Potty Training 3 Year Old Daughter Who Doesn't Seem to care....please Help!

Updated on May 23, 2011
B.S. asks from Hartsville, SC
12 answers

I know there are probably posts already out there about this, but I don't have time to sift through everything right now. My daughter turned 3 last month and she really has very minimal, intermittent interest in potty training. And to take it a step further, she doesn't really seem to mind when she is wet or has poop in her diaper about 75% of the time. The other 25% she is either aware or may even be bothered by it and want to be changed. But lately we are finding her with dirty diapers that she's had for a while. My doc says that if she can follow directions then she is ready. She has had some minor speech issues in the past, but is fine now (though not very articulate and does struggle with some sounds/letters) and she may have some very minor sensory issues. She's always been very active. I kind of wonder if she is trying to squeeze in more play time and just doesn't want to take a break? She will even say "no" when asked if she has a dirty diaper...even when she does (not every time, but it happens).

So, we are looking for some advice. We've tried putting her in big girl underwear and that has been problematic because we also have a 7 month old that has required a lot of attention with his tummy issues (which also affect his sleep). I end up forgetting that she is in the underwear and she doesn't seem to make it to the bathroom in time (or at all) when I am tied up with the baby.

We would like to dedicate the upcoming memorial day weekend to potty training her. We are prepared to give her 100% of our attention between the 2 of us and just get over this hump. She started preschool about 3 weeks ago and even that doesn't seem to phase her. (She is in a older toddler class with a mixture of potty trained and diapered kids who are all around age 3.)

I have been looking at books on Amazon and would download a kindle version to get our research going, but even there it's hard to wade through. I have heard about taking her every so often, going around naked, etc. We're willing to try whatever but we don't want to stress her out (too much) and we want to have a plan. Otherwise, as sleep deprived parents of a baby not sleeping through the night and an active preschooler, with no family/support in the area, we will probably not do very well. :-)

Thanks in advance for your help! We are looking forward to only buying diapers for 1!!

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S.M.

answers from Miami on

My daughter "did not have time" to go - she rather be doing more fun things!! I bought her (from Disney Store) the Snow White and Friends group (about $10 - $12) and made these "only play while you try to go potty toys" the moment she was finished "trying" we took these away and put them away then when she would "go" again we took them out again. (I would "play" with her a little while she triied to go. Well this was the only thing that finally did it. Now she no longer needs the toys in the bathroom and all is well.

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K.L.

answers from Redding on

Dont listen to the Dr,, listen to your daughter. Shes not ready. There shouldnt be a big hurry.

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M.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

Well when I trained my twins I tried it when they turned 3 because I didn't want to buy diapers anymore, well it didn't work. Some of my moms of multiples told me to have the potty chairs around so they know about it and tell them what they can do in it and to just give it time. I gave them time and within a few hours they were both trained it wasn't until they were closer to 4. Good Luck!

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B.H.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter was almost FOUR before she was trained! She had absolutely zero interest. She had always been incredibly bright -- but is also incredibly stubborn. I let it go and didn't force the issue, but occasionally when she would say she wanted to do something/go somewhere (school) I used the opportunity to say "that's for big girls who use the potty). Finally SHE decided it was time and there was no "potty training" involved at all. She just woke up one day and said she was ready for big girl panties and that was that. Oh.. and she never used her potty chair either, just hopped right up on the big potty.

I will say tho -- that I did promise her when she did finally decide to go -- that we would have a big party to celebrate. I kept that promise. Should have seen the look on the face of the bakery lady when I ordered that cake. Luckily we have good friends who were happy to attend such an unconventional celebration.

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S.S.

answers from Miami on

There is no such thing as minor sensory issues. The child either has them, or they don't. This is the biggest contributer to the potty teaching process. You cannot "devote a weekend" and hope this will work. My suggestion would be to find a pediatric occupational therapist who works with SPD and integrates primary reflexes as well. This will be the best move to ensure your daughter succeeds in life and school. We have some awesome ones up here in Broward, not sure about Dade. Always correct the root issue not the symptoms.

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R.S.

answers from Tampa on

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but she isn't ready. I have learned after 2 children that they let you know when they are ready. You can try to convince them and encourage them, but the bottom line is they must be ready and they are the only ones who know that. Doctors can tell you they are ready at a certain point or age, but what they tend to forget is that each child is different, even 2 of your own. I tried and tried to get my daughter to want to be potty trained when she turned 3. She could if she wanted to, but she didn't seem to want to. I thought she was just being difficult, rebellious, maybe something was wrong, I thought all of it. But what I didn't find out until later is they will when they are ready. AND, the more you push them, the less interest they seem to have in it. Of course this is also different with each child. But as soon as I stopped pushing my daughter, BAM, she was then potty trained. BUT with my son, it didin't work that way. The best advice I was ever given is just be patient, there is nothing wrong with them, they will get there when they are ready. Good luck.

