Should I Take It Personal? Friends Back at Work. Im a Sahm.

Dont take it personal. We are all different and handle situations differently. I am a working mom and I get the same from SAHMs. I could not do one or the other FULLY. I have a modified schedule where I still work FT but I have a lot of time to stay at home with my kids. People think my schedule is crazy and "feel bad for me" but I LOVE it. We make the decisions that are best for OUTR family. It may not work for others. Thats life.

One of my good friends had a baby several years ago and chose to go back to work almost immediately (she teaches). Since then, almost every time we get together she goes out of her way to validate her choice to work, as if I'm sitting there judging her about it....which I never have. If anything, I've been supportive! She tells me stories about other SAHM's that have made rude comments to her (which is obviously the reason she's so defensive) but it honestly seems to me that she's projecting a bit as well. She feels insecure/guilty about her decision, so she assumes other SAHM's are judging her.

The sad part is that she has absolutely NO reason to feel guilty! I know her well enough to completely agree with her decision and it's worked out very well for their family...which should be the end of the story, right? But she still feels the need to constantly reassure herself that it was the right choice....and sometimes that involves listing out reasons why staying home with her son would have been the WRONG choice.

One day when she was telling me about another "attack" by SAHM, she unthinkingly said that stay-home moms are just "glorified babysitters" anyway. I tried (and mostly succeeded) to not take it personally since I know she was just venting and I know that's how she HAS to see it, otherwise she'll second-guess her choices....but it still hurt. Especially since some days, I really DO feel like a glorified babysitter, lol.

In the end, it was pretty easy for me to let it go. Because I know her well enough to see that it wasn't personal...and I love her enough to give her the benefit of the doubt. My friend felt attacked about her decision to go back to work (even when I don't believe she was really attacked at all), but that goes both ways. Sometimes us SAHM's can be just as sensitive about our choices. Try and keep that in mind next time. :-)

You're focusing on the wrong part of her sentence. You heard the "wasn't fulfilling enough" without hearing the "for her" part.
There was no jab at you except that maybe it got you questioning your own decision a bit.
We all think about the road not taken once in awhile, but everyone travels their own path and what works for one person will not necessarily work for the next one.

Who cares what anyone else thinks. Are YOU satisfied with your choices? I personally think I have the best of both worlds - I work full time FROM HOME - and i can't imagine doing it any different. However - I don't run around telling SAHM or Working Mom's that they made bad choices - we all do our best to do what is RIGHT by our families.
As for Mallory and her comment about not being fulfilled by staying at home w/your kids - you are judging and it's not right. I don't find a lot of fulfillment being with my kids all day - but that's me - NOT YOU - and if I don't have a problem with it (which I don't) then it really shouldn't trouble your pretty little head.
So - do what is best for you - ignore the haters - and enjoy your family.

I know you already responded, but I wanted to chime in.

My SAHM friends always say "I don't know how you can do it!" about working full time and having two kids. And I always say the same thing back to them! It's just different strokes for different folks, but we're so used to being criticized for our mothering choices we tend to take everything personally. Just feel good about your own choices, and then it doesn't really matter.

i think you are being a bit thin-skinned. you know that everyone makes very individual decisions about families and work, so it's actually good that your friends trust your friendship enough to be able to express their honest feelings to you. i'll bet they'd be horrified to know that you took it in a pejorative way.
both sides of this old old debate can be framed to look noble and selfless, or narrow and selfish.
i think lively debates and differences of opinions are good things for the most part, and don't believe we all have to be on the same page about most things, let alone everything. but this is one argument i wish would go away. there is no single right answer in the stay home or go to work debate. this is one area where i wish we'd just support each other's needs and choices.
khairete
S.

I am going to go at it from their perspective, not that I have ever said it myself (staying at home not being fullfilling) perhaps it is their way of justifying their having to go back to work. You don't mention it, but perhaps there is a true financial need for them to work and they may say these things in order to not feel resentful or short-changed by life. And maybe, there is also a tad bit of jealousy...

Don't take this the wrong way, but, maybe it isn't about you but about justifying their life to themselves.

