Invited to 2 Classmate Birthday Parties on the Same Day

Updated on January 15, 2011
B.S. asks from Lansing, MI
18 answers

My daughter got an invitation today for two birthday parties on the same day. One party goes 12-2 and the other 1-3. The later party is for a classmate she is closer with, so given the choice I am sure she would pick this party.

I personally think she should pick one party and go with it. However, another classmate/friend's mom has stated she is going to talk to the mom of the first party and see if that mom is ok with her child only going for an hour, then leaving to attend the other classmates party. She asked if we would do the same, because we are friends. I just don't feel like it would even be worth the time, if the birthday mom is ok with this. Its a bowling party and I know that an hour won't be that long, and they will probably only end up bowling a couple times, with the amount of kids invited and then have to leave.

What would you do? Would you try to attend both or only do one? If you were the parent throwing the party what would you prefer the classmates do?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the different opinions. I had decided that I was going to let my daughter choose which one she would rather go to and just purchase a gift for the other one.

But, just last night, I got a call from my friend, who is the one that was going to try to do both. They got a call from second party classmate's parents and they changed their daughter's party to the following weekend. So I guess issues resolved.

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answers from Denver on

I would just attend one - we had a similar situation this fall and did just that. The rushed leaving only leads to frustration on the child's part - "why can't I stay so and so is?" and the host's part as 1/2 the people are leaving. I'd go to the second party, and politely rsvp no to the first. Enjoy.

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answers from Chicago on

Sometimes I do half and half. Leave early for one and come late for the other one. If the second one is at home, maybe you can ask to come a bit later (after the first one finish) but stay a bit late for the kids to play.

It's a tough choice and looks like you cannot win either way.
Let her pick one. And send a gift for the other one and arrange for a playdate :)

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answers from Washington DC on

Whenever our kids have a schedule conflict like this, we try to see if it's feasable or if it would just be rude to try to attend both. If you're watching the clock, you don't enjoy the party.

Consider the invites by whose came first, which friend is closer, and your family schedule. If 12-2 is bad timing for your family, maybe send a card and a present to that child (if they are a good friend) and go to the 1-3 party.

You can't attend it all. My DH sometimes still tries...sometimes it's best to just pick one and enjoy that one instead of trying to please everyone. If it happens again next year, consider picking the other kid. Reasonable people will understand that you can't do it all. You don't even have to say it's another party. Just say you have a schedule conflict, here's a gift, maybe next year.

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answers from New York on

I would just pick one and politely decline the other.

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answers from Sacramento on

i think it's rude to leave the first party so early. The parents still have to pay for the full amount of time for each child, plus it's like they aren;t important enough or the party isn't fun enough. Pick one and that's it.

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answers from Minneapolis on

I'd just have her pick one or the other, as long as the invitations arrived at the same time. If I were the Mom hosting, I would rather have kids politely decline than leaving half way through my child's party to go to a different classmates party. It puts a lot of pressure on the parent's of the kids having the first birthday party to get through the activities quickly so the kids who have to leave early can do them. Inevitabley, they will arrive late, having missed or holding up some of 2nd party activities, maybe already having had cake and treats, etc. Plus you know young kids are going to talk and compare what they just did, or where they are going to next. Too awkward. No, I understand wanting to please everyone. But I think it is much better to just attend one party.

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answers from New York on

Both birthday moms have, by now, realized that their kids' parties are on the same day. This is one of those dilemmas of life. I don't think leaving one party early to attend the other is the answer. Imagine if all the kids did that? You need to pick one party and go to that. Almost every kid invites school friends, cousins, family friends, church friends, etc. - so there will be other kids at both parties. If you child is closer to the friend with the later party then go to that party - and graciously decline the earlier. Look at it as a life lesson - they come in all varieties and they learn how to handle this stuff when they're growing up with mom & dad's guidance.

