Moving and School

Oh, you are absolutely right--- I've retired after working with public programs for 40 years - and I can tell you the change in what Kindergarden is like can hardly be overstated ( in the last 15 years). It is NOT '''' just kindergarden, where they can play and socialize''' It is SCHOOL - with desks, tests, requirements and accomplishments tht will alter his progress through his school career permanently. For him to leave before the great, wonderful, tough, happy work is done would be awful ( from his point of view) SOOO many goodbyes and well dones get said in those last few days-- if it were 4 months- no, that's too long- but a few weeks????? --- Fer corn sake- why should he be deprived of that? Even military families ( who accept the incredible cost of constant moves on top of all the OTHER sacrifice and pain) usually will leave the ''' mom and kids'' behind for up to 3 months to let children finish the school year--- no reason to deprive him--- no high cost to staying. Old Mom says so -- ( lololol)

Good for you--
J..

Have not had experience with this, but I think that you are wise to think that it is a good idea to let him finish the year here - a lot of transitions wiht moving, starting a new school and making new friends seems like a bad idea for just a few weeks of school. Maybe look into camp programs in the new location so he can start to make new friends and stay busy over the summer (and be occupied while you are setting up the new place).

A. - I am the mother of a Kindergartener as well. I would let your son stay and finish off the year. It is not being silly at all! He has made friends in his class an would like to be there until the end of the year for the class party and to say goodbye to his pals.
My neighbor moved last year and my then 5 year old was close with their son, they played together every day. When they moved my son was SO sad, even cried a bit. You will want to give your son time to say goodbye.
I absolutely think you are right!! Let him have the sense of finishing Kindergarten and starting 1st grade in a new school.
Good luck, I know how hard moving and the current market is! L.

I also think that it's important for your son to finish school. If he leaves early there will be several things that feel unfinished. Moving is difficult enough. He needs as much stabilit that is possible.

When my granddaughter was in preschool or mother took her out early by a month or so. It was difficult for Monet. She cried alot and talked about her teacher. When she dropped out she did not have enough lead time to absorb what was happening.

I took her back to the school in the summer so that she could see her teacher and wander around to say good bye. Unfortunately Miss Natasa was no longer working there.

The last days of school are planned in ways that help kids separate. Kids need time to absorb and think about changes. That's why we give kids a warning i.e. "10 minutes til dinner time."

Kids are sensitive to having changes in their life. And they are insecure because they've had no experience that tells them what will happen.

If you take him out of school 2 weeks early that makes 2 major changes for him. Leaving school before anyone else does and leaving his home. And I repeat that those last days of school are focused on finishing up which will help him be less secure.

Are your husband and mother-in-law sensitive and aware of feelings and how they affect our lives? I've seen many men women who don't consider kids' feelings because they're just kids. In reality a major change such as a move can traumatize a child enough to make moving moe difficult and making attachments to school more difficult. Kids are learning how to relate to life. Grown ups have some of that figured out. Kindergartener's aren't really aware in a knowing way that there are other places to live and that the friends they left behind are still there and can be contacted again.

Hi A.,

I moved around a lot as a child, and it's difficult at any age, even kindergarten. Although I do see the advantage to your son meeting kids in your new location before the school year ends (so he can hopefully have a friend or two to hang out with over the summer and going into first grade), I think if it's so close to the end of the school year, it might be easier on him to just finish out the year here, then move over the summer. I would definitely suggest looking into a summer program or two (soccer, swimming, camp, karate, community center, etc.) for him so he can meet some friends and hopefully take any pressure off starting at a new school for first grade.

I think he'll be good either way, but given your circumstances, this would be my suggestion as the best route to take.

I wish you and your family all the best during your transition! Take care.

The year is almost over. Wait it out and let the child finish school. If you pull him out and move, he won't do well in a new class for what? a month? so he'd miss out on the end of the school year. I think that by the time your house sells, AND closes, school will be a couple weeks from over. Make the sacrafice and let the little guy finish out the year. He'll have plenty of time over the summer to make new friends in a new neighborhood. Let the new buyers know that they can move in the end of June. Like I said, closing the loan takes a few weeks. Your agent can help you coordinate the sale with the end of school. Good luck and it's nice you're taking your son's feelings into consideration. Some parent don't.

If possible, I think that you should stay so that he can finish out the year. Especially, if you think it would be beneficial or meaningful to him. I think it would give him a sense of accomplishment and closure. Good luck with your move! S.

I have to say I think your husband and MIL are being insensitive to the fact that this is a major mile stone for kids and I think you will regret not having those pictures of the graduation to look back on when he is all grown up. What is a few weeks in the grand scheme of things compared to the fact that this will only happen once in his life? If it was me, I'd stay and let him finish. And FYI for your ignorant other half and his mommy...they do actually do a lot of very very important things at the end of the year. They will handicap him by yanking him now because every school has a different order of when they do those things and he could end up learning the same thing twice and yet missing out on some very important stuff. Talk this out with your husband and MIL and let them know that they are hurting him for their own convenience if they make you do this. Just my mean two cents worth. :) Good luck.

