Pacifier Dilemma

Updated on January 30, 2010
T.C. asks from Vacaville, CA
12 answers

My son is 8 months old and LOVES his pacifier. I never really cared if he had one or not until recently when it has bcome a problem. he is not wanting it so much during the day like he used to but it is a necessity at nap time and during the night. Here is the problem, he uses it to fall asleep but once he is asleep the pacifier falls out and he wakes up.....I go in, give it back to him and pat his butt for 5-10 min. now this wouldnt be such a big deal except him happens many times during the night and neither of us are getting the sleep we need and his naps are not good! he knows how to put it back in his mouth but he will not do it during sleep time. please help.....

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So What Happened?

thanks to everyone for the ideas. we decided to go cold turkey and get rid of the pacifier. i already see a change for the better. however, during nap time when he wakes up after 15 to 20 min i go in pat his but for a couple min then leave. with him if he has a really mad cry i continue to go in every 10 min but if it is a soft 'im about to give up soon' cry then i dont go in due to the fact that if i do he starts getting mad again. am i doing the right thing? his soft cry can last a long time and just when it gets quiet and i think he finally starts getting to sleep he starts fussing again? how long should i go? should i rock him? pat his but? get him up? or just let him figure it out? this is so hard......

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T.C.

answers from Dallas on

I would suggest NOT giving it back to him. See if he can/will soothe himself. Even if he cries a little... pat him if it helps, but try without the passy. Either he'll find the passy himself, or he'll have to go back to sleep without it. Maybe he'll actually wean himself off it.

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J.K.

answers from Mansfield on

pacifier or not he has to learn how to sooth himself or you will never get him sleeping through the night or going to sleep on his own. So I would say maybe during naps (since at night right now I know you just want him to get back to sleep so that you can) let him be so that he can figure it out on his own. He will either put the pacifier back in his mouth and go back to sleep or he will find another way to sooth himself and fall asleep without it. Kind of like the "let them cry it out method" but that is way too hard when you are exhausted at night so start during the day. Or if you just want to break the pacifier habit all together, don't let him have it for nap time. My son gave up his pacifier completely (by himself) at about 9 months old, so he will soon need to learn so to sooth himself without it anyway. Hope this helps, I know you are one tired momma :)

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B.K.

answers from New York on

I hate to say this, because it's not easy, but let him cry. Right now, he's waiting for you to come in the room and give him the paicfier. He's old enough now that he can find it himself once it falls out. If you keep going in and getting the pacifier then YOU will never get any sleep.
My son never used a pacifier during the day. He only used it for naps and to go to bed at night, so I understand the need to have the pacifier.
Good luck!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Leave a bunch or pacifiers in the crib with him.
You said he "can" put it back in his mouth... but won't during sleep time.
Well maybe the problem is he doesn't want to or can't find his pacifier.
So leave a bunch of them in the crib with him, next to him. Then "show" him... what to do, and that all of them are right there for him.

But actually, as he gets older, he WILL do it himself, at will.

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D.K.

answers from San Francisco on

He needs to learn to find and put in the pacifier himself. leave several in the crib to increase the chances of him finding one. this is something he can do for himself noe.

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C.D.

answers from San Francisco on

eventually & probably soon, he will sleepily reach around the crib until he finds it himself and pop it back in his mouth....my daughter does this half asleep and it is adorable! :-) put a few in his crib for practice...good luck.

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B.H.

answers from Corpus Christi on

So sorry momma...but he is old enough to be finding his passy for himself right now..a little crying is not going to hurt him...I know you feel guilty, but he has to start learning to soothe himself one way or the other...Suppose you are on the toilet doing your business and he looses his passy...can you really say you can stop right in the middle of your mother nature call to attend to him? trying to be funny here, but that is what I have had to tell my oldest a time or two..after the first two she stopped asking..LOL There are some things you cannot put on hold to take care of sweet cheeks there, so it is time for him to try and soothe himself...Good Luck!

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L.L.

answers from Buffalo on

you may need to take it away...and let him cry. I know it's hard, but you need your sleep and it will be SOOO much easier now than later. We have an almost 1 yr. old who took a paci for months...around 8 mos. the same thing was happening to us- every hour and a half or so we were in her room putting her paci back in!! She ended up w/ a cold and we took it away because she couldn't breathe and she slept through the night and every night since without it!! She wants nothing to do with them now. I know it may not be that easy...but you will definitely get better sleep if you could get over this...

on the flip side we have a 2 1/2 yr old who is SOO attached to hers and we're wishing we'd gotten rid of it sooner...now it's a real challenge...Good luck!

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K.R.

answers from San Diego on

try to put him down w/o it occasionally. Start with a day his is super tired so he'll sleep sooner... if he cries a bit, let him and do like you do with sleep training ... (if he cries hysterically, then just let him have it!) You can also put him down early before he is very tired for a nap and leave the paci in the corner of the crib, lay him down and let him figure out how to fall asleep.

If your bedroom is just down the hall, close his bedroom door and if his cries are quiet they won't bother you so much (quiet cries are okay and normal for a baby falling asleep and going through sleep cycles), and if he really needs you you will hear his louder cry through the door and you can get up then... (no baby monitor needed)

Good luck on your precious sleep!

T.D.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi T., you have described exactly what I've been going through with my 8 month old son. The lack of sleep was doing me in! A week ago I decided to try letting him Cry It Out. He cried for 40 minutes, woke a couple hours later, at which time I went to him. I didn't say or do anything I just slept in his room and let him cry. I wanted him to know I knew he was upset but to see that I'm not going to do anything about it. It was a long night but it's the only time I had to do it. The next night he woke up once in the middle of the night. I turned on his music with a remote (plays for 20 min) and he went back to sleep without ever seeing me. Ever sence, he sleeps all the way through. It's only been 10 days, but so far so good.
Good luck!!!

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A.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with Lisa. It's time to go cold turkey and give up the paci. I did it with both my children and it was so much easier in the long run. I had a similar sounding situation as you with my son around 6 months. We were all losing sleep, and it was time to make a tough decision. I read online about other moms who went cold turkey, taking the paci away. The general consensus was, yes, it'll be tough for a couple days, but then he will learn to soothe himself and not become a long-term paci "addict." So, I went for it when he was around 6 months. It was a rough 1.5 days, between the night times and the nap times. But after less than 48 hours, we were done with it forever. And miraculously, he slept 11 hours through the night from then on. We were all so thrilled. I won't lie--it took extreme will power not to "cave in" and give it to him, just out of feeling so sorry for him and wanting so bad to end his discomfort. But each time I laid him down for nap/bed without it, the crying got shorter and shorter, until eventually he gave up and just went to sleep on his own. So glad we did it while he was young! And the same with my daughter at age 4 months. Good luck! Be strong!

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L.D.

answers from Modesto on

If you want to keep using the pacifier, then get a "attacher" for it. (not sure of the correct word here, I use "attacher") It's a ribbon that attaches to the pacifier at one end and to your childs clothes at the other. Originally designed so pacifiers won't keep falling on the ground when out and about, but I found they work great at night attached to pj's. Your son will soon learn to follow the ribbon (it's short-no strangling worries)and get the pacifier himself. Pacifier will no longer fall out of the crib which was one of the problems I always had. You can buy them at Target or just about anywhere. I have found them to be a lifesaver! The other choice is to just get rid of it altogether. Good luck!

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