Football Season Is Here- Arg

I have a very practical suggestion that probably won't cost any more than going to a bar to watch football on a weekly basis (food and drink tabs add up). I am an east coast football fan too (go Pats!). You can get the NFL channel on cable for the season. I know Direct TV carries something like that too. Get a 6-pack in the fridge and make some nachos. If you have an occasion coming up, like a birthday or anniversary or something, the timing would be great. My two year old knows to put his arms over his head and yell "it's good" when someone kicks a field goal. It's fun for the whole family.

Hi J.,
I totally get it! My husband is the same way. We now have direct TV and subscribe to NFL Ticket and are able to watch any and all football games. He watches a lot of football on Sunday but, at least he's at home with the family.
Good luck!
S.

If you have cable or satellite you should be able to get a football package where he can see all of the games. My son get the package & he even gets his favorite college games.
PENN

J. S
Was your husband’s love of football carefully concealed before you were married? Do you have cable TV? If not and you think you can’t afford it, consider the bar tab at the local pub and more important the impact this is creating on your marriage. Bottom line, one does NOT have to go to a bar to watch an east coast game. Bars can be more fun then home. HOME can and should be more fun then bars. Surprise him; get cable or the sports channel installed.

I really don’t understand why you ONLY have two hours a day with your daughter, but then I don’t know what you do for a living or what your daily schedule consists of?

No J., men have not cornered the market on selfishness; women can do a pretty good job of being selfish too, we just have different methods and motives.

A lot of the mama’s talk about their wonderful, best friend, great dad, etc., etc., husband and darling children. You didn’t have much good to say about your husband. How do you feel about him and your marriage?

Lastly, make a list of things you and your husband need to talk about. What’s hurting you and what’s making you angry and resentful? What you would like your husband to do. What you do. Ask your husband to do the same. Try to meet in the middle.

Blessings……

I feel you on this one. My husband was raised in a football-worshipping family; I was not. He has to work hard to fight what is a natural activity for him. To his credit, he does very well. But here are a few things I would consider...

I don't think of this situation as selfish but rather as a difference in values. Resist the urge to judge his choice of how he spends his limited free time because as you have experienced, it just causes conflict. Instead, have you had a conversation about your individual values and your family values? Very simply, regardless of what one values in theory, values are what one spends the most time on and what one puts as a high priority. The light bulb goes off for my husband when he realizes that he's putting a higher priority on football than his daughter or wife.

If football is as important to him as spending time as a family is to you, it sounds like a compromise is in order. Can he choose the one or two games a month that he wants to watch, and the rest that he can just check the score after the game? And as much as you might despise football watching, can he bring your daughter to the restaurant one of those two times, giving you some time off?

I haven't found it very successful to take away the football watching altogther, but as parents we must make some sacrafices. The beauty of parenting with a partner is not having to sacrafice everything, all the time. You can work together to get both your needs met.

Best of luck to you through football season!

Signed,
Superbowl watcher only

Football season is about 3 1/2 months. Each team has a bye week, so that's pretty much only 8 to 10 games that your team will play. That is hardly EVERY Sunday. There are 52 Sundays and he's asking for 8. It seems selfish on the wifes part to deny him this. My husband NEEDS to watch football like he needs air. It has never been a problem, I set him up with his snacks, drinks and other things he needs and then take the kids out for a while so he can relax and watch his game. And, a lot of times I watch with him. Maybe you could get a sitter for your daughter on a couple of Sundays and go with him to watch the game. I used to hate football, but now I really like it, and he LOVES that I take time to watch with him. It doesn't sound like he's giving up "family time" He needs MAN time. Men need man time in order to stay sane. We get our time more than we think we do.

I also would highly recommend The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. It's an awesome book.

Sounds familiar...for my husband, it's golf, another 4 to 5 hour Sunday activity!
Don't be too h*** o* him, but especially don't be too h*** o* yourself. We moms tend to put more emphasis on "family time." My husband has never had a problem taking off for several hours on the weekend, but I used to feel guilty about even going to get a haircut, let alone spending time with my own friends.
Men can be involved and loving fathers in different ways. They are not all interested in going to the park or the zoo (I learned early on to connect with other moms for these types of outings.) Also, some men become more hands on as their kids get older and become more vocal and interactive.
Obviously, I don't know the details of your situation, I'm just trying to give you my perspective. I've been married for 16 years and I think one of the reasons it has lasted is because we have both had to compromise and adjust our expectations, both of ourselves and each other, especially in our role as parents.
Hang in there!!!

