Husband Is Coming Home to a 8Mo. Old After a 15 Mo. deployment...HELP!

I would ask him to just watch you for a day or two and ask questions as you go like "why do you do it that way" or "how much was that?" then let him have a day to do it himself and you watch (incase he has questions). He will do things differently but that's OK, daddy's are different. Congrats for getting him home. : )

The number one problem w/ spouses after a deployment is trying to get back to the way things were before they left. The one left home has been handling everything and then the deployed one comes home and expects to just take over. There is always resentment and/or misunderstandings on both sides. The best thing to do is make sure you talk about it right away. It takes a while to transition back to previous roles. Explain your concerns and that you know he is a good dad, but you know what works and doesn't work with the baby. Straight out ask him if he wants you to tell him these things right away or does he want to figure it out.
My son was 3 months old when my husband came home and it was hard at first especially since I also had a 2 year old who needed daddy more. He almost didn't want anything to do w/ the baby. It took him a while and we had a lot of personal issues to deal with as well.
My best advice is to be patient with him and make sure you TALK!

Hope this helps.

Good luck.

I'm gonna bet your husband will not know what to do every sec. with your baby. He will probaly gladly except your help and little tips here and there on what to do. Most men I know are like that they are great with kids but really appreciate mom's input. Dad isn't going to just beable to step off a plane and know what to do because he hasn't interracted with your child in months therefore not knowing what to do in certain situations. I'm sure since you've been the sole caregiver you can read what facial expressions mean what and what cry means what. Dad is going to have to learn those things. With patience and a few weeks I'm sure everything will smooth out.

First of all, Thank You for all your sacrifices and please tell your husband that what he has done is truely appreciated! My husband is only gone for a week at a time, home for the weekend, and then gone again, so I don't fully know how hard it's going to be for you. What I found though is that I kept doing everything as I normally would have-even when he was home. DON'T DO THIS! This will end up making a lot of work for you and your hubby will feel like he doesn't know where to fit in. Mine was scared to just jump in because everything was going well when I did it. After about 4 months we had a long talk. Problem solved. My suggestion is to just talk to him when he gets home, and be sure he understands that you want him to bond with the baby and that you want him to help out wherever. Hope this helps good luck and enjoy your family.

My husband was also deployed and came back when our 1st baby was 9 mos. I tried to let him find his way, but a lot of it was completely new. Showing him or telling him how to do stuff is not out of the rhelm of possibilty. Your tone will set whether or not he thinks you're being bossy. Just keep communicating with him and yes, he will figure it out too. Baby will let him know if he's happy or not as well. As long as you set out guidelines, since you have been doing it for 8 mos, I think he'll be able to figure it out. Good luck! From one military wife to another~ I know what you are going through!

Hi J.,
Congrats on your new baby and of course, your husband coming home. Let your husband know that there are many, many people that have deep respect for our service men for protecting our lives and our families. Remember to reassure your husband if your little one doesn't go to him right away that it takes time. Start out slowly and after a day or two go in the next room and leave them alone. Then go for a walk some day and leave them alone. Don't rush your husband or baby......they are both probably going to be a little nervous. After your husband is comfortable, go to the grocery store, etc. He will do fine. I have three children and my husband did the best when I wasn't home. Take your cell phone and he can call with any questions. Your husband my do things a little different than you and that's ok. Don't make him feel like he isn't doing things right. Plan activities away from home which will help you to work as a team even more because you are also away from your routine and you can help one another with the baby. Good luck and enjoy your wonderful reunion!!

First, keep in mind that as tough as this is going to be on you, it is equally or more tough on your husband. He has been away from your child for most of his life.

When my brother-in-law came home it took him a while to get over jealous feelings he had towards my sister and the bond that her and my nephew had.

I agree with the responses of let him do his own thing, each parent is different and your son needs to know that dad can do it too.

Welcome him home from all of us and tell him thanks for doing a job that protects us!! Take it slow.

