My husband likes to play pranks on my daughter and usually scares her to death and she ends up crying, I'm sick of this and it happens every weekend when he is home most of the time; he will hide behind a door or chase her making barking sounds which scares her to tears.
it's not just an innocent boo! and I'm starting to get worried about if this could affect my daughter overall anxiety levels or nervousness, do you have any experience or advise on this?. My daughter is 6 YO , maybe I'm overreacting but he is getting on my freaking nerves too.
Thank you mommas,
Thank you all so much for your responses, it's so good to know that I'm not overreacting about this issue. Believe me I would sooo love to scare the crap out of him and maybe I will, but for now this is what happened.
I sat him down and told him that I had discussed the "prank issue" with some friends and explained to him that their therapists have mentioned that this kind of behavior is bullying, cruel, and abusive; that could leave permanent scars on our daughter's emotional state, since she is jumpy all the time, just as some of you mentioned.
He really got wide eyed with this and I think he felt bad because I mentioned the words abuse and bully. I told him that our daughter cannot take it because she feels powerless and will not trust him; also in the future she will look for boys that will treat her in an abusive way, this really got to him.
I noticed he toned it down a lot and played with her in a fun way but not in a scary way. so I think your words made a change, I will keep an eye on him though. by the way, my dad also played horrible scary pranks on me when I was little, I never found them funny, I got mad at him and stayed mad for a long time.
Thank you all again, and have a wonderful Christmas!!!
Tell him to quit being such a jerk and next time he does it hit him on the head with a frying pan! Really that is so MEAN and it is deffinitely going to permanently affect her. It makes me mad just reading it!
You don't mention if your husband comes from a large family with lots of older or younger siblings, etc. Could be this is just the way he was raised, so he thinks nothing of it. Plus, boys and men all show attention by picking and teasing--my older brother was a pro at it! Teach your daughter to just ignore it, look at her dad & yawn & say "is that the best you can do?" or something to that effect. He'll get the idea that it's not working, and hopefully quit. Talk to him about it when you're not ready to pinch his head off--find out what he is thinking. He may think he's "toughening" her up for all the drama and teasing that goes on in school.
I too would be upset. Maybe you can ask him why he does this? It may be funny to him and he is only playing, but if she is that scared and crying - then it is not funny and he is being cruel. I'm sure that is not his intention but it is cruel. That is like tickling someone till they are crying and upset. It is only funny to the person doing it and not for the person on the receiving end.
Maybe once you point this out he will understand and save the scaring for someone else or for when she is older.
OK....this really worked with my (ex) husband....I took his car to the movie with a friend of mine, and when we got home, I told him I had totally WRECKED it!! He was freaking out so bad......and I was laughing till I was crying (it was even funnier because he couldn't tell the difference)!!! Told him it was just so freakin' hilarious watching his reaction, I couldn't help myself!!
Try this the next time you and your daughter are out without him. If he doesn't like it, tell him that is the same thing he is doing to his daughter when he is scaring your daughter, and *your* pranks will STOP when HIS do!
Better yet, call a couple of his friends who think such pranks are NOT cool, and let them handle it for you! Guaranteed, they will get him GOOD!!!
I really do hate relying on such tactics, but sometimes a "momma's gotta do what momma's gotta do"! Good Luck with this!
Hi Mommy P,
Well I am a victim of such acts by my father. Not cool at all.
He would get such pleasure from making me and my sister squirm and cry in fear.
He would also set me up for a fall. Example: He would tell me that we was going to go to the blanket show and tell me to get my PJ's on and get ready. And then when I was all done and so excited (I thought we was going to the movies or something) he would break my heart and tell me to go to bed! It's called cruelty! Power Tripping to be honest. And yes it will affect your daughter in the long run. He is being the very person that he is suppose to protect her from!
Yikes. Praying that this gets resolved for you and your family.
C.
I have to ask, is he like this in other areas of the relationship with your daughter or you? If it's an isolated thing - just what you've asked about, I like the answers of playing "let's scare daddy". The "getting him back" idea I think should be saved for if he still doesn't get it.
If he's like this in other ways, I would say you need to deal with the root issue as this is just the most annoying symptom to you right now. Good luck!
Hi sorry your having to deal with this. You do need to talk to him and ask why he does it. Maybe you enlighting him on fact that daughters get molding from their father's and not only their mothers. We girls get our acceptance and security of who we are from our fathers and in turn she'll have the same unhealthy relationships with the opposite sex when she grows up. My daughters father is nuturing and consoling for the little easy everyday stuff but he never was there for the big important stuff, like being there at plays, ball games, cheer, piano recital and to get him to get her to practice was out of the question. We divorces so chasing him for child support is another issue. I thought I always gave my kids enough love and support that they'd be alright, I'm now seeing how my oldest daughter is effected by this. She keeps picking boyfriends that just let her down, where on the surface seems like a nice boy but when you learn about them, just like her father a slacker and control freak. Please let your husband see what a positive impact he could be by being there for her and letting her be the princess that she is. Good luck and I'm so sorry your having to go thru this.