Hi J.,

I would love to be supportive, but in truth I am not sure I can be. How long have you been married? Did you know he was a football fan before? How about sharing it with him? Or, making that special time for you and your daughter? When I got married the first time (I was widowed) I knew I was marrying a sports fan, and an athlete. He would watch football, baseball, hockey, any of them, whenever they were on. I am a fan as well, we watched together. When he would train for marathons, or long bike rides, that was what he did. It did not change after we had kids. And, I did not think it should. Sometimes it was hard. But, I figured it was good for him. It certainly was not worth making our weekends a battle. It was not easy. I had a severely handicapped son, who took a ton of care, and then eventually a baby on top of it. I don't know, maybe you can think about getting Direct TV Sunday Ticket. We have it. We get all the football games. And we watch as a family.

Good luck.

Dear J.,
Don't take this the wrong way, but you are going about this all wrong.
Men love football. It's a fact of life. Actually not ALL men love it as much as others, but you happened to marry one that does, so, you are going to have to find a way to work it out so everyone is happy.
You mentioned the word selfish 3 times.
You're a couple with a young baby, you are both juggling a lot. But, if you are going to try to convince your husband that watching football is the equivelant of not caring about family time and being selfish, you are beating a dead horse. Don't get me wrong. I totally understand how you feel. But, your husband could be doing a lot worse things. Football season does not go all year long. You are setting yourself up for a fight if you are expecting him to choose between you and football.
I read another of the responses and she wasn't even happy that her husband was HOME watching football.
Maybe I'm missing something, maybe I'm strange. I personally do not hate football. That's one thing, oddly enough, that my husband and I never fought about. If there was a big game on Sunday, we made snacks or finger foods or we prepared ahead and my husband bbq'd during half time. We were all in the same room basically...maybe my daughter and I baked brownies while the baby was on the couch with dad. We made it a family time.
Would you be just as upset if he was glued to the Food Network on Sundays?
I guess I'm saying...embrace football. You don't have to love it, but understanding it actually makes it more interesting than you might think. And, if there is no other option than your husband watching it somewhere else, find a way to be fine with it. Take your baby to the park. Visit friends or relatives. If you just can't stomach the Sunday football thing together, then let him have his time and the trade off is that he takes the baby while you get some time of your own. Let him take the baby shift an evening or two. Bathing and putting to bed. I know you are tired, but you can't complain about someone being selfish if you aren't willing to say, "Okay...fine. Now, just so you know, this is what I need for me." And then do it.
But, not in a naggy, tit for tat kind of way. Marriage equals compromise.
My sister married the greatest guy on the planet as far as I'm concerned. He is not only good to her, but the whole family. When they got married, she decided she would put her foot down and there would be no more hunting season trips. She used to cry and throw fits and had to have someone stay with her and made such a big deal about it because he left her all alone to go be SELFISH. He's quite a few years older than her...had been hunting well before she came along. She gave him an ultimatum and he said...."Guess you'll be gone when I get back then".
That was 14 years ago and now she looks FORWARD to hunting season! She loves him and misses him, but hey....she's a woman of the world...she's a big girl. She has an annual yard sale, gets together with the other hunting wives, she does her own thing. And, he totally respects her even more because she can take care of herself, and the kid and the house for a few weekends out of the year. That's all he asks.
It could be football, baseball, hunting, or god forbid, ice hockey, but don't make your husband choose. Even though you are married, you can still be strong and independent. All the men I know who are madly in love with their wives think that is their very best attribute. They can be strong women unto themselves.
My best friend's husband is a fireman. For CDF. That means, when they have all these huge fires, he's on the front lines and sometimes she may not even know where he is for weeks at a time. She keeps it all together at home while he's gone. It's his career. And he could never have his head in it if his wife fell apart everytime he had to leave.
Football?
Put things in perspective.

