Messy House???

My children are 23 months apart and there is no way to keep a clean house, I have tried everything!!!

I live the same way and there are only two of us. One is 11. I can't blame everything on the dog, cats, or the ducks. It will get better! I still won't let people in if I don't know they are coming a week in advance so I have half a chance at cleaning before they come.

I can TOTALLY relate...most days, honestly, I don't even bother to pick up the toys since I know they'll all be out the next day. I have 2 sons who are 20 months apart. They are 29 months and 9 months, and now that the younger one is crawling and pulling up, things have gotten worse since he creates more messes than his big brother! He loves to get a hold of tissues and napkins and shred them into tiny pieces! I get really grumpy when we're expecting company because I know I'm either going to have to stay up late or get up early to clean. I try to have them nap at the same time, but it often doesn't work out that way, and even when they do, I get so little time to myself, I want to do something I enjoy instead of cleaning. You are not alone!

Ahh....so you suffer from CHAOS (Can't Have Anybody Over Syndrome) too? You are NOT the only one!! :)

Flylady.net is AWESOME!!! Definitely worth looking into.

Of course, since both my DH and I work, we have to make adjustments, but there are still many aspects we incorporate from her website.

Good luck!

My two girls are also 23 month a apart but now one and almost 3. My house was always messy, but it does get better when they both nap at the same time. I am fortunate to have someone come and clean the house. She cleans/scrubs the bathroom and kitchen and vacuums the bedrooms and main area. This helps tremendously. I can live with a little mess but knowing that the house is clean makes me feel so much better. I am getting close to canceling the cleaning service because they are both getting older and I feel and I have the time to do more of the real cleaning while they are sleeping. And since summer is here we spend more time away form the house. This helps too. But in the beginning, he hose seemed to always be messy until we made the investment for a cleaning service. I didn't stress about getting things clean while someone was sleeping on on the weekend when my husband was home. It left the weekends open for us to do fun stuff. One downside of having a service is leaving the house on time before or when she is here to clean.
I hope this helps and good luck!

I feel your pain! I have a 3yr old and I swear he thinks my whole house is his playroom. My son is a tornado it seems like because everytime I clean a room. He is right there to mess it up again. I sometime think that he just loves watching me pick it up. Then on top of that he thinks my house is a big trash can. He throws every paper or wraper of his on the floor. I think its funny because every time I ask him to pick up he says will you help me!

C.,

I just want to assure you that you are not alone. I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and my house is pretty much trashed 80-90% of the time. I feel like I get one mess cleaned up, and while I'm doing that they're making another mess. This is on top of just trying to keep up with all the snack and meal dishes, laundry, etc. We also have a dog which does not help matters:) Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who's not able to manage to keep everything together, but then I realize alot of us moms are in the same boat. Just thought I'd share.
T.

My kids are 23 months apart also. They are now 2 and 4. In some ways it gets easier because they do nap at the same time and I only have 1 in diapers now. However, they are always making messes. I figure that a little mess just shows that my priorities are set on my kids and making sure they are happy and well cared for then the house. Yes, I clean when I can, but to me, spending time with the kids is way more important. This time is too short to be stressed about house cleaning. Good luck and enjoy your two little ones!

May I suggest hiring a mommy's helper? I have one just one day a week, and she is a sanity saver. I am so grateful for what she does. Simple stuff, like run the dishwasher and put them away, a load of laundry, run the sweeper, pick up toys, etc. She is 12.00 an hour.

If you can afford it, it is a huge help!

Good luck!

R. W.

We have a nearly 22 mo and one on the way in 5 weeks (23 months apart) and even with just one it looks like we had a dog explode all over the carpet and things really only get "clean" when we know the parents are coming. Even then the bathroom may only get a quick wipe down to get rid of all the lint and hair. We have 5 baskets of clean clothes in the basement that haven't made their way upstairs. Once they do, they will probably be there for two weeks before finally being emptied. I do find time to load and unload the dishwasher when our DD is eating breakfast most times. We were never this bad about cleaning before.