Turn about is fair play. Put some thought in to it
Hi Mommy P
Duting my first marriage my hubby had two twins brothers, and my little girl was only 2 yrs. Everytime they walked behind her they would say boo or sneak up behind her and throw her in the air and catch her. after a while of this everytime you would praise her with a pat on the back she would freak out and throw her arms in the air and cry even if you just walked up behind her to set down and give her a hugm if you dont get a grip on it now she will not trust anyone who comes up around her it will destory her security and she will always be lookin over her back she will not want to sit with people sitting behind her. i hope your hubby realizes what he is doing and stops what he is doing, my girl now is 15 yrs and her dad has been gone for 9 of those yrs but after he dropped out of the picture it took a long time to get her out of being jumpy and being able to trust anyone, the twin thing she was scared of them cause they had her thinking he was magical that he could be in two places at once and she was so scared to go to grandmas for that reason... good lucj its not easy your hubby will think that he is just having fun but when all comes down to it he is hurting her.
T.
Wow, I thought I was the only one who went through this...husbands acting like children. I loved Janette S.'s advice! I will do that next time!
My DH & MIL do that to my son all the time, & they think it's funny that my son can't take it like they can. I tell them that they are bullies & that it's sick that they get pleasure from making a child cry. I've also resorted to telling my son (in front of my MIL) that, "Granny doesn't know what she's talking about & just ignore her."
My DH used to tell my son that we're going somewhere, & my son would get all excited. Then in a few minutes (after my son has been whining about going), my DH would tell him that he changed his mind, & we weren't going. OH MAN!! I was so mad! My son would throw these fits, & I would have to calm him down. My DH would say that he's trying to teach him how to cope with disappointment. ??????????
I made my DH try to calm my son down one time, & he was so frustrated with our son. I also told my DH that my bio dad did that to me all the time, & I have severe trust issues with my bio dad. I just don't believe a word that he says, & I told my DH that his son will start doing that to him. I think that finally sort of helped him understand (seeing my relationship with my bio dad).
Good luck!! Keep us updated!
First, you should ask your husband what he is hoping to accomplish by scaring his daughter to tears. Why does he derive satisfaction from her fear. Does he feel so powerless that he needs to terrorize a six year old to boost his own ego. Second, you should demand that he stop terrorizing his daughter. At her tender age, this kind of open betrayal from her father could leave lifelong scars. She needs to be able to trust her father to treat her with love and care. Also, she needs to be able to trust that you will protect her from being treated badly by anyone, including her father. There is a log going on here and its up to you to correct the situation. Good luck!
That would drive me crazy, too! I had a problem with my in laws scaring my oldest daughter, becuase if she misbehaved, they would tell her that the monsters were going to come to get her and that sort of thing. This is how they discipline all of the kids in the family, but I had other ideas. I sat her down one day and told her that there are no monsters, and that anybody that tells her so is a liar! To my surprise, the next time an aunt of hers told her that the monsters were coming to get her, she started calling the monster to come for her aunt who was misbehaving. LOLOLOLOL! That was the end of that little "game". Also, you might get your daughter to start playing along with her daddy. My youngest always loved to watch for when her daddy was coming home from work, then go hide and try to scare him! Of course, he would have to pretend that he was scared to death and they would both start laughing. Next time you hear your husband pull up outside after he's been gone, tell your little girl "Let's hide and scare daddy....hurry!" She will probably love it, and that might stop her from being scared when he does it, because she will know that it's just for fun. I hate when people use scare tactics on little children. It makes me so angry, but she is old enough to talk to about it, and tell her that Daddy is just playing. Honestly, sometimes men are worse than children.
It sounds like he is a bully that needs to grow up. Bullies aren't always someone who beats you up. They are also the kind that like to over pester and poke fun of. Some of them don't even realize they are doing it. They like the power rush it gives them. This doesn't make your husband bad, he just needs to be shown what he is doing is affecting your daughter. He needs to realize that his little girl is not a tough boy or a tom boy. Some girls might like what he does, but most wouldn't. His actions could cause her to be insecure. Maybe you should see if she can tell her Dad how it makes her feel, either by taping it or writing it down for her. Maybe he would understand then.
You definitely need to have a serious talk with your husband about this. Let him know it's not acceptable behavior and be very clear that you expect the behavior to stop immediately. I'm not sure what type of personality your husband has or what his childhood relationship he had with his own father, but if he is doing this and he thinks it's funny, I'd say he probably had some wierd family dynamics. If he is a guys-guy type and doesn't do "mushy" well in terms of bonding with his daughter, he needs to find something much more appropriate. Scaring her to tears is not bonding - it's harmful. I'm sure she'd prefer playing catch, reading a book with him or even sharing a movie together. Make some suggestions as to alternative fun things they can do together. If he doesn't stop, I'd seek out professional counceling so he can hear it from an objective third party.