Hi J.,

What you resist (your husband’s absence for 4 hours) persist, what you focus on, you get more of. So, you can either resist his absence and focus on his selfishness and make everyone miserable, or you can embrace it and get different results. If your desire is to create “family time” ask your husband for some input on how to make this happen…and don’t be attached to how you think it should look, be open to suggestions/options. If you also want some relief, discuss this with him and see what can work for both of you. Family time is throughout the day and week; don’t limit yourself to 4 hours! Don’t attach an image that is not realistic at this time, and make the most of the 2 hours you spend with your daughter each day!

I have no doubt that your husband wants family time too, and would be willing to come up with solutions that make both of you happy. You can start by asking “You and I both want family time, what can we do that we all get to win on Sundays?” Don’t ask or expect him to give up football, but expect him to give great input what he can commit to on Sundays...this way, everyone wins.

Trust me, my husband puts 350 miles a week on his road bike when he’s training and is obsessive with collecting wine, so I’ve had many conversations on how he can “have it all” without neglecting his family obligations. Mind you, he sometimes gets off course, but a little nudge is all I have to do to remind him of “having it all.”
There’s nothing more unhealthy than to hold resentment so get it out, your time matters, and you’ll be surprised how receptive he is.

I would describe my husband as righteous, judgmental and self-centered if I were to focus on his weaknesses; however, with open dialogue, I get to focus on his strengths: loving, honorable and committed. It’s a choice where we place our focus.

Me: 41, working full time in a 15 year career, going to school to change careers, mother of a son who is 28 months, and I’m 7 months pregnant. I get to have it all because I say so. Circumstances may slow you down, but they should never stop you! You have circumstances, grad school and football…..they will change, work with what you can do today.

Good Luck,
S.

I would suggest, instead of asking him to give up his games, ask him if you can have some "me" time, too. It may not be every week like his is, but one or two times a month ask him to watch the kids while you have a long lunch with girlfriends, have a spa day, or just relax at home while he takes them out somewhere. If you ask him right (not accusatory, but focusing on your need for your own time), he shouldn't find it unreasonable.

Then he will have bonding time with your daughter, and you will be less resentful.

Good luck!

J. - I don't know if this is the best solution, but at least its a starting point.

Direct TV has an NFL package that shows a ton of games from all over, including the eastcoast. So maybe if your husband was able to watch his team from home you could make it a family event. Get your daughter a cute little cheerleading uniform in your husband's team colors and tailgate in your living room.

J., Well I can't exactly relate to your situation, because my husband doesn't spend 4 hours watching football, he spends it reading the newspaper! He works very hard, long hours M-F. He does, however, find time every day to read the newspaper. This activity is his escape, plus it keeps him pretty informed on current affairs. With that said, it often drives me crazy! So about every other weekend, I pick up and go for several hours during the day. Sometimes I take our son, most times I don't. They are left to fend for themselves. I don't know exactly what they do, but they are both safe and happy when I get home. Sometimes they are gone when I get home. They have gone to "run errands" or visit Grandma and Grandpa, and they are spending time together. I would like for more of it to be family time, but in order to do that, I have to plan ahead more (my husband isn't much of a planner) and I also have to set him up for it. For example, next weekend lets go camping or shopping or whatever.

The above is my way of coping with my husband.

One thing I would add for you is to be sure to talk to your husband about what you are thinking, and remember football season doesn't last all year long.

You might want to join him for every other game.

I feel for your because this is my favorite time of year, and I can tell it is definitely NOT yours. :-(

The heat is already on, but here are a couple of things that came to mind when I read your post.

What about NFL Sunday ticket? Its about $200 for the whole season which is probably less than he would spend the rest of the season sitting in a sports bar.

What if you made a small event of it each Sunday? Does he have a friend that has a wife with a toddler also? Could you get together, eat fattening football food, and have guy-talk and girl-talk along with the other couple(s)? At least you would all be together and it might be fun.

I get your point though. It's one thing when they are gone due to work and you are parenting alone. Its a whole different story when they CHOOSE to be away from home, and there you sit. I really hope he can see it from your pov and compromise.

M.

Let him know that you understand his desire to watch football on Sundays, but there's got to be some middle ground because your desires are just as relevant and important as his. So maybe you can suggest that if he takes 4 hours out of your family time to watch football that he needs to carve out 4 hours out of his schedule on another day or earlier that day to devote to family time. That way, you won't resent the time he is gone. Also, he shouldn't assume that you'll be the one to watch your daughter during these times. Maybe once in a while, he can arrange for daycare during his football viewing so that YOU can get some time to yourself or with your girlfriends.