I am in the same boat!!! I have a two year old and a three month old. There are days that I clean as much as possible but overall I cannot seem to keep up either. Most people understand that it can be hard to keep a house immaculent especially with two children. If someone has something negative to say just say thanks for offering to help me out.

Christine,
I feel your pain! I'm glad I'm not the only one out there! Unfortunately, my hubby is most likely the messiest one in the house. He tells the kids to clean up or he'll throw their stuff away. I then tell HIM the same thing. Nothing ever gets thrown away! I'm a bit anal about order, but after being married to a MESSY man for nearly 12 years & having 2 little ones, I've had to give up! I do what I can & try not to stress too much.

Hi, I have a 4 month old and a 2 1/2 year old as well as a 6 and 7 year old. My house always looks a mess. I totally know where you are coming from. As my new little one has started sleeping through the night it has gotten better. I am able to get something done each day. With 4 little ones it does not stay clean long. It is an endless battle. But on the bright side, it does get better. My 6 and 7 year old are able to clean up with me. And my 2 1/2 year old is now helping too. I have found that putting a load of laundry in before I go to bed is good. And if my littlest one gets me up for a feeding in the middle of the night I would put it in the dryer. The next day I would put it away or at least folded in a basket. My oldest 2 did take naps at the same time. And my youngest 2 are starting to nap together. It can happen. Just don't stress yourself out about it. You will figure out a routine that works for you.

My house is pretty messy as well. A website has helped tremendously - www.flylady.net. It helps you get routines in place - even with kids!! - and the main mantra is 'I can do anything for 15 minutes.' Hope this helps!!

A.

Goodness Christine....I could have wrote the same post. I have a 4 and 2 year old. It's a same thing with my two year old and changing sheets everyday because of the overflowing mess every morning. I really think anyone with kids have the same problem. It's one of those things that if you aren't cleaning all the time then it's hard for your house to stay that way and I really feel it's not fair to the kids to clean all the time! They would rather you play with them then live in a super clean house. I just take it one day at a time and try to do 5 min pick ups a couple times a day or a good hour in the morning before the kids get up.

Well I must go clean up juice that my 2 year old spilled....Ahhh a mom's work is never done :) Hang in there!

There IS HOPE! I've had great luck (esp. when my children were little) with flylady.net. Best of luck. As flylady says, "Even housework done imperfectly blesses your home."

My fave: "I can do anything for 15 minutes."

i'm with you, it's crazy, isn't it? i'm amazed that such a little person can create so much mess!!!!

one of my favorite things is to send my husband out on a saturday with the kids for a field trip to the science museum or the park, and stay home to clean undistracted and without a tornado following behind me!!!! it also gives him an opportunity to experince my life with the kids, which is a good reminder. it keeps him grateful for all i do :)

another thing that helps is picking one day that i devote to laundry so it all gets done, and then when i see it piling up instead of feeling overwhelmed i think-- i'm going to do it on friday!

Maybe this will make your feel better. I have one child and he is only 4 months old! So he can't actually get toys out himself, but still my house is a complete mess! I keep waiting for the time when I can spend just on cleaning - just seems like it will never come lol.

I am right there! I had to laugh at one M.'s comment about the clean laundry in baskets.. I have often said my kids don't even need their dressers because the laundry never makes it there and we live out of laundry baskets! I don't know what you do? Just enjoy your kids and don't answer the door! LOL!

Haha...don't feel bad! I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and I work full time. House work is the last thing on my mind. I barely have time to cook and do dishes much less actually clean anything. I have been very stressed out about the house lately because it looks so bad. I am just doing what I can and not worrying about the rest. I would rather spend time with my kids then clean.

