Will My Son Remember Daddy Very Much?

I know that with my nephew and my brother-in-law that getting a DADDY DOll, helps. Also having him talk on the phone or on web cam as much as you can helps also.
http://daddydolls.net/ this is the 3rd time my brother-in-law has gone since my nephew was born.

I have experience with this. My daughter (A Marine and divorced Mom) was deployed to Iraq when her Daughter was 18 months old and we took care of her child during her deployment. She was gone for 1 year from her life. At 18 months the kids are really just getting language skills so it was hard for them to talk on the phone and the base that my daughter had did not have reliable Sype. Also, we did a movie where my daughter read stories to her daughter. This was confusing to the baby. She wanted mom to come hold her. We had a blanket made with the two of them on it with mom holding her daughter. Mom had one as well with her in Iraq. Each night we hugged mom and kissed her photo on the wall, this was good. Makes me cry to think of this time! This was hard for all of us and I know you have had a hard time of it as well. You are a strong woman and you will be a together family again. The thing I can tell you is that the coming back is not easy for anyone. It took the grandchild a few weeks to really let go of Grandma and Grandpa and go to mom. It was my job to put them back together. I had to send the grandbaby to mom to ask if she can have a snack or something. My daughter (depressed after her return) would look at me like I was crazy-why couldn't I answer the request? I knew that in order to reestablish their relationship that the baby had to know who was her go to person and that we had to back away. After a while she learned to go to mom and not grandma and my daughter learned to take more on as her responsibility. The baby would only want me to put her to bed and such. I always made mom come and do the final tuck in. We did things together for awhile. That will be your job as well. But don't push to hard to soon. Give them both a few weeks, do let your husband be the boss whenever possible-he wants back into your lives. He may not know the routine yet and he may be to harsh. Don't point that out to him in front of the kids. Just kiss and hug each as the need shows itself. It took a few months for us to get it all back to a normal relationship. You will get there, time and love will get it back. The warriors have had a hard time of it and do not feel completly at home for awhile. In this recesses of the kids fiber they know their parents. And kids are very adapable. Its the adults that have a hard time. Good luck to you and your family and thank you to all of you for being there for our Country. Yep-you still have hard work ahead of you. Here is a hug and a kiss from this grandma who knows you need one and deserve one and may not get one for awhile yet.

Mom of 2 Marines and 1 in Officer Training. Happily married for 35 years. 2 through adoption and 1 home grown. We are an interesting group!

Hi C.,
Congrats on your husband returning... I hope by the time you get this he is home (or so close you are itching with anticipation).
I just saw your question and answer.... but I was reading through anyway to see if there was anything mentioned about Strong Bonds. Martha B mentioned to you about reunions and an Ombudsman- unless you know anything about the Navy, you probably have NO CLUE what an Ombudsman is..lol. I only know because I almost married a Sailor. The point is that each branch has different names for that person and yours may also go under Family Readiness Co-ordinator, Leader, or something of the like. They all SHOULD have these reunion activitvities for you to attend- pre-homecoming and post- up to a year after believe it or not.
One of these is the Strong Bonds Workshop you can find the closest one to you at StrongBonds.org. It is geared toward the couple but your little guy will be able to handle the issues of homecoming better as long as you two are communicating really well and it is normal to find after the honeymoon stage that you remember why you hated him leaving his underwear on the floor. lol... the point is you as a couple will benefit and he will too as long as his foundation of mom and dad stays strong.
In addition there are all kinds of stresses that will show up after Daddy has been home a few weeks- and while you did not ask for post homecoming advice I wanted to take a minute and let you know that you are very normal to have a huge range of emotions and thoughts- and your little guy will pick up on this- he hears the words but he feels your emotions still very strongly. Remember that the materials, workshops, etc are there for you to understand the whole process. Reserve life can be confusing at best and downright scary at worst because there is not a "normal" place of duty that hubby will be at afterwards- just going back to Drill/Battle Assembly. A lot of service members use the time after they get back when they are allowed to not show up at the unit... I strongly advise against it- for your whole family- especially if your husband suffered any trauma (loss, etc) over there.
Contact your closest installation- no matter the branch and use their community services office (again it goes under different names dependant on branch). The militaryonesource.com is a great option as well and they have a number to call for free resources for you.
Find other wives from the unit and talk (if you haven't been during deployment) even once he is home. Then also give your little guy the chance to spend the time in places he will get the level of communication needed for him to work through any feelings he is dealing with. Have you heard of the Sesame Street video? Or the Mr Poe and Friends for deployment? Your son is right on the brink of both. They are free for you- just ask military one source for them.
I hope your reunion has happened and you are enjoying having him home and watching your son crawl all over his Dad in excitement now. Thank you for your brave service of staying behind and keeping the home fires burning. If you need anything- please feel free to private message me. I am not sure how far away we are from each other but I am something of a Reserves wife myself but my husband is the all the time active duty part of the reserves for the Army and used to be regular Army as well. I am a Brat as well and grew up with all the branches around us as well as most of my married life (more AF than the others though).
God Bless and Happy Reunion!
J. K

