Need a Little perspective...feeling a Lil' Snubbed... :(

Hi there,

If you like her and she's always been friendly to you, then don't take it personally.
I know when I had a birthday party for my 2 year old daughter, I had to draw the line, else we would have too many people and I wanted it to be a small gathering. I have nothing against them but I just need to keep it small. Perhaps she is doing the same thing. You've been getting closer to her, but those people she invited is probably already close to her for along time. You can't invite everyone.

hope it helps!

Wow. This does NOT mean she doesn't like you!! Goodness, that is extreme to even suggest.

When my son turned one, I only invited 2 kids from our church. There were a handful of others, that I could have invited. They all invited my son to their parties. We couldn't afford to feed any more then a handful of kids and their parents. My house couldn't accommodate very many people. We simply didn't want that many kids tearing through our home. My son isn't a fan of lots and lots of kids. A very small party was our preference, so we only invited his very good friends.

You see, there are dozens of practical reasons she probably didn't invite you. I'm sure none of them involve shunning you, disliking you, or hurting your feelings. Please don't take this personally, it's really not fair to HER...you are simply acquaintances, not life long friends. Let it go.

.

***Updated: I forgot to say that there IS that rule on how many children you invite to parties. (General rule is 1 kid for 1st birthday, 2 kids for 2nd, 3 for 3rd...) We did actually try to stick as close to that as we could. ***

I'm sorry, but I actually DID laugh out loud at momof3's answer. I mean seriously, how old are we? It sounded just like a girl I went to Sunday school with as a child, lol.
None of us knows enough to know if someone likes you or not, if someone is "cruel" or not, blah blah blah. I think we've all been in that situation at one time or another. We've probably all unwittingly been the other person in the story at least once as well.
The first things that popped in my mind are that she could have been keeping it simple and small, and if you're the person she's known the least amount of time, you may have been left out just for the fact that the party was staying small and like someone else said, you just can't invite everyone. Sometimes, it's an issue of comfort (are you in the little group of friends, or would she have to feel like introducing you to people and making sure you're comfortable all the while really just trying to deal with the baby), or it could be an issue of money (entertaining does cost), or it could be that it was just already planned, or it could be what my mom REALLY DID DO: she thought a party invite was the same thing as asking for a gift, so she didn't invite people to things if she didn't feel comfortable "like that". She offended a lot of people in my family even, because even though lots of people take graduation invites, or wedding invites to people you knew weren't gonna make it, and just send them out to everyone in their dayplanner, my mom wouldn't allow me to even send them to family members if we weren't close enough for mom to kinda "expect" a gift from them. (Grandparents, my aunt, honestly, I think that's all....and people were all mad at us but she was just like "that's asking for a gift or money" and wouldn't budge). She thought she was doing right.
Or my house right now: we're in a rental house waiting to close on our house that we're purchasing....we currently have 1 sofa, 1 glider, and 4 chairs that go at the dinner table. That is all! We're not having dinner parties like we used to, lol! When we get settled in and get all our stuff back to normal, yes we totally want to have a dinner for my husband's bosses, a coworker, and a couple neighbors. But for now, only one family has been invited over......because that's all we can sit!!! Or, maybe she's just cruel and heartless and hates your guts. (haha, kidding). But even if y'all don't "click", it's nothing to really sweat. It's just one person at church, no worries. Friendship develops over time though, don't write someone off over a child's birthday party.
And finally......my big rule of thumb......take it or leave it: when I am REALLY mad at my husband (especially before marriage), or really want to tell someone off, or someone really hurt my feelings, I put a little black X in the corner of the day on my calendar and make a little question mark 7 days from then. Just put it on the shelf...not telling you to ignore your feelings, just put them on hold for a week. I want to see if (a) it was PMS, or (b) it wasn't important enough to stress me out afterall. Thinking if it's important, it'll still be bothersome or hurtful a week later. If not, shrug it off and go on with your life. (But yeah, I had A LOT of little black Xs on my calendar when I was pregnant, especially with my second child). :P

Don't feel snubbed!! I am sure it wasn't meant to hurt your feelings, but I can see why you would feel that way. I do the same kind of thing! Usually my husband can help me see things from other perspectives and it helps me let it roll off. Could it be that she could only invite a certain amount of people due to space, budget, etc?? Maybe she is more introverted than you realize and felt a little apprehensive about inviting someone she doesn't know as well? Perhaps she just didn't realize the oversight? There are a variety of reasons that probably had nothing to do with you. I highly doubt she excluded you or your son on purpose. Just continue to be kind to her and get to know her. It takes time to develop friendships on a closer level. Hope this helps!
A.

