My son is almost 9 month old, and he is still not sleeping through the night. He slept in his own crib pretty much since we came home from the hospital, we never co-slept or anything. I'm too afraid I would roll over him or something if I put him in our bed. Last night was a particularly bad night for us, so I took him into our bed, and he fell asleep immediately. I waited about 20 minutes and moved him to his crib.
I was just curious how other people do this. I keep hearing that a lot of people sleep with their babies in the same bed. How do you make sure your baby is safe? Do you remove pillows/blankets? How do you know you won't roll over? I don't want to make a habit out of it by any means, but in dire situations, it would really be great if I could take him into bed with us and feel safe. Any suggestions are really appreciated!
Thank you all so much for your responses! While I am still a little cautious about bringing my son to bed with me during the night, I feel a little better with your encouragement to put him in my bed early in the morning, when I'm still dead tired, to get him to sleep just a little longer. I tried that this morning - I wasn't able to fall asleep, but at least I got to close my eyes for a little bit :)
Those parents are relaying on the fact that they would "feel" the baby if they rolled over on him. Not always true. If a parent is so overtired they may not wake up when rolling over. It's a terriable chance to take and certainly not worth it. Glad you're smarter.
Here's some information from Dr. Sears' website about cosleeping that may be helpful:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp
If you don't want this habit to last for months and months (maybe years...)don't do it!! We made the mistake (big mistake) of doing this with our first born...It then took us four very long years to get her to sleep in her own room...It was exhausting for all of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think long and hard about how you want sleep patterns to be over a period of time.
If you are okay with him potentially becoming a full-time co-sleeper and bunking in bed with you and dad until the age of 2, 3, 4, 5, whatever then by all means, bring him into the bed with you. Know that for many (but not all) kids as they get older and older it may become more and more difficult to do what you've been doing without waking him up during the transition to bed. Are you ready to: every night lay down with him for 20 minutes (maybe more time as he gets older) in order for him to fall asleep? I'm not saying it is a 'wrong decision'; I'm just asking you to consider if this is a habit you're willing to nurture? It could possibly become a long-term commitment...how many mamasource posts do we see about "my kid won't sleep, he hates his bed, he won't stay in bed, we need to get him out of our bed"?
Our family could never, ever co-sleep. My husband is basically on-call 24 hours a day and sleeps with his pager in his hand. He MUST get sleep or he will be non-functional at his job (which would be unsafe not just for him but many, many other people). We also decided that it would be healthy for our child to fall asleep on his own and put himself back to sleep in the middle of the night through his own self-soothing, and by bringing him into the bed with us, we'd only be enabling him. To this day, I've only brought our child into the bed twice - once on vacation and once when he was really sick, and it was at 5:30 in the morning to try to encourage him to get at least an hour more of sleep.
You may wish to read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth for other techniques on how to help your child. His books are based off of decades of infant/child sleep research. We implemented the techniques at 6 months and our child has slept and napped wonderfully ever since (and so have we!).
My second child slept best in my bed and she was there from birth till about 21 months old. We never had problem, thankfully. When she was itty bitty I kept her between me and the cosleep that my husband made that was level with our mattress, so my husband didn't hit her by accident. When she got older, she slept between us. Somewhere along the way you just get used to them being there and even my husband managed to adjust and not hurt her at any point. (In fact, for a time they both slept best if they were cuddled together, it was super cute!) If you have bad nights and need to pull your baby in bed, do it. Sleep is too important to fight something like that. I might suggest you try using a spare bed in a room other than your own in case it becomes a habbit. Then the baby doesn't get used to sleeping in YOUR room and you can always get them to sleep and go to your room for privacy at some point during the night. Put the spare mattress on the floor if you are worried about your son falling out when he's alone. Could be he'll transition to a big bed quickly and easily that way.
We co-slept with our son and never had any problems with safety. It's recommended that you avoid smoking or drinking alcohol, as both can lead to heavier sleep patterns. The catch is that although you can sleep (and it's very cozy) I found I never slept as deeply with my son in the bed, doubtless because of the instinctive awareness not to roll over, etc.
