My mother will say that she neither likes or dislikes my bf because "she doesn't know him'. YET he is good to me and my sisters, and my cousin that hangs out with us often. He recently suggested we purchase my sisters wedding dress as her 'fairy godparents' since it was more then she wanted to spend and we did. The next time my mom saw him she rubbed his arm and thanked him. They got to talking and he offered to have her car detailed at his dealership. They saw eachother a few weeks after that and she was cold. That's how she is with him hot & cold. He is very polite and respectful to her and my dad. He also helped them get her a brand new car at a killer deal. All the favors he has done for her are ok, but I feel like she is nicer to a stranger then she is to him. Today she felt the need to comment on a FB pic of him and I that my friend has on her page. I wrote 'ok, we're kinda cute together too' (i wrote that because i had commented on the preceding pic of my friend and i that we were cute together'...My Mom writes under my comment on the pic of my bf and I 'your funny...no one commented so you did' WHY? Why does she do that? I sent her an email and I have to go drop off some stuff to her that she asked me to pick up for her yesterday. What do I say? How do I approach her immaturity?
I emailed her about it and she got defensive, of course, said she didn't say anything wrong, which is her classic line. I noticed last night that she not only deleted me from FB but blocked me. I emailed her and let her know I couldnt believe she couldnt think about what I was telling her and that was her solution? She also deleted recent comments she made on my sisters page asking her if she went to church. Amazing!
FB gets people in more arguments!! LOL! Pick your battles. I would ignore her. Who cares what she thinks of you BF. As long as you care and want to be with him. You do not need her approval. If she is bugging you that bad on FB. Delete her. My kids have deleted me before for leaving unwanted remarks. I watch my typing now!
Honestly, you can't control how other people behave, only how you react to it. I would just take a deep breath and try to let go of your mother's approval of your partner. It's always painful when we feel rejected or criticized by people we love, but sometimes I'm not sure it's worth it to end up in these kinds of endless battles. If you do have a conversation with her, make sure it is a conversation--don't tell here you think she's immature! Good luck.
Is this just with the boyfriend or your Mom's general personality. If it is her general personality then I say accept her as she is and let it roll off of you.
If it is the bf, then open a dialogue with her. Tell her that you care about your boyfriend. You understand she may or may not, but that you would appreciate it if she would do her best to.......... whatever it is you are wanting from her. Don't criticize or point out all this other stuff. Just tell her you love her, and you love your boyfriend and it would make you happy if she would be friendly towards him. Ask her if she could. If she can't then you cannot control that and would do best to follow the advice in my first paragraph.
For one, be honest with her. But... What's the big deal about your mother just "loving" your bf? Why do you need to impress her? Better yet, why does HE need to impress her? My mother certainly isn't the kindest or most loving person... I don't expect anything from her and that's the only reason we get along. If you love your bf, then who cares who else does?
Tell her the truth about how you feel, just what you told us. Do not be surprised is she acts defensively or not as you would like, be prepared for that, but at least you will know she heard what needed to be said.
You don't. She is immature. She will however be your mother forever. Sadly, many of us who have immature mothers feel so much pain ourselves that we do not understand they are like this because they are so needy. For what reason they were biologically able to reproduce it does not mean that they are able to mother to well, they are just mothers. Write letters to her and rip them up, keep writing us, talk to people who care and just recognize she is never going to be able to give you what you need. I often comment on my own FB and other things. So what. No one has really lost any sleep over it. Your bf sounds like he is nice and kind and likeable and what YOU need. Enjoy him, enjoy whatever nice moments you have with your mom can be. And maybe someday there would be some sort of miracle where she sort of wakes up. But all too often that doesn't seem to happen so we need to nurture ourselves in other ways. Good luck!
OMG! My mom does the same thing of FB! My husband is in Iraq. If I say on his page I miss you she will press the stupid like button? What? She likes that I miss him? It's annoying. Everytime I make a comment, she has to say something.
Anyway, off my soap box here.
I suggest he keep being nice to her. You guys do NOT need her approval to go on with the relationship.
And if you really want to, confront her and tell her how rude she is being. I know I would if I were in that situation. Just be honest, but try not to be cruel.