I've resigned that my house will not be clean again until my youngest is out of the house. Youngest is now 11.

wE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE. MY SONS ARE 1 AND 3...AND YES MY HOUSE AND LAUNDRY AND EVEN MYSELF HAVE GOTTEN BEHIND! TRY LIMITING THE KIDS TO ONE OR TWO ROOMS IN WHICH THEY ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE TOYS/FOOD/PLAY. REMEMBER THIS IS YOUR HOUSE...THEY ARE ONLY TEMPORARY OCCUPANTS (UNTIL THEY TURN 18 IF YOUR LUCKY:-)) NEXT STICK TO THAT BOUNDRY. THIRDLY, GIVE YOURSELF A SCHEDULE, IF YOU CAN'T DO ALL OF THE LAUNDRY SO WHAT?! JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN ON THE DESIGNATED DAYS. BEING A MOM IS A FULL TIME JOB BUT IT IS WELL WORTH THE EFFORT. ALSO GIVE YOURSELF SOME SLACK, YOU JUST HAD THE BABY ONLY 4 MONTHS AGO!!!!!!! AND YOU MIGHT STILL BE POSTPARTUM. I CAN REMEMBER FEELING LIKE I FINALLY GOT THINGS IN ORDER AFTER 6 MONTHS OR SO.

GOOD LUCK!

Unless one has robots for kids and spouse, we're all in the same boat. And it gets worse if one homeschools, like we do! It doesn't get much better with older kids (mine are 11 and 13), but you can make them help clean up. :)

I'm with ya!!! My problem is my son age 18months still gets up at night, (We are working on weaning him)so I am exhausted. And I should have never heard the advice, sleep when the baby sleeps, because now since I am so tired I can't wait for nap time, so I can sleep. When do I do cleaning? And my son is at that age of pulling everything off the shelf and walking away. It is all I can do to keep up with daily cleaning, let alone deep cleaning. It will get better I keep telling myself. Maybe when they go off to college. ; )
Seriously though, we will survive. Dirty house or not. Don't miss those precious moments with the kids. The dirt will still be there, they won't.

I've used www.flylady.net for years now. I'm not 100% on program but I am always able to go back and get started. She also has a blogtalk radio program weekly. The website is great as well as she has a book. Modify the program to meet YOUR needs. She has great little sayings like "Even houswork done incorrectly still blesses your family" and something about trying to hit a lick at a snake??.... I guess it's better to hit and miss than not try at all. I have a 22 month old and another on the way as well as having issues with depression & anxiety and my hubby is out of work now so I truly understand feeling overwhelmed by the messy house!

Hi Christine,
You are not alone. I know on my end my house might be a little messy but my kids are happy! They play like the should and don't worry about the mess. Anyone that has kids would understand what you are going through. Unless you are super woman it is hard to do all the choirs and attend to your kids at the same time!!!! Sometimes I try to clean up when the kids are in bed or I will get up a little early (if I can) and do it then. Don't fret to much about it, do what you can and if people don't like it they don't have to come over is my motto!!! Take care and try not to stress yourself out to much! Motherhood does a good enough job of that on its own!!!

Consider yourself validated! I had two boys almost 4 years apart. Hang in there - chaos will subside eventually. Don't beat yourself up about it - mom's are so important and as long as you're feeding, cleaning, and hugging your little ones, you are doing your job. The rest of the house can sit there since your kids will be under your care for only so long. As you go along you'll learn some coping skills that work for you.

Do you have just one friend with kids? Any age? I had a friend with 3 s and we'd occasionally watch the other's kids while they cleaned or just took a breather, and visa-versa. A break in routine is a sanity saver.

I can relate! I have 4 children. They are older and it doesn't get any better. My favorite is when my kids invite people in to show them our house and walk them through every room one by one to show them. By the time the person leaves I am ready to DIE asking them why on earth would you want to let people SEE the filth they call their ROOM? (I refuse to do their rooms regularly) that's their job and I can always shut the door and pretend it doesn't exist!

Oh thank goodness I am not the only one. I have a 7-year-old daughter, a husband (who does not help with housework), two dogs (one long haired) and two cats. Needless to say my house is ntoe the neatest in the world. Actually my MIL showed up unexpected yesterday and I was just a tad embarrased. My laundry is WAY behind, my floors require vaccuming everyday (they do not get it). My house is in general dissray. I also work fulltime so by the time I get home from work I am tired and don't feel like cleaning house...plus I would much rather spend time with my daughter than clean house.

I may have to look into Flylady that has been recommended by others here.

