Husband Yelling at 3 Month Old Son

Sounds like your husband is abusive - verbally abusive and needs help! that is really sad that he has to yell at him like that. A 3 month old can't control his crying. And I know sometimes it is VERY frustrating when you don't know what to do, but he should NEVER scream or yell at him like that.

Sorry, but your husband is pathetic. You need to get help soon otherwise he maybe become physically abusive towards your son! And your son will grow up to behave the same way. I would suggest getting professional help, and maybe some little things cancel cable and make up some family activities that you can do together to help your husband understand more. Example: go on walks, play little games with your 3 month old, and any other bonding things you can do if your husband is not too immature and irresponsible enough to get through this.

Good luck and God bless

M.- Your story makes me want to cry. NO ONE should yell at a 3-month-old, that is ridiculous. I know that you need a break, but my first priority would be to protect my child from such an awful experience. There is a book called "Ghosts from the Nursery" which describes how much damage can be done to babies from anger and/or neglect. If there is any way to get your husband to read it, maybe that would help. In the meantime, maybe you can find other sources of support, like other new mom's who would be willing to trade babysitting? I really feel for you and I wish you the best of luck with this terrible situation.

Hi M.. Forgive me, I don't know what SAHM means, but I can tell you what I know. I had my son when I was 36, he's two now and I'm 39, and my H and I had been married just under 2years when baby was born. I found myself in much the same situation, in that H would come home and hold baby for like, 5 min. and then set him in his playpen and go to the TV or the computer until after I had put him to bed. He never once has gotten up in the middle of the night, or much else to this day. My husband now wonders why baby doesn't want to sit with him, or stay with him when I go upstairs, or to the market. He, my husband, once made the comment that he wished that the baby would let him rock him to sleep, and I told him that he never had before, why would baby want to be with him now? I have found that with most of my friends, that has been the case as well. Men don't have that natural nurturing instinct with babies that we do, and when we breastfeed they don't have that same opportunity to bond that we do. I have heard it suggested that you pump, and let dad bottle feed your milk once a day. My husband never wanted to. I think that they(husbands) have this misconception that when baby gets older, and learns to walk and talk, that's when dad will take over and teach him to play ball and whatnot, but the problem is if dad waits too long to spend time with baby, baby may not be interested in spending time with dad. I think that men seem to get frustrated with babies when they cry, because they just don't have a clue what to do. I remember telling my husband that if he was going to spend the little bit of time he has with our baby yelling at him, that baby would most likely grow up hating him, and that he should perhaps consider how important is what you are yelling about. Is it worth sacrificing this baby's love? What can a 3month old really do that is so wrong? My husband thankfully listened. Now when he comes home from work, the baby is exited to see him, and if H sits down on the floor to play with him, they both play very happily. The minute H goes back to watching TV though, baby wants to be with mama. The only suggestion I have is that maybe you try talking to your husband and see if you can't make him understand that to have a good relationship with your adult son, you have to start now when he's a baby, and that yelling at him will only make him a nervous baby, who sees daddy as someone to fear, not as someone who is there to protect him. Best of luck.

I really feel for you -- it sounds like you have your hands full. But it is very inappropriate for your husband to yell "shut up" to a 3 month old baby. Infants are going to cry -- it is what a baby does -- your husband did it too when he was a baby!

Did your husband want to have a baby too, when you got pregnant? Has he been around little kids much? If he didn't want the baby, you will probably be on your own for much of the time and the main thing you will need to do is protect your son from him during those times he reacts as he does. If he has just not been around little ones much, perhaps you might be able to ask him to take a parenting class with you (obviously you don't need a parenting class, but if you suggest him taking it alone, he might not be as receptive to the idea). Maybe he is just not comfortable around babies, but it would still concern me how he is acting toward your son.

The main thing I would say is that I would *not* leave the baby alone with your husband while you work, or for any length of time, as he has not shown any concern or ability to care for him -- feed him, change his diaper, etc. I would be really concerned that if he is saying "shut up" to him while you are there, what will he do when you are not there and the baby cries? This is how "shaken baby" happens. It isn't always people wanting to inflict harm --it is people who get frustrated when they are at their wit's end with a child, e.g. when a baby won't stop crying.

Your son is very lucky to have you as a loving mom who cares for him. It will get easier as he gets older, so even if your husband doesn't help, it won't always be sleepless nights. Hang in there.

Umm, I would tell your husband that he needs to contribute to the welfare of your relationship & your beautiful son & that he needs to seriously work on his attitude towards the life that he helped create. If he can find it in his heart to relate, he was once a helpless little baby too & although a small little being doesn't seem like they will forever be affected by their surroundings--they most certainly will be. This story is very dis-concerting & I can only suggest that if that doesn't work that your selfish husband needs parental counseling pronto. Healthy children are a gift & not something to be taken for granted. Nobody enjoys listening to a crying child, but as you said that is sometimes the only way they can communicate due to a variety of factors--#1 being that they are infants or children!! Your adult husband should be able to understand the difference between himself & his son, right? Ask him if he wants his son to grow up to possibly be a jerk w/ low self esteem or a kind person who can relate well with other humans. It's not too late to turn your situation around--parenting is a lot of work (to say the least) & things don't always happen like we expected & of course, NOBODY is perfect! Put your foot down sister! This is your life & your child!! Also, take a large hammer to the t.v. screen in the middle of your h special program, ha-ha just kidding.. Hope my advice isn't too overwhelming-- I just have very little tolerance for people who are inconsiderate. You are doing a good thing to seek advice & parenting together can be pretty special as long as you try & stay on the same page & have genuine & equal respect for one another.
thoughtfully, K.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband is losing his patience with your 3 mo old baby. If he responds this way to him now, how will he act when the child is older. You need to take care of this now and change your husbands attitude. I think your husband (with you going too) attend a parenting class. Sign up ASAP. Also, it would be wise to tell your Dr. about your husband's actions. It sounds like maybe your husband is under a lot of stress from work and now added stress of a new family. My recommendation is to tell your dr., but for the time being, tell your husband that you need help with the baby during dinner prep and clean up time. Another thought, but not the first one I'd try, is to have everything prep and ready before your husband gets home from work. It might relive some of your stress on you of him shouting at your baby, but it will not help your husbands attitude about his son's needs.

I wish you the best with your new family.
C.

Babies are very frustrating. So much so, that I never would have another one. I can't understand why people like them, they are so annoying, crying all the time. I can't ever get enough sleep-too demanding for me! I don't blame anyone for wanting to tell them to shut up!

i am so sorry I am going through the same hearthbreaking experience with my husband. He has not stopped yelling at my beautiful son since he was 3 weeks old. He has a 16 yrs old dauther of who he is shitless scared so no raising voice because he is going to deal with mommy and daughter at once. I guess good luck to us. Don't give up he loves your son he needs somebody else telling him what he is doing is wrong.