Potty Training Backslide

I know she's older but I would put her back in pull-ups and tell her since she can't be a big girl and go in the potty that she has to wear them. It could be a control issue now and she just wants to control that aspect of her life. Good luck!!!

This can be such a control issue for some kids. It is the ONLY thing that kids feel they can truly control. One option would be to your child either back in pullups or an actual diaper. The intent would be that the child would want to get back to wearing "big girl panties" at which time you would have a discussion with her being that she can go back to "big girl panties" when she can use the potty consistently and not have accidents. It may take a week or so but she will reach that point of wanting to wear "big girl panties" again.
I would also not be afraid to take her into her Pediatrician Office to be sure that there is nothing medically wrong that would be the cause, just so you are sure.

I hope this helps!

Using the toilet is work. It is a skill. It is the first real skill little ones learn that is not driven so much my need or instinct. When the novelty wears off it is just work. Work to remember, work to get there in time, work to leave what you are doing and attend to that need, work to navigate the clothing and the toilet itself, work to clean themselves up, work to wrestle the clothing back on, work to wash up.

Before you child was potty trained that was a self maintenance job you took care of for them. Now it is squarely on their shoulders. Think of any new skill you have tried to acquire as an young person or and adult. There was the period of excitement and determination at the beginning towards the new skill or goal. Then the there was the reality of what it meant to really incorporate that into your life perhaps you experienced a period of backslide or slacking? Followed by rededication perhaps a couple of these cycles? Eventually you worked through it increased in skill and capacity and what was once difficult has now become routine.

I would guess that this is perhaps what your child is going through right now. Encouragement. Find out what the hard part of the problem for them is. Is it the leaving of something fun that they are doing. Is it remembering that they are not wearing a diaper or pull up. Is is work to get their belt or clothing unfastened.

I have a just barely six year old boy that really struggles with wiping effectively when he goes number two and so I still will help him with that if he needs me to. He can manage alright but sometimes it is still a disaster. So if he anticipates it might be messy he will call for me to come and help him. He tells me before he goes in my ear that he might need help so be listening. He never has an accident but he is very small for his age and trying to wipe while not falling in is tough because he is so little. In his mind is much too big for a potty seat but the balance required while wiping effectively can be more than he can handle.

Another little girl of mine was also very small for her age and was afraid of the dark. She could not reach the light switch in the windowless bathroom. She was also very prim and proper and modest she could not fathom the idea of leaving the bathroom door a crack so she could go. I was not always available to go and help her with the switch in time. This sometimes caused her to have an accident. I had my husband install a motion detector switch at the wall plate that when I was not immediately available would turn on when she walked in this helped her a lot.

My oldest would get too absorbed in what she would be doing. Sometimes she would come to me racing like a maniac to get to the restroom in time. She would pass me like a flash pausing for a mere second to say breathlessly in a panic "I can't get my belt undone can you help me" and then continue on barely making it. Sometimes not.

I would counsel against any negative or punitive tactic. I've tried some in the past and I always regretted it. This is just a little sweet person trying to figure out how to be the boss of this body of theirs. It can be tough. Try and figure out what the problem is if you can and work with your child to try and solve it.

I have a sister in law that made a little chart for her little boy who was four and still sucked his thumb. It was work for him to stop so she put it in terms him wanting to stop. If he filled up the chart, if he had thirty days without thumb sucking he got to get a new toy of his choosing. They bought the toy and put it on top of the fridge where he could see it. She asked him if he wanted her to remind him if she saw him start to suck is thumb. He said yes. So they had this little deal that if he didn't suck his thumb for thirty days he would get the prize. So is wasn't her scolding him to not do something that brought him comfort it was her reminding him that he was working towards the goal of not sucking his thumb for thirty days so he could earn the prize. It was his job to remember but she would try and help him to remember. I know that this is a different thing but maybe something similar would help you.

I can be tricky but the answer is out there. It make take a little intuition, inspiration and patience she and you will get it figured out. Good luck.

