POSSIBLE move...again!?

Sounds like military life. You get to stay anywhere from 2 to 4 years at a place depending on your job. About the time you get settled in and know where everything is in the town/city you get orders to move.

Sometimes you have to think of the moves as chapters in your book of life. Every move is a different chapter and chance to start over and make new friends and do new things.

If you do decide to put your foot down you will have resentment and possibly a divorce. Your husband has high hopes and he is trying to get there to provide for you and your family. This is what he knows and the only way he can explain it to you.

Yes, there will come a day when you do not move and the big van does not show up at your front door to take your things away and you will cry. I know I did when I realized they would not be coming to my door any more.

Just sit down together with paper and pen and draw out where he is going and what you want and how the two of you will make these needs complete. How many years, how many more moves and when it will end?

Good luck.

the Other S.

PS I knew that if I didn't get along with a neighbor one of us would be gone soon and we could put up with the dfifferences for that year or so.

I am not in your boat...yet...but my husband's company's main branch is in a different city. It looks like they may be closing the location here...and I am trying to figure out how I would react if they told him they would keep him on if he relocates to main branch headquarters. He likes his job well enough and the company does big work...

I love our house and school and doctors...etc etc etc...

So I really feel for you that you have moved so many times already.

With the questionable economy we really have to think long and hard about if he could find something else here or if staying with the current job/company would be better...

I am sending you a hug...and maybe will be asking for moving tips soon!!!

Ugh. I know that you have big challenges with your son and as a mom, I can see why moving is a huge thing to ask. I would bet your H doesn't understand what he is asking. When you have a set up for your son to be successful, you don't want to mess with it. I think if you didn't have these challenges, you would be happy to move.

I think H does need to look at the whole picture. He kind of sounds ADD.
Do the whole Pro and Con thing with him in writing. Family stability does count.

Do your own seminar. Three topics, family stability, family long term planning, meeting life goals vs individual growth.

Financial stability doesn't have to come at the cost of a family. You can find other ways.

same story here. we just moved to sc 2 months ago. been moving every couple of years. i have to say this last move is doing me in. kids are missing their old school and friends and i am lonely too. next time my husband says we are moving i will show him the door.

I don't have any experience with excessive moving, but I guess my question for you would be:

Are you going to resent him for this in the future?

If you are going to resent him for this... Not worth it. Sit down and talk to him and just lay everything out on the table.

If you aren't going to resent him for this, still tell him how you feel about it and that you would really like to settle down in one place eventually (Although give a more definite deadline, like 'before the kids are in high school' or 'before the kids have moved out'... You know how men are ;) ), but also tell him that you are willing to do a couple more moves before then if he HAS to do it to move up in the company.

M.,

You need to sit down with your husband and discuss the fact that your son is now school age and needs some stability. Even the military usually doesn't move people more often than every three years!

I would let your husband know that he has an obligation to his children to provide some amount of stability and that means not moving so often. Tell him that you will not move before the end of the school year and that future moves need to be discussed as a family before he agrees with his boss to a move. He needs to practice saying "I am extremely flattered that you thought of me for XYZ but I need to discuss this opportunity with my wife."

Yes, you can tell your husband to turn something down - but I am not sure whether he has already committed this time.

C.

Wow, must be difficult either way. We moved around 3 times when I was a kid and it was difficult for me to become close to people because I knew eventually, I'd have to leave them behind. This alone would give me pause in my decision to move, since I have been in that situation.

I would consider how your son feels in addition to the moving up in the career part of it all. If your husband's paid well and you have enough $ to save up and get a house, I'd stay, especially if your son loves his new school, friends, and doctor. If his salary was the pits, maybe then I would say to give moving a bigger priority, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

You never know, eventually, his career can still move up even if he decides not to move. I think your son needs some degree of stability, considering you have moved 4 times in 3.5 years. That's a lot of moving for any child to deal with. Why change a situation in which you're all happy?