Should We Even Consider This?

Updated on August 22, 2018
C.T. asks from Red River, NM
22 answers

I am asking you all this because I don't know what to think! My husband got a call yesterday by people wanting him to apply to a job in Idaho at a national lab. It's a job sort of similar to what he does now (at a different national lab) but much higher up in the rankings. They said they have heard great things about him and the salary is very generous. They want him to give them a resume this week and next week they will fly him up for an interview. My first thought was no, we do not want to move. The kids are happy and have friends. Our son is going into high school and has a great friend group. Our daughter is going into 3rd grade and is excited about her teachers and soccer starting up. I do not want the pain of moving and starting new where I don't know I like my job and work with very nice people. BUT...this is a very prestigious job they are offering him and the salary is DOUBLE of what he makes now. It's crazy. Because this would be an excellent career move for my husband and because of that crazy salary it makes me I wrong to not want to move? My husband wants to do whatever I want. He understands how hard it is for kids to move because we just went through this 4 years ago...moving to another city for a job change for him and then moving back last year (it was kind of like a sabbatical). He said he cannot apply unless we are willing to go there. He doesn't want to lie to them and apply just to apply. Argh. I kind of don't know what to think. If I decide no we do not want to move is that a bad choice? Are we passing up an amazing opportunity? Those of you who know the emotional pain of moving know how hard it is...our kids had a very hard time. When he did that change of station and we all moved...I said afterwards that we would not move again until the kids were done with high school. That it is too hard on them and they deserve some stability for the rest of their school days. Let me know your thoughts on the matter. Thanks!

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So What Happened?

-----Added - So, he did not get the job. I spent a week worrying about this for nothing!! -----
Wow, thanks have given me a lot to think about. It's not a's someone there at the National Lab that is doing the hiring. They know about him because for his "sabbatical" when we were in DC for 3 years and he worked with many people at different agencies and made many connections. They said they want him to apply and he would be one of 8 they have out to interview NEXT WEEK. They want him to start in September!! The salary would be amazing for paying for college. I don't know what his chances are...for all we know they have someone else much more qualified in mind but they have to interview a certain number of people. Our kids start school's crazy to think about this.

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answers from Portland on

I suggest you don't have enough information to decide until he has the interview and learns more. They won't expect him to know if he will take the job before an interview, especially when there are 8 people being interviewed. He will get more information. If he decides no to take the job if it's offered they have a second choice.

I suggest you compare the short term difficulties with the long term advantages. I suggest that the children will benefit with Dad's opportunity to grow in his field and earn twice the salary.They will also grow and learn beneficial skills to use their entire lives. Life is constantly changing. Protecting them from that reality isn't always good.

You said with the job.change you.will have money for college. That is important for them. Learning to accept.change and adjust is also important.

Think about why.they were unhappy.for three years can change in the next move if there is one. I suggest 3 years.of unhappiness indicates that they need a different approach next time. I also suggest it's.possible that parenting is too child centered with the belief that they should be protected from change. I believe that parents.must consider what is best for the whole family. The adults continued growth is as important as the children's growth. Children lean.about life from their parents.

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answers from New York on

I would have him apply. Go for the interview and see where it takes you! You mIght move and he will have amazing pay. Or they will pick someone else and you will stay where you are. If my hubby was offered a job with double the pay I would start packing. Schools here are Bottom of the list and he wants to move but I stay because he has no jobs lined up so it's uncertain if he could get a job and I can't move not knowing.

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answers from New York on

Maybe I'm misunderstanding but it sounds like the *last* move was the one you shouldn't have done, if you wanted to only move your children once during their schooling...uprooting everything and then returning a year later.

This new salary sounds like it would be great for paying for college!

Realistically, if he does apply and gets the job, it sounds like he might just have to "travel for work" a lot this coming year. I mean, doesn't school start any day now? If they offer him the job in six weeks, are you going to shop for houses in October and move in November? *That* sounds disruptive to everything.

My feeling is, if he gets the job he should just get himself an apartment in Idaho and "travel for work" this coming school year. Less painful than moving everyone in November. And then by next summer you'll know how the new job is going and you can talk about buying a house in Idaho. Also the kids will not be surprised to hear the news by that time, if they are aware that he is traveling to Idaho all year this year.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Okay- I can give you personal information here.

Idaho Falls is a BEAUTIFUL town - however - it's NOT close to airports - Jackson Hole, WY is about 65 miles away - that's the biggest.

