Is My Daughter Just Really Tough or Is There a Problem?

Updated on May 29, 2010
R.D. asks from Haysville, KS
11 answers

Ok ladies I recently posted a question about getting ear tubes for my daughter. Got lots of great advice, but a lot of ladies have said that their kids didn't sleep through the night, would be in pain and cry and scream, etc. One mentioned the shot (can't remember, starts with an R) was one of the most painful shots they can give. So heres the deal: my daughter does not seem to react to pain. Maybe she has a high tolerance? She had three doses of that shot, and only cried for literally less than a minute each time. Was not cranky, no problems. With the ear infections, I never knew she even had one until it would be pretty bad because she just doesn't fuss. She would just be pulling on it and a little cranky. This last one she finally woke up screaming in pain but that is the only time. Also, when she falls down hard or hits her head, not a tear. Every once in awhile she will cry but she has hit her head pretty hard a few times and just went right on playing. Does this seem weird to anyone else? I have a pretty high pain tolerance so maybe she does too but it just seems odd to me. I have heard of diseases where kids can't feel pain at all and can become seriously injured. In no way do I think she has something like that, but I just wonder if there is something going on. Thoughts?
***EDIT**** One time in particular sticks out in my head: my husband had dropped a heavy glass pitcher on the kitchen floor. We swept and swept and a week later my daughter stepped on a piece of glass. I was doing laundry and my husband was working on the computer and she kind of whined like she does when she wants someone to pay attention. She somewhat was crying, but no screaming or anything. I told her to come into where I was and as she was walking I saw all of the blood. We cleaned it up and then on Monday took her to the dr. as the spot kept busting open. We never imagined that glass would still be in the foot and neither did the dr. but he did an x-ray just in case. Before the x-ray he was pressing on it and it didn't bother her one bit. He wanted to do an x-ray just to be safe. Sure enough, there was the piece of glass. To make a long story a little shorter, we went to a specialist, had an MRI done and they decided not to operate. Said since she was walking on it just fine that when it did come out on its own to call and they would get it. Two weeks later we could see it coming out. My husband grabbed some tweezers and pulled a pretty big chunk out. She didn't even squirm. Seems weird to me. I am for sure going to discuss it at her well-baby visit but anytime I have brought it up at the dr. they didn't seem to think anything was wrong.

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So What Happened?

Thanks ladies for the advice! My daughter woke up last night screaming and crying in pain due to her ears so I think she's just fine :) I am very blessed that she has a high pain tolerance! The more I think about it, I guess she just takes after me. I was prescribed two different pain meds for after my daughter was born. Only got the more mild one filled and quit taking it two days later. A week later I was back to finish student teaching an all day kindergarten classroom. When I had my wisdom teeth (all four) out, I took the meds one day. I will still bring up my concern to the dr. but I feel much better :)

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M.W.

answers from Boise on

She is fine. All people have different pain tolerance and well as experience sensations to different degrees.

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A.P.

answers from Boston on

My neighbor's son is the same way, he doesn't cry when he hurts himself so he plays really rough and keeps on going. He also doesn't cry when he gets shots. He was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder which I guess explains this issue. I don't know too much about it, but maybe your daughter has the same disorder. My neighbor said some of the symptoms are very high energy, doesn't sleep much, and doesn't seem to feel pain.

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H.H.

answers from Hartford on

I dont know I am sorry, my LO cries if you say the word cry! you might be very lucky and just have a trooper on your hands. You never said if she has ever been seris. hurt or just things like shots and falls? if she was really hurt and did not react I would deff. be worried. is she fine in all other areas of development: motor skills, lang, stuff like that? did you talk to your dr? good luck, I hope you just have a busy/active/tough girl on your hands! xo

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

I think your daughter is fine.
I was a pretty tough little kid and my sister was the opposite.
My son is like me, he's had to have stitches, I.V.'s...never whimpered.
Now, on the other hand, my daughter...God forbid a lady bug landed on her. She would be screaming her head off convinced it bit her and she was going to die. She was SO dramatic. She still tends to be that way sometimes. And she's 23.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your daughter. I don't think it has to do with her not feeling pain, she just doesn't get super worked up over it.
I broke my leg and refused to go to the hospital because I was sure I just twisted it. It hurt like hell, don't get me wrong, but I just didn't want anyone making a fuss. My neighbor, who is a nurse, insisted on taking me to the ER and sure enough, I'd snapped my fibula. I refused pain medication.
After the shock wore off and my leg was 3 times it's normal size the next day, I changed my mind, but I didn't come unglued about it.

I think you should be glad that she's a little toughie and doesn't get hysterical over these things. Like I said, my daughter went into hystrionics over everything.
I think you should praise her for being such a brave girl.

Best wishes!

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I have an extreme high tolerance to pain, but don't work on my teeth and give me a shot in my mouth...whole different story.

I have had foot surgery, which I have heard was the worst surgery you could have...heard worse than having babies. Three days later I realized I didn't need pain meds and walked on them same day.

As well, I have had two babies with no pain meds.

My ankle surgery I didn't take very many pain meds, but it did hurt really bad to stand on my foot after the cast/boot was removed. I about fell down. I also didn't like the doc pulling the gauze off the wound.