my only suggestion... go through the photo albums or watch home videos with Daddy in them. It will spark their memories and yours!

Ever heard of "Flat Daddies?"

Flat Daddies and Flat Mommies are life-sized printed posters of parents who are actively serving overseas in the military

http://flatdaddies.com/

About Flat Daddies
Is a cardboard cutout really a good substitute for a deployed parent?
Experts believe the cutouts are a useful psychological device, especially for children, to help cope with the stress of long absences. It helps the family stay connected and is a constant reminder that even though mom or dad is thousands of miles away, they are still a part of their lives.

I got one for our son and when he saw his Daddy he didn't treat him like a "stranger."

Greetings C. and Family: Please know how much my family appreciates your families seervice in our behalf.
We were Air Force as well during the Viet Nam War and on. My husband would be sent on remote assignments often, and the hard part was getting the call at 5 am to say he was leaving. I asked then if they were ever afraid of forgetting their dad and they tell me no because we made him apart of everything we did . We learned the hard way to do several things when our oldest child thought dad was hurting himself when she watched him shave his neck the first time. So we did the following for the next 4 children:
Took pictures of things that only a dad might do. Example:
1. put sandpaper on the sides of picture of dad for a BEARD. That way they were used to that scratchy feeling.
2. dad shaving his neck - we would buy shaving cream for them to play with outside or in the tub to know the feel.
3. Dad in regular clothes not just his work clothes that everyones daddy got to wear (his uniforms)
4. Because daddy wore a suit to church, we had pictures of him at the church, in his suit, holding his scriptures etc.
5. As the kids got older Dad would get stacks of lunch bags and write simple notes that could be used by any of the kids so they knew he was thinking of them. Some said have a smile day, treat others better than they treat you, forgive the teacher she/he may have a loved one over seas and is worried about them, take care of mom she can't do it without you, you are my angel and the all important one IAM THINKING OF YOU ALL DAY, always done in caps.
We later learned that our daughter would sell her bags for 10cents apiece to the other kids so they could pretend their daddy had written the note.
6. Pictures of daddy reading to them.
We just had the pictures everywhere and they would have a ball with all of them. Now that they are all older when the "Boys" men have to leave for a few days they do many of the same things. God Bless all of your efforts and Bless your adventure into Parenthood. Nana G

C.,
I just talked to my youngest, not yet 19, who's in the Air Force out in Washington state. And I miss him somthing terrible.
I think what you're doing is just fine. Unless there's a webcam you can both use. He should be fine till Daddy comes home.
And someday you'll be able to explain the entire reason dad was away, and all the good stuff. When his plane comes in when he comes home, get there really early, watch all the planes come in while you wait, have fun asking" is that daddy's?", have a big sign he can carry that says DAD'S HOME or WELCOME BACK DADDY!
Get him involved.