Has a close sibling just gone back to school? Last year my fully potty trained kid did the same thing when her older bro went to school. it took about 2 months to get back into the swing of things. I just did the same stuff we did to get her trained in the first place. Yes, you want to tear your hair out and maybe another Mom will have an idea for that. But for mine it was just the "stress" of losing a playmate. Sometimes "stress" will trigger a set back, she just might need the extra attention and knows thats a way to get it. Good luck with whatever you come up with!
J.

I was pretty impressed with what I read in Potty Training in a Day. By Terry Crane? I have used "Toilet Training in a Day" by Azrin with good success. Crane gives a lot of helps for the backslides. Our library had a bunch of copies.

I am wondering if she has a bladder infection? It's worth looking into since she is suddenly having daily accidents.

I will tell you what I did with my boy when I knew he knew when to go but would just go in his pants. He loves wearing shorts and says that if he wears pants he can't run fast. So if he peed his pants I would make him wear long pants for the rest of the day. He hated it and it only took 2 or 3 times for him to start using the potty. So my suggestion is to buy some boy underwear and if she pees in her girl underwear to make her wear the boy's kind for the rest of the day. If she's like any girl I've ever known she should hate this and want to do anything in her power to get out of wearing the boy's underwear. Just make sure you start new every day with the girl's underwear. I hope this helps!

This might sound bad, but it truly works. I asked one of my friends what she does and she says very calmly that she cannot buy anymore wipes to clean up with so instead if they potty in their pants then they have to clean up with a polar bear shower. Then when she messes her pants take her clothes off and stick her in a cold shower. Very calmly tell her that this is how she has to clean up when she potties her pants. It took 2 days and my daughter was potty trained. She only has accidents when she cannot open the bathroom door.

Hi C.,

You have gotten lots of good advice. Every child being different gives you lots of options. I have two small boys ages 4 and 2. They were both trained extremely quickly. They were each just over 2yrs. I hadn't planned to train them so early, but they each insisted that they didn't want to have a diaper any more. So I decided to train them. I dedicated one full week to each child. We didn't go anywhere. I set the potty up in the toy room initially so we wouldn't have to go far for my first son. Then once I knew he had some bladder/bowel control we started using the regular toilet. My second son wanted nothing to do with the litte potty and would only use the big potty and of course insisted on peeing standing up like his big brother and daddy. My oldest was trained in 3 days, and my youngest was trained in 1 day. ( I know that sounds impossible but it is true.)

The kicker is the way I trained them. I have shared this with all of my friends and they have had very similar results. No one has taken more that a week. You must dedicate yourself though. This is so easy. From the time they wake up until the time they lay down for a nap or bed time, keep them naked from the waist down. Load them up with fluids all day, take them to the potty every half hour for the first half of the day with lots of praise, love, hugs, kisses. Then the second half of the day every hour. Then progress from there.

You can watch their body language to help you get them to the potty quickly. If they start to pee or poop run them to the potty which is only a couple feet from you and they realize that is where they are supposed to go. My boys acually started to run to the potty after the first miss. Having their pants off all the time doesn't allow them to get comfortable in a pullup. I reinfored this behavier for 3-4 months. Any time we where home, their pants were off(unless we had company)and they never had any problems. I did put diapers on them during their naps and bedtime until my oldest told me he didn't want to ware them anymore, he was 2yrs 10 mo. He has never had an accident. My 2yr 8mo. old has just told me that he doesn't want to ware his diaper to bed anymore either, so we will see how this goes this week.

Anyway, It worked extremely well for us and my friends. Both of my boys were trainded at 28mo and 26mo during the day.

Good Luck,
Shannon

Also, I put the small potty in the car when we were out just incase. We used about 10 times. I was very happy we had it with us.

your daughter may be constipated or may have a voiding dysfunction, go to the bathroom with her to see if her bowl movement is hard and difficult to pass if so put her on a high fiber diet and also use a laxative. If the stool was soft and easy to pass then she may have a voiding dysfunction The best thing to do is walk her to the bathroom every 2 hours and have sit on the toilet to urinate, this will help retrain the bladder. If in two weeks if either of these is not working you may want to talk to you pediatrician. My daughter 5. I could not get her to potty train until just after her 4th birthday in April 2007 she was dry until May 2008 she would have accidents 8-10 times a day we took her to her pediatrician and sent me to pediatric Urology. Taking her to the bathroom every two hours was what they suggested and it worked.