The end of the year is always special. Keep him in his school and start the new one next year.
I know a boy who's mother moves him at odd times. He was moved from one school 2 weeks before Christmas break. He missed all the Christmas fun with his friends and didn't get to give them gifts he made for them. Plus, people he knows ordered stuff from the Cub Scout troop that no one ever got.
Let him have his special end of the year time. It isn't far away. Then move and have a wonderful new school experience.

A.,
That is not silly to want your child to finish school. One it teaches him good things about sticking with something to the end. I would take your friend up ons staying at her house. My son went to a private kindergarten last year (it only is pre-school, pre-k and Kindergarten) and they put on a graduation for the kidergarteners. My husband and I threw a graduation party at our house for all of the children and their parents/family and teachers. It was great!
Hope you enjoy your new home.
S.

I am an elementary school teacher and have a fewinsights to share with you.

If he were moving mid-year, or even with two months left, I would say move him and enroll him in the new school. It would give him time to bond with a few kids before the summer starts and then he can have playmates for the summer. Plus it makes the "stress" of starting First Grade at a new school not so stressful. (He has knowlegde of kindergarten now so moving to a different kindergarten isn'rt such a big unknown. Moving to a new grade and a new school is kind of a double whammy.)

But, if as you say it is just the last couple of weeks, keep him where he is. You will totally regret not having him go through the kindergarten ceremony-- they only do that once. And he really needs to say good-bye and finish with all those memories. Closure is a word that gets overused in our society, but in this case it really will give him a sense of moving on, not just quitting.

Good luck with your house!

A.,

I moved every two years as a child, and it was much less painful or disruptive to move before I hit middle school (11-12 yrs old is when it got hard). I was an Air Force brat.

So it really depends on your child, I would say. See if he has any feelings about it. It would probably be nice if he could go to his graduation party and officially finish, but I don't think you're going to cause any long-lasting damage if you guys really need to move.

One benefit to being the new kid at a new school at the end of the school year is that you are usually specially introduced to other children in the class by the teacher, and that makes it a little easier when school starts up in the fall again because you might know some of the same classmates. (That is, if you are going to have him finish somewhere else.)

It is extremely disruptive to school work, though, and there were huge gaps in my education due to the constant moving around. For example, at the old school we would have just finished studying plant biology and then at the new school the teacher would have just started teaching that same subject--or I would miss out entirely on some important theory in math class. But it doesn't sound like you move that much, so don't know how much that is going to interrupt his learning.

I would also take into consideration whether you are going to be living separate from your husband and son's father and for how long. That can be more harmful than transitioning your son to a new school if you guys are all separated for very long.

Obviously, there are pros and cons to both scenarios. If you're not going to be separated, though, and you don't HAVE to move right now, go ahead and let him finish.

Good luck making your decision!
L.

Either way it is going to be hard.

My parents had us move 3 times in one school year - the first time out of state - the second time was when they bought a house in the new state - so we had to move a second time just before the end of the school year. My mother's reasoning was that we could make friends for over the summer. That was a very hard year for me and later even harder because I missed long division by moving three times with three different curriculum. So if I could do it again - I wouldn't want to - I also don't remember having had the time to make new friends that I saw during the summer. I'd have to ask my sister if she had more success with making friends.

This is a hurry up and go world where little things like kindergarten graduation ceremonies don't seem to matter any more. I say stay for the ceremony. Enjoy and take lots of pictures. It will only happen once.

My dad was in the Navy, so we grew up moving every two years.

Whenever possible, my mom had us move over the summer. This sometimes meant that we were staying in the Navy Lodge, other times it meant that a condition of sale on the house was that it wouldn't close until 2 weeks after school was out (a week to pack and get our stuff out), and SOMETIMES it meant that we'd already be living in another state, while the house was on the market.

My first grade year (and I was the oldest) was her trial run an moving in the middle of the school year, and she hated it so much that she refused to do it again, if she had any choice (sometimes she didn't... if orders came in November... she would hold out until winter break, but no longer).

On our side of the street (being parents now, ourselves), my son hated kindergarten.

Don't get me wrong... he had a FANTASTIC teacher (30+ years teaching who was reprimanded more then once the year my son had her... because she had the *audacity* to let the kids who already knew numbers and or math DO those things, and ditto on reading, and ditto on when it came up she taught the kids how to tell time. The new "thing" in the district we were in was "Qualitative Math" until the 2nd grade...aka math with no numbers... and "Equal Reading" aka, no kids were allowed to read anything that the slowest reader couldn't read yet. Wonderful, kind, amazing woman.) He LOVED his friends. But, he left preschool with a 2nd/3rd grade education... and he was bored and sad.