It is true that it's habit-forming. Our son, now five, loves "snuggle time." When we found that it was taking longer for him to get to sleep and encroaching on our adult time in the evenings, we set a new pattern - he gets 10 minutes of snuggle time with each of us, and then he has to fall asleep on his own. This has worked very well, and has become a peaceful and loving part of bedtime routine.
I am a big proponent of co-sleeping, I think it's natural and healthy. I do agree it has to be managed or it can take over your lives.
Go with what you feel is the right thing to do. My daughter slept in a bassinet by the bed, but in actuality she ended up in bed with us most of the time because we both fell asleep nursing. I am a very light sleeper so I felt o.k. with her in the bed. We only have a queen size too and she never got rolled onto or smashed. It really depends on how you and your husband sleep.
Anyway, she only slept in her crib a handful of times. We had to get her a twin mattress, and she has slept on that ever since she was 10 months old. She is 19 months now and we had no problems getting her to sleep in her own bed. I will say that I still have to go lay down next to her till she falls asleep though. I think that is from nursing her to sleep though...not from having her in our bed.
Z., you really have to just try different things out and do what works best for you and your child. ALL babies are different with different needs. Good luck.
Z., I'm sure you don't fall out of bed, right? It's because your body has learned where the edge of your bed is. In this same manner, your body will learn where your baby is and you won't squash him. The only thing you MUST NOT do is sleep in the same bed with him if you (or your husband) have been drinking or using any kind of drugs that would impair normal functioning. Also, until he is a year old and the risk of SIDS diminishes, you shouldn't put a lot of soft blankets near him.
Co-sleeping was wonderful and felt very safe until our daughter was about 11 months and then she gently transitioned into her crib without any problems. There are lots of studies that demonstrate that infants in the same room, or even bed, do better in the long haul. Each child is unique and it certainly isn't necessarily habit forming (and can often be easily broken anyway. ) I was worried about rolling over too but instinct kicks in and it wasn't a problem. You have already received great advice about no drinking, drugs, etc. and tips on blankets, snuggle sacks, etc. Perhaps letting your infant fall asleep with you and then bringing him into his own bed once asleep is a good plan to begin with. Good luck!
Well you have a variety of responses and I agree that you will have to do what feels right to you. I loved having my little one in bed with me and so did he, of course. I had him there off and on in infancy and no, I did not worry about rolling over on him. That seems odd to me in fact. I don't see how you could even, unless you are drinking or using drugs. I do not sleep heavily, however, so maybe it depends on how you sleep. But once you're a mom don't you hear every little thing that goes on? I can hear my cat walking into the room in the middle of the night! Anyway, don't get freaked out by the naysayers about letting your baby/toddler sleep with you. It is as natural as breastfeeding and the two surely go hand in hand. You can turn it into a special thing that happens only sometimes as they get older, or when they get really scared for some reason, etc. We used to call it a "sleepover" that our son got to do once in a while and we all had a great time.
You can buy a "Snuggle Nest"... it's basically a little bed you put in your bed so that the baby can sleep safely with you. You can buy them at Babies 'R' Us. They are about $50.00, but totally worth the money knowing that baby is safe and FINALLY able to sleep with the comfort of knowing you are right there.
I am a huge proponent of co-sleeping. My son NEVER slept in a crib, bassinet, etc. He moved to his own bed when he was between 2.5 and 3 years old. I didn't remove pillows or blankets, and I was always aware of him and I actually slept better than when he wasn't with me. I didn't drink and I don't smoke so that wasn't an issue. And when he was ready to move into his room it went very smoothly. He is still allowed to come into our bed if he wakes up. There is a lot of research done that advocates for co sleeping, but of course it is whatever is comfy for the parents. There are SEVERAL cultures that co sleep; it seems western society is the one that has warped views about independence in infants.
It's up to what you are comfortable with, and has nothing to do with "smarter parenting" contrary to Gina H's beliefs. Anyone who would make such a qualifying statement is insecure in their own parenting. Do what's right for you and YOUR family.