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L.W.

answers from Miami on

I've potty trained 4 kids, that certainly doesn't make me an expert, but it helps me understand. You do need to make time to devote solely to potty training. Take her after every meal, anytime she wakes up, and before leaving the house, after getting home, etc. Without fail. After a week, if there is no improvement, then just drop it. Try again in a couple weeks, and if it's not done then, drop it again. Yeah, it's awful and you'll get nosy people who will ask why your 3 year old isn't potty trained. But none of that matters as much as your daughter. I have NEVER (I'm 32) met a child over 4 who was not potty trained unless they were mentally delayed. If you can't potty train her, something will happen. She will see friends in panties, or become embarrassed because she and the baby or both in diapers. And when that happens, she will decide she's ready.

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A.M.

answers from Orlando on

I have 4 kids under the age of 5. My 4 1/2 is potty trained & I am currently working on our 3 yr old son while nursing our 2 month old & chasing around our 18 month old. I know what you mean about forgetting one is in underwear. I also know what you mean about the child not seeming to care about soiling him/herself. My daughter was mucher easier & motivated. My son could care less most of the time. I recommend a timer. Set it for every 10-15 min. Then increasse the time by 5 min, every few days as she seems to cooperate. First you will have to keep taking her. Then just tell/remind her to go (don't ask, she will almost always say no) when timer goes off. The idea is that she will at least eventually condition herself to go when the timer goes off. Then hopefully go potty w/o the timer. The trick is to remember to reset the timer right away every time. Good luck!

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B.R.

answers from Naples on

http://drphil.com/articles/article/264/. Here is an article by Dr. Phil - potty training in one day! When I was potty training my daughter a few years ago, it was very frustrating because she would go #1 on the toilet, then go around the corner and do #2 in her pants! I had offered her all kinds of bribes to no avail. We babysat a friends 2 Beta fish for three weeks, and she really enjoyed looking at them, talking to them and feeding them and was heartbroken when they went home. I told her that if she went #2 in the potty for 1 week with no accidents (on purposes) then she could go to the store and pick out the Beta fish of her dreams. Worked like a charm and the following week we were the proud owners of a new fish and were no longer buying pull ups! Interestingly enough a few months later there was an episode of Dr. Phil where some parents were having trouble training their son....they had a new truck in a package on a shelf in the bathroom and promised it to him if he would use the toilet...to no avail. Dr. Phil asked them if he had any other trucks...of course he did, so Dr. Phil said that the new truck would never work because he had others, & suggested that they find his "ticket price" or his "hot button", not just another something of what he already has.....as it turns out that is the tactic that I had used months prior and it worked immediately! Good luck!

J.M.

answers from Orlando on

I agree with some of the other responses; she's probably not ready yet and she will train quickly when she is ready!! I had that with my daughter, too--at 2 1/2 she started showing interest but then completely lost interest and wet/soiled her panties all day long. So it was back into diapers for a while. We stopped talking about it and then maybe 2 months ago she started asking for panties again. Now she is fully trained (she turned 3 this month). So it could be next month or next week that she will be ready! I understand the push to get her out of diapers--we had that, too, but I think that the more you push the more they push back, you know? Especially if there is a baby in the picture and they are trying to figure out if they are "big" or "little" when really they are both.

You could try the fast-track potty method, which is basically where you stay home for 3 days, give your child lots and lots of drinks that they enjoy, and take them to the potty every 15 minutes until they start to make the connection and go on their own. I never tried this because honestly I thought it was easier and better to train them more gradually, but it does seem to work for people who use it. Good luck!! She'll be out of diapers before you know it.

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Get some potty videos to get her interested, we had one called Potty Power and another about a bear named Glen. Let her go naked from the bottom down when possible and when not possible put her in thick cotton underwear so she feels wet. They really don't feel wet in diapers or pullups. Make sure your preschool is on the same page as you are in training. My son's preschool counteracted my training efforts by insisting he wear a pull up and he became very confused. Find a reward that she wants (this took a long time for both of my kids, but my daughter finally settled on tastycakes which she called her potty treats, and my son had a jar of miniture candy that he could pick from). When she does go, make a big deal out of it. My nephew was 4 and still not trained because my SIL claimed he had no interest in it. I had him for the weekend and told him that I really didn't want to change poopy or pee pants and every couple of hours I directed him to the potty and he went without issue. So I really think this becomes a parent child issue. I know that there will be many people that don't agree with me, but I also don't believe this notion that children can't be trained until they are "ready" or 3 1/2 or 4. When we were young we were all trained in the 2's. I think it was because back then they had the icky cloth diapers that made us uncomfortable. My kids were both trained a month after turning 3, mostly because of my son's arrival complicating things for my daughter and the preschool interfering with my son. With both, they had what I call the lightbulb moment. They had consumed massive amounts of liquids and I knew they were going to burst and I insisted they go to the potty. They suddenly felt it and we made such a big deal about it that they kept on going after that. My daughter was stubborn. I still had baby gates up and I wouldn't let her leave our kitchen until she went. After a 5 minute standstill, she dragged her potty over, sat on it, peed, and said "fine, you happy now?" Had I known that was what it would take I would have done that months ago. Whatever you decide, just be consistent about it and good luck!

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