I guess in the end my daughter may remember a messy house growing up but she will also be able to remember mom spending lots of time with her. :o) Maybe when she's a teenager my house will be clean. :o)

I just wouldn't sweat it too much. I would much prefer to have a nice clean spotless house...but then again I would much prefer to have a million dollars too. :o)

It does get better as they get older as long as you make your expectations known from the start. When it comes to the 2 yr old and her toys, make sure you are paying attention to how many toys she has. If you find that even after cleanup you still have to "clean up" thats an indication that she has too many toys. Make seperate toy boxes with just a few toys in each and then rotate them in and out of her reach. Start now with the one toy at a time rule, and set up one area in the house where toys are okay, all other rooms are a toy free zone. Even the playroom must be picked up every night before bathtime, no exceptions. This way when the kids are older, they know what go clean your room means.
If you are married, tell your husband that until both kids are out of diapers, he is responsible for washing all of his own laundry and the towels. This leaves your clothes (which at this point you're probably wearing a few times in a row anyways to save on laundry) and the kids stuff plus linens for you. First thing you do is up the number of sheet sets that you have for the kids. This way a blow out doesn't mean a rush to get the sheets washed right away because you don't have any clean ones left. quickly pre treat the stains if they bother you (i found that the blanket covered them nicely and all I cared about was that they were clean, who needs pretty for a poop machine?) and then wait til you get a full load of nothing but sheets. With crib and toddler sized sheets this could actually take a week. As far as the clothes go, put all of the kids stuff on hangers in outfits like they have them in stores and push all but about 10 outfits to the back of the closet. believe it or not, somehow fewer choices does somehow lead to less laundry. When you get tired of seeing those clothes, pull the next ten forward and move the stale ones to the back. One load a day should cover you and both kids, and on the weekends wash sheets one day and blankets the next. Even if your laundry room still looks like a homeless person lives in it you can then throw a towel on top and tell guests that those are the things your husband has to wash. Question though, why are guests touring your laundry room anyway?

Hey, I do too! Have someone clean it for you every 2 weeks or once a month to get an edge on it. My niece(25 years old and grad of CCAD) does mine and it is rather reasonable(she sits too) and a sanity check as well!

If you want her name and number, let me know!

G.

My sister-in-law has the same problem. Her kids are 4 and 2 years old. She has been dealing with it for a long time. The things she's tried & seems to work is: She'll ask me (aunt) or grandma & grandpa to take them for a day or she dose it on the weekend when her husband is home & their trading kids and house work until it's done and she'll do the quick everyday stuff as she plays with them.
It's not easy, but her house isn't as messy anymore. Just remember if it all seems overwhelming ask for help. You are one parent taking care of two kids. It's OK to ask your husband or family for help so you can get things done.

My girlfriends often have to remind me that we all go through this. Currently, I have a 4 and 2 year old and a 7 week old. And again, I find myself struggling to keep up with the house. I say 'again' because I went through the same thing when my second was born, but I had forgotten how tough it was to get things done. Eventually, the baby gets bigger, the siblings start playing better, and more gets accomplished in a day. My only advice....get the kids on the same napping schedule. I did it with my first two and will do it with my third. It is well worth it. I can get phone calls in, housework completed, responsibilities taken care of, and on some days a well deserved nap in myself. Hang in there and good luck! I am right there with you!

Boy this is the story of our life too!! My oldest turned 4 in April and my twins turned 3 in June! Dale (oldest) was just 15 months old when the twins came home -- you know, I've come to realize that I do the best I can with me being home with them. If someone comes over and thinks it's a mess - they obviously either don't have children or they have a nanny:) Plus, yes I do clean but what is important too is to take the time out to play with them - get down on their level -- both of you will remember that 20 years from now when they're on their own.