The schools there are great!
The cost of living is moderate

The job that your husband does is a skilled professional. He will get paid for his skills and clearance - if he doesn't have one? He will get one.

I know people who live there. One owns a business. Three WORKS at Idaho Labs. And the others are there because of family.

If you love the outdoors? That is the place for you!

Send me a message. I can give you more information.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

We moved back to Houston when our daughter was starting her Junior year in HS. Our son was going into 7th grade. It was rougher on him. Not because of the move but because I decided to go back to work. That is what was rough for him. I truly believe it is how you as the parent handle it. IF you're upset and miserable, they will be too. We promised the kiddos a house with a pool and we got a house with a pool. They were very happy and settled quickly.

I moved a lot growing up. My Mom made it an adventure for us. Again, I think it is how you present it and how you act. All the in attitude. Personally, I'd have him send the resume and when they fly him up, can you go too?

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answers from Boston on

You can't decide now because you don't have all the information. This is a good opportunity to teach your children (at least your son) about how to respond to challenges. So, let your husband go on the interview and check it out, and even see if this is for him.

If he likes it and gets an offer, he can tell them he has to talk to his wife and explore what this would mean for the family. Maybe they won't give him an offer - but he will go down on their list as someone who wouldn't even have a professional discussion with them. That's terrible for his reputation.Moreover, interviewing is terrific experience.

Meantime, a good interview (even if there's no offer or if he declines one), he's on their radar as being a great candidate. That info is available through recommendations to others. That's how people move up the ladder. Saying, "No, the kids and I are the boss and we don't like change" (even if that's not what you feel - it's what others may think) will limit your husband's chances in other situations.

I think you have the cart before the horse here.

You don't need to panic, and you don't need to panic the children yet. But there are mamas on this board who will tell you they have moved a lot, and that they (and their kids) gained positive experiences and strengths in many cases. Moving can be stressful and it may not be a good idea. It may also build resilient kids and give them wonderful experiences. Don't decide yet.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I'd take it. I look at it this way: your years raising children are finite. Although we are always "moms," there comes a time (hopefully) that they start making choices that are best for them. It sounds like your one son is just a few years away from that age, and realistically, your daughter isn't far behind. However, this could be the job that makes your husband's retirement double, or is the job your husband has for the rest of his life, or the job that leads to the job of all jobs.

I think that so many moms today get caught up in the parenting role, they forget about the fact that hands-on parenting isn't forever, and they throw away opportunities for their future for the sake of their kids' "now".

Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

kids may well 'deserve' stability, but stability comes from the family structure, not where they live. military families aren't unstable because they move a lot.

there are pros and cons to everything. we moved to a small town in the country where most folks have been here for generations and this is where my kids grew up. they do have roots and friends here, but they also left with relief when they were old enough for college because they were excited by the new environs but more importantly to live around people who didn't have the mindset that nothing should ever change.

there's no way i would NOT at least explore this opportunity.

putting down roots and delving deeply into a community you love is wonderful.

so are new adventures.


3 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

This is tough and I get why you're struggling. But yeah, I think you should consider this move. I think he should apply and you should consider it. Considering it doesn't mean you are absolutely going to move there. He has to apply to know about the job, the details, the work environment, etc. and what they are telling him on the phone, needs to be put in writing. If after an interview or two he still wants to pursue it then you need to fly out there, probably without kids, and see for yourself.

We just moved last year and it was huge for us, mostly me, and the kids of course, but there is a ton of stress and emotion to consider. If your oldest is just about to start HS, then this is a pretty good time. It would be different if that child was a Jr. or Sr. 3rd grade is also a pretty good time to move. At that age kids make friends easily and it's harder on you than them once they start school, but at least in elementary you will still have opportunities to meet other families easily.

This could be life changing for your family and your husband's career.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

My husband turned down a job offer like this with a move.

One thing to consider is what's the cost of living, cost of housing, commute, etc. there.

For us, when we looked at his salary there (double) it really wasn't - when you compared costs.

Then - there was the rest of the family. We were all happy where we were. I loved my job.

So we stayed put. We don't regret it.

I too have been offered jobs elsewhere. That we do wonder about - because it would have been closer to my family and we would have had more support.

I think quality of life - honestly - is often more important than just money.

There are 4 of you to consider here. Salary is one thing. Important yes, but only one factor.

