My 5 Year Old Daughter Is Acting Out, I Don't Know What to Do with Her Anymore!!

Careful of labeling her with "middle child syndrome" (if there IS such a thing!)
and learn to look the other way for the dumb stuff.
I wouldn't have even acknowledged her being under the table with a sippy.....unless the baby was looking for his/her cup.
As for the the lie thing--discipline as usual when she lies. Time outs...whatever you use. Kids 5 & under DO sometimes have a skewed sense of truth....
Good luck!

I think Kathy D.'s advice below is great! Sometimes we get so upset about the behaviors we forget about the feelings driving the behaviors. I know it's hard... I have 2 girls and when they are in a "mood" or acting out I get frustrated!

I am a middle child so I speak from experience. There are a lot of conflicting and confusing feelings as a middle child. And at 5 years old you are not able to express it in words you don't understand yourself. Why don't you try focusing on her feelings rather than her behaviors. For example, you could have reacted to Her under the table with the cup by asking her how does that make her feel, does it make her feel better to remember what it was like when she was the baby? and then say I know you must miss that huh, being the baby of the family. I understand. But you will always be special to me just by being yourself and acting your own age. You say she talked to a counselor at school about some of the issues. What might be more helpful and I think what she needs is maybe to work those issues out with you. So take those acting out times as an opportunity to sit and talk about the feelings behind them and listen and validate. Of course still always explain in a loving way that while you understand how she feels she made the wrong choice in the behavior she chose and there is still an appropriate consequence.

I think you need to get some parenting books, and maybe even take a parenting class. I am not saying this because I think you're a bad mom. Your daughter's behavior seems normal to me, but your reaction to it seems way over the top.
If you do a little reading about child development then things will just make more sense and you won't feel so frazzled. It will help you understand your kids more, and you'll be able to guide their behavior and discipline them more effectively :)

Hi R.,

My honest opinion on this is that I don't think a 5 year old who's drinking out of a sippy cup and hanging out under a table is dumb. You might see it as a dumb thing (I interpret it as just having fun) and your daughter is just thinking back to her younger days and having fun with it. Maybe she was hiding under the table with the sippy cup because she wanted to avoid being noticed because of how you might react to her. (BTW- my kids used sippy cups up until this age sometimes and sometimes it's because I didn't want the spills!) Some moms worry about ..... Oh... I have to remove her crib she's 2 yrs. old, or Oh... I have to get her off the bottle because she turned one last week.... etc.... I was in no hurry and my kids did not turn out to be babies. They are mature 9 yr. olds now.

I know you are a busy mom and it's hard to make one on one time, but really try to do it weekly even if it's only for a half an hour. Maybe some cuddling while looking at her own baby pictures and videos will make her feel really good as you make sweet comments to her about the pictures/videos. Maybe a ride in the wagon, bike ride, picnic at a park .... just you and her.

I am not trying to come down h*** o* you by saying this..... but maybe she really isn't doing dumb things like you say she's doing. Many people over use that word and the word stupid, as well. Try thinking of other words to describe her behavior. It's difficult for young kids to articulate their feelings. (give her a couple of more years before you expect her to explain herself better.) At this age, they still need some direction with sorting out their ideas in their head.... asking Why did you.........? Can still be a tough question to explain as a 5 year old. My husband would sometimes ask questions with Why did you......? My kids would freeze and know that he's angry and would say.... "I don't know." or sometimes they would just start crying. I would jump in sometimes and say...."Well, Daddy, Christina enjoys spraying water everywhere because she thinks it's fun, but she will try harder not to get the windows wet next time and only get the flowers." It kind of bothered him that I would intervene, but I felt I needed to defend them. Now my kids are older and can answer the WHY questions on their own. (And... I'd like to think that my coaching them with their dad helped and because of the way I personally responded to their actions/behaviors.)

Good luck, R.. And I think it's great that you're asking. (I've been in your shoes with this kind of stuff so I hope my advice is useful.)

-J.

Sounds like she is calling for attention even if its negative. Can you give her more one on one time with you. I think that's one of the best things you can do. Other than that praising her on how big she is and the responsible things she does when you witness them could help too.

Ask her if she wants a sippy cup too and give her one. Let her pretend to be a baby. My son was 5 when his sister was born and for a while he wanted to pretend to be a baby. I just played along and he loved it. Then he got over it. It is hard when your mom's attention is going towards your new sibling. I would give her some scheduled one on one time too....mommy/daughter date one evening a week?