Certain things excite me and certain things don't.

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E.M.

answers from Denver on

My daughter was also like that as a toddler. We used to wonder if her pain receptors were broken. She can also tolerate really hot temps--like a hot tub I would need to ease into, she would jump right in. We later found out that she has ADHD and some sensory issues that mean she is UNDER-responsive to movement. She does not get dizzy. She has always been very brave, not afraid of much. Big bumps and falls don't phase her etc. Not saying any of this is applicable to you but it sounded familiar.

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

R.,

Speak to your doctor, but since you have seen her in pain, you are probably ok. There is a very rare disorder where children feel no pain, and it is very serious. You will want to be sure and rule that out.

We have a child who has a very high pain tolerance. It is difficult to manage, she can be seriously ill and we don't know it, but if she itches anywhere, forget about it! She could scratch herself bloody! I would just be very sure to keep tabs on her, and also watch her development for other sensory related issues, speech and lagnuage and social development closely. She may be just fine, but I know a great many children with delays that had this issue too, so just be observant, learn the milestones, and if you are told to "wait and see" before getting an evaluation, always insist that you are more comfortable getting the evaluation instead of waiting.

M. (mother of a "Rubbermaid" kid)

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K.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Maybe she's realizing at a young age that crying isn't going to do any good and it will just interupt her play time. :) I wouldn't worry, better this than a kid who cries at the smallest thing. Maybe she has also, seen adults who get hurt and they don't cry, so she may not think it's really a big deal.

T.M.

answers from Lansing on

Every child is different and If she did cry, even for a minute, she obviously feels pain. I say be thankful and call it good - otherwise you might jinx things and your next child might be a screamer and crier!

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Ditto... there is an extremely rare disorder where a person feels no pain (they can literally be leaning on a burner and cook their hand and not know it)... as well as several disorders that cause loss of sensation, but not the NO pain thing.

***Personally***, I like to rule out medical causes, so I would schedule a pediatricians appt with referrals onto _________. (Not sure who they would send you to, probably a pediatric neurologist, but I don't really know)

She could just have high pain tolerance. I do, and my dad and my son and one of my uncles does as well. I walked on a broken ankle for 2 weeks (not just fractured, but one of the bones literally broken straight in half and separated too far for it to heal naturally. By the time I went in, it had remodeled too far for a pin to work. (It hurt, don't get me wrong, but I still have muscular control when I break bones, and a broken bone hurts as much to me as a sprain). I fell out of trees, off bikes, and considered my bruises to be "badges of honor". (I later became a competitive athlete, and then joined the military.) When my son split his head open running into a brick wall... it split down to the skull, and he just wanted to snuggle. Didn't cry nearly at all (that's the sign my son is REALLY injured or sick, btw, he gets "snuggly"). Made a face but didn't flinch or cry at the numbing shots, and sat perfectly still for stitching, even though we found out that for more than an inch of the gash, the anesthetic wasn't working. Some of us just have really vigilant 4th ventricles. (The part of the brain that floods injured areas with natural opiates, or the whole body with endorphins).

So she could be tough, or there could be something going on. So I'd rule out the medical, just to be safe.

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F.B.

answers from Kansas City on

It is weird and it can either be a very high tolerance or a genetic deficit in pain reception, either way, nothing you can really do about it. When we starting looking to why my son had an intestinal blockage for a week with no belly pain and then almost ruptured it but the hospital insisted it wasn't that for 8 hrs because he had NO pain we talk to a bunch of doctors. They said they could run all these expensive tests, but there was nothing you can do except for to watch them carefully.

The rule that if they don't cry, it must not be that bad doesn't apply to them. My son ruptured his ear drums a combined total of 27 times before his 2nd ear surgery really helped, never once even pulled on his ear, ever. We didn't know until the drum rupture, the fever spiked and inner ear fluid drained out.

I will tell you a couple of things. As she gets older, especially in school she will learn to cry about being "hurt" because if she doesn't and the teacher doesn't notice, they the crime isn't punished. I thought my son was getting better and stopped watching as closely. His teachers told me that he cries like the other kids and asks for ice like they do, that he got up quicker, but still seemed to know he was hurt. Then one day if fell off the jungle gym (he was 4), got up bleeding from his eye, forehead, arm and leg and just kept going. The teachers were shocked. He didn't cry because no one else did it, so there was no reason to be upset, he didn't need the teachers to feel sorry for him and put anyone else in time out. Then another ear infection and I figured it out because he got a fever and he kept falling, new city, new doctor didn't want to check his ears because they didn't hurt, I made him, double infection and a drum about to rupture.

You don't have to stop them from doing everything. I don't even run to him if I think he got hurt, but once he's going again I ask him to come so I can check for something serious and in the tube I look for major cuts that he may not have mentioned that need to be treated. He actually got cut across his back with an ice skate and didn't tell us.

Good luck and you can join the special club of telling parents that it's good when your child cries when they get hurt and they want to sit and be held. It's their bodies way of taking care of them and without it you live in our world of worry they're really hurt and we don't know it.

If you want to chat more, feel free to drop me a message.

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