My Daughter Wants to Switch Schools in 10Th Grade

Updated on October 23, 2011
E.M. asks from Lehigh Acres, FL
12 answers

My daughter goes to Catholic School, 10th grade, and wants to go to public school where most of her friends go.
She keeps complaining she does not have many friends and on the weekends she only hangs out with her
old friends who go to public school. I do believe this small catholic school is a good choice for her but she really wants the
tradional "high school experience", what should I do?

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answers from San Francisco on

Keep her in school "where she is"....Give her some choices for college....if her grades permit.

She can have"traditional" experiences when she is in college.


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answers from San Francisco on

If she typically does well in school, let her switch.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Do you live in a good school district? Do you like your daughter's old friends who go to the public school? Is she completely miserable at the Catholic school? If you feel the school is a good fit for your daughter and she's getting good grades and isn't miserable there, I would keep her there if it were me. If she's not involved in any extra-cirricular activities already, maybe encourage her to join something so she makes new friends.
My daughter is only in 4th grade, but I am already planning on sending her to a Catholic high school. We live in a bad school district now so there is no way she'll be going to that high school. We might be able to move to the neighboring town by then and she'd be able to go to a high school in what's considered an excellent school district, but they still have issues with drugs etc...I'd much rather see her go to the Catholic high school. It's small, it's safe, they have zero issues with drugs, and she'll get an excellent education there. Best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dover on

I went to private school until 11th grade and switched my junior year and then switched to public school. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. Seriously.

The world is not like private school. Instead of being taught how to handle the world I was completely sheltered from it. I had a friend come visit me and she was still in private school. She went to school with me one day and I was amazed because she was terrified. Public school actually scared her. These weren't "bad" kids, they were just different. They wore different kinds of clothes, different hair, different makeup, listened to different music and she didn't know how to handle "different." When she went out into the world she had NO coping skills to handle the fact that it's ALL different.

I am so glad my parents let me go, but they did it with conditions. I was not allowed to wear immodest clothes even if it was OK by public school standards, for instance. My parents were still the parents and they had their own school code that I had to follow regardless of what their code said.

I would let her try it with conditions and, literally, with your own school code. If she keeps the code, she stays in the school, and if she doesn't she goes back to Catholic School.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I'd start by gathering information on both schools. is a good place to start. You could also chat with her friend's parents.
If it turns out your public high school is a good one, then why not? Save that tuition $ for college!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Providence on

I went to a christian school from K-12th grade. While I had a good education from there, I felt when I graduated that I had no real experience with the outside world. I felt like I was placed in a bubble, and had no exposure to anything else.

My brother left our christian private school when he was a sophmore. He was teased for being gay constantly, and had no real friends. He flourished once he went to public school, and graduated in the top 4% of his class. Although that probably isn't the case with your daughter, I would allow her the choice to go to public school. It might be the better fit for her as a person.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Milwaukee on

I did the same thing but waited until my junior year. That was the BEST thing ever.

My old school had limited choices of classes and my religion classes didn't transfer but I had more than enough for graduation.

That was 27 years ago and I would do the same thing again. I met my husband on my FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. On Halloween we'll mark our 25th year together.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I think you need to ask yourself what your concerns are.
1. Is it the education as far as one school vs the other?
2. Are you afraid she will be exposed to more unfavorable things in public vs private.
3. Is it the fact that she is getting a religious education as well?

Bottom line is she is already hanging out with the kids from public school and if she is making good decisions now then I am sure she will be fine. At her age all she cares about is having friends the other things are not a concern to her. I would check out the curriculum for both schools and make sure the public school is up to par as far as education. There are sites you can go on and get scores for the schools in your area. If it isn't ranked high enough then for me she would have to stay where she is. Good luck!! This is a tough decision.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Lexington on

One of my daughter's did exactly this - switched from a Catholic High School to go to public in 10th grade. I was not happy about this at all, but I allowed her the choice. I know how important it is to let teens this age make some of these life decisions. The first day of school she regretted it because the environment was so different. She hated her new school, but she did have really good friends there, and in the end, it worked out well. Better than well. And - it turned out that year her old high school hugely increased enrollment and it would not have been the same anyway. You never know. Life takes different twists and turns, but the really important thing was we respected her wishes in this case. In retrospect things could have gone very poorly had she remained at her old school. If 10th grade turns out poorly, enroll her back into the other high school for 11th grade.

And we did put the tuition money towards her college.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

I would say she will resent the school more and more. If the High School in your area has good test scores then she will still get a good education but the religious teachings she receives will be gone. Sometimes the social part of HS is very different too.

One option is to continue with the private school but let her do more extra curricular activities with her friends, such as sports or attending football games and stuff.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

We cant tell you what you should do, you have to make that decision with your family and daughter.

I'd get detailed answers as to WHY she wants to change? How are her grades? Is she a responsible student/child? Why shouldn't a high school student not be given the opportunity for the traditional high school experience?

We are very open minded and we involve our daughter with decisions which involve her school. We do go to the public school system because we are in one of the top ranked systems in the US. Her current Sr. high school is rated in the top 1% of high schools in America. This is not the case for the other 2 Sr High schools in our district.

I can see the point of a young girl wanting to experience high school with her friends. Private school is very different. It has a lot of good and negative. The negative part is that the students are more sheltered and when they come out, they are walking into the real world which can be scary. Many private school children do great and some see newfound freedom when they are finally free of all the strict rules and to do's at the school, therefore the first year of college is party time.

Why do YOU believe her private school is best for her?

What is her personality type? If she is social, responsible and maintains her grades, I see no reason to not let her go to public school. You could always put the stipulation that if she shows behavior that is not acceptable, she goes back to Catholic school.

I believe the traditional high school experience is fantastic. My daughter LOVES her school, the staff and the students. They work together as a one big team and you can see how cohesive they are. 99% of the students from her school go on to college. There are currently 2100+ students in this 11th-12 grade school.

This cannot be said for some other high schools in our area. We have 3 Sr. high schools which are grades 11-12. There is 1 of the 3 Sr Highs that I would never allow my daughter to go to and she would not set foot on that campus if she thought she had to. This particular school is known for drugs, gangs, etc. If that school were our only option.... you bet my daughter would be in private school and it would be a joint choice/decision.

Look at all the options, pros and cons of both and try to understand why your daughter would like the traditional high school experience. Some parents just don't want to let go and private school is a way to hold on longer. Think about that, even if it is not the case for you.

Good luck



answers from Las Vegas on

How is her grades and personality? Are her friends the people you would want her to hang out with more? Is she easily influenced? Most public high schools tend to be a lot bigger than private high schools. Will she become just a number? Do you think her finishing high school at the Catholic school would provide her with better educational opportunities or can she get an equal education at public school? What percentage of graduates go on to college with each school? Ask your self these questions because I guarantee you she isn't thinking of what is best for her future at 16 years old. You know her opinion but stand strong if you think she is better suited at the Catholic school.

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