The bottom line is that this won't be the first time that one of you will want to devote time to something that you care about and you need to find a way to validate and respect each others interests and desires. That means for BOTH of you!

Good luck!

J.

I personally love football season, maybe even more than my husband, but even if you don't like football much, why not join him on his Sunday outing? There are plenty of bar/ restaurants out there that are very welcoming for kids, as long as you sit at a table.
Maybe not every weekend if you really don't like football, but you could look at it as a family outing and maybe one weekend your husband could skip the Sunday routine and take you to brunch or a picnic in the park?
Hope you can resolve this matter, football season runs through February, so that seems like a very long time to be unhappy.
M

Ah, the football widow. My condolences. Luckily the football season isn't too long. It is entirely within your right to be upset and angry. It is overwhelming sometimes to work and take care of a young baby. But your husband needs his time too. You both should find a way to balance taking care of the baby so you can get your "me" time too!

Here is what I suggest: Let your husband have his football time. While he is watching football, use that time to meet with your girlfriends or go shopping or just relax with your daughter. Schedule your family time for when he gets home. Or better yet, leave him with the baby and get a pedicure!

Don't be resentful about football. If this is what he enjoys, let him have this. But don't neglect your needs either. If he can make the time to spend time with you and the baby as well as get his games in, there will be less friction between you two.

Maybe it is worth it for you to get satellite TV. You get all the East Coast games and you can record them so he can watch later.

Good luck!

Hi J.,

My husband is the same way. It used to be a big issue for us too. The Sunday Ticket does help a lot, so he can watch it at home. So does a DVR. My husband records the games he is interested in, but then fast forwards through the commercials and breaks between plays. He can pause if I need help with something, for us to eat lunch together, etc. And if he's home, you could do what you'd like to do while the baby naps...

The other thing that helps is that as the children get a little older, they can sit and play in the room with him while he watches the game. And as they have gotten even older, they actually enjoy sitting and watching the game with him. (Both my daughter and my son like this.)

Hopefully you can find a way to work it out...

-D.

I would totally feel the way you did if my husband left for four hours every Sunday. We also work full time and have two kids, 5 and 6 months, so if my husband was gone on a weekend I'd be pretty concerned. My husband used to go to martial arts 3 times a week for about 3-4 hours, and this was during the week. He finally came to a realization that it wasn’t worth being gone so much or the money it cost in gas either. I have to say it took a lot of nagging and I got really frustrated. I would talk to him and let him know how you feel. He could watch the game from home at least he'd be there during commercials and what not. I'm a little lucky in that fact that when I put my foot down my husband listens. Your right men our extremely stubborn and at times extremely selfish. Good luck I hope he comes to his senses.

Purchase DirectTv and the Football Ticket...you can then watch the game together as a family. That is how we do it and it works great...

I LOVED reading the responses here! Thanks for posting. Yes, I encounter the same thing. I get silently annoyed and I think I'm going to take my own advice below this season! Have you considered showing him your posting and the responses? The suggestions folks gave were great. Reality is definitely easier said than done! In my opinion, these 4+ hrs. a week are a lot and they are no doubt, his "personal" time. Something tells me you are not taking 4+ hours a week to yourself. Aint a lot of time when you're working full time. I imagine you want to spend time as much time w/ your daugher on the weekends as you can. Here's a suggestion. See if you can work out every other Sunday, he's got the baby during the football game while you go do your thing (I don't mean you doing the dishes or other household tasks that s/b shared - preferably get out of the house). He can watch the game at home w/ the baby. Even suggest he invite his friends over (let him handle snacks for his guests and clean up). Now let's not be naive here, he won't get to thoroughly relax those four hours, but he'll get to watch the game! I hope you post how it went. Man, I really hope I can my own advice this season. Still doing the breastfeeding thing at 9 mos. and it isn't so simple as leaving a bottle behind. Best of luck!

Hi there J. I here you! You should also have some time to "recharge" try doing this on Sat. so he can understand how it feels (it's only fair you have to give and take) My hubby tends to do the same depending on the team yet he is also watching baseball...At least he tends to stay home. We have 3 boys (very active) so I could understand he needs to have his time but I also need mine. Good luck hang in there at least football is NOT year around :)
C.

