Need Help Breaking Some Bad Habits That My Daughter Has.

I can give you advise on thumbsucking...(my boys still sleep with me and my husband).....Buy a thumbguard www.medetal.com. I used this with my 4 year old and it was soooo easy!! Plus I did a chart "chuck e cheese" has them on their website...After 2 weeks I gave my 4 year old a prize (sticker book)...after another 2 weeks we went to chuck e cheese...Worked for us! Good Luck!! Oh and I'll probably let my boys sleep with us until they don't want to anymore...I love snuggling with them!!

Dear A.,

You have gotten some great responses. I too was a thumbsucker. NOTHING stopped me - talks with the Dr., bandaids, my Mother even tried BLEACH.
I finally gave it up when I started having a real boyfriend. She will give it up when she is ready.
My daughter sleeps with us. I miss snuggling with my husband big time. But, she loves sleeping with us and I have been told over and over, she'll quit when she is ready. Good luck.
My 2 1/2 year old little girl really saved me too. I mean life is a new deal and it is better than I could of ever imagined with her.

I say let her sleep with you as long as she wants, until she naturally weans from this. She's only going to be little once. I don't think you'll look back when you're 65 years old and say "I shouldn't have let her sleep with us until she was 7." But you might say "I wish I would have cherished her even more and let her sleep with us as much as she wanted."

Let me start this by saying every parent works to their own best abilities. If it bothers you (for whatever reason-your best interest or hers) to have her sleep with you, change it, if it doesn't don't. My daughter's dad and I divorced when she was 3 1/2. Until that time she had always slept in her own bed and her daddy put her to bed. I was never able to put her down to sleep without her making such a hollering mess of herself. So when it became just she and me, she started sleeping with me. I tried many things--a special "princess bed", promises of getting animals, etc, etc, etc. I finally gave up and just started saying she would be out of my bed by the time she went to college. I stopped making it a big deal when she was about 7. She surprized me at the end of 6th grade. We were on a trip and she decided that she wanted to sleep in the other bed in the room and when "we get home, Mom, I am going to my own room. Let's plan what I want it to look like." and that was that. There are so many things to worry about when you are a single mom, and we just can't control everything. Pick the big stuff and go from there. By the way, my daughter is at a major college on a full academic scholarship, doing very well.

Before I give my advice, I have to tell you when I read your description, "I was definately heading down the wrong path until I had her. She has saved my life!" I totally saw myself. I feel exactly the same about my daughter.

Now, as for putting your daughter to sleep in her own bed, this is going to be very difficult for you because she is used to the security of you being right next to her. I recommend you start this process about 30 minutes before you actually want her asleep by. Read her a story in her bed. Then tuck her in and then sit in a chair in her room, not facing her. This way she has the security that you are there, yet by not facing her you are telling her it is not time to play. Every time she gets up, just put her right back to bed without saying a word. And she will probably get up many, many times. When she is asleep, leave the room. She might throw a fit, but it's important that you don't back down at all. Once you back down once, she will think all she has to do is throw a fit to get what she wants. Hopefully, after a few days (or weeks) she will be comfortable just going to sleep in her own bed and you won't have to sit in her room anymore.
I don't have any advice for thumbsucking. Sorry. I hope this helps.

Good Luck,
S.

Hello, I don't know how much help I can be but I did want to tell you that I was a thumbsucker until I was 12 years old. :) My parents tried EVERYTHING! I just stopped one day. I sucked my thumb everywhere, even at school and not even kids teasing me phased me. I did not have any problems related to thumb sucking (teeth,etc.). I am sure that it is just her "security blanket". I don't have any great advice, but just wanted you to know that as a former thumbsucker, I have no lasting issues other than one thumb that is thinner than the other! :) Good Luck- V.

Unfortunately I don't have any great way to get her to stop but I slept with my mom for at least that long and eventually went to my own big bed and turned out fine-don't worry about her unless you just want some space. Also sucked fingers for a while and eventually stopped!Sounds like your daughter did what mine did for me. :)

Hi A.,

You are not alone. There are several of us parents that do the family bed. Does she sleep alone at other people's houses? Are you ready to stop the co-sleeping or feeling social pressure? I ask because that will make a difference in how commited you are to the task. It can be a hard process. Being a single parent makes it harder because there is not another person to back you up.

We did the Super Nanny way when we were ready. Our daughter was 3 and we had another baby on the way. It was hard because she had slept with us since birth. Do your usual bedtime routine, put her in her bed, sit on the floor next to her bed and look down. Do not speak to her. When she gets up, put her back in bed and tell her it's bedtime. Next time she gets up, put her back in bed and say nothing. Calm without frustration. Keep putting her in bed as many times as it takes. After a few days sit farther away from her bed and do the same routine. Tuck in, first off one word, next offs no words. After a few days sit farther from the bed. Eventually you are by the door and she knows the routine. **Do not look at her when on the floor, do not laugh, do not talk to her when you are on the floor**.

As for sucking her thumb, is it all the time or just when tired or nervous? If thumb sucking is frequent she may have something bothering her.

Talk with her. Play up the big girl thing. Her room is filled with all her special things. It's okay to be nervous, what are some other things we can do besides suck our thumb. Chew gum? A secret security item in a pocket? A special necklace she can rub when nervous?

Hope you find the answer you are looking for.