Hi J.,
First of all, THANK YOU to your husband for his service and to you for your support of your husband!

I can relate to your issue because as a stay at home mom, I spend more time w/ our 4 yr old and 1 yr old than my husband does, and have established the routine. What I can share is that while routines are good - regular mealtimes, regular naptimes - the WAY of doing things, or the process, doesn't need to be identical between you and your husband. You may have a certain way of giving your son a bath, or a process in the morning of getting him dressed. Your husband may have a different process for those tasks, but the end result is the same! Your little munchkin eventually gets clean, eventually gets dressed, etc.

I had a hard time letting go with our first born, because I figured the best way was my way. My husband finally said,"You make me feel like I can't do anything right, because you are always correcting me." After hearing that, it made me realize that my way is not the only way of doing things.

Also, lots of communication!! Let your husband know: this is what time junior usually wakes up, what time he eats, naps, etc. Then stand back and let your husband decide HOW he wants to get the things done. It might be hard, but there may be times you have to consciously work on not saying anything!

Basically, my suggestion would be as long as the end result is the same, try not to sweat how it gets done. I can only imagine how excited your husband is to be re-introduced to his son and to begin developing a relationship with him! Good luck!

M.

I would make a schedule of your day goes with your son. Just show him what you have been doing and then see how he feels about it and write out a new schedule together. This way you can keep the important things such as nap time the same, but compromise on the rest of your day. That way he is involved as well and you will have some peace of mind. Also, by going through and telling him how your son's day used to go will give him an idea of what your son can do, what he eats and how often he needs to be changed. As long as he's involved, it won't take long for him to catch on and things to get back to normal.

First off, congrats on his coming home safe and sound! I can't imagine what worry and loneliness you go through with him gone.

His return will mean changes for you and Nathan since you're adding one more person to your daily life. I'd take the first day and walk your husband through your routine, and on Day 2 let him start a new one. This way he has the basic idea of what needs to be done, but it's not "Mom and Nathan's routine" it can now be "Mom, Dad and Nathan's routine". This also gives them a great chance to bond together. Just like we had no clue what to do when our first baby arrived, neither will Dad, so it's a little frustrating to watch him stumble when you know exactly what's going to work, but let him get a feel for it on his own.

Again, congratulations on his safe return, and please express a big "Thank You" from me and my family for the sacrifice that he is making to keep us all safe. God Bless.

~J.

I also think the best thing to do (as difficult and as frustrating as it will be for you) is to let Dad find his own way. Looking back, I think someone "throwing off" the routine was more stressful to me than my son. A few days of a fussy baby will be far less to deal with then a conflict in your marriage. Let what will be, be and try not to interfere unless asked to. Be supportive as Dad finds his own ways to make baby happy.

Ok that is such a hard thing. I know many women that have been in similar situations. As hard as it may be the best thing will be step back and wait for him to ask you for help/questions. He is going to need to have time to grow that bond and find where his roll as Daddy is.

As hard as it is going to be for you - it is going to be that much and more for him.
You said your son was 8 months - he is young enough where if his Daddy messes up his routine and schedule for a while it won't hurt him and infact may be good - he will know that his daddy is taking that time to learn how to be a Daddy and that he cares.

I don't envy your situation but as long as you have patience and love you and your men will get through it and be that much stronger!!

Stay strong and if you have a faith - PRAY
J.

First of all CONGRATS on your Husband coming home!!!!

What we did with my son and his dad when he came home. We pretty much just let his dad see what it was that I was doing with him. I didnt tell him what to do I only told him that if he needed help that I was here.

Let him have the time to bond before he you have him become a parent.

Hope this helps!
D.

You can always let him know how you have been doing things and what your routine is. Then let him know that you would be willing to work on a new routine together. This way he will feel welcomed home and feel like he gets to be a part of it too. Then you can see what happens. Maybe he will be able to work with your routine.
I dont think he is going to be to worried about it he will be more happy about being home...