I have a 6 & 7 year old and you wouldn't want to come over right now!! It is always difficult, especially when you work, too, to keep up. You'll have to seek out those who can and do and ask them HOW! You're not alone. We would all like a nice, clean, neat house, but during the little times, they care more that they spend time with you than if the house is perfectly straight! =)

I hate to tell you this but it will only get worse before it gets better. My son's are 4 and 2, they are twenty months apart. Once the younger one is old enough to help out and pick up their things the load will lighten a little. Try to keep the toys contained. Don't allow them to drag them all over the house. We had to institute toy free zones. Only tub toys allowed in bathroom, etc. Also we have manditory clean up times three to four times a day and the toys have to go back where they belong or no snack. Also repeating things like we put our clothes in the hamper and we put the toys away before taking out new ones help. It worked out great one night when my husband came home and our son who was then three told him the rule was we clean up after ourselves. He's help out around the house more since then.

I think we all feel same way. My boys are 2 and 4 and the house is a mess. I feel like I pick up 1 thing and 5 things are messed up. It's crazy. Before my hubby gets home I try to pick up the superficial stuff so he doesn't think I don't care (that is his thought) I try to do at least 1 bathroom a day I have 3 in the house and than a room a day. So far it works pretty well. If I don't get that done I try not to stress. I figure it will get done one of these days when they go to school. Don't stress clean when you can.

Just take one day at a time your house is always filled with memories your children give to you not your house i still have that problem in keeping up with house it will always be there but children grow up and go on with there life listen to cat's in the cradle it will make you thankful for your children just ask for a little help when hubby comes home if not just remember take one day at a time love from another mom who went through it.

I completely understand. I am a working mother of two (ages 2 and 6) and cannot get ontop of my mess. Those who seem to be the most successful have house keepers, are slightly OCD or have older children who don't make as much of a mess and can really help in cleaning up behind themselves. A dear friend broke it to me as such, if there is not a place for everything, I'll never get on top of the mess. Try getting bins,that may help.

You are NOT alone...(and not in an Alien type way) I have 4 kids and 2 of them are old enough to clean up but that never happens...Don't over stress yourself .....Take a breath and know if it doesn't get done today OH well.

I know someone else mentioned it, but wanted to validate flylady.net. It is kind of cheesy in my opinion, but has helped "keep" my house clean by doing a lottle each day. Don't get me wrong, it will still be hard with kids, but it will help you to manage a little better. Good Luck!

You are not alone and mine are older (6 and 3). I try to keep the rooms by the front door clean as possible so if someone knocks on the door, but if you make it through the hall its at your own risk. :)

Most of my friends and my sister are the same way. By the time I am done working I have to make a choice between cleaning and spending time with the kis. I try to balance it out so we don't live in a pigsty, but they still get read to and love and play time with mommy.

Not to mention the few times I have caught up and have a "perfect" house it lasts less than a minute. UGH

You are not alone. I can't keep my house as clean as I want either. It takes me 2-3 times as long to clean it as it did before kids. As soon as I leave one room I cleaned, 15 minutes later you can't tell. As long as your kids are healthy and happy and safe, don't worry about the mess. It should get easier when they are a little older (in school) then the house can be clean at least a few hours before they come home!!!

It will get better, the best advice I have is - Don't sweat the small stuff. We have all been there. You will blink and they will be out the door to college.

I know the feeling. My kids are 21 months apart with the older one 2 almost 3 and the younger on 12 1/2 months! Besides that both my husband and I are full time employees outside the house. You can only do so much in the day. I try to complete 5 little tasks each day knowing full well that it aint gonna all get done and spending time with the kids is more important. Example, after you use the bathroom, clean the sink and the toilet. (The tub can be washed before baths if need be.) See, one task down. Then after baths, clean the tub and if your house is anything like mine, the water doesn't stay in the tub so it's perfect time to clean the floor. I don't worry about the laundry area--people know I have kids. Besides, if they want to criticize, let them come and show me a better way. Yeah, right! Good luck and hang in there!

I understand completely. I have a 4 year old, 2 year old, and 4 month old. For some reason that transition from one child to two is so hard (much harder than 2 kids to 3). I used FlyLady.net that someone else mentioned, but it was so many emails that I slipped away from it. It works, I just wasn't dedicated. Instead, I try to write down 3 goals for the day. Maybe 2 loads of laundry and the bathroom a quick clean. That way I get a little done above and beyond the daily things that bog me down. And if the daily things don't get done today, I still accomplished something!