Z.,
Both kids have slept with me from birth. When they were very tiny, I would sleep on my back with my arm up and the baby under the crook of my arm. Then I could feel him/her and knew he/she was safe and I couldn't roll over either direction. Now we're used to it (son is also almost 9 mos), and our sleep rhythms are synchronized, and we just follow the basic safety rules about co-sleeping. If I don't get enough sleep at night, it's usually because of the cat! But a side-car type of bed like someone else recommended might be perfect for you. And it is true, it's hard to get them into their own bed if they get used to being with you.
Our boy sleeps MUCH better in our bed, but I only let him do it once in a while because I'm afraid of him becoming "addicted" to it. I have several friends that have babies that will wake up screaming in the night and not stop until they get to come to bed with Mom and Dad! Anyway, my husband sleeps so sound the alarm doesn't wake him, but if/when he sleeps by our son, he wakes up when the baby moves. Must be parental instincts. :-)
I see you're in Lake County and breastfeed. Check out La Leche League in Lake Villa, Mundelein or Libertyville (meets in Mundelein). Lots of moms there co-sleep. Plus, Jeanne at Cygnus Lactation in Mundelein (google her) has a book by a Notre Dame researcher that has researched co-sleeping. Here's a link to his site.
Hi Z.,
We had our daughter sleep in our bed, and now our son as well. We never had a problem, but I completely agree that 1. it's habit forming and 2. you never sleep quite as well while your child is sleeping next to you. I know a lot of people who used some sort of barrier and that relieved some anxiety.
I have to say, however, that it's just a matter of choice, and previous posters who judge co-sleeping as not as "smart" a choice might want to refrain from being quite so judgemental...everyone's situation is different & everyone's just trying to do what's best for thier family. So while opinions & experiences are so helpful, deeming your opinion as smarter really doesn't help.
It's quite logical that your son sleeps better with you. How would you feel if your husband decided to let you sleep alone night after night? It might be fun for a few days then you'd probably get lonely. I would. Anyway, I do think it's easier for moms to be aware of their child in their bed if they start sleeping together as a newborn. If your son is an average sized boy, he probably won't stay in a compromizing position for long. I'm not sure I'd worry about that.
If you have REALLY fluffy comforters, I guess I'd recommend downsizing. I use sheets and avg. comforters as well as pillows. If you can help it, maybe try to place him on top of the blankets with his head flat on the bed. If you can, get a bed rail. It's helpful for you as well as him!
Co-sleeping, no matter how often you do it, is a beautiful, natural experience. Enjoy it while it lasts!
There is nothing wrong with letting your baby sleep with you! My daughter has slept with my husband and I off and on for the last 9 months (she's 15 months now). We make sure there aren't any pillows or blankets by her face. So many people look down on co-sleeping, but I think it is great. You feel an even greater bond with your child. Plus, children grow up so fast that sleeping together gives you a little more time to spend with them while they are that size. If you don't want him in the bed with you, maybe take his crib mattress out, put it on the floor, and try to get him to fall asleep on his own mattress so he gets used to it. Then the transition to inside the crib might be easier. Whatever you decide, don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong. You are the mom, and you know what's best for your child!
If you don't want it to become a habit don't do it. IT's a lot easier, which is why it's so easy to let the habit form. I snuggled my son to sleep in my bed and now have a two year old who still needs to be snuggled every night for over an hour and my hubby and I get no alone time in the evenings anymore; and (because he has a big boy bed and can get out of his room) he shows up in our bed every night. If you have to sleep with them, go to their room, or the couch or some other place so that they and you don't fall into the trap.
As for keeping it safe, it's amazing what maternal instincts do even while youre sleeping. I feel every movement he makes. I don't sleep that well, though sometimes it's better than the alternative. At 9 months your son should also have the arm and hand coordination to push anything away from his face to keep himself from suffocating, and with him in bed next to you you can feel any change in his breathing etc...which will wake up the mommy in you. I just don't suggest letting daddy do it alone yet. Many men don't have that internal tug, forcing them to hear every little twitch like many mothers have.