A friend of mine had a similar situation. Her husband was in Iraq for a year when their son was about 2. They spoke on the phone daily, and looked at Daddy's picture, and talked about Daddy a lot. When Daddy returned, father and son didn't skip a beat. It all went very smoothly. Daddy was never forgotten. I'm sure there will be an adjustment period, but I don't think you will need to worry if you have done these types of things, too. Best wishes!

The DFW USO has a marvelous program for parents about to deploy.

A Reading Room where the parent can hold the child on his lap and read a favorite story. This is videoed and a CD is sent to the child to view any time he wants.

The DFW USO volunteers send off every deployment and greet every return with hugs, kisses, drinks, snacks and even neck pillows to make the long trip more bearable.

We have a beautiful lounge and always plenty of cheerful, helpful volunteers on hand any time our military personnel are coming through the airport. They will be out there at 2 in the morning if some of our service men and women are coming in.

Tell your military members to look them up.

God bless you all who are serving our country in any way during wartime! I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!

If any of you want to know some of the many ways you can help our military and their families you may PM me. It can be as simple as sending your outgrown toys and clothes to a thrift store that benefits the families left behind.

Love to all
D. (Aunt to a soldier who served 3 tours in Iraq and a grandson who, thank God is safely stationed at Elmendorf AFB in Alaska.)

Hi...first of all....Thank you to your husband and your family for fighting for all of us.....we truly appreciate your sacrifices!!!!
I didn't see this listed.....but if at all possible, have your husband tape record himself reading a couple of bedtime stories.....just the soothing nature of a bedtime story is very reassuring...hope that helps.....thanks!!!!

My husband is in the Army Reserves and is currently on his 4th year-long deployment. During the last one, our son was 2 and now he's 5. He gets very clingy with my when my husband is deployed, but he bonded with him within a couple months last time. He still wanted me most of the time, but liked to play with his dad. Over time, he started going to his dad for help more and seemed to have a more "normal" bond with him. It just takes time.
We have stayed in touch with my husband through every possibility that we can-Skype, phone, e-mail, snail mail. It just depends on where he is at the time and what kind of technology is available. We talk about daddy and read books about separation, but my son is already getting anxious about his return in August. I know he had a hard time "sharing me" with daddy at first last time. I think it's important to maintain the strong bonds we have and just try to be as patient and understanding as we can (which can be hard sometimes). It'll all work out in time, but it takes a long time.
You can do everything possible to get the kids ready, but you never know how they'll really react. Keep your expectations low, reintegration is a long, sometimes difficult process, but your family will find its balance again. It usually takes about 6 months for things to feel "normal" for us again.
One thing that has helped us is to take a vacation together. It puts us on neutral territory where the kids get lots of attention and everyone is relaxed. We just have fun and get to know each other again. It also gives us a little break from reintegrating our household and reminds us of what we love about each other. Last time we went to Disney (they're offering military discounts now, and you can get tickets to Busch Gardens or Sea World for free), and my son would only ride with me. We're probably going to Busch Gardens this time-we'll see what happens.
A lot of the reaction depends on your children's temperament too. My son is anxious to begin with.
Just be patient!!!! Go for a walk or do yoga or whatever you like to do to de-stress, and hang in there. This too shall pass.

I have a friend whose husband was deployed to Iraq for a year twice. He would call home and leave message on the answering machine before he left and the girls would listen to them over and over while he was gone. I thought that was great./

my husband is overseas also and I have two sons. We discovered Skype which is a software program that only requires a computer and a camera. my husband has a laptop with a built in camera and i bought a camera that attaches to our computer so now we have video calls with him every weekend. Due to the time difference it has worked out that we can do skype on weekends. the kids get to see him and he gets to see the kids.

N.

The more you show him pictures, videos, etc. and remind him about daddy, there should be NO problem! The more you talk about it and look at pictures, etc. the more it will seem like "dad's just been on a long vacation".