Hi J.. Can I just say i hate sports.. watching them that is. It turns into a big waste of time especially when you have a family! I know how you feel, my husband gave up on sports when we lived in s. california because it's not as much of a big deal down there..so I guess I got lucky in that respect! ..but my husband was doing the same thing where he would go to a friends house or sleep in while I had to battle the kids! What I started doing was acting like he wasn't there..planning things without including him and he finally felt left out and got the message. Now he actually plans things ahead with us on his days off. Unfortunately, most men do this type of thing and I think (from talking with friends and family) it's h*** o* the Mom and the marriage!! I feel for you and trust me you are definetly not alone!!! Good luck!

My husband is a football fanatic as well!!

In our house, Sundays all day long the tv is on. At the beginning of the relationship, I used to watch football with him...if you can't beat em, join em, right? I do like football, but not as much as he does. Now, there is just too much stuff to do for me to sit and watch football.

If you don't have a DVR, get one. This allows my husband to take breaks to do things or to talk with me or our boys. Also, if you don't have DirecTV, get it! And get the Sunday NFL Ticket. Its expensive but worth it!! He won't have to leave the house to watch his favorite game. Maybe he can watch the game with his daughter. Some good bonding time.

Just try not to fight and get frustrated. Most of us moms totally understand your frustration! It will get better.

I think this is a long standing debate. My hubby rides every sat for 5 hours. I have 2 little ones and we both work. So we made a deal. He has to be back by noon and then I have 5 hours to do what I want. Usually run, or ride, go shopping. Get erronds done. Im only gone for 3 hours. Then Sunday we do a family day, either a hike or go somewhere. Its all about compromise. If he can do football you should have some alone time as well. We all need it.

I agree. Get directv and the sunday ticket. Plus directv comes with soapnet! lol! anyway, my hubby is big time into football season too and so are friends; the bonus is we now all have two year olds. Recently we started going over to a friend's house on sunday for football. We watch it. The men bond. I get girlfriend(re:adult)time, and the bonus is the kids wear eachother out!
My only other advice would be to draw up a compromise that even though on Saturdays he has to study, you need a few hours to yourself as well to go do "whatever"!
The football widow thing will pass......until next season!

I think most men are like that but just pack up the little one and go with him to watch the game. He will either enjoy having you there or get the point. If you go give the baby to him to hold. The other opyion is to leave him with her on Saturday while he is trying to study. It doesn't really take care of the spending family time issue but makes a point. It seems like the East coast teams are always on tv so get satelite if you have to.

Hi J., my husband is an avid 49er fan. Even though the team is local, it is all about football now. Forget anything else on Sunday. Here is my suggestion to you. Have you considered getting the NFL package through your cable company. I am not sure if you have Dish, Comcast, or whatever. They offer the NFL package, and it shows all games. That way he could be home with you and still get to watch the game. You can ask him to change his location. BJ's at Oakridge Mall offers most games on Sundays. This is a restaraunt/bar, and you can all go. Good Luck to you.

I hate football season as well, but my husband loves the 49ers so he stays home to watch. I actually try to encouarge him to go somewhere so we don't have to have the game on at home, but he prefers to stay home! I truly think you should let him have his game. If he's only staying out for the one game (3 - 4 hours) I don't see the problem. there are still morning or afternoon hours around the game. Also, you could look into getting the NFL package through cable so he will be able to get the game at home but that probably won't be much better because he'll be paying attention to the game and you will get mad about that. there are many, many things to fight about but four lousy hours a weekend doesn't seem like it should be one of them! Maybe you can suggest to your husband that since he will be gone for four hours on Sunday, that he spend that same amount of time on Saturday being primary caretaker so you can get a break. Compromise is the name of the game!

If he watched football when you were dating and engaged I don't think you should expect him to give it up. My dad was a huge football fan and watched all day on Sunday and on Monday night. He would even watch college ball on Sat. most of the time. My mom used to use that time to have quality girl time. Football season doesn't last all year long. I would just take your daughter and spend some quality time together, since you work all week long.