ETA: I read through the responses and agree with the other moms - it's important to consider all factors - so if you need more info, he could apply and find out more information at the interview. We didn't make our final decisions until we'd gone that far in the process. I'm not sure how you can until you can weigh out the pros versus cons.

The only problem with that is if his company catches wind of it, and it could backfire if he doesn't get the job kind of thing.

You say your husband wants you to do whatever you want ... I actually wouldn't want to be in that position.

I agree it shouldn't just be based on the kids' social lives. Our kids switched schools (moved from one town to the next) and adjusted well over time.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Abilene on

I think it depends on what’s important to you and your husband. Is it likely he will have another opportunity for a “prestigious offer” like this one? Is he content to be in the position he’s in until the kids are graduated?

I’m from a different train of thought. I realize it’s important for kids to have stability. I’m my mind, that comes from parents, not schools. I understand it’s easier to stay put. Do you think your son and daughter wouldn’t make friends in Idaho? Is there value in kids learning there’s a great big world out there with opportunities to learn and grow?

I moved in my senior year and did fine. I’m not from the camp that kids should stay put and have the same friends from kindergarten through 12th grade. I’ve seen kids on both sides and i can’t see that it makes a huge difference.

My dad moved us to Spain when I was in 7th and my brother was a senior. Neither of us wanted to go (we had been in the same town with the same friends since kindergarten). It was very difficult at first. It turned out to be an incredible 5 years. My favorite memories are from there. My dad took the opportunity because he knew it was a once in a lifetime job. He beat out 30 other applicants half his age.

Honestly consider the opportunity your husband has. Compare cost of living so you know whether it is truly double the salary. There’s no right or wrong.

By the way Idaho is absolutely beautiful. I don’t know where your offer is, but where we’ve been was stunning. Think about all the places in the West you can travel to. 😊

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answers from Wausau on

My husband occasionally gets calls by headhunters. They often paint a nice picture with the best case scenario, such as high salary, but the reality doesn't always match up once the employer makes an offer.

IF he sends his resume and IF they like what they see, then he might be flown down. That isn't even a given yet. Only after he interviews and gets a real offer in writing will you have the info needed to make a decision.

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answers from Los Angeles on

While it's good think consider all the pros and cons, he hasn't been offered the job. He can send his resume and if they offer and interview, do the interview. When they actually offer him the job, then you can really consider your options with more concrete information. One step at a time.

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answers from Honolulu on

By the time my son graduated from high school, he had been in 9 different school systems (including a homeschooling stint) on 2 continents and in 3 countries. We have moved back and forth across oceans and cross-country for dh's job.

So, here are my thoughts.

At first we were hesitant. Like you, we wanted stability for the kids, and we thought it would be great to have a home town and for them to go to school with friends, year after year after year.

But for us, it wasn't an option, so we tried to look at it from another angle. We realized that schools may change (administration, staff, educational systems like when the school decides to become an IB school or a technology-oriented school). Teachers may change (they move, take leaves of absence, quit, get transferred). Students and friends may change (families move, kids get left back a grade or skip a grade, classmates take different paths and now aren't in the same classes). There are no guarantees.

So yes, we pulled our kids out and put them in one school system after another. They were each so different - languages spoken, styles of teaching, curriculum, everything.

But what didn't change was their basic family. We explained that life's circumstances are never guaranteed, but that mom and dad would do their best to keep some things as secure as possible. We made sure to keep some things really traditional - like serving their favorite ice cream on their birthday even though it wasn't a local treat. We celebrated holidays a little differently depending on the country we were in, but we kept the basic family traditions alive.

And as parents we really tried to keep our cool. We acknowledged that moving can be hard, but we tried to be positive. We let the kids pick out new curtains and bedspreads for new rooms, even though they were NOT my first choice!

And now in hindsight, it was all worth it. Dh was happy in his job, and my son is resilient, independent, unflinching when presented with a problem in his challenging career, and he has friends all over the world. His instagram looks like the United Nations. Dd also did well in her school experiences up until she got sick, so that's kind of a different story.

So my thoughts are: let your family, your beliefs, your traditions be your kids' security and stability. School is meant to educate, to teach, to inspire, not to form the foundation of your kids' lives. That comes from heritage, grandparents, parents, siblings, what you value that is lasting (character qualities, ethics, morals, religion, traditions that are passed down).