Either way, I think you are increadibly lucky to be able to be a SAHM and you obviously enjoy it, so sounds like a win-win :)

No..don't take it personally...people sometimes say things to make themselves feel better about what they're doing..maybe they can't afford to be SAHM's or they don't have the heart..or maybe they're not into it..work is more what they're into..i have one son..and am a SAHM..working 9 to 5 isn't for me..i had 2 recording deals ..sang on commercials..acted..did all kinds of things but i love being a mom..and my son is such a joy..and i love being able to spend this time with him b/c they grow up so fast..i want to be there for him the whole time..I could go get a job and stick him in a preschool for 10 hours a day but i choose not to..I have a friend that doesn't have any kids and loves her life..and that's great..she works crazy hours ..she's a workaholic..and looks worn down all the time..but she enjoys that..when she says anything to me about being a SAHM..i say i love my life..and i wouldn't trade her job for mine..to each his own..
so don't feel bad..enjoy your time..be happy you are there for your kids..they will cherish these days with you..more than being at a preschool or with a nanny raising them.

xo

D.

I think Mallory P's post is extremely insulting to any mother who works. Another fine example of mothers tearing other moms apart.

The mentality of "my way is the only right way and anyone who does things different than me is a terrible mom" infuriates me.

This "working mom vs SAHM" debate is stupid. Who cares? I don't mean this exact post only, I have seen this debate on here many many times. As long as we are all taking care of our children and they are top priority...who cares if we work or stay home? It's not a competition!

Mamita, don't take it personally. Be proud of whatever decision you make, and stop caring so much what other people say or think. Good luck to you.

You are over-thinking it. If you are happy with your choice and they are happy with their choice -- What is there to worry about?

I hardly think your friend's decision to go back to work was intended as a subtle slam to you. She would probably be hurt that you think that's what she meant.

EDIT: For the record (re: some of the other responses) I don't think kids raised by SAHMs are gonna turned out better or that working parents are smarter/more fulfilled, etc. What I think is that good people raise good children. The details of how we get there make little difference.

Your friends are allowed to have their opinion. Your children will flourish by having a SAHM. You aren't required to do things the same way as other people. Don't worry about it.

I understand where you are coming from but I wouldn't take their comments personally. If you were to say that being a SAHM is one of the most important and undervalued jobs out there -- which you probably do believe to be true -- should your friends take that as a slam against them because they are deciding to return to work? I'd hope not. These are just different view points from women who have different needs that need to be scratched.

Your friends' comments and decisions are just reflective of where their head is at and what they have found works best for them. I sincerely doubt that it is meant to be all encompassing or their passive/agressive way of saying that you are wrong for thinking differently than them. Not all moms are meant to be SAHMs. It's good that you know what you want and are able to live that kind of lifestyle. It's also good that your friends are self-aware enough to realize that they are more career or work oriented so that they do not end up going against their basic nature and feeling frustrated because of it.

That's just what I think....

As a homeschooling mom, I hear that all the time - "gee, I could NEVER do that." I don't take it personally or think to myself "wow, I must be a) crazy or b) super-Mom." :) That's because it is not about me; it is totally about the person making the statement.

Pat yourself on the back. You are doing the right think IMHO. But others may disagree, and that's OK. The most important thing is that you have peace in your heart and confidence in your decision. Every once in a while try to re-connect with the spirit within. You may also want to cultivate some friendships with moms who have the same drive to stay home (not that you should drop your working friends).

Good luck and God bless you . . . may your children rise up and bless you, too, someday.

Just because you and your husband felt like this was the 'best decision for your children' does not mean that it was the "easiest". Unfortunately, being a SAHM is often portrayed and thought of that way. It is actually very very difficult, even without being an intelligent educated person who finds children's songs mind-numbing. I suspect your friends feel the need to justify their choice to you, as you made a difficult choice and they went with what some might consider the easier choice. And I say the easier choice, because things have flip flopped from the 50's ... women are SO accepted in the workplace, even immediately after child birth, that it is socially LESS acceptable to be a SAHM. At least that is how it seemed to me when we lived in a bigger city full of workaholics and yuppies.

