My 5 Year Old Keeps Peeing in Dresser Drawer.

Wow, I really understand what you are going through. I have a four year old son that was abused and neglected severely by his bio mother and is diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. He used to pee on his closet floor, smear feces all over himself and bedroom, ect. He also had a lot of other troubling behaviors that have improved significantly in a very short amount of time. Whether your son has RAD, PTSD, or even an insecure attachment it is so important to find a therapist who knows about attachment and adoption issues. In my experience most theraists don't understand these children. The right therapist will make all the difference in the world for your son and your entire family. Your son has obviously been hurt and has unresolved issues. He needs help and is lucky to have a mom like you who is reaching out for help. If you would like any info on therapists, Theraplay (which is wonderful), books, other resources, or just someone who understands please feel free to email me.

I have to wonder about your son's life before you adopted him. Kids who were abused or neglected may exhibit unusual behaviors, to say the least. He definitely needs to learn (which he probably already cognitively knows) that this isn't acceptable, and you need to do whatever you need to do practically to keep his dresser/clothes/room from being ruined by urine.

On the other hand, his therapist should have more to offer than just poor baby. If they have no more insight into his behavior (and I am assuming they are privy to whatever his history is), and they are not assisting with a therapeutic approach to stopping this behavior, then it is ABSOLUTELY time to find a new therapist.

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I've never heard of a boy peeing in a drawer, although my son peed in the trash can at his dad's house once. His dad had moved and it was the first time he'd stayed there. He was still half asleep and ended up in the kitchen instead of the bathroom. Peeing in the wastebasket.
You don't want your son to get the idea that peeing in his bedroom is okay at all, but I agree with taking the drawer or the entire dresser out and replacing it with something for him to pee in. It's better than it going on his clothes or the floor. Does he do it during the day time? Is there a tree outside he can pee on when he gets mad?
I just know cleaning all that up would really get old fast for me.
I agree with Lee too....all the therapist says is "poor baby"?
You may or may not have much information about his life before you adopted him, but even if it was horrible, it seems the therapist would have more insight or some useful tools to help you at home while they work on it in therapy.
My daughter was very young when she went to therapy because she was physically abused and threatened by her father during visitation. Her therapists were awesome! She never peed or got violent or anything, but she freaked out in parking lots and was always trying to booby-trap the house because she was so afraid he would come after her. Every week, they gave me things to say and do or ideas on how to try to handle things.
Yes, "poor baby", but the point of therapy was to help her work through things and empower her so she could have a happy life.
Many kids act out for many different reasons and this seems to be what he's chosen as a way to do that. It seems you could maybe find a way for him to act out when he's mad that's more acceptible. A punching bag in the garage or letting him run around the backyard and yell. I used to take my daughter to the woods where she could just yell her head off and scream and throw rocks or sticks. The exercise was good, letting off all that steam was good and we always ended by yelling I LOVE YOU to each other at the top of our lungs and laughing. There are better ways to get your anger out than peeing in a drawer and I really hope your therapist will give you some tools or you can find a therapist who will.
There's nothing wrong with being mad. It's an emotion. We all get mad. But, we can't all pee on the furniture every time.
Go on a long walk together. Find a really big rock and bring it home. Let him have a sharpie and draw what he thinks "mad" looks like on the rock. Put it in the yard and let him pee on it to his heart's content everytime he feels angry. That can be where his anger goes instead of on his clothes or in his drawer. Let him stand out there and say, "I'm mad because I didn't want to eat broccoli and I'm mad because I couldn't have candy when I wanted it...."
If he just feels like peeing on something, tell him to take it out on his rock.
It's worth a try.

I hope you get some great responses and I wish you the best.
Hang in there!

Kim
Is peeing when he is being punished or just because? Do you have any idea what is triggering this?If is is just because ( trying to get your attention? not doing well in school?)then maybe it is time for the dresser to leave. Try putting clothes on hangers and socks and under garments in a small basket on the shelf.
Also try to catch him doing the right./good things positive reinforcement often works better then any negative consequences. Good Luck remember you know him better then anyone else.
J.

I don't have the winning answer to this...I have 4 boys and am expecting my 5th soon...I have been a daycare provider for 17years...And if there is anything i have learned the hard way is consequences....Sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world to do as a parent...My oldest is almost 17 years and if i knew then what I know now life would be so much easier..LOL Make sure what ever you are doing he has consequences for peeing in the drawer.....and follow through with them each time he does it...Maybe that will help..I don't know the past of this child.....Good luck...Just my two cents....

Oh my gosh, first off - I agree with Jill Y. 100%. You need to find a therapist who specializes in attachment and adoption issues. He sounds like he has RAD. Don't listen to those who say to ignore or just remove the dresser drawer. You have to look at why he is doing this. Kids with attachment issues do this to push you away, to test your convictions. Love is not enough so nurturing and loving him will not get him to stop. Actually, your love is part of the reason for this behavior. Your love is a threat to his need to be in control. He is trying to break you - but understand that getting through this "test" is what will get him to start attaching.
I recommend that when he pees in the drawer, that you, with love in your eyes and your voice, say something like "Oh.. :( I see you are mad and had a weak moment and decided to pee in the drawer. I'm going to show you how to clean the drawer and it's contents properly so next time you can do it all by yourself." And with no stress or anger but only love and enthusiasm say "Let's get started!" This will be his natural consequence for his actions. Punishing a child with RAD only reinforces his belief that others are cruel and can't be trusted.This is what you would learn from a proper therapist. Do not punish - use consequences. And do not lecture or yell at. You can handle ANYTHING. That is what will be tested. I wish you luck!
Oh, and if he refuses to clean, the goal is to not get mad or short with him. But to be patient. He needs to calm down and realize that it's not you that is instilling this consequence, but his actions. I find that once the child calms down, they are agreeable. Sometimes you have to be silly and "carefree" to get them to calm down and let their defenses down which then has them realize that it's not the worst thing in the world to have to clean up their mess.
The next time he thinks to pee in your drawer, he will think twice because he wasn't expecting to have to clean it up and it didn't send you over the edge. It may take a couple of tries since he may have been getting the reaction he wanted in the past.

Make sure you have a crappy dresser that you don't care about. Ignore it -- it is his control behavior, and if you ignore it, it is more likely to go away.

Love him a lot, and as other moms said, reward good behavior.

K.,

He's 5, old enough to know where he is suppose to relieve himself. He also knows what he's doing upsets you and is wrong. Take the dresser out of his room and any other recepticle he can pee in. If he wants his dresser back he will know what has to happen.

I've heard stories about boys wanting to pee outside or on a tree...usually because a grown man or bigger boy showed them the WAY! Has your husband had strong talk with him about peeing on furniture?

Blessings....

Ditto on the new therapist!
Sorry you and your son are going through this!

My son did something similiar. Luckily only a few times and it stopped. I think it was when he was mad. He would pee in the bathroom trash and I would find it a few days later. He did this at 4 1/2 or 5 too. I agree with the other posters, take the dresser or drawer away. Reward good behavior. Our child does much better with positive then when he gets in trouble. It's a little more work than our other son, but he responds differently. Good luck!

Hi,I'm going through the same thing.I adopted my son when he was 4 now he's 9.I been through a lot with his behavior,about 8 month ago he started peeing in a pole on his bunk bed i could not figure out where he was peeing..I couldn't believe it.I had to throw the bed away.Then he started peeing on his clothes on the floor anywhere.I AM SO HURT.I do everything for him,and your right the therapist and doctors like poor baby.What about what he's doing i've done everything taken all his toys spanked him nothing, and when you look at him he thinks it's funny..Im at a lost..HELP!!!