Birthday Party Etiquette Siblings

if it was a "closed door party", I'd probably just decline, b/c I'd assume if they wanted siblings, it would be noted on the invitation... however, it's in a public place that is open for regular business. I'd take my 4 year old to the party, keep a loose eye on him, and the 3 year old and I would eat/play nearby on my dime, but separate from the party. if the party parent INVITED my 3 year old to have cake and such, and she had been behaving well, etc. - I'd allow it. and I can't believe a parent below TELLS a party host that she is bringing another child - tacky tacky tacky! i wouldn't even ASK if my additional child(ren) could join in the actual party if i paid, and i certainly wouldn't demand it! some parties have an actual head count limit, regardless of money, what a pickle you could put someone in, in addition to being just totally rude and selfish. even with twins, life's not about "equal", and it's never too early to teach that.

I have been in this situation. We took both kids and while my older son was at the party I took my younger son around to play games. The hostess did end up inviting him over for cake, but if she had not offered I never would have asked for him to be included. My boys understand that even thought they are close in age they will have different friends and will not always get the same invites and that is just a part of life. It is an important lesson to learn. And if he had thrown a fit we would have sat at a table (not at the party) and not play any games (just sit like time out) until he could get control of himself.

Yes, ask the host exactly the way you described on here. I take into consideration siblings if we are having a big party. The birthday host would most likely rather their child's friend attend than not.

I find this rude. I actually had a similar circumstance. When my middle child was in kindergarten he had this little boy over three different times. Nice kid. He was a twin. however his brother was not in my sons class so they didn't know each other. We invited him to my son b day party. The mom called me and said she needed both of her boys to attend the party. They were never invited one with out the other.
Also I am a firm believe that life isn't always going to even steven. Its ok if your daughter gets upset..that's life. We don't always get what we want. Its not about appeasing.
Now she was an acquaintance. Not someone that ever recipocated the playdates. I found her asking me this rather pushy.
Is the mom one of your best friends? Do you have her kids over? Is she just an acquaintance?Is she constantly asking you for favors?
Your 3 yr old may not know the kids and need an adults attention. Good luck
I

Get a babysitter or decline. Or you can use it as a teaching moment for your daughter, she needs to learn she doesn't get to do everything her brother does.

I've had parents bring siblings but the sibs sit with the rest of their own family at their own table (they do their own thing) while the invited guest is at the party table with their friends.
I've never seen a sib get jealous - they are too busy to notice what ever else is going on.
If you are across the room you are not leaving your 4 yr old alone, and he'll be too busy with his friends to worry about it.

If you can't trust the people hosting the party to keep an eye on your 4 year old then just rsvp "no" and be done with it. No need to subject yourself (impose yourself upon) a party neither you nor your younger child was invited to attend the first place.
And clearly if your younger child is prone to have a tantrum in a very fun and happy place you should STAY HOME, no need to put people through that.
But how sad for your 4 year old to have to miss out on what will probably be a very fun time :-(

You need to find a friend or family member and have them babysit. Your child is not invited to the party in any way and even if the mom says it's okay it's really not.

You could ask but be prepared to do something separate with the one that was not invited to the party.

Sometime in life your daughter will not want her brother tagging around with her. And as Jan says, life is not fair. If you do push the issue the next time there is a party, your son might not be invited.

Have a good day.

the other S.

I don't think you should even ask. Don't make your issue the birthday mum's issue! Use the time to bond with your 3 year old ... One on one.

Is there anyone besides your husband who can watch your daughter? Since it's only a couple of hours, could she go to a friend's house? Is there a drop off daycare in your area? Can you pay a sitter? She is a good age for a high school kid to watch her for a couple of hours during the day and you won't have to pay a lot of money.

Since you are not close with the parents of the birthday child, I do not think it's ok to ask if you can bring your daughter. If you need to RSVP right away, tell her you're trying to find a sitter and will let her know as soon as you can whether or not you're able to bring your son. That may result in her offering to let your daughter come too. If not, see what you can come up with. If you don't find a sitter, and she doesn't offer, you shouldn't go.

4 is a bit young for drop-off, which of course would make things easier.
i say absolutely not regarding asking the host mom for special favors.
i would go with the 3 year old and keep the little one busy elsewhere. you're *there* so you don't need to watch the 4 year old every second. chuck e cheese is rife with distractions. use them. and if the 3 year old tantrums? it's a pity, but it's a kids' venue and it won't be the first time they've seen it. but you should not impose your little one into the cake-and-ice-cream venue unless invited, and don't hang about hopefully.
i have little patience for the mentality of 'if you get one of my kids you have to take them all.'
khairete
S.

Actually, I don't see anything wrong with this. It's Chuck E Cheese.
The kids all run around basically doing their own thing anyways and just all come back together for the cake and pizza.

Sit your 3y at the 'parents' table or end of the table, and buy your own food and tokens for the 3y, if wanted. As long as you don't expect the 3y to eat the party pizza or use any party tokens, you are good to go.

I'd clarify with the host if it is a drop-off party, or if parents are expected to stay. If you're expected to stay, then I'd tell her your situation and ask what you proposed. If it's a drop off party, run some errands with your 3 year old, get her some ice cream, and then go pick up the 4 yr old.

ETA: If you don't know the parents, I'd just decline. I have never accepted an invitation to a party where I haven't at least met the parents a few times.

