Not Sure What to Think About This relationship-HELP BEFORE I SCREW THIS UP!!!!

Let me start by saying IT'S OK TO FEEL THAT WAY! It is so natural to want to love everything that is him including his son. I've seen all of the responses and agree but wanted to focus on you and tell you it's ok. You're not crazy and it's ok to feel the feelings you have. Blended families are rough and if you guys do take it to another level, it will only get harder but the rewards are much sweeter too. Don't be upset with yourself, give yourself a break. Accept the feeling and move on if you can. I know you just want to love his son as much as you love him. Being a single parent for so long, my guess is you want to help him and mentor. You seem very caring! Remember, life is short, you know how much time is long enough and know yourself enough to know you are important too. Your feelings matter and maybe it's a good time to focus on you and your needs to give him room to sort through his feelings too.

I think you should respect his decisions about his son. I also do think it's a little early in your relationship. Give it time to grow.
Also you aren't a dirty secret. He is also probably worried if you have any work functions that it may slip out between the children.
Good Luck and wishing you the best.

He sounds like he really cares about his son and wants to make sure that the relationship between the two of you is serious before he brings you into his son's life. Think about it from his point of view: He doesn't want his son to get attached to you, and think you're in their lives only to have the two of you split up and cause his son more pain.

You should be happy he's so concerned about his son.

If you really care about this man, just relax :). He is trying to do what he thinks is best for his child, you have to give him kudos for that. He doesn't mean anything negative towards you, he probably saw how confused all of his ex wife's relationships made his son and is trying to avoid that until he knows your relationship is heading to marriage. Since you have kids, I'm sure he doesn't want your son to form friendships with your kids then have them ripped out of his life if you guys don't work out.

I wouldn't push it, let him parent his child the way he thinks is right and respect that. When he is ready to bring all of you guys around his son, then you'll know he's ready to take your relationship to the next level.

As for work, check your employee handbook. If there isn't anything in there forbidding workplace relationships then there isnt' any reason for you guys to keep it such a secret.

Okay, this is what I think about it.....It is impressive to me that he is THAT concerned about his son. I mean, it could be some sign of trouble for you, I suppose, but it's probably better to assume the best, right? So, just be patient, girlfriend!! I personally think it's great that he is handling it the way he is....seriously, after the revolving door that the mother has had, he's probably even MORE concerned about the whole thing. He doesn't want it to be that way with mom AND dad. Just be patient. I'm sure when he feels right about it, he'll be different. And after all, it's not time until HE says it's time, just as much as if the situation were reversed.

Good luck, and I'd stick with this one if I were you, sounds like you might have found a keeper!!

April

I have taught school for 11 years and for the past two years my husband and I have been in charge of the youth baseball league and this has allowed me to witness many speration and divorces and parent dating new person scenarios. Definitly the kids who handle being the child of single parents, are the ones who are not brought into the whole dating mix. I have a few of our parents who do date, but do not bring their children into the picture. Those kids are so well adjusted. The parents don't even tell the kids their dating, the kids get invited to spend the night somewhere and thats when the single parent hooks up with the guy she's dating. You don't need to bring his son or your children into the relationship. Make this an opportunity for you to just be his companion and not a step mom to his kid, or his kid's friend. Enjoy your time with this guy and if it works out it works out. Good luck.

I would just go with the flow...I too a single mother when I was younger. I never brough men into my home. If you know what I mean for a long long time, I feel like you should protect your children, until you know you are going to make it...Dinner would be nice togethor, you don;t have to sleep togethor, I would just keep it hush hush, secrets are fun.......Keeps everyone wondering....If you really like him you will be patient. Don't rush. Being that you just came out of a messed up relationship. I would protect my children at all costs until you or him is ready for the plunge...I am still with the guy I got toegethor with after my messed up break up...He is still in my life. We took it slow...Two years before I introduced him to my children...All will be fine.....It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved again...Hope this helps

Hmmmm...all I can think is... "good things come to those who wait"... I know...cliche...

I think if you push the issue with him you are bound to lose him... You admit you have had long term relationships that ended up not working out yourself, why not take your time with this. Feel free to tell your kids you are seeing someone, but I will bet, even they will appreciate not being introduced until both you and he are more certain about things.

As for him, while he has been divorced for 9 years, he has watched his son be introduced to 3 other step dads and a pseudo step dad (the live-in) he probably just doesn't want his son to feel he will put him through somehting wimilar with women.

Wait it out, in the meantime just enjoy the time you two have where it is just the two of you..If you two are meant to be together all to soon that time will include all four kids and you will look back on this time where the kids were not included as a blessing.

Good Luck! ;-)

I would slow it down. Six months is not that long. You have had two "long term" relationships and look how that turned out. That is not meant to be a judgemental comment, just a statement of what can still be in store for you and this man. The fact that you work together is dangerous enough in itself if things go wrong. Don't push, but maybe you need to slow down the relationship. I don't mean withhold sex from him until you meet his son, but I mean maybe take the whole thing back down to a dating relationship. Spend time getting to know him as a person, not a lover. Make sure he is treating you well...that is the most important thing. Emotionally he is probably still working out issues with his past as well figuring out what the future has in store for you two and the three reminders of your past too. Take it slow, the only way to make it last. Be grateful he is such a good Dad protecting his son!

I have a son and my boyfriend has 2 daughters. Ages 4,7,9. We waited a while before introducing kids to each other. He went through a nasty divorce and his ex is VERY irrisponsible and we agreed not to put them through anything else at the time. You must also realize that children get attached really easily. And if by chance, things dont work out between you two, the kids get hurt too. You should really respect that he's taking his time with this and watching out for his son. It shows he's a responsible father. It doesnt mean he doesnt want you to meet his son. He just wants to make sure he brings his son into a loving,mature and lasting relationship. Its a good ideanot to have your children around him for a while too. Its ok to date when your a single parent. But ive screwed up alot and confused my son by bringing guys around and it not working out. He just gets confused. If it bothers you that much then sit him down and have a talk. Figure out where you are in your relationship and what you both want from it and go from there. Dont bring in the kids until you are both on the same page as to what you are both looking for and want from this relationship. If he wants to wait a little longer, be patient. It will happen.

its hard when kids are part of this as we have a life and trying to put them firat what about a day out fun park and bump into each other as old friends see how every one gets on take it from there kids except friends easier than partners as they think the other is out to steal there mom or dad lol I.