I have been going to school full time for about a year now. I am 29 and have a 4 y/o son. He is in pre-k right now at a great school and hes loving it. BUT there are things I would like to do with him at school and for school that I cant do right now because I go to school full time. The reason Im going to school now is because after high school I was in no way ready to go to college and I wanted to leave home. So I joined the Navy and traveled. I took classes while in the Navy. I then got married and had our son. I worked a little and took classes online. That was fine. My husband passed away 2 years ago and now its just my son and myself. I would love nothing more than to have a college degree and have a career...but I feel guilty for not being able to be do more with my son and his school. He gets upset that we cant do a lot of things during the week and when we are home, Im studying and hes playing or watching tv or doing school work (which consists of practicing to write). I feel so bad that I cant do more with him. At the same time, I want my son to know that his mother is trying to better our lives for the future. I am financially capable of staying home full time. My son goes to a private school and we are able to takes vacations when we have breaks at school and the Navy pays 100% of my tuition. (My sons college is going to be paid for by the Navy, but Im still saving.) I am very fortunate to be able to live comfortably at this day in age. Although, I know our economy is in shambles and I dont ever want to not be able to give my son what he needs, so I figure I will eventually need to work to pay for whatever it is we may want or may need in the future. ALSO, I hate hate hate going to school with 19 and 21 year olds! Its intimidating and sometimes I feel like Im back in high school. Im not trying to make friends or hang out with anyone from school but I do ocassionally interact with the other students in class (lab) and there have been a few times when I'll ask another student for help and they'll look at me like Im dumb and they do think they are smarter than the professors. An adult school is catered more to adults in that they give you credit for your work experience, etc. So, Id like to hear from other moms who are or were in school. Any advice? I was also looking into going to an 'adult' school. I think next semester Im only going part time. Thanks in advance for your time. =)
*My son only has ME at home. No siblings to play with and i do take 'play breaks'.
Thank you to everyone who responded. I sincerely appreciate it. I really wish taking online classes was an option. I have completed all of my general ed courses and am left with only sciences with labs. Which means I am taking 2 sciences a semester, which means I am completely consumed with work. Sometimes I think that maybe a switch in my major would help. I was an EMT when I was in the Navy and loved it. I wanted to go to nursing school, but after losing myhusband to cancer 2 years ago, I feel like it would be too emotional and bring back too many memories of our countless stays in the hospital. So I figured I could work in the medical field, but in the back ground. I am a biotechnology major and boy do I have my work cut out for me! Its very demanding and I have to study countless hours a day and I feel bad. I want a job that I love and feel will benefit others that are sick. I am by no means trying to find a cure for anything (Im not genious!) but I am passionate about helping others. Espcially because I know how it feels to lose someone and feel like there is no one to help. I want to understand what was happening to my husbands body and why. Mostly I want to know why. My son has to be tested for this genetic disorder and if he is positive for the mutation I want to know what Im dealing with. I was clueless when my husband got sick and it happend so fast that I couldnt keep up. I didnt know where to turn or what to ask. It was scary and I couldnt help.
So thats the story. Next semester Im taking only 2 classes and will go in the summer. I will still be able to graduate in the same amount of time because I need to complete the sciences and I cant really take Chem 2 and Organic chem at the same time. lol. Im at a 2 year school and am in a program that has a direct transfer option to Rutgers and a few others here in NJ.
Thanks again ladies! <3
I was a full time student from when I was 38 until 42. Most of the kids thought I was in my late 20s so they probably don't know you aren't their age. They also found me a lot more intimidating than I found them. If you really want to fit in, don't answer the questions. :p
My older kids were in college when I went. My daughter would always beg me to not be that non trad, ya know, they one that answered all the questions.
My Husband works and goes to school.
It is arduous.
He is working even when home and works/studies 7 days a week day and night.
We have 2 kids who are now, 5 and 8.
THEY understand, that Daddy goes to school. And he studies hard. He shows them what he studies. They are proud of him. It is to better himself and to therefore, increase his/our success and career. Later.
But in the present... yes, its hard. He often wishes he can spend more time with the kids. He will, when he can. The kids know that.
Mostly, it is about planning ahead... to then make time to spend time with the kids. Time management. Toggling many things at one time.
He can't go to our kids' school to volunteer or spend time with our kids either. He can't just get off work to do that nor miss a class. But it is for now.
Spending "time" with the kids... does not mean it has to be all day. It can be, doing something with them, that they want to do, even if for ONLY 1 hour. That is what my Husband does.
My kids will tell him "Daddy, when you take a break from studying... can you play with us tag?" And he says "Okay..."
The thing is, no matter how busy my Hubby is... he does and WILL take a break from studying/working, when he is home. THEN at that time, he plays with the kids and spends time with them. Even if for only 1/2 hour.
He gives them face time and an interactive activity with them.