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answers from Topeka on

I think she should just go to the party of the child she is closer with. You can get a present for the other child and maybe she can give it to her at school on the next school day.
However, if you really want to be fair to both kids... allow her to attend the first party until 1:15 then attend the other party from whatever time you get there until 3. You can call both parents in advance and let them know your plans. I have had kids to leave early or arrive late many times. But if I had that phone call to let me know that would be happening beforehand it wouldn't seem as rude.



answers from Lincoln on

I think it would be rude to go to the first party for an hour then leave for a different party (although the mom will probably be polite and not say so). Especially since its a bowling party that probably cost a pretty penny.
So I would do two things, talk to the mom of the second party (if you know her well enough) and see if she may be able to move the party to 2-4 so she won't encroach on the other child's party. She may be very happy to do this so the other child is able to have all his/her friends there too.
If that's not a possibility, then tell your daughter she can only do one party and let her choose, but buy a gift for both children so the other child knows he/she wasn't snubbed.



answers from Detroit on

Given that the parties overlap by a whole hour, I would just go to the later party since your daughter is closer to that child. Either that or give your daughter the choice as to which one she would like to attend.

If I were giving the party I would not care if someone came for only an hour. However, the host will still need to pay for all of the children who plan to attend (shoes, lanes, and pizza). That may be something you may want to consider. Typically if you ask someone what they would prefer you to do they aren't going to be honest and say "Well if you come for only an hour I'll still have to dish out money for your kid." They will likely tell you it's fine and that little "Bobby" will just be happy "Susie" came.

Whatever you choose I hope you have fun :o)



answers from San Francisco on

I think it would hurt the family of the first party to go to the second also. You should pick one party to go to and leave it at that.



answers from Kansas City on

In a similar situation recently we went to both and showed up late to the second one. The second party was a closer friend, but the first party was more fun for my son (at one of those places with the inflatables)

It depends on the age, my son is 5 and at that age, birthday parties seem to be a event of power 'i'm not going to invite you to my birthday party if you're mean to me' gets thrown around a lot. So for him being at both parties was more important than being there for the whole event.

At my son's party two boys showed up for the last 15 minutes, just so they could 'be' at the party even though they had conflicting parties.

You need to do what is right for you and your daughter - the party moms are not going to care. The only thing you might want to consider is if the first mom has paid for a group price and it won't matter who comes or not, or if you show up to play part of a game she will have to pay more than she would if you didn't show up, that might make a difference.



answers from Washington DC on

Attend just one, have her make a card and get a gift for the other child, and explain that we don't all get to do everything every time. A good lesson for the future, when surely she will have other conflicting parties and events. You're the parent and the chauffeur, so you get to be in charge here and let her know, it's too bad, but there has to be a choice made.


answers from Dover on

Ask what your daughter wants to do. These are her class mates. Does she want to go to both? If so, does she want to leave early from the first or arrive late to the second? RSVP to the host so they know if you are planning to arrive late or have to leave early (explain why). If you are opting out of one, tell the other host you were already committed to the other party.



answers from Detroit on

I think your original instinct is correct. Have your daughter pick one party and go to that one. It's a good learning experience for her. I think we have grown into a society that feels like we want to have it all, but that's not realistic. If she doesn't understand, flip it around and ask her how she would feel if one of her friends came to the party for an hour and then left to attend a different party.
Good luck!



answers from Tulsa on

attend just one. what if half or all the party girls left at halfway through.



answers from Oklahoma City on

How sad for the kids.

We had that happen once at Head Start and the moms of the 2 kids got together and spaced the parties where they were 2 hours here then half an hour break and another 2 hour party there. Yes, they did get lots of cake and ice cream that day but they eat okay other wise and I felt it was okay for one day.

You might ask when RSVP'ing if the moms are going to change the time of their party.



answers from Detroit on

I'd try to do both, opting to go later to the second one. If I were the hosts, I'd be fine with that, but I'd stay at the bowling one for longer than an hour.

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