Now we live a little more "out" and away in a smaller more rural less busy place (hubby commutes) and it is more common and more accepted to be a SAHM amongst the people we see on a regular basis. My husband's workplace is full of working moms and spouses with working wives... and they all seem so focused on doing the latest greatest thing or going on the latest greatest vacation.... Kinda weird really. I guess that is how they justify making the extra money... they get to go on fabulous vacations, huh? lol. But 50% of them are also divorced or divorced and remarried, or almost to divorce.

To each his own. Don't let it make you feel bad. I think you not only made the better choice for your family, but also the more difficult one. And it will pay its own "dividends" farther down the road. Trust me on that.

I wouldn't take it personally. Different strokes for different folks. I couldn't be a dental assistant. My sister is one. Nothing against her. I just couldn't do it cuz it's not for me. Maybe being a SAHM is the 100% right thing for you but it's just not for them. Unless they said specifically "I hate SAHM's and want to be nothing like you" then I would just let it pass. I don't think they meant it as anything against you. Take care & have a good weekend. :)

Heavens, No!! Don't take it personal!!

I am looking for a job, partly so I can get my son back into daycare. I think he does way better with structure, a schedule, and his friends. I don't know the things I need to be doing for him to learn the things he needs to learn. He comes home from daycare singing songs (some of which I don't know), knowing things I did not teach him, and surprising me in many similar ways. They do art projects and have so many more manipulatives and educational toys and opportunities for creative play than I do here at home.

This makes me feel guilty a lot of the time, because part of me thinks I should feel great for being the one to rear my own child. I always thought that's what I would prefer. PLEASE don't feel bad! You are blessed and a blessing to your little ones!

Probably you are over thinking this. Maybe your friends were simply sharing what worked for them and why - and you're are feeling defensive. Or perhaps I'm just projecting from Steph who seems to feel working moms feel defensive. Or maybe these are just choices and the same choice does not work for everyone and moms should stop being so concerned about other people judging their choices. That said, Mallory's answer is way over the top. There is no evidence showing that kids of stay at home parents do any better in life. For virtually all dads, kids are a part of life, so is a career. No one criticizes them for 'choosing' to work (and yes with your 6 figure income maybe your DH would have been the better choice to stay home). For LOTS or women, kids are a part of life and so is a career.

Eh...I've been through it with my working friends, too. Sometimes, they make these comments that are a touchy to me, but it's as if they don't realize what they are saying. A lot of times they need to work for financial reasons but may not want to admit to it, for whatever reason. You and your husband made a choice and they are little for a short time. There's no one like mom to take care of your kids. Enjoy this chapter in your life and don't let rude comments get to you. I am better about it, now, and not so hung up on it as before.

You're definitely over-thinking it.

I knew I'd be going back to work after the birth of my children. It had nothing to do with how I felt about my friends or acquaintances but more with what I felt was right and best for me and my family.

Maybe you feel this way because, even though you love being a SAHM, there's a little bit of questioning on YOUR part as to what you should be doing or how "it looks to other people". Just keep in mind at the end of the day, you've made a decision that is right and best for you and your family :)

Why is it that as mother's we feel the need to question every decision we make and seek approval from all we meet? LOL
Those that stay home, like you, question whether those that have returned to work look down upon them or do not respect them.
While I, and I'm sure others like me who work, think that SAHMs are looking down upon them for choosing work over motherhood. Like we are somehow not worthy of being mothers if we can't do it full-time.
The truth? No one probably really cares. We're all so busy doing whatever it is we're doing to the best of our ability, do we really have time to sit around and judge other moms?! Probably not!
We're all moms. We're all sisters in motherhood. We all need each others support. Send some love to all the mamas you know out there!!! ;)

OH MY GOODNESS ENJOY YOUR STAY AT HOME!!! Really, enjoy it and do not let people like that crush your decision and your happy feelings. Isn't it wonderful to be a smart and brilliant mother With a college degree who can share all you know all the time with your little people?
And you are sensitive and caring, same as they are...you just find it fulfilling to be at home...do not let people's petty little comments hurt you one more moment. Each person's mission is different in life. And now always remember this is yours!