A year ago, my husband had to go to Calgary for work, where he stayed for 7 weeks, and didnt get to come home. My kids were 22 months and just over 3 years at the time.
They asked about him a lot, but upon his return, they acted in 2 totally different ways.
The little one couldn't get enough hugs and followed him around constantly. The older one was much more standoff-ish. We thought she might've been mad at him for leaving and didnt understand that he had to go for work and was coming back, etc... It only took her an hour or two to warm back up to him when he came home, though.

That is my experience with my kids being separated from their dad. Now, it's been a year and they do not remember him even being gone.
Don't worry about it, your son will remember and the bond will be just fine. :)
Thank you to you and your husband for the sacrifice you are making.

Hey C.,

Your son will remember his Dad. It may take a little while for him to get back to normal once Dad comes home, just as it will for you. My youngest was in kindergarten the last time my husband came home, and she remembered him just fine! We are about a month out of my husbands next homecomeing (Navy-Anbar province) so we are also getting ready for the event!

If you have not been through a reuninion before, try to attend the seminars that your command omsbusdman should be holding soon. If you don't have access to these, then log on to Millitary One Source and read the information they have about reunions. They can be stressful as you all get back into the swing of being together. You should expect behavior issues from your son, but knowing how he is likely to act will he helpful! It takes longer than you expect for it all to normalize, but it will, I promise!

Enjoy your husbands return! There is a place where you can get a personalized sign for only shipping and handling, I will look for that website and PM you with it!

M.

You have already gotten alot of great responses, but I wanted to take a moment to say "THANK YOU" to you and your husband. Please let him know that we appreciate his and your sacrifice for our country, our freedom and our lives! May God bless you and keep you both safe. I will be praying for him.

Do you have video of his Dad you can show and let him watch? Have him watch over and over. CAn hubby send a new video of any kind before he comes home? Anything with Audio will help too.....to trigger memory from hubby's voice.

GEt out pictures of daddy, let him keep some in his bedroom...look every night and before going to sleep..subconscious will play a big role.

Good luck and congrats he is coming home.

First off let me commend your husband and YOU!!
We can not thank our service members and their families enough for doing what you all do!! And I whole heartedly mean that.

Ok now for your son, I don't know as I think he won't "know" who daddy is, at first he might seem like a familiar face but maybe he won't be able to "put a finger on it" but I'm guessing it won't take long for him to figure it out! I wouldn't worry too much, if you are worried tho maybe you could start showing him a picture of daddy every day and saying look at daddy, he'll be coming home soon something like that.

I didn't see this request before but thank you, your husband, and your family for the sacrifice you make for all of us. It is truly appreciated! I agree taped bedtime stories are a great idea. I'm sure there are other fantastic ideas here that I haven't read yet. I wanted to take the opportunity to show gratitude to a family of heroes!

My hubby was overseas as well. But he was gone when my son was younger. But what worked really well for us was showing him a picture of his daddy. He had his own personal pictre to carry around and I had one I would pull out and look at when my son was around. Just so that he would recognize the face. It worked for us. My son hugged him (he was only 14 months at the time) and loved him up a lot. Actually wouldn't leave him alone. I agree with some others on pushing the bounderies. I would say if your husband is patient and holds his ground. Have fun reconnecting and just take it a day at a time. It will take some time for all of you to get used to the new situation. Best of luck :) Enjoy...

C.,

Thanks to your husband for serving this country! I can only imgaine how hard it must be. I have a cousin who also serves so I know it is very hard for his wife as well.

So, I wanted to share a way that you can see your husband and hear him at the same time. Your kids will love that! My cousin purchased a video phone which has a local number attatched to it. So she ordered 2 phones, basically its like calling a local number... ACN offers this phone. It is great, because vs. the webcam you can actually hear the other person. It is great we love it!!! ....You can check out their website. If you have any question let me know.

this truly makes it easier for them! The phone was also featured on the Celebrity Apprentice Show...connecting families is great!

