Okay Moms Need Your Help

I think this is pretty normal. I agree, though, with the poster who said that intimacy can get you through some really bad times. I am pretty sure over the years it's what has saved us in a few instances.

It is normal to be exhausted...taking care of a busy boy and a baby girl, no matter how much sleep you get, is very tiring. However, you're wrapped up in caring for them, and your husband is likely wrapped up in caring for them and you (even if it's just by being the provider) and no one is caring for your husband, if you KWIM.

So my advice is to get in there and fake it. Even if you just do it once a week. He will be happier and you can spare 30 minutes (or less if he's typical) a week for him. And if you frame it with "I am doing this to show my husband love" then I bet your drive will come back to you at least somewhat. And even if it doesn't, and it's not "that good" for you, you can just tell him, "this is all about you, honey" and it'll be ok. :) You don't always have to have fireworks, sometimes it's ok to watch the show. LOL!

Good luck!

Do you have a sitter who can take the kids for a night? My hubby and I went through this and we tried something that really jump started our relationship again. Cheezy, but it really brought us back to eachother. We played an intimacy board game called ClimaXXX. After playing it, he realized that my o-zones changed a bit. Granted it didnt get us going back to a daily or even weekly schedule, but it helped us re-ignite the passion that we had that was laying dormant due to our new roles and responsibilities. That was when we made a pact that we HAVE to be intimate on some physical level AT LEAST three times a week. The release of endorphins have really helped me keep my energy up, and were bickering a lot less and laughing a lot more again. Not saying that that was a problem, but our roles had changed, and we forgot about "us" for a while. (wasn't realized till after we started this) You dont have to be sleep deprived to be exhausted as a mother of two little ones who are very dependent on you still. The adjustment is hard, but try talking to him about the possibility of sneaking in a quicky at different times rather than only at night when the kids are sleeping. I still usually say no at that time too because by the time they're sleeping thats what I want to be doing. I get dinner started before hubby gets home, and leave 45 minutes from the time he's home till we eat, and we set up the 2yr old in the play room, or his room for "quiet time", the 4 month old goes down for a nap, and he and I get it on while dinner's in the oven. That or he comes home for lunch 1 day a week while the kids are napping. At first it takes scheduling but once you get into it again, you find ways to sneak in what we call "mommy daddy time." Good luck...and don't worry you'll get your groove back, It just take's a little while to readjust to your new roles in your relationship.

I would say this is normal. I experienced sometime very similar. I found you just have to make the time even if it does not interest you, but make the time for your husband.

You may want to try and get away just the 2 of you. Have someone watch the children and make a long weekend out of it. We went to a bed and breakfast the weekend of our 10 anniversary and it was very nice. Our son was almost 4 and he stayed with my parents. During the day we went sight seeing, holding hands and just talking. It really refreshed the feelings of when we were dating.
You could also talk to your Doctor. there is medication you can take to help you get through this time. It could be a small depression you are going through. You may say "I don't feel depressed but often people are in a small bout of depression often don't realize it till later when it gets worse. You Doctor should be able to diagnose if that is it.

Good Luck...
S.

This really is a wonderful time in your life but physically demanding. Having little children really takes a lot out of you. But...you need to make time for your husband. You could start out with a standing "date night" My sister, married 32 years and 5 adult kids has had a standing Thursday date night w/ her husband for 25 years. Some days it's dinner and a movie, other times it's a long walk in the park. Your bottom line....You need to re-connect with him. I'm sure he loves the mother of his children but misses his "old wife very much". I'm sure that certain times of the day, you have more energy-even if you both just look forward to your children's weekend naps. It SHOULD bother your husband very much...and it NEEDS to bother you very much, soon. If you have trouble re-connecting with your husband, please see a professional so that you can discuss this. Don't take this part of your lives for granted - intimacy is very important in a loving relationship. I love my husband and I've known him for 28 years and we've been married for 20 years. Sometimes it's the only thing that has gotten my marriage through really tough times. Good luck to you!

Hi J.,
I agree with the others this is normal. Although you may not feel tired, you may be mentally and emotionally tired even though you are getting enough sleep. I agree you should try to spend some quality time with your hubby. See if you can find a sitter for a night, or better, a weekend, and re-kindle the romance when all you have to worry about is the two of you!!

I think it is very normal and extremely common! You are not only breastfeeding a baby, you have your son climbing all over you during the day too. It's nice to have a few hours a day without someone needing you or climbing on you. My libido did not start to kick back in until I had a regular menstrual cycle. I did force myself during those months to have sex, but my heart was never in it. What I found easiest for me was to shower in the morning with my hubby. I didn't do it everyday, but my he still looks forward to our morning showers. I did let my hubby know that it wasn't that I didn't want him, I just wanted some peace for the day, just no one touching me. I'm not sure if I will ever have the same desire I did in my twenties, but it does get better. So hang in there, grin and bare it for a few more months (buy lots of KY) and you will start to get back to normal.

Hi J.,

Your daughter may sleep through the night, but your 3 year old keeps you very busy I am sure. Your body is still probably trying to adjust back to its pre-pregnancy state. Don't worry, things will get back to normal. Sometimes we just get in these ruts!

C. T.

I have been there, I jokingly coined myself as sexually anerexic, it was rough, but our bodies change with each child and so do our hormones and we just have to work through it. Husbands dont understand because their bodies dont change like ours, it is rough. Try to plan a date night, not even to have sex, but to reunite the flame that was there when you dated, then the rest starts to come back. realized I had to be more than mommy, I had to be me again!

Hey J.,
I am in the exact position you are in. I'm a sahm of a boy who will be three in Dec, and a little girl who is almost 9 months. I am also breastfeeding and my sex drive is no where near where it once was. I am also tired all the time, and when I am in the mood it is usually strikes me at odd moments when my husband isn't at home or at times when we can't sneak away. go figure!! Anyways I find that sometimes....if I just "do it" I find myself in the mood more often, no matter tired I am. Besides, even if I'm not always there 100% I NEVER regret having done it and my husband is always in a better mood then. Hope I helped!! Send me back a message if you want to talk some more! D.

Has your doctor checked you for postpartum thyroid/hormone levels. Even a borderline problem can affect your libido.

Good luck!
Kris

Sounds like you've gotten some good advise. There are some books on the matter. Maybe you could check one of the out. ( Date night in a mini-van, we should do this more often, etc) It is important to make this a priority. And it is okay to do it for your hubby when your hearts not on fire with passion. Alot is pscyological, but a lot is the physical changes you've been through. Take some time for you individually and as a couple. Also when you are intimate, use lots of lubrication. Also you may want to initiate sex on days where you think you wouldn't mind it. That way you're not waiting on him, and hoping his timing isn't terrible. If you're not comfortable doing this, you could just really flirt heavily on those days. Also just get physical touch going, like a long kiss saying hello and good bye.