If it makes you feel better, my older kids have to wait until the laundry is done before they go outside to play. Why? Because they honestly have zero clothes - the pjs were the last of the clean clothes they had.

you are TOTALLY normal!!!

As with many other moms, I am right there with you. I have a 2 yr old and a 6 mo old (22 months apart) and I work full time. There is just never enough time to do it all. I try to focus on picking up the clutter. I got large baskets and containers to quickly put toys away. My 2 yr old is able to put his cars in one container and his trains in another, etc. I feel as if my house is rarely clean but I feel much better when I can atleast see the floor and table!! It seems that I would only actually "clean" for company. With the holidays coming right after #2 was born, I broke down and hired a cleaning person to help. We have used her services probably about 4 times in the past 6 months. It definitely makes me feel better. The house gets fairly dirty between the cleanings but I try not to worry about it.

Two short things...
This is not your season to have a spotless house. This is your season to adjust to two little ones and enjoy the time you have with them as much as you can.

And, my mantra these days (I have an almost 4yo, a 20mo and #3 due any day): "It's better than it was." I tell myself that after the little cleaning/ picking up I am able to do and it makes me feel a little better.

If you're really motivated, check out www.flylady.net. She has some really great techniques and motivating tools that really help. I started her program about 6 months ago. I will admit, I'm not completely compliant with her schedule, but I have learned many helpful things from her so my life is much less hectic than it was a year ago.

Okay, two things.
First, don't be afraid to ask for help. Ask your husband for starters. Tell him how frustrated you are feeling and try to work out something that you can both agree on. Something that worked for us was a regular clean up the house time before bed that my husband headed up. So a half hour before bed, my husband would get the kids to help him clean up. The kids would have tasks like - take this to your room; put these in that box. It really helped for my husband to head this up because 1-I didn't have the energy and 2-he can make just about any task fun :) Another way that might work for you is to have him put the kids to bed while you do the laundry or clean the bathroom or kitchen or whatever. Or he could be in charge of folding and putting away the laundry. Whatever works for your family.
Second, don't base your worth as a wife and mother on how clean your house is! For a while, I was in that place where you are, busy with two small kids, constantly cleaning up messes, always feeling behind, slightly embarrassed to have people stop by... And I finally realized that I was basing a lot of how I felt about myself on how well I could balance my kids, my husband, my house, my other responsibilities... and I was failing miserably! So I felt like a failure. I felt like every other woman was able to handle all this, but I couldn't. I felt like I was responsible to do everything by myself since I was the stay-at-home parent and the house and kids should be my contribution to the family (since I wasn't contributing financially), and that I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain. But after talking to some other women about it and hearing their stories, I realized that other women DO struggle and it's okay to ask for help! Then I felt much better!
So I hope you will be able to benefit from my story. And re-gain some sanity :)
Blessings,
J.

Yes, we are all in the same boat and I guarantee you, it looks the same as our homes! TB outbreak...that is good, hadn't thought of that one yet. I
t's all part of being a mama and you are doing great! My first suggestion is to leave the house for the day. :) If you are not there you can pick up a mess that hasn't been made.
Have daddy take the kiddos out for a morning on the weekend or to the park in the evening so you can get to a few of those annoying household chores taken care of without distractions. Better yet, you take the kids out and let daddy clean up. I'm too neurotic that let that happen, either that or I have high standards.
In the big picture, this is a blip on the radar. Your home will get clean, the clothes laundered, the toys picked up...eventually. Don't sweat it. Good luck!

Christine..i just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.My husband thinks that because I am a stay at home mom now that the house should be spotless,the kids should be taken care of,and anything around the house should be done.Most of the time i am so tired that the thought of even doing anything wears me out even more.I try to catch up on my sleep when the youngest is asleep.i can't offer advice,but i can feel your pain.i give my house a really good clean about once a week after that its a liitle at a time and pick and choose.It is hard having little ones..as for me I have two severely handicapped children one of which needs constant supervision,and even then my husband doesn't understand why the house is not spotless.Take care and eventually the kids will get older and be able to help out more~K.