Listen.....
If women you know feel fulfilled and good about themselves by working outside the home, why should that make you feel bad about yourself?
Why is that a jab at you?
Do you deliberately try to make them feel bad because they don't stay home with their kids like you do?
My guess is that no, you don't do that just the same as them saying they like working isn't meant to offend you.
I work, but I could never, ever stand a job that requires me being chained to a desk all day. It's not my thing, it never has been, I know that about myself, and I am so thankful that my job requires me to be up and on the run all day long.
Is saying so a "jab" to all the super intelligent women I work with who basically do nothing but sit in front of a computer all day every week? NO!
They would never want my job and I would never want theirs. It's all fine. We like each other and get along great, but what works for me doesn't work for them. And vice versa.

The only thing I can think is that perhaps you are secretly wishing you were out in the workforce yourself, using your education and being important in a different way than you are. Not a BETTER way, just a different way.
Otherwise, I don't know why you'd take it so personally.
I had the luck of being a stay at home mom for a while and I loved it!
But, I also stayed active in the community and had my projects and things with the kids' school and Brownies and visiting convalescent hospitals. I volunteered for a lot of things. I hadn't worked for 10 years when I got divorced and let me tell you, it sure was nice to be able to jump back into working like I'd never missed a day. It was out of pure necessity, but thank God, I fell right back into it.
Do what's right for you right now. What's right for someone else might be different and that's okay.
None of us have the same lives. Thank goodness!
What would we ever have to talk about?

Give yourself a break and don't take this so personally.

Best wishes.

Feeling judged seems to be in the lot in life for all mothers. I am the reverse - I kept my corporate, high paying job, and I feel constantly judged by my SAHM friends. We all have to make the decisions that are right for us, and it's a shame we let ourselves feel guilty about it :(

I'm sure you are a fab mom doing exactly what your family needs. You are lucky you are in a position to stay home, and that it fulfills you!

K

I've done the working mom thing and the SAHM thing, and staying at home is much harder. So, I'm sure your friends, especially the one that was home for a year understand that and the comments were not meant negatively.

Without reading the rest of the responses, I am sure I am saying what many have already said: Your friends' comments were comments about themselves, not you. You made the right choice for YOU & YOUR family; they made the choices they felt best for themselves and their families. Should they express their opinion of you, and you think it is negative, remember that it is your own opinion and your family's opinion that matter. Have a great time being a SUPER SAHM!!! Peace, B.

Try not to take it personal. It probably didn't seem like a complement at the time, but in a way they were complimenting you. Saying they couldn't do it would admit defeat on their part so saying it wasn't fulfilling enough-well, thats what came to mind. Remember, everyone handles motherhood differently--you are doing what works for your family and thats what is important. Maybe their family works better with mom at work? Don't take it as a jab to you--- I am sure they didn't mean it to be taken offensively.

Molly

Someone told me when I became a mom I would need thicker skin. No matter what we choose as mothers there is judgement from friends, family, but really, mostly ourselves. Is this right? Is this right for me? What is really important is embracing the decisions you're making, teaching your children to be proud of themselves, in every role. Be proud mama, for being true to yourself and your family, a very personal decision.

Your friends were speaking about themselves, not about you. They don't feel the same way about being at home as you do, and they don't have to. If they don't feel the same way, then they can't feel that what you are doing would work for them. Don't personalize what others say about themselves, you are not them and they don't have to find your lifestyle fulfilling. I went back to work when my kids were babies, would not have wanted to be a sahm and didn't think badly of other moms who did want to stay home, but that simply wasn't for me. It's not a put down of other moms, you need to separate your identity from your friends. The way your post is worded makes it sound like you are trying to justify being a stay at home mom, that's your own insecurity talking. You don't need to justify your decision or consider others' opinions.

Being a sahm IS a job and the hardest job. Your friends sound to me like they feel guilty that they can't handle it and watching you handle it just reminds them of their shortcomings. Not being able to handle it probably means they weren't parenting properly and their children will be the ones that pay the price. Your children will be loving well rounded people because their Mom was there for them, not some stranger at daycare. So be proud and get some new friends. Maybe join MOPS. And remember you can always work later but never get this time back with your kids.
Best of luck!

