M.C.
I've been through this situation from both sides--as a child whose mom chose to go back to work, and now as a full-time working mom of a 2.5 year old (and pregnant with #2!). First off, from the child's perspective, I think you make an excellent point that you feel ready to go back to work, and you feel tired and grouchy all the time. When friends asked me (and still sometimes ask me) if I felt upset when my Mom went back to work, I'm always clear that the answer is NO. It was clear to me, even as a young child, that Mom was happy when she was working, and not so much when she wasn't. She was, in short, a better mom when she was happy and fulfilled. I never felt abandoned--all I could tell was that I went to a neighbor's house to play, and Mom was in a much better mood. All good for a 2-year-old!
Now, as an adult, I take that lesson, as well. It IS hard to leave your little one, especially at first. I started DD in an in-home daycare at 9 mos old. I was a bit traumatized, but she LOVED it. It will definitely be harder for you than for the child. We were blessed to find a place where I had no doubt that she was loved and well cared for, and she really blossomed through contact with other children. She's now at a different in-home daycare, but I honestly feel that she is getting better care there than she likely would if she stayed with me all day. They have a structured curriculum where she learns all her shapes, colors, numbers, letters, even beginning Spanish. Her caregiver is truly talented at working with little ones, in ways that I am not. I love my daughter utterly and completely, but I honestly believe that each of us has different God-given talents and abilities. Some are called to be SAHMs, and I have nothing but respect for that. I feel that I am called to teach, and I pray that I help my students every day. Although the juggling is definitely hard at times, it is worth it for me, and I think for my DD, as well. She spends her days in a place where she learns and is loved, and comes home every afternoon to a Mom who is happy and fulfilled. I don't mean to make it sound like any of this is easy--because it's not--but I don't think any choice is necessarily easy. It's about finding what's best for you and your family. There's no such thing as being a perfect Mom--you just need to learn to be the best Mom you can be, in the way that works best for you and your family. That may very well include working outside the home, and you shouldn't feel guilty about that. GL, and God bless!