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answers from Anchorage on

I have literally moved all over the world to support my husbands career and have never regretted it. If it is a great opportunity for him and your job is one that allows you to do the same thing or something similar in the new location I would tell him to go for it.

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answers from Springfield on

"He said he cannot apply unless we are willing to go there. He doesn't want to lie to them and apply just to apply."

Tell your husband that agreeing to be interviewed and not being certain about the move is definitely not lying to them. That's what many people in his position would do, and the company expects this. They know that some of the candidates may not be willing to move, but they are inviting him to come and see.

The questions you ask are all valid. So are the questions that have been posted so far. The thing is, you might now truly be able to answer them unless your husband goes for the interview.

What does he have to lose by agreeing to the interview? If he goes and is offered the job, you can discuss the details. If he doesn't go, he may wonder, "What if?"

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answers from Minneapolis on

Did actually tell your kids you would not ever move again, or is it just something you thought to yourself after watching them in moments of hard times? I think I would go for it. Your son is going into high school (not just finishing up in the middle of senior year), which means he would a chance for a full high school experience in a new town. Your daughter is very much young enough in her school career to embrace new friends, teachers, places and experiences.

If you go, I would just encourage your husband to do everything he can to leave his current employer on good terms, generous notice, facilitate a smooth transition, etc. and hopefully, they would consider hiring him back if were to reapply in 2 years or so if you are all really not happy in Idaho. Same goes for your job if you would consider going back. But I would not TELL tell the kids "hey if it doesn't work out, we'll move back"

My guess is to expect a lot of initial angst and anger, but hopefully it will ease with a little time. Even though it may be costly, I'd plan visits back every couple of months on school breaks and holidays for awhile so the kids have some way to not totally lose their friendships and connections. And also maybe offer to invite a close friend or 2 to visit you in Idaho

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answers from Chicago on

You just found out yesterday, so you heads are still reeling. Sit down and list out the pros and cons. Do you need the double salary? Is your husband in a career where this would make his path better and more lucrative in the future? I have a feeling deep down he would probably like to take this interview. It's really putting a lot on you to make the decision. What are his true feelings? What does he think of what this will do for his career? He should tell you all this before any decision will be fair. I have known many people who have moved during their kids' schooling, and they were fine, not unstable. Take time to have a talk session with him where you both honestly state what you think and feel. I know it's rushed, but this type of decision deserves a thorough looking at.

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answers from Seattle on

I would not move.
You want to keep your kids in the same school with their friends. You like your job. Your daughter likes her teacher and her soccer team. BUT's the high-schooler that would keep me in my spot. High school is hard, it's hard to make friends (good friends) and I wouldn't want to move and make him try to start all over again.
Double salary is great...if you need it, I suppose.
But really? You know your kids best and you said it was very hard for them and that you wouldn't move them again. Keep your word.

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answers from San Antonio on

My DH was offered a move within his company. It would be three hours away from where we are now and they told him not to have them draw up a proposal for him a.k.a. new salary and benefits unless he was sure he wanted to take it because he was their first and currently only candidate. It would have more than doubled his salary and his benefits would have been great.

We sat down at a quiet dinner away from the kids and drew up a list of pros and cons. Together we talked about it. I had spend three days researching schools in the new area and places for the kids to join activities. We discovered that moving right NOW isn't an option for us as a family. BUT we were worried it would affect his current standing.

In your position he is one of 8 and even an interview is an honor. It sounds like you guys might be able to make the move. So, go have a quiet dinner and see if it is worth taking should he get it. I'd have him at least try...but get your ducks in a row first. Good luck!!

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answers from Norfolk on

The job sounds great.
I'm not sure I could take the winters in Idaho.
Really take a good look at what the climate/weather is like there.
I'm not sure anyone could pay me enough to move to Idaho.

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answers from Amarillo on

I would say go for it. There is no guarantee that he will get the job if there are 8 interviewing. This way he will know where he stands with his peers.

Also, you can do heavy researching about the area and what it offers you and the kids.

I know it is disruptive to move but it can become an adventure of a life time and a chapter in life. It is all on how you look at it.

There were times when I didn't want to move but hubby got orders that we would be changing locations. So we all moved. The packers came and our household items were boxed and shipped stateside or overseas.
My children have many memories of special things in each country and state that they talk about. They have friends from around the world and still keep in touch with many.

Remember the only constant thing in life is change.

Keep us posted on your decision.

the other S.

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