When you state your reason for being a stay at home mom it probably feels like a jab to them! I think this is a very sensitive topic for mamas and you are being overly sensitive. I am a SAHM too, but I did enjoy working when I used to do it! I think you are overthinking it. Basically if you talk about this subject at all with your working friends whatever they say for their reasons for going back to work will feel hurtful to you and whatever you say for your reasons to stay home will feel hurtful to them! Just avoid this topic! You are all doing what you think is best :) That being said I have also felt put down by statements said by working mama friends. I realize I'm being sensitive though and move on.

Oh gosh, don't listen to them! being a SAHM is the hardest thing I ever did. O have a medical degree, and worked as a podiatrist for 12 years before staying home. It is the hardest job I have ever had. And I will be honest it can be REALLY boring and monotonous sometimes! but we know we are doing the best for our kids in the early years.
I will be going back to work as soon as my 3 yo old goes to school though, we badly need some dosh!

Yeah, you're probably overthinking it. Who knows, maybe THEY feel they have to justify their choice to work to YOU, the SAHM. Or maybe they truly feel that staying home all day is not for them. Many women feel more rewarded and fulfilled by working in a professional career than they do staying at home day in day out with children. And if that makes them happier women, then that makes them better moms. Me, I'm a working mo, but I work in a school so I get a taste of the SAHM mom life during my nice long summer breaks. In my opinion, that is the GOOD life! I love my summers off and wish that could be my permanent situation. And in my experience, it is no walk in the park to stay at home with children full time, but let's be real, it is a lot easier than juggling that AND another fulltime job. So I am a working mom with hopes of one day simplifying my life and being able to stay home. I'm working because I have to. Luckily I enjoy my job but still... someday. That's just me though. Everyone has their own opinion, preference and situation. At the end of the day its all for the betterment of our families and our kids' lives.

The choice is yours. Some women (myself included) can't stay home for long periods of time. My first time when first married I drove my husband "nuts" being super clean freak - he suggested that i get a job which I did. When the kids came along I stayed home for four years with them. But there were other things I did like volunteer for the squadron in filling in orders for food and joinng the spouses group. I also have worked full time with two kids including scouts, sports and travel. This is just the way I am.

It is a choice that you have to figure out and be happy with it. Nobody should look down their noses at what you decide. Do what is best for your family. If you feel restless at home meet some other wives like you SAHM and maybe do a class or take up a hobby. The hobby can be a godsend in helping you get through the rough patches.

My best to you and your family.

The other S.

PS Kids are grown and now I want to stop working and do my sewing and quilting.

When I had my daughter I stayed home as long as I could. My gf went back to work 2 weeks after she had her baby. I practically cried the first time I had to leave my daughter, my friend didn't seem to mind. Everyone deals differently. I always said I didn't have kids to pay someone else to raise them, so I am home as much as I can be. Don't take it personally, some ppl can't be at home with their kids all day, at least your lucky enough to be with them and be happy.

There are only 2 reasons people work: they want to or have to! I am also a SAHM to 3 kids (5y, 2y, 6m) because I don't have to work and don't want to work at this time. I also have a Master's Degree and look forward to using it in the future!

No sure what every else has posted, but my motto is that each family needs to do what is best for them.

I actually wish that we could afford for me to be a SAHM, instead we have a SAHD! He works weekends so I guess he is not 100% a SAHD! ;-) But he is great with the kids during the week and we are truly blessed.

I could not even imagine someone making comments one way or another. If these are true friends, you should be able to share your concerns with them over their comments and let them know that you respect their decisions and ask that they do the same. Maybe they don't realize that their comments have hurt you or that you feel that they are jabs at you and your decision. Ask them to live and let live. Some mamas truly are not cut out to be SAHMs and others would crumple at the thought of working a 40 hour week. We all have our own roles to play in each of our families.

Enjoy your time with the kids.
~C.

Don't take it personal. Being a SAHM is not for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. I couldn't be one either. I don't sit still well. That doesn't make me any better or worse. I am sure they are just speaking of themselves personally and don't have bad intentions.

Appreciate that you have the option, and that you have a spouse who is on the same page with you! No one can "make" you feel bad about your decision - your life before your friends made their comments is the same life you have now - the only thing that has changed is your perception of their opinion of you! You could just as easily be thinking that you are glad that your life is fulfilling and that you are content and don't have the desire to change it! How great is that? Oh, and remember, the grass is always greener...