I am a stay at home mom and my husband works A LOT! When he does get time off he loves to golf or go hunting or fishing. It stinks but I realize he needs a break too (I'm still waiting for my break :)).

I understand your resentment. And I do think men tend to think more about themselves sometimes. However, if you have already voiced your opinion I wouldn't bring it up again. Hopefully he will decide to stay home some of those sundays for family time. Nagging will just make him want to be gone more.

One suggestion - get this book and read it: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

Hi J.,

My whole house is football freaks!! I can tell you that for the men that are into football its a big deal...I look at it this way, Football is not that long of a season its only Sunday and Monday and if its what he does, let it be. 4 hours is not that long. Use the time for your "mommy & me" time with the kids. If you work during that time then he must provide the child care arrangements. period.

Good Luck

C.

Hi,
I say you invite a couple of other friends with little ones over for a spa party. Hire a babysitter to watch the kids (everyone go in on the cost), and relax!
Here is my website: www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/cflesher.
I offer free spa parties, and you can also add spa services :)
Enjoy,
Cynthia

I'm a "football widow" too. Tell him that he can only be gone for the important games--major rivals or potential great games. So if his team is playing, say, the Chiefs or Rams (both not doing well this year), he could stay home and not miss much. He can always listen to the game over the internet while coloring or cooking or whatever.

Yes, he should have some opportunities to enjoy his football, but the season is too long for him to be involved every weekend.

Good luck!

I hate to break it to you, but you will not win this one. I have been with my husband for 5 years, and married for one year. I have lost the battle between his love of boxing and football. Let me just say that I do love football, and grew up on it (I have brothers, and even my mom was into football). Last year, I wanted to get closer to him and his love of football. Instead of fighting about it, I figured "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." So I joined that stupid thing they do called Fantasy Football and got really involved. Well, it helped our relationship a lot, as we were planning our wedding. Of course, now I'm pregnant and decided not to do it this year.

Anyway, in the beginning days of our living together, I tried countless times to get him to do stuff w/ me when football or boxing was on, but to no avail. (I was feeling like he loved boxing and football more than me. I know, insecure!) We had countless arguments about it. He basically told me that I need to let him have his sports or he's going to resent me. He also said it's like the few things he actually likes to do with his time and I should respect that since he doesn't ask me to give up anything. He was right, and that was something I couldn't live with. So I figured, well, football is only from about late August until the Superbowl (Jan/Feb) and boxing is one Saturday night a month.

My advice: I think what will work out for you, and I know others have recommended it in their responses, is getting your cable upgraded. For $4.99 a month on Comcast, you can get the Sports Entertainment Package and cancel it anytime. We get it every year just before football season. My husband says that he would rather watch his football games and boxing matches at home anyway, because we're together. He says it's like we're spending time together even if I am in and out of the tv room all day. (For us, football season is ALL DAY on Sundays and of course, Monday Night Football!) Sometimes, I even invite people over, like my brothers, to watch football together. It's worked for us! I know it's hard, but seriously, let him have his time with sports or it could cause worse problems. Please don't corner him and try to get him to compromise because my feeling is he might resent you. Sorry to be so blunt but being raised around a lot of men, I have a little insight into their sports-minded butts! =) Good luck with your situation!

Hi J.,
My husband is also an avid football fan. He would like to watch football all day Sunday even the Sunday night game. I knew that he was a huge fan and not just for his one team so when we had our baby I wasn't sure how things were going to work out. My suggestion may cause more problems or help, but what if you get satelite like Directv or Dish so he can watch the game at home(be sure to get TIVO so he can pause the game if necessary). If he is home then he will be available to "help" with your little one. Even though my husband is watching football I can hand over our daughter so I can get things done-like take a shower, pick up the house, etc. I hope this helps.

J.,

One thing I don't think anyone else has pointed out - you are the breadwinner in this relationship. Use your power. I was fed up with working full time and doing 90% of the childcare so I decided to cut back my hours at work, because I like being with my son an I was frustrated that I didn't have enough time with him or enough time to relax a little bit. It was my way of making things fair. You are a little in the opposite situatuion, your husband is isn't pulling his weight either finacially or domestically. Your only option is to reward yourself for supporting him while he is in school and for wanting to take the best care of your daughter. Lot's of people have suggested possible rewards, but you probably know what it is you want most. Perhaps what you want is more time with your daughter on weekdays, maybe you can get it by cutting back on the chores you do at home or asking for flexibility at work. Whatever it is, just take it with the attitude, I deserve this!