Would you feel weird about calling to RSVP saying you are waiting to hear if you can find a babysitter for your 3 year old since your husband works that day. This could give the host a chance to say, oh, please bring him with you. Each time i go to a CEC party there are so many kids and most do not sit at the same time. Hopefully all run back from the games to sing happy b-day.

A place like chuck e cheese really does not add cost to the host since you can buy the tokens and the kids really do not eat much. Just do not take an extra party favor unless the host has so many extras and insists.

edit: I usually have the weekday parties to avoid the older school aged kids from attending a preschool party. This mother may assume little siblings will show up. I totally agree with not leaving a 4 year at a party. Anyone who suggests that must have forgot what 4 year olds are like especially at CEC. I have mini heart attacks every time i go there because my child is un seen for a minute (usually in the tunnels).

Since it is at a public place I might speak to the hosting mom. "Son would love to come. Unfortunately I do not have a babysitter so I was thinking of bringing daughter but she and I will play in another part of Chuck-e-Cheese. Of course we will get our own food, etc. Would that be OK with you?" Chances are the mom will say OF COURSE!

It's nice that you're being considerate. In this instance I think I would mention it before I decline. At the very least she will know why you couldn't make it. We see a lot of questions here on MP where people don't even respond at all and there are hurt feelings.

Good luck.

If you feel you must stay, get a sitter for the three year old. Just because they are close in age, does not mean they have the same friend. All my kids were a year apart, they all had their own friends. We had two carry close friends, kids all the same age so in that instance, it was a bit different. There must be someone else going that you know, that cold keep an eye on your kid. I mean, you would trust a friend to keep,an eye on her kid and yours right. If not, then maybe pass on the party. Years ago, the party was for birthday child,. It was like an u spoken rule, no siblings. Why the change.?

yes take your son. NO do NOT drop him off. Take your daughter too. Maybe give the Host a heads up. When they do party stuff distract your daughter on a game or something. Follow the host's lead and IF there is space and people dont show up she might just let her join. But dont count on it.
I did build a bear one time. There were 3 siblings a year or 2 younger that were not "invited." but Hey I get it you need to bring them with I was not mad at all. The moms before I said anything told me they had prepped the child to not participate. They were all family and I told them I had to draw a line somewhere. IF we had some no shows they could join in. See I had a minimum to meet. Not paying for the kids would have cost the same. They ended up being able to participate.

You know, if I didn't feel comfortable enough to ask to bring my younger child, the older one wouldn't go. So if you don't know these people too well, I'd just decline the invite.

If you do know them well enough, then go ahead and ask the question. You paying for your child shouldn't be a problem, and I'd sit at another table but keep an eye on the party.

For what it's worth, I woudln't ever leave my 4 year old at a Chuck E Cheese party without a parent. There is too much going on there and the kids can go in way too many different directions.

This past weekend my 8 year old was invited to a long-time friend's birthday party. My 6 year old son is very good friends with the younger brother as well. I was out of town so my husband had both boys with him for the drop off, and the family insisted my 6 year old stay as well. My husband tried to decline, but they flat out insisted and shoo'd my husband out the door :).

i so don't agree with jan. i have twins, and they are in separate classes, and even at 9 years old, one twin won't attend anything without the other twin. i usually tell (not ask) the mom that i need to bring the 'uninvited' twin and that i will cover her expenses. and no need to keep her separate from the birthday party. there will be plenty of kids to go around.

We did a Chuck E. Cheese's party for my son when he was 3. It didn't cost us per person sitting at the table, it just cost us per head of party attendees.

I would have no problem with younger siblings coming, as long as it is perfectly clear from the beginning that the parent is responsible for the food/drink/entertainment of said siblings.

Talk to the mom of the birthday child and see what she has to say.

Of course asked. 4 is too young to drop off, so I would hope they've thought about siblings.

From what I've seen, you stay at the party with both kiddos and enjoy. At that age, it's pretty much expected that you'll have little ones tagging along. Just offer to pay for your youngest's way and let the host know upfront if possible. Usually there is plenty of pizza and cake to go around. We didn't worry about siblings and parties until ours were older and you can start dropping off for parties. When mine were little and we had parties, I expected lots of parents and siblings.

I'm a little surprised by some of the answers. My son is 4 and so far, whenever we go to a birthday party it seems that it's a given that young (under 7 or so) siblings of the invited child also attend. When I invited my son's friends to his birthday, I assumed that the sibs will be coming too. It's often not feasible to arrange for childcare for siblings, so if the parent must be present at the party (which is usually the case at age 4-5 or under), then they have to bring the sib(s).

Judging by others' responses, this is not something that everyone subscribes to. I can understand this, particularly if parents have to pay according to # of attendees. For this reason, I would ask the parent of the birthday child if it is ok to bring your 3 year old to the party, and I would bring another gift in that situation.

I think that if you call or email explaining your situation and ask to pay then great, no harm done. Do be sure to give a nice gift from both of them. Worst thing that can happen is they say no. Personally, I would say the more the merrier and would refuse money from you.

I'm with you--I would never drop a 4 year old off at a birthday party. Just call the mom and let her know that you have to decline because your hubby is at work and you don't have anyone to watch your 3 year old. That puts the ball in her court...she will either say, "Thanks for the RSVP, sorry you can't make it" or "Bring your 3 year old--the more the merrier!".