My 4 year old daughter has become painfully shy. Especially in social situations with lots of adults (like a crowded BBQ/party) she just clings to me. She'll play with other kids, but always wants me to come with her. As long as she can see me, she's fine. But if I walk off, she comes lookng for me, crying. She is in gymboree right now, and we go to the library story time a few times a week. She used to be in ballet and did great on stage, etc - but she lost interest (was in it for almost 2 yrs). She starts preschool in August, but until then, does anyone have any tips on how to prepare her for preschool and being away from me? My first son has always been an extrovert, he is at ease and very outgoing in any social situation, my middle child used to be shy, but outgrew it (he's 6 now). My daughter seems to be the most shy and clingy. She hides her face and doesn't talk to adults. It can be very uncomfortable for me, in a social situation when I want to talk to other grown ups, but she clings to my leg.
I understand that shyness is a personality trait, and not a fault, but I don't want it to hinder her. It's obvious she wants to play and interact, but is held back by fear.
Pick up "The Sensitive Child" at the library. Many insights in to this child's behavior. I am an introvert and regardless of what extroverts say its not inferior. In fact it has some really positive traits. Go Introverts!
Is there a Mom's Day Out program near you? They are usually only for a couple hours in the morning or afternoon and mimic what a preschool setting will look like. My kids went to one and loved it. My son is an extrovert and took to it just fine. My daughter had moments of separation anxiety, but it was a good way for BOTH of us to practice being away from each other. It is the worst feeling as a mom to walk away from your crying child, but it is truly the best thing to do. I used to sit outside for a few extra minutes where she couldn't see me or call the director a half hour later to check in. Usually she got familiar with her surroundings and engaged in the activities. Another friend of mine (in which I met at Gymboree ironically!) enrolled her child for this exact purpose because her son was painfully shy. Even at Gymboree, if the regular teacher was absent, he would get all upset and cling to his mom, refusing to participate. The MDO program really helped him a lot too and he hasn't had any problems since then.
HTH,
A.
Both my children were very shy at this age. Like most kids, my now almost 9 yo daughter is no longer shy at all and my 7 year old son is gaining confidence all the time. What helped both of them at your daughters age was to feel safe and comfortable. And it was a process. My son had a very difficult time leaving me for the first few months of kindergarten.
The teachers were very understanding and they helped him transition by coming right over and talking to him about what was happening at school that day.
Some teachers are gentler than others when it comes to shyness. It needs to be handled in a calm way so maybe talk to the teacher/director prior to her starting at preschool. Most programs will let you stay for a few hours the first few days. First participating and then sitting on the sidelines until she feels okay with you leaving.
Hi, I have seen alot of kids like that at the preschool that my kids attend. The kids will get very emotional when parents drop them off. Especially at the beginning of the year. Usually by Jan the kids are running into the classroom. Usually. From watching my friend go though this all I can say is get your child involved in activities. My friend started her son in peschool at age 2 (one day a week and parent stayed with child) the child was alittle better in the 3 yr program and now he's doing great in the 4 yr program. So like the other post said it may be a process. I would call the preschool teacher and ask him/her they will probably have a ton of ideas to help out over the summer and if your daughter feels the same way after the summer am sure the teacher has seen that before and will help.
Does she ever talk to adults or others? If not she may have a social anxiety disorder called Selective Mutism. You can google it to find out more.
Is she starting preschool in an all day class? That may be to much for her just starting out. Make sure you read lots of "first day of kindergarten" type books before school starts. Talk a lot about how much fun she will have and that you will come back to get her soon.
I have learning disabilities. I have a high iq but its hard for my brain to slow down to or be bothered with excess (useless ) information. One of the signs was that i was horribly shy. It could be a clue for her education.
I was incredibly shy towards adults. Its much better now. I understand about introverts/extroverts, personality and even silly things like your sign (Capricorn) which help me understand people better.
Today I can walk up to people I feel comfortable with. If people stand too close to me or tower over me and look down at me (like from over head) I feel like a little kid again and its freaky. I dont like for people to force me or to be in my space. Its the same feeling I get when I am in huge crowds, I just dont like them and become quiet. I like small groups of about five or less!
I see nothing wrong with her at the age of four wanting her mom to be in sight. The worst thing was when my parents (too me, it seemed) got angry or tried to force me to say hello. It just made the situation more uncomfortable. If you can make it light hearted for her and playful it will make the situation a bit better and easier.
Its a weird feeling anyway when you are shy. Try to say things like "oh you cant say hello" " hehehe r u hiding ...but we can still sEE YOU" in a teasing tone then let it go. Tell the adult she is a very shy good little girl. Throw a compliment in there too. Or say she is very shy now but she will out grow it soon. Making her realize that its not truly ok to be extremely shy but its encouraging her to open up a bit.
Taking her more places and allowing her to play with you out of sight with trusted people friends.
. At the library wonder off to behind a book shelf where you can still see her and when she starts looking around for you step out and wave then point to the teacher like she needs to pay attention. then be in site with your back to her. gradually stepping back out of her comfort zone. Hope this helps you both.
As long as she is living and growing, she will be around people. Give it time, she has to overcome on her own with encouragement from you, but do not force her. It will happen in time.
Hi M.,
someone sent me the enclosed Ted Talk about introverts. I have not watched it yet, but I trust the person sending me (she is an expert in early education).
http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introver...
Jilly
I suggest you try role playing with your daughter. If you are going to a party show her how to respond when someone says "hello" or "how old are you". Show her what it looks like when a child is hiding their face and not speaking up. You will probably get lots of giggles but she will get the point. When you go out to dinner, have her order her own food. If she doesn't want to speak up then she will miss out on dessert. (This happened to my daughter once and I felt so mean but I can tell you she learned a lesson and it never happened again. She always speaks up now and she doesn't even remember that incident). Take her to McDonalds for an ice cream Sunday then send her back to the counter to ask for an extra spoon. Have her answer the phone at your house. When you take her to the doctors have her announce herself. Let her give the cashier money at the food store if she is buying a pack of gum. Make sure she thanks the cashier.
I also recommend you get her in a drama class next year. My kids had loads of fun playing games that helped being them out of their shells:)
I've had friends with kiddos like that, and it is frustrating for Mommy when she has a cling0n during certain social situations.
You probably need to use a bit of psychology on her.
Prior to attending an event where you will want to socialize with the adults and she has kids to play with, really discuss it with her and tell her what you want her to do. Put a little picture of yourself in her pocket and tell her that while she's playing if she misses you for a minute to just take out her picture and look at you. Or tell her she can come check on you real quick, give you a hug and kiss and then go back and play again.
She needs you to validate her fear so she knows you understand, and then give her the tools to cope when she feels she needs to be with you.
Do some role playing at home and teach her how you would like her to be, use her siblings as the other role models.
If nothing works, you can still rest assured that she will grow out of this eventually.