You are doing what is right for your family. After I had my first I too felt the need to go back to work. I was home for 14 months with my daughter and when I went back I worked between 17-20 hrs per wk. At that time my husband used to regularly work 15 hour days and I had no other friends that were SAHM. I joined a couple playgroups and met nice people but I did not feel like I really clicked with them. We ended up moving then I had my 3 rd child and I was in a totally different place. I think I would cry if I had to go back to work. I love being at home and my youngest is in 2nd grade now. No guilt here, I feel very fortunate that I even have the option to stay at home. Some Moms don't have a choice. Consider yourself lucky!!
Fyi...I too have a college degree and a Masters of Bus. Admin. It is funny because I was proud of that way back when but now it NEVER comes up.

I would not take it personally, but it is okay to vent, too. I also work full-time and have a 4 year old and 2 year old (and expecting my third). I had 6 week maternity leaves with both boys, had my first in grad school while working, and my husband was also working full-time until he went back to finish school part-time over a year ago and continued to work part-time. I often say I could not be a SAHM, mostly because I would feel too much pressure to have a perfect home life and I'd be outside digging up worms with the kids instead. I also enjoy working, although my ideal world would probably be working part-time but that has never been a financial option for us. My husband makes the benefits, I make the paychecks that allow us to survive.

I have several friends who are SAHM who also had good jobs and have degrees. Some days I half-envy them, some days I wonder what on earth they do all day, other days I wonder how much of a sacrifice it is for them to have given up their paychecks to stay home. If I ever say or think anything "against" staying home, it is nothing against individuals who do and most likely either a reaction to the fact that I can't or my perception of myself in that role. Enjoy being home with your little ones!! I LOVE my weekends with my boys! =)

I wouldn't take it personally. I don't think they were insinuating it couldn't be fulfilling for anyone. I really just think they were saying it wasn't for them. Quite honestly, I doubt they think anything of you being a SAHM. I told my sister who went right back to her career after birth, that I didn't find having a career very fulfilling. By saying that, I in no way meant that it was a jab...just that what worked for her, was not what could work for me. I think it's the same with your friends!

Do not let it bother you. Everyone does what is right for their family. For
me staying home was wonderful. I feel it is the most important job in the
world. However, not everyone can stay home. Some for financial reasons
and some just do not enjoy being with their kids all day. Some feel that
they worked to get where they were and are afraid to lose their place on th
ladder of success. Some have husbands who are home because they
do shift work so it is easier. You have made the right choice for you. I do
not think they meant anything just stating their feelings.

E., good for you for doing what you feel is best for your family. Your working friends are jealous of your ability to be a sahm and be "fulfilled". I'm a sahm, have been since my first was born, he's 12 now. I wouldn't change it for anything. I too had a great job that I loved and was very good at. The boss even offered to make my office baby friendly....swing, port-a-crib, breaks whenever I needed them, etc. if I would come back to work after he was born. I declined.

I think the pendulum has started to swing the other way. Where it used to be the "thing to do" to go back to work, be a mom and have a career and do it all, there is some social pressue now to be a sahm and be happy with that decision. Those who cannot afford it are not necessarily made to feel bad, the economy dicates that decision for many. But somehow, those who choose to work rather than be a sahm, not so much for the money, but because they need that fulfillment, or need to be recognized for a job well done, (and we both know being a sahm does not offer that kind of recognition), those women somehow feel "less".

Of course, that does not apply to every working mother or every sahm, it is a general statement. I guess my point is, don't worry about how other women see your decison to be a sahm. The most important people in your life are your husband and children. That relationship is number one on your list. If you find that your working friends need the recognition their jobs bring, offer it when you honestly feel it, and share your successes as a sahm. Support each other in the decisions you've made for your families, and do things for yourself that make you happy.

