S., I wish i had advice. I did want to let you know that my 8 year old son does the same thing. I have asked other moms of sons, and she said they all do it. So I guess I have conceded to live with it and not let him get the best of me. I do think that if we let him BE the victim he will always be able to play the victim, and this can lead to narsissim ( I know my brother is one. a narsissit that is.) I and I try to "reason" ( I don't reason very well) with him after he has calmed down.
I don't know if this helped but I did want you to know, it seems to be normal.