J.,

I would feel the exact same way you do. I am sorry to tell you that this woman doesn't like you. That is probably why she and her child didn't attend your son's bday party. I would give up on your friendship with her and find nice, new friends. Don't even waste another second on her, and try not to allow her to have the power to make you feel bad. Cheer up and socialize with people you know are your real friends. Unfortunately, so many people on this planet are just plain cruel. You just have to move on. Please forget about her and do not be friends w/ her anymore! Best wishes.

J.!!

Hormones!!! I'm not sure if I would've invited someone whom I've just met for a few months from church to my child's first birthday party...I'd like to get to know you better.

It's possible she's a "slow friend" one that needs time - like my best GF here - we lived 5 houses apart and it took her ONE YEAR to go out to dinner with me...that was after walking the dogs almost every night together...it just took her time....maybe this lady is like that!

I would NOT let this bother you. Take a deep breath and just put it off to hormones!!!

I agree with C.L., the people she invited were maybe friends with her for a while. But you are human and are bound to feel this way once and while. We still rent and it seems like everyone I know bought a house this year, although I was so happy for my family and friends I couldn't help but feel jealous. I just kept talking to my husband about how I felt and prayed and prayed and now I truly feel no more jealousy. Its a normal feeling to have.

My feelings would have been hurt too. It's amazing how easily I can go back into those jr. high years of insecurity and teen angst if a friend doesn't call when I think she should. It's hard to make new friends sometimes and I would guess you're feeling a little isolated and lonely right now. Whenever I'm feeling left out like that I try to contact a good friend--- maybe someone I haven't talked to in a while-- just to catch up and laugh.

We can sit around all day and try to figure out why this woman didn't invite you but you'll never know the answer and it sure wastes a ton of energy.

If you're looking for some friends who are in your stage of life you might need to branch out of your church circle (since you said it is small there may not be many new mothers) and look other places as well. I've met some new people by going to the park in my neighborhood and attending the children's story time every week at our library. I have also met some great people by doing volunteer work once a month for a ministry in our church. If your church has a women's or mom's bible study group I encourage you to join one.

These feelings will pass. : )

Yes you are....maybe next birthday you and she will be closer. If not by that time you will made more friends at the church and you will be so busy with your new little one. Just because you belong to a church does not ensure that all members will extend invites to (Non church events). It will be fine, wait and see.

Blessings....

Updated

Good Lord Mom of 3! Projecting?

None of us can guess why you were not included. Please do not get jealous about this.
You are still new to the church..

Instead YOU start inviting her and other mutual friends to do things together and at your home.. You are going to meet so many moms. Take your time.

You didn't mention if you have ever seen her outside of church functions? If you haven't spent much time together outside of church, she might not have thought you would want to come. Try not to be upset/ jealous over it, just let it be and try to get to know her more outside of church.

You don't mention whether or not the mutual friend has kids... it could be that she didn't want little kids there outside of family. A first birthday is supposed to be focused on the birthday kid, and since your kids are close in age, she may not have wanted to have your cutie pie still the show.

M.

No, she was insensitive.

She may have wanted a smaller party. That's fine. But when you do that, and don't invite all your friends, it's in very poor taste to post pictures where they could see them. You haven't known her very long, but you DID invite her to your child's party, so she should have known. It could have been an oversight, or she could have had a limit cost-wise or space-wise, and that's her decision to make. But you don't know the real reason she didn't invite you, so I would tread lightly on the future friendship and take it slow so you don't get hurt more than you already have. See what develops, but don't push.