My 3 Year Old Is a Devil

I know how you feel, My 4 yr old is the same way, she will be 5 in august, I just go day by day, and she sits at the dinning room table when she is bad, that seems to be working for me for now, I tried the sending to the room thing but she playes in there so that was no punishment.
Maybe give him something to do, My daughter likes to wash windows so I give her a wet paper towel and tell her to wipe the windows. I found that having her help me around the house helps,
good luck,

:) I saw an episode JUST like what you are describing so this was the first thing that came to mind. :)

http://www.supernanny.us.com/

I would start by trying to make sure that your 13 year old has a "brother-free" space to do homework, talk on the phone, etc. When both kids are home, I would try to come up with activities that will keep your 3 year old busy. My daughter is 3 and enjoys anything that seems grown up or makes a mess. I think unstructured time is really important (for you and for him), but I would save it for when it's just the 2 of you. As for his tantrums, I would speak in a calm voice (which is tough when the other person is shreiking), and move as far away from him as possible (as long as you're within ear shot). Sometimes, they just need to get it out of their systems. If he's hitting his older brother, I would put him in his room until the kicking and screaming stops. Save the talking and hugs for when he's calm. Childproof his room as much as you can and use a baby monitor to listen in. We use time out too. The first few times required having to keep returning my daughter to the spot over and over, but after a while (sometimes a long while!), most kids just comply. They just want to see if they can win the battle!

Sounds like your 3 year old knows who is boss, he is. You need to have a schedule for him and rules, and discipline, you need to follow through when he breaks a rule. Give time outs, take away things he enjoys, when he breaks a rule. Make sure he understands that there is going to be consequences for his bad behavior. Reward him for good behavior.

There is one reference I would recommend for off the wall hostility in children (and adults)

Change your brain, change your life, by Dan Amen, M.D.

I am an engineer, not a mental health professional. However, friends of mine are using it (and so am I) - it has lists of questions to see if there might be something going on like symptoms of head trauma or diet problems, and if it might be wise to get a professional taking a look, especially if there was a recent abrupt change in personality that is negative beyond what is typical in children, and especially in that individuals history.

Hang in there. We're praying for you.

M.

Most tantrums are a ploy for attention - doesn't matter that it's bad attention. If you ignore them, then those fits will no longer have any power (I know, easier said than done). It might take awhile, but he should learn that tantrums are not the way to get what he wants. Make sure no one in his life is giving in to these tantrums.
Best wishes

All I can tell you is be patient. Be glad that he gets in to SOME things. This means he is curious and wants to know about the things around him. However, invest in baby locks. My 3 year old is the same way. He has an older brother and sister and they are afraid of him. Sometimes I feel like I want to run away or move away, but I realize that he sees us experience and use these things so he figures if it is good enough and interesting enough for a grown-up to keep using and looking at, then it must be something good and they want to use and experience it too. Don't discourage exploration or experience but make sure it is safe. Make it more interesting. clean out a draw or closet and put some things like clothespins or spoons and pots or some other interesting things just for them. Tell them, I put something new in the play closet. He will be busy for a while at the same time learning something new.

stick with the time out or what ever you are doing dont quit. The second you stop he will think he has the upper hand and get even worse. Try and curb this behavior now rather than when hes older and even more wild.
If he fights when you put him in time out stick it out! put him back in the chair, stool, or lillipad (cushion on the floor), wait untill he calms down and start his time 1 minute for every year of his life.

I did this with the kids I babysat for (THEY ARE MONSTERS!) and I saw progress in a week but it was quickly undermined by their mother who thought it was mean to repremand her kids...they dont listen (spit, pee, and throw food all over the floor) at 5 & 7 they are horrid. thus I watched them.

Try to stop your sons behavior now-it will be easier now than later.

hope this helps,
K.

I know what you are dealing with. I have a 13 year old son and i have custody of my 2 year old grandson. Some times they get along and then they don't. I just try to keep them seperated but it doesn't always work. The 2 year old likes to hit and know he picked up spitting from daycare. The 2 year old does alot of sitting on his own couch he has and yelling when he sits but he has to learn and i would rather have him sit than smacking him. It just took some time for him to learn if he does something wrong he will sit but he's catching on.

The first thing, and probably teh hardest part, is to try to keep a positive attitude about him. If you think of him as "bad" and a "devil", and especially if you refer to him as such within his hearing, it's going to make things that much harder. It's hard for a kid to try to behave when they're conditioned to think of themselves poorly, however unintentionally.

He may want to have more voice about what's going on. Sounds like he's a smart cookie. It might help to reevaluate what you're allowing him to do and what is off-limits. If he asks for or does something that you have to put your foot down about, be sure to give him a good reason that he can understand. Even "because it's dangerous" is a much better answer than "because I said so."

What manner of discipline are you using? I think it's important to stick to logical or natural consequences to the thing he's doing. If he slams a toy around roughly, you take that toy away, you don't send him to his room or take dessert away because those have nothing to do with what he did. Try to avoid yelling or berating him. The things you say will have more of an impact if you use a calm, firm tone. And it probably goes without saying, but you should never strike or use physical punishment.