Mother-in-law Question About Christmas Card

It seems like she has good intentions. It would be different if you gave her a photo of your son and told her you were using it for your Xmas card and then she turned around and used the same photo for her own card. If she is putting both grandbabies together in the picture and showing them off to her friends and family, I think it is sweet. She is a proud grandma and she wants the world to know.

I concur with Jennifer S.
I light of crimes against children and privacy issues nowadays, I myself as a Mom, explicitly explain to my Mom/sister/relatives, that ONLY if I "approve" may they use my kids photos anywhere, be it online or in hard copy like in a card. Schools are the same way...

That being said. It is up to YOU on "how" your child's photos are used. AND, how any information about them is dispersed.

For me, it would be irksome, about what your MIL is doing, because she is 'assuming' that she can. Without thinking about your answer or concerns, first.

If there is overlap in your Christmas cards, then so be it.
YOU have every right to have a x-mas card of your child no matter what MIL does. SHE does not supplant your choices. If she grumbles, then so be it. Explain he is your son, and this is your card... and tell her ALL parents do that. It is your freedom to do so.
NEXT, perhaps your MIL can have her "own" card/photo of your son, that is a photo of her WITH your son in the picture, of them together. That can be an option.

YES, it is your turn to show off your precious son in a Christmas card/photo. So do so. You and MIL don't have to use the 'same' photo nor the same card design.

(by the way, I'm all for a MIL that is happy and wants to show off photos of her grandkids too... but that does not mean that the child's Mom ALWAYS has to succumb to a MIL's wishes or be silent about it or give in, all the time. The "Mommy" (& Daddy) has to be primary in making decisions for her children. Ultimately. AND the MIL has to "learn" to take a backseat too, and graciously learn her "place" in the family.

All the best,
Susan

Hi Monica,

I think that it is a cute idea! It is great she is so proud of her grandkids. My grandma sent out pics of herself and all four of her great grandkids with her cards. If you are sensitive to just the babies in the photo you could suggest herself being in it just as well.

Even if you both send to the same people it only means your son gets twice the glory. It is hard to pick which photo to use anyway. He gets to be in two.

I think that in life you have to choose which situations to make issues of. Christmas is meant to be a time of peace and merriment. Why not embrace the meaning of Christmas and offer your MIL the olive branch. I think you will all be better off for it.

Let her love her grandbabies and be glad she does. I know lots and lots of people that play favorites. Be lucky she isn't one of them.

Just my two cents.

Good Luck.

C.

I would kindly decline to have her sending pictures of my kid to people I don't know. I"m protective like that though. My MIL wants to put pictures of my son on her website and I won't let her do that either... the less my son is out there the better.
However if you are not concerned about this issue then I would say that you need to sit down and talk with her and figure out something. Explain to her that you were looking forward to sending pictures of your son as your christmas card.
i personally, and please don't be offended, can't stand it when people use pictures as their cards though. I don't like cards in the first place ( I know, BAH HUMBUG) but it's the tree hugger in me. I'd rather get an email or a phone call.

I think you hit it when you said, "as a new mom." As a new mom you're finding your place, confidence, stride and when others step in, take over, question or are simply excited to show off their grandchildren, you bristle. Completely understand and I was the same way. When I was getting my footing I really wanted people to back off so I could figure out holidays, birthdays, my own traditions, my own ways of doing things. Don't discount your own feelings. If you have the kind of relationship where you can talk to her about your vulnerability and place as a mom, it may allow her to understand your perspective and remember her own experience.

Because the plain truth is yep, its pretty common to get cards of grandkids on the front. But I wonder how many moms felt the way you do and allowed resentment build because it was the mom's intension to be the presenter of the baby. Please don't think I'm making light of the situation, but try to reflect where your irritation is coming from.

Congratulations on YOUR little one!

Jen

Not sure if anyone suggested this yet or not, but would you be up for getting the WHOLE family together to have a photo done and you can share sending out the cards? You could do a separate one with just you three to send to those people who know you but may not be as familiar with the rest of your family. Just a thought!

I can see how it might be a little irritating that she just assumed she could do that, but as you're a first time mom, she's also a first time Grandma! She may not realize how this makes you feel. It's important to be honest (with kindness) and let her know how you feel. If you hold it in you're bound to let silly resentment build up that you'll carry through the whole relationship. Try to view her as your mother, rather than mother-in-law. How would you handle the situation if it were your mother?

Hope this helps! And don't forget the true spirit of Christmas during all of this! God bless!

E. :)

sounds like there is a bigger issue at hand--MIL taking the reigns. Do the 4mo old's parents feel the same? What does your hubby say about her?

I have trouble understanding my MIL sometimes and think she does things strange, but she did manage to raise a wonderful son whom I married so she must have done something right.