God Bless you and your family.

my husband was in the army when we met & married. after 9-11, when they sent troops to iraq, his unit held an FRG meeting(family readiness group). they told us if we had childrenm it was best to show pictures of their parent everyday, write a letter, color a picture, something to maintain that members place in the family on a daily basis. & upon returning, not to make things more stressfull by trying to throw the children & parent alone together from the start. be calm and let the child go to the parent, don't be forceful. they said that kids will be testy at first reastablishing bounderies & things of that nature, but the ne thing they cautioned against most was trying to force kids with parents. hope it helps.

Hi C.,

I wanted to add my 2 cents worth. My husband is in the Marine reserves and was activated to go to Iraq. At the time, my son was also 3. We did the phone calls, which helped tremendously. BUT, I want to caution you in regards to the videotaping of daddy reading a favorite story. My husband did this and my son and I watched it together. While I cried in seeing dad "sitting in our living room," my son watched and listened intently. When the story was over, he ran to the TV and wanted to get into dad's lap. He cried and cried because he could not touch dad. I just held him while we cried together. It was the hardest thing for me to get him through. The Family Readiness group of my husband's unit strongly suggested to all the families to do this. While I thought it was a great idea at the time, I don't think so anymore. It might work for some children, it backfired on us and I threw the tape away.

Their bond seemed to be strong when he came home, but then he left again 5 months later. Dad is home permanent now and they are doing fine. They have their moments though.

Good luck to you and wishing your husband a safe journey home if he is not already.

Semper Fi!

if your hubby could send home a couple of videos and talk to your son it might help. I don't know how things are over there, but if he had acess to a web cam he could talk to him.

First off I am so sorry that your husband is overseas and pray for a safe return for all of our men and woman who are overseas. My grandson just returned from Iraq last Nov. Anyway show him pictures of his daddy constantly and talk with him and say that daddy will be comeing home soon. I have not had this experience but wish you al the luck in the world. May God be with each and everyone of us.

I think the suggestions given below are great, and that you probably talk about daddy all the time and hopefully talk on the phone on occasion.

Both of my son's grandmas live far away. He talks to my mom a lot more because of the time zone. But, he talks about both grandmas. My mom lives closer, but he only sees her 2x a year. My mother-in-law comes for the summer because she is a teacher.

My mom usually gives my son a chance to come to her on his own terms, and it works better. Usually by the end of the first day they are acting like old friends. My MIL is more aggressive, and it takes him longer to warm up to her because she is so pushy. Last summer it took a couple fo weeks, because he spent more time running from her. He is only 2.5, and right now he is looking forward to my mom coming to visit next month. He talks about it all the time. We are also talking about his other nana coming this summer, and I think if she could chill it will go much better for them.

I think that your son will remember your husband. It might take him a little bit of time for your son to approach daddy, but if contact (even if it is just photos and you talking about it with him) is consistent, I think it will be okay.

Your son will remember him I am sure. My husband has been in Iraq since August and was home on leave at the beginning of February. Our son, who is 20 months, didn't know what to do or think when we picked daddy up at the airport but by the end of the night he wouldn't let daddy out of his sight. Within a day it was as if daddy had never left. My husband walked out to the car to get something the first night he was home and my son started screaming no and running after him, afraid he was leaving again. He has had a hard time since daddy had to go back but we only have a short time left until he his home again. We use webcam and the phone so that he doesn't forget daddy's voice and I have put all the pictures of my husband in the house on a low shelf. That way my son can reach them and he talks to them or gives the pictures kisses all the time. My husband was stationed in Korea when our son was born. He was home for the birth and had to go back when he was 7 days old. He came home from Korea 7 months later and my son even knew him then. I'm sure he didn't remember but he definately "knew" him. I think it was from the webcam and showing him videos of daddy and letting him talk to him on the phone. Good luck to your family, we know exactly how excited you must be.

Yes, he will remember daddy. There will be a little shyness, a little pushing of the limits, but if your husband reacts calmly and isn't pushy about hugs, etc., everything will fall into place fairly quickly.
God Bless your husband for serving his country and defending our rights to the freedoms we have enjoyed in the past.