I know exactly how you feel! My sons are 17 months apart. They are now almost 3 1/2 and almost 2. I also provide childcare for a little boy who just turned 1. I realized a while ago that its almost impossible to have a "clean" house with little ones running around all day. I work on dishes and laundry everyday to keep them at least under control mostly during nap time. Even if they don't nap at the same time, its often easier to get a couple things done when only one is around. My older son can help me with cleaning up the toy room or emptying the dishwasher when the younger ones are sleeping. I try to make a game out of as much as possible! Once in a while the grandparents like to take them for a visit and I take avantage of that time to really get the scrubbing and sanitizing done! :) Don't be too h*** o* yourself! Just remember that your kids are what is most important! And you're not alone!!

Hi Christine,
My kids are 7, 5, 3, and 1 yr. old twins...so I definitely feel your pain! The thing that helped me get through the 1st year with the twins is knowing that my house will never be totally clean and the laundry will never be totally done...once I came to that conclusion, I didn't stress so much! My mom has always told me that you have to eat and you have to have clean clothes to wear...so I keep the kitchen cleaned up/cook dinner regularly and keep up on the laundry as much as possible...the other stuff isn't nearly as important! I thought we would hire a cleaning lady after the twins were born, but the cost in this economy made me think otherwise...so I just do the best I can, as we all do!! AND I keep telling myself it will get easier! Soon they will all be in school...then, even more dreaded, out of the house...and I will be wishing for a messy house again!! So, just enjoy them and don't sweat the small stuff!! :) Oh, and FYI...my hardest adjustment was going from 1 kid to 2. So, I am quite sure you will feel better once you get used to having 2! Your baby is only 4 months old...give yourself some time. :)
Take care and Good Luck!
S.

well, let me affirm you, here! i have a 2 1/2 year old & a 9 month old (they are also 23 months apart) & up until about 2 weeks ago, by house looked exactly as you are describing! my bathrooms seriously weren't cleaned for MONTHS...you know that lovely black 'stuff' that can grow in toilets & showers? well, that was here. i didn't dust any room in the house for nearly 6 months (b/c we paid someone to clean our house when our #2 was about 2 1/2 months old).
just recently the state of the home hit me & i decided to clean instead of playing (or blogging!) & started doing at least 1 cleaning item a day. dust a room in a day, do a full load a laundry in 1 day. BUT that was just recently, like i said! give yourself plenty of time to recuperate from the delivery (wait, i'm just assuming you didn't adopt, but if you did, still give yourself time to deal with a newborn!).
say all those corny sayings to yourself about spending time with your kids rather than cleaning...even if you're not spending that time with your kids. lol.
i found that around 7 months we started getting into a routine of sorts with baby #2 & it still took me another 2 months to get enough where-with-all to begin keeping a cleaner house. (& trust me, before kids & even before #2, my house was fairly spotless! so this is not just a typical slob telling you to join the slob ranks, lol).
so here it is: your house will always need cleaned, but your kids won't be young forever (thank goodness!)

We have all been there or are there. Assuming you want to keep your 4 month old near (nursing?), ask a nonjudgemental friend over with the specific task of watching your children at your home for a WHOLE day while you tackle the sole task of making sense of your home, only really interrupting you for a feeding. Other than that, she is in charge. Before the day arrives, make a wish list of the most important things that get done. Aim for a good nights sleep the night before. If she is a mom too, she will totally get it.
When I was a first time mom, I could clean my house and do laundry every Monday in 4 hours. 3 kids and a few years later, it takes all week to get CLOSE to reaching that goal. Lower your expectations in general; realize that your role is first and foremost being a good mom. Everything else is third, to being a good wife.

It always makes me feel better when I realize I am not the only one who stuggles with keeping the house clean.
If possible hire a babysitter to entertain the kids so you can find sanity and clean or pay a little more and have someone clean for you.
When my mother was alive she would drive up 3 hours and spend the weekend with me and help me clean. IT was WONDERFUL!
WOW I miss her!