She is an excited and happy grandma and has every right to be...she is so proud that her children are now completing the circle of life, and babies are so cute and fun...!!!! Try to understand her point of view, but don't be afraid to bring something to her that concerns you (remember to pick your battles and run it by your husband first!)

As far as Christmas cards go, maybe suggest her card is with her/grandparents with the grandkids or whole family, and yours can be just your son. I've had friends in a similar situation, and I enjoyed both cards completely!

so after reading you other post and this one it sounds like there is a much bigger issue here having to do with you feeling like you are in a competition with your mil. either you do not get along with your mil or your son loves her and it upsets you i can't imagine any other reason that these things would be affecting you so much. i would never think twice about my mother showing off my children on her Christmas card nor would i think twice if my husbands mother wanted to do so. i think you need to let these issues go or else you might end up creating a rift in your marriage especially if your husband does not feel as you do. if you are having all these issues and your son is only six months old just think of how much worse it will be in a few years. it sounds like you need more confidence in being a parent which will come with time.

I understand your frustration. Mothers, in-laws or otherwise, can often be overbearing. Do you and your mother-in-law send Christmas cards to all of the exact same people, or would this be an overlap of say 5 or so people? I say just let her do her thing, you do your thing and a few families will get two pictures. Would you mind seeing more than one picture of a cute couple of kids? I mean, really, would you? I sure wouldn't.

There is no thunder to steal here. I myself would want to send three or more pictures of my cute one to all of my friends. Its kind of neat that there will be a second photo going out to your shared friends and family. Just go with it and enjoy the fact that she is so in love with your baby and so proud!

Let her get the outfits and get it all done, then pick your outfit so its completely different. Maybe have yours at the beach doing something fun and unexpected for Christmas?

I know we have to pick our battles, but my two cents worth is to pick a better battle to fight than this one.

i think that is a bit much for her to do. i could understand if she wanted to take a picture at home with the babies in a christmas setting but to go as far as the matching outfits and all that is too much. thats your baby and you deserve to send out the professional picture cards not her. just tell her that you prefer if she sent a different style card. it may cause hurt feelings but if you dont want it done then it shouldnt be done.

She is proud of her grandkids and many people would give their right arm to have a grandparent like that for their children.

If you don't change your heart now, you are going to have problems your whole life. If you think this is a problem, wait until you are a MIL....what goes around comes around.

It's a Christmas Card!!!!

Monica:
If your MIL was attempting to over shadow,your plans or jump the gun,on this thing, she could have waited till November,had the cards made up and hit you with the news then! She's giving you plenty of notice as to what she wanted to do with her xmas cards,and gave you six months notice of her planned project.You sound like someone who's angry they didn't come up with the idea first.I'm sure everyone on your list,and hers will be delighted to get more than one photo of your son. You keep up the nit picking,and your husband will soon tire of it and your marriage will go down hill from there.

While she sounds excited about her new Grandchild, she is being rather inconsiderate of your feelings. I think the time to tell her would have been right there in the heat of the conversation, although I do sometimes wait if something has really irritated me, so I am a bit more calm.

It is nearly July, personally (unless you are doing a Christmas photo theme), I would take his photo now or fairly early and have the card worked up and get it out first. If she mentions, I would just say I didn't think it would be a problem. As a new mom, don't you want to put cozy family picture on the Christmas card? Holiday cards really get backed up, so be sure to start early. I suspect this will anger her and she will make an issue of it, however never thought twice of your feelings.

Someone mentioned permission to use the photo and she is right. I am a photographer and you cannot use photos of anyone without their permission unless they are taken in a public place or are public figures. It is called a "Model Release". Of course she will think you were insane for mentioning that, but it is true.

Hi Monica, tell her you already have plans to do that yourself, and get your husband to stand up to mom and back you up. J. L.

I don't think it is trivial, but at the same time, I don't know whether it is worth going to battle over, either. Did you talk to your husband about this? What does he think? There is always the possibility that she is not trying to steal your thunder as a new mom, but maybe just proud of her grandchildren and wanting to show them off. I think it would have been nicer of her to ask you about it before saying what her plans are, because you are the mom...maybe in your Christmas card, you could consider doing a family portrait of you, your husband and the baby...since I got married six years ago, this is what we have done every Christmas. The pictures turn out nicely and relatives always say that they are glad to have a recent picture of our family. We go to a portrait studio in the mall or department store, and it is usually a nice picture in dress up clothes.

Best of luck in whatever you decide,
J.

I have seven grandchildren that I adore and love nothing more than showing them off. Every year I send out Christmas photo cards of my grandchildren. I would include my children, but they don't want to be in photos. The photos are ones I took and sent to my friends. I don't see why anyone would be upset. If your family gets two Christmas cards with different photos of your son, what's the problem?