I had the same problem with my 3 year old son. I took him to the store and let him pick out any underwear he wanted. He got really excited about the GLOW IN THE DARK SPIDERMAN UNDERWEAR! I calmly explained to him before we purchased it that he couldn't pee on Spiderman, and if he did I would take it away.
He was REALLY excited about the whole "glow in the dark" concept. And it worked! We went home, put them on and he has been good.
If you let her find panties she is really excited about, princess, glow in the dark, maybe try silky panties... just something SHE LOVES!
If you're using pull-ups, take them away. They are TOO absorbent so the child won't feel uncomfortably wet. They need to know what WET feels like wearing, so they don't want to be wet.
Bottom line, whatever you try, the child will eventually be trained. It will just be on her time! So be patient!

I know that she seems like a big kid, but she's still a little tiny kid. She's not completely ready for the potty. In the back of her mind, she understands that potty training means letting go of being a baby, and that's not a happy thought for her right now. I would suggest discussing this as little as possible, giving her pull-ups, and living your happy life. Very soon, you will notice that the pull-ups are dry.

In the grand scheme of your total life, a 3.5 yr. old kid who wets her pants is about a one on a scale of ten. You can do this!

My oldest daugher was the easiest thing in the world to potty train, BUT then came along my son. It was a nightmare. He was potty trained on #1 for a VERY LONG year and a half before he got the hang of #2. My youngest (another daughter) is 3 1/2 and just barely got the hang of it about a month ago but it was an overnight deal. She didn't seem to care one bit about going potty, regardless of the reward, sticker chart. etc. etc. One day we were at my sister's house and she had a poopy accident. I threw her underwear in the garbage (no way I was taking those smelly things home in the car). Several days later we were back at my sister's. My little girl asked me if i was going to throw her underwear away again. I told if they were poopy I had no choice. During the visit she came running in saying she needed to go. She made some poopy in the toilet and literally has not had an accident since!!! It just clicked. What have I learned? Kids do it when they want to and not one minute sooner. I know how horrible potty training is!!! That is one of the reasons I am done having kids - I never ever want to have to do it again!!!! Good luck though.

I have read a lot of these requests as my nearly 3 year old has also back slid to wetting all the time after being trained nearly a year and that was pretty easy. It seems to me these are the most popular tactics to "second time around trainging": 1. start all over by taking them a lot, staying home, and even having them go naked waist down (I did the taking him to the potty every 30 minutes for a bout two days and then he seemed to be fine during the day time with only occasional after naps.) 2. Blame it on growing and stress (my little guy is very little and doin a lot of growing into his three year old body all at one time and that has to be his issue...body needs calories bu bladder has not caught up. also the stress thing, we had a lot of relatives in and out at the end of summer, hi dad was gone for a week on a trip, and he started 3 year old preschool...who wouldnt be stressed. 3. blaem it on allergies. (Mine already dairy free but could be seasonal as he is pretty bad right now...but I don;t see the connection) 4. Put her in pull-ups. (I don't recommend this. We use a daytime pull up at night because the stress of having to change sheets was adding to the stress he already had. and doing this actully helped him stay dryer. He is actually more dry with a pull-up at night and not worrying about it. We get excited when we can use it a second night! He is also trained to go by himself right when he gets up and change into underpants that we have in a drawer next to the toilet to make it easy for him to change his pants.) 5. Get harsh (didn't try this but like the idea) put her in "uglies" if she wets and then he a clean slate and try again the next day. 6. Muddle though. I say reduce stressors, do a pull up at night if you think it would reduce stress, teach to clean up her own mess and put her under pants in the washing machine, take her more often again, and be patient.

My advice... drop it altogether, say nothing more. Let her clean it up and change her clothes. Don't make it a big deal. Depending on how recently she was potty trained, I might put her back in pull-ups and let her decided when SHE is ready (not when YOU are ready). You won't win this battle.