Taking a 1/2 hour break from studying.. IS doable. It can be done.. .and then you spend time with your child.
No, it is not easy. But for my Husband, that is how he handles it.
It is for now. Once he is DONE with school... he will have much more time.
My Husband goes to school, with younger adults/kids too.
So what. The general student population nowadays, is FULL of non-traditional students. It is how it is nowadays.
It bothers him, not a bit.
He goes to class, does his thing, and comes home.
He is not there to socialize nor get into the 'scene' at school. He's past that.
Universities now, are full of students of ALL ages.
I don't know what you mean by going to an "adult school."
And sure, going part-time, will create more time, for you and your son.
BUT then that will mean, completing your degree, will take longer.
OR the alternative is, during Winter and Summer breaks, do not attend the accelerated Winter or Summer school classes. You can take a break then.
I do not have any advice. I'd just like to say that in addition to being Luca's Hero, you are now my hero as well. At such a young age, you have experienced more than most of us in OLD age. Your son can only benefit from your determination. Just don't forget his childhood is very short.
Really, how lucky is your little fella to have a mom like you?!!
:)
If you are feeling guilty about being so busy in the evenings then schedule your homework time either after classes before he gets out of school and then again after he is in bed. There must be time in there so you can do the majority of the work when he is not home.
That is what I did when I went to college as a non traditional student. Don't pay attention to the young students. They don't have a clue about real life yet and may not even get "it" until many years down the road.
I am going to tell you from experience of being a child with a parent who was in college full-time & NEVER participated in my school activities or events & also as a parent myself who is going to school full-time.
first as a child my mother attended college part time & then full time, I basically never saw her from the time I was 4-12...she never attended school functions during the day & we never went to evening functions, when she was home she was glued to her books & computer
as a full time student & parent myself I have chosen to do things differently, I attend online courses (thats just what works for me & my schedule) & I only do homework when my kids are in bed. this does make for some late nights however it is a sacrifice I make so that my kids know they still come first. We do attend evening functions & I help with school parties & the PTA/teachers send things to me to work on at home. personally I am willing to sacrifice my me time to do things like this for my kids because I remember how it was to not have a mom who did anything like that.
now I think its great you are going to school, but there has to be a balance & in that balance your children have to feel & know that ultimately they do come first (at least for me this is how I want my kids to feel) I make whatever sacrifices in my schedule that I have to so that I can help & we can go to school functions, no necessarily all of them but at least some of them. & keep your head up, you wont be in school forever, so it will get better. & maybe check into some online courses if you can they are much more flexible
I went back to school when my son was 2 and was not in preschool yet. I started at a local 2 yr community college for a completely new degree and will transfer to a local 4 yr university next summer. I was in my 30s and felt weird sitting w/all these "yungins" but I had to get over it pretty quickly. That was the 1st semester and I was taking 18 hrs. I took online or hybrid courses the rest of the 2 yrs and loved it.
I did have my husband to help but since he is a full time workaholic I took care of the kid all bymyself most days, and since my husband is an outdoorsman, he was usually gone 2-3 weekends a month.
I too felt like I was missing out on my kid's development but I felt as long as I made whatever time I had for him quality time, then it didn't matter if I spent 5 mins w/him or 50 mins.
I got up EARLY (3-4am) to study, studied during his naptimes (at that time he took 2 a day), and after he went to bed at 7pm and studied until after midnight.
I did make sure I got some sleep and ate healthy and worked out, even for 30 mins. We ate off paper goods, did alot of take out or frozen meals, and my laundry room turned into our dressing room b/c I couldn't take the precious time from studying or playing w/my son to put away.
I tried not to study while my son was awake. To combat the temptation of always studying, I stuck to a strict schedule of playtime, reading, arts & crafts, outdoors, playgroups, library time, etc., never in front of the TV. So on the days I REALLY needed to study while he was awake, I let him watch TV or videos.
Don't feel guilty. Just let your son know how much you love him but right now your job is to finish school and his job is to help you by sometimes playing by himself for a long time or doing some things on his own.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I am wondering...did he serve in the military too? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. But I admire you and hold you in highest esteem - for serving, for being a single mom, for working on your education.
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I am 37 and in school full time - I would say at least a third of my classes are people around my age and a little older - I don't have a lot in common with the younger ones, but I still engage with them, and it has made me feel a little younger!
I feel guilty sometimes too - but do you remember being 4? I don't or just have the vaguest notions, most of what I remember with my mother was from 8 years onwards - so he won't even remember this time. Get your degree, so you have it.
Hi Luca's mom,
I'm in my mid-40s and a full-time student...changing careers so I can help pay for my kid's college, as well as spoil my husband with some fun trips : ) and ensure a comfortable retirement.
