Lying 4 Year Old - Foreston,MN

I always have my children look me in the eyes, i told them moms have special powers to tell if their children are lying or not and all they have to do is look into their eyes. I know that is lying also but it really works, now before i ask them if they are lying, i tell them to look me in the eyes, it never fails, they tell the truth.

Don't give him the opportunity to lie when you already know the truth. Instead of asking if he did it, ask him if he knew you would be upset, or ask him what he was trying to do because you know he wasn't trying to get into trouble.

when he sees that there is no need to fear telling you the truth, he will not feel the need to lie. A lie is a way to get out of or stay out of trouble and most kids will do it. What you teach him (by your behavior) about handling these situations now, will influence him for life. Showing him it is alright to take responsiblity for his actions, will serve him well. It will give him the strength to face his peers and make the "right" choices most of the time.

Just My Opinion

A bit about me: 54 yr old sahm and certified parent with 3 kiddos 2, 7, 11

You are putting him in a bad position by trying to get him to confess. It is normal human behavior to deny that we did something to avoid the consequences. To see this all you have to do is watch the news. The best way to handle his misbehavior is to say, "I saw you do_____, so you will lose________ privilege." If he loses something that is important to him it will work. If it doesn't then the next time take away something dearer. Eventually it will work when he realizes you aren't going to give up and he could lose everything that he likes. He will get worse before he gets better in order to test you. He will probably throw some major temper tantrums. If it doesn't phase you or hurt your feelings and you don't give in, he'll eventually stop acting up. If you catch him lying he should receive a consequence every time. I promise you he will behave if you are consistent, but if he doesn't know what you will do when he misbehaves, (one time it's time-out, one time it's losing TV, the next time it's nothing,)he'll keep doing it until he can figure out what to expect.

I know this is not the response you probably want to hear, however my daughter did the same thing. I think it's a phase they go through. For her it lasted about a year. I could tell when she was lying. She wouldn't admit it. I'd send her to her room for 20 minutes to think about it and when she could tell me the truth, she could come out and we'd discuss it. I didn't guarantee that she would no longer be in trouble, however did stress that if she's honest with me, the punishment will be less if at all. She would lie about stupid stuff and get in trouble for nothing when if she just told me the truth off the bat, nothing would have happened. Just emphasize the importance of why lying can hurt people and honesty is the best policy. A lot of open communication is important. Kids will lie and as the adult you know when they are doing it. Confront him on the issue, but don't accuse. Use feelings like.."When you lie to me, it hurts me inside". Best of luck and hang in there. It will get better.

J.

Dear K.,
This is really hard for a lot of of parents to remember but, lying is a basic human instinct we all possess to protect ourselves and people we love. We lie because we have done somthing wrong or shameful and again, want to protect ourselves and the people we care about. If you know he has done somthing wrong, why even bother to ask and give him the opportunity to lie? Take him straight to time out. What do you mean time out isnt working anymore? As kids get older time outs may get more challangeing, you have to keep being consistant and following through. Dont argue with him wether or not he did or didnt do somthing, especially if you know he has. Keep directing him to the time out area. I know, it's very trying, easier said than done, but if you dont do it, your son will quickly learn that there is no punishment for bad behavior if he can cry and whine his way out of it, and you will never hear the end of his crying and whining, NEVER!!!

I am having the same exact problem with my 4 year old girl. So I would love to know what you find out.

I can definitely relate! I have a 5 year old that will lie to me if he thinks he will get in trouble. The thing that helped us was I would tell him if you tell me the truth you will not get into any trouble but if I find out the truth later I will have to punish you. At this time my son would break down and tell me the truth. It would be hard not to punish him for some of the things he did, but I wanted to keep my word so I didn't. Now I feel like he thinks he can trust me to listen to him and try to understand what happened before I just get upset and punish him. Now we are trying to teach the lesson that all behavior whether it is good or bad has a consequence. And when he decide to do something you have to live with the consequences. This a hard lessons to learn but it does help. You should try these before you just give up on your baby.

Total Typical 4 yr old, and I think its just a phase. I would just keep telling him that its not ok to tell stories and its better to tell the truth.
THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE...lol
I would continue to have consquences for his bad choices, and just keep on the same speech and ride it out.
Good luck-
M.

I completely agree with Betti! Don't give him the opportunity to lie. Have your spouse do the same. If he goes to preschool, let his teacher know this is the response you want her/him to give. Sometimes it takes alot of thought on your part to remember this but it really helps! Children will outgrow the lying bout dumb things quicker if you handle it in this manner.