Sounds like she just wants attention. Of course you can't ignore the lying, but the "baby" behavior I would just ignore. If she wants to act like a baby, drink from the baby's cup, etc. - let her. If she sees it is not bothering you, she may very well stop. My oldest definitely regressed when the baby arrived. She saw me doing everything for the baby and wanted me to do the same for her. Sounds pretty normal to me. Good luck!

Hi R.,

Don't worry about the lying thing too much- it's pretty normal for 5 year olds
Here are some articles that you might find helpful:

http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-5-year-old-telling-lies_...

http://www.scholastic.com/resources/article/the-truth-abo...

Here's one about the regressive behavior as well:

http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=665&e=expertad...

I was just thinking, could maybe the stress of the upcoming wedding be affecting her a little too? Maybe her routine is different or something w/ the preparations going on?

Best wishes! :o)

i know i'm a broken record with this, but i think your eclectic wild child middle girl sounds so enchanting, and i suspect you're over-thinking this. it really sounds to me as if she's craving some me-and-mommy time, and you're in such warp speed right now that you can't (understandably) give her much of it.
lying is not something to be taken lightly. it's definitely one of my mama hot buttons. but think about this from her perspective. you're right, your question is still about motivation and introspection which is way beyond a 5 year old. what can she say to that? 'well, i thought perhaps if i reverted to baby behavior i might get coddled'?
we know she's not dumb. so why even go there? and when you corner her with an unanswerable question that can only result in a response that makes you nut up, how can she possibly please you? lying is her only recourse.
rather than cornering her into a situation where you HAVE to punish her, why not try something new? if you find her hiding with the baby cup, take her onto your lap and rock her (not sarcastically!) stroke her head and say 'when you were a baby, we used to do this and i'd sing this (fill in the blank) song to you. do you remember?' give her just two minutes of snuggle. then pat her on the butt and say 'but you're 5 now! and what an amazing 5 year old you are. your cup is on the counter. go show roman how to drink out it so he learns from his big sister.'
remove the cloak of disapproval. you probably can't do mommy-and-me afternoons right now, but you can do moments.
khairete
S.

When you ask someone "why" they did something-the only responses can be "I am stupid" or "I am bad, evil, inconsiderate,etc". Just say-"Honey, here's your cup".

My 5yr old daughter drives me batty every day. You are not alone. I hope someone gives great answers so I can get some ideas too. UGH.

Kathy D gave great advice, so i dont have much to add but as for lying i sat with my DD & explained to her the difference between a lie & a story, so i used fairy tale books that we have read as the example & tv shows. i did explain that if she doesn't tell me it's a 'made up story' that she would get in trouble.

as for the sippy cup, i think you need to pick your battles, but when you do need to correct her behavior change your approach to ask her why she did xyz & when she says she doesn't know/i forgot then throw out some reasons you think she did it but realize she probably doesn't know how to explain why she did it but you actually already know & you cannot expect her to say 'well i'm the middle child now & i have all these feelings like still wanting to be the baby of the family but wanting to be a girl girl now too'..........maybe when she is craving to be the baby again, you could say come here madison i miss holding you & give her a big hug or give her her own sippy & say now i have 2 litlle babies, she may or may not like that................

.when my middle DD who is 5 has a bad night, when she wakes up in the morning, i always go to her with a big hug & smile & tell her i am looking at enjoying a wonderful day with her & i will help her stay out of being grounded for the day, sometimes she gets in a better mood but so am i cause i make a point out of not letting every little thing piss me off for the day...........best wishes

I know you're planning a wedding right now and stressed about the details a bit (as anyone would be). It could just be that she needs more of your attention - she used to be the baby, now she had to give up that role to her baby brother, and now likely has even less of your undivided attention due to the wedding planning. I think that we can't make major changes in a child's life and expect them to adapt seamlessly. She just needs her mommy more - try to get down and spend some one-on-one time with her during the baby's naps. I'm sure you do that anyway, but really try to take more time and make sure you tell her how you feel about her. Kids need to hear that kind of encouragement, especially if lately it's been all about what she's doing wrong.

Also I'd get a book or two for her on being the middle child and why that's special too.

Good luck with everything!

My 5 year old son has started acting this same way lately. He is the middle child. I think he has a lot to do with attention. I can tell my son is constantly looking for attention, negative or positive. Him and my 3 yo daughter (the baby of the family) go outside after dinner in the backyard every evening after dinner to play. Pretty much every night this week he has lost his outside privelege because of his behavior. I have a teenager that is getting a lot of attention from us because of school grades, then the 3 yo gets attention cause she's the baby. I think you are right it is just that middle child syndrome. Find ways to include her in your every day stuff, to maybe being your helper. So tough when you have more than one and trying to spread the attention equally.
Good Luck!

TOTALLY second Suz T.