I know you already got a lot of replies and have posted your update (I haven't read the replies), but I will say I don't think I could be a stay at home mom out for two simple reasons. One, I will always make more money then my boyfriend given our current career choices and two, because I think I would need more of a break from time to time (which from what it seems you barely get when you stay at home). With that said though, the women I know who are stay at home moms I have the utmost respect for their choice to do that and the amazing job that they do. The woman I babysit for is a stay at home mom and when I see her with her kids and the scheduling and planning she does, I sometimes think she has two full time jobs! She only gets a break when I'm there or at night after the kids have gone to bed. She even has a really helpful husband. It may be something I can't do, but I definitely don't judge the women that do.

I think it goes both ways too. Sometimes women who work feel like you did in this situation when approached by moms who decide to stay at home. I think as long as we all realize and do what is best for ourselves, it will be the best for our children too.

I am a working mom and I can honestly say I am just not cut out to be a SAHM. BUT that does not mean I have ANY right to judge someone who is. Your friends sound a wee bit insensitive for making comments like that to you... it just sounds judg-ey! Every mom has to decide what is best for her family. If you love being a SAHM and you're good at it, then GO FOR IT! You don't need anyone telling you differently!

Not everyone is meant to stay at home, but for those of us that can do it we find that it's a full time (or two or three some days) job that has many rewards.
You get to watch your children grow and your hand guides them along the way. I'm just like you, a college degree and walked away from the work force so that I could be there for every little first. While there are days when I miss the atmosphere of the office, I would not trade one precious moment that I've spent with my daughter. Be proud! You are a SAHM, hear you roar!!!

I am a working mom and I know I've said that I couldn't do it. But I say that because I think it would be HARDER than going to work every day! At least when I'm at work, I can get up and go to the bathroom whenever I want:) But either way, being a mom is hard no matter what path you choose. We should all spend more time helping each other when we can instead of juding each other in order to make ourselves feel better about the choices we make for our families (myself included!!).

My husband is a SAHD. I envy my SAHM friends....I don't judge them.

I know women who can't stay home - meaning, they don't like it and don't make good SAHMs. I don't get it, but whatever works, you know?

I don't think you should feel judged by your friends unless they say something judgmental. From what you have said, they have just shared that THEY found is unfulfilling.

Don't feel bad. I am jealous of YOU.
I want to stay home with our little ones more than anything, but no matter how many times we run the numbers, we just can't afford for me to stay home right now :(
You are doing something that fulfills you, and that you CHOSE to do. That is a wonderful, amazing thing!

Get new friends.
Be ;yourself and be proud of your husband.

You said it...it is no walk in the park staying at home. Sometimes the balance of being around other people helps them feel "normal" and "appreciated". It doesn't mean that you are different or that they are lazy, it is simply different strokes...OR is it that they are unable to stay at home. Your husband and you have made a decision together to make the children the main priority and quite possibly they are having the opposite discussions in their home. Money issues can be stressful and I know many families that prior to having children had a "plan"...the plan being we will live this "lifestyle" which will take two incomes so the issue was set prior to the little ones even being born. We never know why but we can rest well if we make sure we do the right thing for our little family units. You are doing a great job and I'm sure if you brought it up to them, they would say the same!

:)

I know you are all good now but any mom who has raised kids at home for about two minutes knows the tremendous amount of work it is!!! I remember working before I got married and running into a mama that had worked at my company. She was getting her baby out of the car and into a cart and I thought, 'oh how wonderful, she gets to be home all day and play with her baby while I have to work!!!!' hahahahahahaha....if I had only known!!! She was on a sanity outing! Now I have been home for almost four years and have a 3.5 yr old and a one year old. HOLY COW!!! So glad I had no concept of the workload, I surely would have opted for working, but well, now you couldn't pay me to leave my babies :D I think your friend who went right back to work probably has no actual idea of what your life looks like but thinks it's cool you raise your kids and your friend that was home for awhile might not have been able to take it. You know not everyone can handle it, no fault there, it may not be for everyone. When I was majorly prego with my first I had this lady tell me she tried to stay home and was just loosing it and went back to work and also decided to have only one child. He was the light of her life but she just couldn't deal with more, so you know we are all different. I can't even imagine what it must be like to deal with all the pressure of work, come home and have a man and little people needing every ounce of my energy the second I walked through the door. It sounds so hard to me!! So hats off to you for raising your kids and just praise them for all they handle and they will probably return the favor! Take care :)