own, when he was ready. i also tried lots of different potty training methods........ but the best thing i did was to STOP it all... take away all the pressure, put him in pull ups, and when he DID go all by himself i praised him and clapped and gave stickers and toys and all the positive stuff... but i just stopped trying to force him at all. once i put it in his court and let him have charge of his own potty-going... it didn't take long for him to get it and feel really grown up.

a few other things-- if you have any friends who aren't weirded out by it... let him watch some other kids go poop in the potty. or let him watch you or daddy. it really helps to normalize it and see that everybody does it. there's a book called everybody poops... maybe that would help? it has pictures of different animals with their poo... i know, kind of gross, but maybe it would help?

My son had that problem too. I was beginning to worry about how we would get the diapers in his trunk for college! What worked for us was getting rid of the pullups. Pullups were for our convenience, but my son just thought of them as a diaper and treated them as such. Once we went all underwear all the time, he maybe had three accidents and that was that. It also helped to have him sit on the potty while we filled up the bathtub. Sometimes the lack of us pressuring him was enough to make him relax enough to go. Sometimes he would be sent to poop (like after a while of extended tooting) and would take a book to look at while he waited for gravity to do its thing. ;)

Oh my! I went through this with my 2nd son (now 6 1/2). He was over the age of 4 before he quit. He evened pooped his pants on Myrtle Beach while we were vacationing. Needless to say wet swim trunks & p**p doesn't make for an easy cleanup job.
Anyway, I know how frustrating it is. My son is extremely strong willed & now we've found is only motivated by control. So, I really feel this was a control thing for him. We also tried everything - bribes, rewards, leaving him in dirty pants, making him clean himself up. Nothing made a difference. I think when I told him that I didn't care if he pooped in his pants anymore that something clicked. When I showed him that it wasn't bothering me as much as it was bothering him he finally decided to change.
Also, he would hold it for days (also a control thing), so the doctor gave us Miralax to put in his juice. It didn't take much & he was forced to have to go more often which also helped it along. This is such a difficult thing to deal with, so embarrassing and so frustrating. But, he will quit doing it before you know it.
It's definitely a personality thing I think. My oldest son was potty trained in a week & never had any accidents. My daughter was trained in 3 days and never had accidents. So, don't feel guilty and think it is something you're doing wrong! Best of Luck!

I dont think you should discipline him for this problem. Its his way of having some kind of control. If you have to, I would make him wear pull ups or something during the day. One of my nephews did this, and his mother put him in pullups. after a few times of poopin in his pants, he didnt do it for a week. Then she put him in underwear, and he was done with it. Then she rewarded him Hugely!!

I know it is hard, but do not respond with any kind of emotion. If you act like this is normal for him, and tell him you know he will poop on the potty like a big boy when he is ready, he will do it himself. Just let him help clean up after himself and have confidance that this will change. (The more emotion put twords it, the more attention he feels about it.)

Dear J.,

Sometimes these things just have to be the childs idea... My youngest daughter had tried and tried to potty train her 2 1/2 year old son... He wanted no part of it.....Well, big Sister and a friend of Hers were going to a special place of fun, out in Portland, Oregon where they live... Clayton told His Momma that he wanted to go with Audrey and her friend...
My daughter decided to use this to her advantage... She said well Clay, Momma would love to take you too but, you have to be big enough to use the potty... At that Clayton said to His Momma... " I'll go potty Momma "... My daughter said, " Well Clay,.. you show Momma that you're a big boy and go potty and we will see about it... From that day on Clayton used the potty, without a hitch... He wanted no help doing it either... The only time he would except help was when He had a poo-poo.... Wow, how easy was that...?
By the way,...Big Boy Clayton got to go with the 4 year old girls...

Hope things work out for you both, Gwamma Weeta, Indiana

Hi J.!
No..he won't be pooping in his pants till he's 20! My best advice, be patient...he will do it on his own time. It's kind of gross how we did it..but..when my husband or I would go, we would call our daughter in to flush (we were having the same problem) and we would have a flushing poop ceremony along with a "Happy Dance" too. It was absolutely hilarious and relieved some grief on our end! Good luck and hope it works! Also...he's not in any pain pushing is he? If he's not, when he's sitting, encourage him to push down just to practice. If he is having pain, have your pediatrician step in...

D.

My son responded immediately to this little fun thing we tried. See if your poopy can make a splash that gets your bottom wet. He tried, got so excited, kept pooping on the potty to hear the splash and see if he could get it high enough to splash his bottom. Silly, but silly things work! Good luck!

Hi J., I think he is pretty young to poop on the potty. It is
very rare for a child to be comfortable with #2 shortly after
#1. Just like adults, some children need time and work to actually push the poop completely out. On the other hand, some children barely sit down and have the bowel movement. Children do have to learn on an adult size potty which can be scarry because they are too small for the toilet. I'm sure you are frustrated to deal with poopy underwear. Focus on his empowerment. Like, when you poop on the potty you can chose what we are having for dinner/doing on Saturday afternoon, ect.
Avoid discipline, he may stop pooping all together(bigger prob)