Talk about feeling OLD lol...29 is young! Good for you for doing it now. You will never regret it. And by the way, thank you for your service! I am so thrilled that your child's college will be paid for! This is exactly what our veterans deserve, and this takes the sting out of paying taxes a little ; ) , knowing at least some of those funds are going towards something I believe in. Thank you, thank you, and best of luck with your academic career, S.
PS so sorry--missed the part about your husband passing. Please excuse that...and that explains why you feel torn. However, I do think that you are setting a great example for your son as well as protecting your financial future...
Your son has what he needs--a strong, wise mom who is an excellent role model. No matter how much time you give him, he will always ask for more--just the way it works.
I'm 64 and working on a Master's Degree, so I'd say you're never too old to be in school.
I'm 32 and a full-time student. I have an almost 5yo bio son and 3 foster children (2yo and under). If I wasn't doing school I would be working full-time so I look at my class schedule like a full-time job. I know that what I am doing now will provide a better life for my family, it will provide a good retirement, and pay for my son's education. I would rather do my schooling now while my son is young so we can have the time/money to enjoy life and make memories during the majority of his growing up years. My school offers a running start program for high school students too so some of my earlier classes were filled with 16-18 year olds and they think they know more than the profs and enjoy pointing out the prof's mistakes. I go to class to learn, not to be social so I don't get into the drama of dealing with young students.
Right there with you. I have 4 kids ages 24, 21, 18, and 5yrs. My 18 year old moved out last month which left me with only one child at home. I attend school online and am earning my Masters degree. It's tough having to say no because I have homework to do when she wants to go to the park or a movie 26 miles away. I make what time I can and put off assignments until the last minute in order to make her happy.
I am keeping in mind that you need to make sacrifices in order to get where you need to be and want. I just didn't realize that I would be sacrificing this much time with my child. I know it will be worth it in the end and she will realize the determination she will need to get what she wants and where she wants to be when she's older.
Keep focused on the goal, not the problems in between. (If I repeat that enough, I'll be okay.)
I just turned 30 and I will earn my BA in May. I work full time (from home, thank goodness) and I am married wtih 3 young kids who are in pre-school during the day. It's so hard but I am so glad I am doing it and in the home stretch! I am in the University Without Walls program at the University of Massachusetts (Amherst), so I take online classes with UMass professors from my home in NJ. Look into this program if you are looking for flexibility, it is fabulous! I tend to get a lot of work done during lunchtime from work when my kids are in school, and for a few hours at night after they go to bed. Don't feel bad about studying, as Mommas we always have guilt, but remember that you are doing this now to benefit both you and your son. You have no idea what the future will bring, do this now while you don't have to worry about money and possibly having to work on top of it. Best of luck to you!!! :)
I've been going to school part time (2 classes instead of 3... but I take summer classes, so I'm still on track like I would be if I were full time and going crazy) for 6 years (out of the past 9 since my son was born; I'm triple majoring... it takes a little while).
I honestly don't give a rip about the other students. LOL, I'm not there to make friends. I DO, but that's not what I'm there for. I've honestly made a lot more friends amongst the faculty, and end up at a lot of gradstudent/faculty events (along with a handful of other undergrads).
Personally, I couldn't go full time in my majors, in fact, the school recommends strongly against it, although a lot of people do. My son's been an extrovert since birth. Studying while he's awake, until just recently, made me both a mediocre mom AND a mediocre student. :P I know a lot of student parents who have kids who DON'T need the constant interaction my son does... my son just isn't one of them. So I found out early on that I had to choose. Either wear mom-hat, or student-hat. Meaning I studied while he was asleep or elsewhere. My time with him was his.
One nice thing, I didn't have to worry about splitting my time with my husband... because he was always gone. It was just kiddo and I.
It's worked out pretty well for us. Preschool was *awesome* because all of a sudden I had an extra 4-5 hours a day to work. Awayschool K was something of an unmitigated disaster, but as far as study time went? Fan freakin tastic.
Now we homeschool (see above) so it's gotten a little interesting as far as MY schooling goes. Hello YMCA "afterschool" care. Problem solved.
My husband did school the "traditional" way. Was embarrassed to be older, have a family, etc... so he just pretended he didn't (meaning "traditional"). He spent ALL his time studying, on campus, going out. <rolls eyes>
My only point being: Figure out what works for YOU and YOUR family. It's going to be different from other people. And that's okay.
I probably shouldn't answer bc I'm not in school but I do work full-time. First, I'm really sorry for your loss and it sounds like you're doing a great job. I have a 5.5 year old and just turned 7 and instead of them wanting me less, it seems to be more. They LOVE when I volunteer at school etc, always want me to pick them up (we have a nanny). So I'm trying to switch to part-time. If you don't need the money immediately from starting a career, part-time school sounds like a great choice for you. That's kind of the best of both worlds. It'll take a little longer but as a single parent, you have more on your plate in terms of childcare so don't overload it too much. So just my thoughts from the perspective of a full time working mom who thinks part time would be great.