A.,
Now other mother's may criticize me, and I'm okay with it. I have three children, 13, 11, and 2. They all have slept with me, my oldest until she was about 9, my middle son, still on occasionally will, and of course my 2 year old does. My husband has never been a cuddler, and I am. When they are ready they will stop. My older two just wanted their own bed and were ready. It was around 3-4th grade. Now if you are ready for her to get out of your bed, well, then make her room hers and start laying with her until she falls asleep and let her know that she's a big girl now. Maybe get her one of those HUGE stuff animals, I know my daughter has a 4 foot plus dog, and she just loves it to death.
As for sucking the thumb, I never had that to deal with. But my grandma always tells a story about my father. He use too, and one day she put a band-aid on it, and he told her it didn't taste right, so she told him to use the other one, he said it didn't fit, and stopped on his own.
Good Luck and God Bless!

Definitely break these habits with TLC...no reason to become the big bad guy just because it's time to make some changes because she is getting older. I would definitely talk to her about both things...tell her she is getting too big to suck her thumb & sleep in the bed with you. Then, set up a chart or something of that nature & set some goals...start small...for example, every time you "catch" her NOT sucking her thumb, give her a star...for every night she STARTS in her own bed, give her a star...make a big deal every time she is doing what you want her to. Specifically, for putting her in her own bed, I would start with sitting beside her bed at night & move towards just laying her down by herself...give her a little transition period, as this is a difficult transition for some kiddos. I hope all goes well!!!

If you can afford it, make a big cheerful deal about her getting to pick out her own sheets, and bedspread etc. and tell her how great it is now that she is big enought to have her own bed like mommy's now. Let her pick out a cute night light, and play some soft bed time music when she goes to bed after you read her a story, and tuck her in, and say it is bed time, sweet dreams, and maybe even sing a lullaby at first. You may even say I'll lay here with you a bit , and then just lay there a little the first night or two but not over 5 or 10 minutes. If she only sucks her thumb at night, I wouldn't worry about it for now, until she gets used to sleeping alone, and then you can see if different things help her to break that habit.

Hi A.,
I think Sarah had great advice. Also, what helped my son was leaving the bedroom door open while I watched t.v. He could hear me and that gave him a secure feeling, but we struggled off and on until he was almost 12 years old. HOWEVER, he sleeps just fine on his own now as an adult! He sucked his thumb. It's not something you can take away so just do you best to encourage your little girl. Offer her incentive, and keep your own fingers crossed!

My parents were giving me a hard time about ours sleeping with us. But after I did some research, I realized that Americans are really the only country who don't find the family bed to be a normal way of life. They won't stay there forever. And, my parents didn't move their granddaughter out of their bed until she decided it was best. So why are they bugging us about it, you ask? Grandkids are always the double standard!! :)

A.,

My daughter didn't stop sucking her finger until she was 8 and that didn't happen until the orthodontist talked with her about it. One little talk and a bandaid on it for a night and she hasn't done it since. She was only doing it when she was sleeping at that point but it seemed to have broken the habit with the bandaid AND the talk.

Good luck!
T.

My twin sister and I sucked our thumbs until we were in about 3rd or 4th grade and let me save you the headache. She will stop when she is ready! When it comes to thumb sucking it’s almost impossible to make them stop. My mother tried everything even putting hot sauces and the like on our thumbs and none of it phased us! However today I am an independent secure woman, with a beautiful smile. :) My point is it didn’t make me any less off the person I am today, I truly think why make her stop it’s her security blanket and really what is wrong with it? I know a lot if people will disagree but that is my tidbit of personal advice. As soon as she has friends sleeping over she wont want to let them see her do it and she may even stop sooner, but the more you try to stop her the more she will want to do it. Good luck and I promise she won’t go to high school or even middle school sucking her thumb!

My three year old still sleeps with me so I have no advice there. I have had many moms tell me to enjoy it while it lasts because there will come a day when he doesn't want to anymore. As for the thumbsucking, leave it alone. It is not hurting anything. My grandmother, aunt and I all sucked our thumbs until we were teenagers. Mainly at night or when we were really tired and watching TV. You can encourage her to save it for sleepytime, but trying to take it away will only frustrate both of you. I have two thumbsuckers by the way. My three year old only sucks when he is in bed and my 16 month old does it when he is in bed, tired or in trouble. She will stop when she is ready. No sense torturing her or yourself trying to make that day happen.

For the sleeping with you, if she already doesn't have one, get her a super bed that she will love. Put some special things there that she enjoys. Each night try to put her to bed in her special bed...maybe read to her before putting her to bed. If she gets out later to climb in with you, gently talk with her that she is a big girl and needs to sleep in her big girl bed. Always give lots of praise and make a big deal each time she stays in for a while. Kind of like when you potty train and clap and cheer them on! Having some calm luliby type of music helps as well. As far as the thumb sucking, you can purchase some bitter nail polish at area pharmacies. You paint it on like nail polish and when they go to suck their thumb it tastes bitter. You have to reapply it, but it works for most kids.

I was a thumb sucker until the 2nd grade and I only stopped because I had a palate spacer (orthodontia) put in my mouth to correct the crowding of my teeth. But, the end was already near for me before then because I stopped sucking it at school or when I was around friends because it was embarrassing. I say, leave her alone until it becomes a problem.

There is an orthdentist appratatus that can be placed in the roof of your daughter's mouth to prevent her from sucking her thumb.

When she gets in bed with you, move her to her bed and keep at it... Repetition. Perhaps you could reward her with a treat to McDonald's if she sleeps in her own bed all through the night.

Good luck.