We let him finish out the year, for the very reason that you state. He had started it, had worked hard (not academically, but in my opinion it's a heck of a lot harder to learn and conform to social rules then it is to learn the academics), had developed relationships that were important to him, and he would have missed out on the celebration & ceremony that his beloved teacher and friends and HE were planning and working towards.

Out of EVERYONE my personal belief is that the goals of children are the most important... because they're Just Learning to set those goals and take the steps necessary to attain them. Yes, there are a hundred ways to work around having to swoop in keep them from finishing them (because, as parents sometimes we have to), but when there is an opportunity for my son to see a goal he's worked for be achieved... I bend over backwards to facilitate that.

After all, we CAN'T be anything that we want to be. We CAN, if we have luck & help, be anything that we work for. I like getting that lesson in young, and building faith before I have to work on building flexibility and an understanding that life happens.

So, obviously, I think you're right on.

My family moved twice during the school year when I was in 6th grade. One sister was in 2nd grade and another in 9th. The only one who had a bad experience was the one in high school. Your kidnergartner will be fine. Just move. No graduation ceremony necessary.

I think more fun for him would be having a "good-bye" party with his friends at home before you move. Don't dramatize things. It's not tragic to move.

Best of luck!

I agree with pulling him out early if need be. I would concern myself more with getting into the new neighborhood. I would find something like swim lessons,soccer what ever the interest is so he connects in his new environment.If he meets a few kids in the neighborhood before September the transition in will be easier.

I agree with all your 3 points. Yes, he's just in kindergarten, but it's a very sweet time. I'd also add a 4th reason: he'll have fun at the ceremony and so will you and you'll have the photos to remember it by. Maybe that's 4, 5, and 6. :)
Good luck!!

I think you should 1) ask your son what he prefers, 2) talk to your husband about his feelings and 3) play it by ear. If your friend is willing to put you up for those couple of weeks then there's no reason you can't consider that as an option. It is "only kindergarten" but your right that your son might want to stay and finish for time with his friends, end-of-year parties, field day, etc.

YES!!! This way your DS has the opportunity to meet other kids in the area prior to summer vacation. It may be a Loooooong summer break for you if he doesn't know anyone in the area.

I felt the same way, but we moved half way into the year. My husband got a new job in Montana and started on Nov. 1. I stayed in Portland with our 2 boys because I wanted our Kindergartener to finish at Christmas break. Some people said the same thing your family does, "but he is only in kindergarten", but you are his mom and know what is best for him and his personality. I felt my son needed to have that closure since he had already developed relationships and would not see most of those kids again. On a side note he didn't even get to go the last week of school before Christmas break because of the snow storms. Good luck to you, I know you will make the right decision because you are his mom.

Given the option, I would keep my child in until the end of the school year... It gives a sense of closure.

Jenn

I did not read all the previous posts..

If you are not moving out of the area and away far far away..
then keep him with his routine until the end of the year!!

...my reply would be different if it was last December :)

best of luck,
-marg.

You have already figured out that if you want/need to stay until the end of the year you have the option to do so. Good work on your part to figure out how to make that happen if you need to.

Don't continue to worry about it now. You have made the possible arrangements. Maybe your house will not sell before the end of the year and all this worry will be for nothing.

Having said that, do what you feel is best. If your hubby doesn't really care if you wind up staying until the end of the school year, then go for it if you feel it is best for your son. If your hubby really feels that you all need to move together, then you have some negotiating to do.

Good luck and God bless you. Hope your house sells and everything works out well.

Maybe ask the teacher's advice, but I say if it's not that big of a deal, let him finish and have the sense of accomplishment. Perhaps Dad could go ahead and get things ready for you out of state?

Hi A.,
If I was you I would let him finished his school year and say “good buy” to his friends at the end of the school party, I might make him write cards to the teacher and friends and things like that. I would also let him being part of the decision making, I would ask him what he would like to do. Probably he would like to stay until the end of the year. Than when I go to the new place the first thing I would do is sign him for the new school and I would ask his new teacher to give me some parents contacts, so I can schedule some play dates during the summer with his new classmates. This way when he starts next year he will have “old” friends in his new school, in his new class with his new teacher. Hope I was helpful. Good luck!

If your house sells before school is out, just have your son attend the new school for a few weeks. This way, he can meet friends in his new neighborhood and not be so lonely during the summer.

Check with the new school in when their summer vacation starts. When we lived in Texas we were out by May, and in California we had year round school. This may be helpful info when making your decision.
Wish you luck!

If you truly have the option, I say wait and let him finish the school year. That's a more natural transition time for him and will probably help him adjust to all the changes that go along with moving out of state.