If going out to watch the game is the only thing is does for his own pleasure, let him have that pleasure. I know you want him home and to be a happy family, but take it as an opportunity to have just you and baby time. Enjoy the 4 hours of just the two of you.

Stephanie

Hi J....=)
Yes! It is partly men's nature...yuck! I hate that I just said that. I am by no means alluding that it is appropriate behavior, or thoughtful but it does seem to me, that when a child enters the picture, the mother is more responsible and thoughtful of the child's care as well as family together time and so forth than a man is. And I have not found a solution for this. My husband also does not seem to realize that I have no "me" time, ever and that must be just fine with him?!?! I comfort myself in the fact that I have quality time with my daughter that will never be recovered - they grow so fast. If your hub thinks its more critical to catch the game on Sunday, make the special Sunday time about you and your little girl. If he wants to catch up later on, good for him. If he doesn't, don't let him damage your special days with your little girl. It may seem tough to blow off the resentment, but believe me! you will not regret the one on one time with her.
I hope it helps at least to know that other women out here go through the same.
very best

Same here with me. However, I just deal with it. My bf works hard to support his family and that is the one thing that he wants to do for fun. I get to do what i want right after. Although my bf is able to watch the games from home... do you have cable/direct tv? Aren't the games on ESPN? I am clueless when it comes to this. If you don't have that channel it might be worth investing so that he is at least at home and can share watching your daughter. Instead of looking at the time with your daughter as a burden... go do something with her. Take her to the park. Find some animals to see. Go blow bubbles with her... etc. You know what she likes to do. If you are playing it seems much less like work.

I am in a similar situation since my husband loves to keep track of all the games that affect his fantasy football players. We splurged on the Sunday Ticket through direct TV so that he has access to every game. He TiVos the morning games so that we can go to church as a family and watches the games while the kids nap. This allows me a moms afternoon out every Sunday while he stays home with napping kids and he becomes my laundry folder while watching the game. It has turned out to be a nice compromise. We also consider it to be one of Christmas presents since he would rather watch football than get a new sweater:)

I have to say that men are wired different and are not keeping "score" like we do about everything... The sheer guilt alone of working drives us to tally up how many real hours we've spent with our kids a week... men... not so much! He needs to unwind. You need family time. You need to sit down and hammer out a fair schedule. Perhaps a compromise of every other week you each take an afternoon to yourselves? It sounds like you are also feeling the burden of other household chores/timing.... carve out some time during the weeknights to be together (as a family or couple) and apart (with girl friends). I know it seems like you're taking time away from your daughter, but you have to be sane as well. I do know the more you choke up on the chain, the harder he will fight to be away. Let it be and try to enjoy YOUR time with her. His being away doesn't reflect on his feelings for you two. He just likes football.... I know, he should like you and daughter better, right? He does, he really does.... he just doesn't realize how much it means to you to be home.

Hi - You've already gotten a lot of mostly good advice. I have to chime in as my husband is a big bicycle rider (and newspaper reader) and after our first, we started battling too. I gave up everything but work and our daughter so why shouldn't he? I still don't really have the answer but I will say it's gotten better on two fronts. One, by speaking up, I've made some headway so he can still be unbelievably selfish but not as bad. Two, as kids get older, they're more fun and easier for everyone. So your husband will get more engaged with your daughter and can eventually teach her football (like my dad did w/ me and I loved it) and it'll be easier on you to have her alone at times too. So remember this isn't forever. And as one mother said, men don't keep score like we do. I don't know why but I'm not sure what choice we have but to accept it. I don't agree with just letting them do what they want etc but some compromise. Maybe it's not 50/50 but at least it's not 90/10 seems to be the most practical. At least know you're not alone and it will get better! I have 2 now, just turned 4 and almost 3 (so you can imagine when they were really young) and had them almost all weekend alone because my husband had a business trip. And it wasn't that bad! It gets easier and one key thing is to find some mother moms to hang out with so you have someone to chat with. Then it can be kind of fun and you won't mind your husband not being there. I have learned that if I give my husband his bike rides, he's happier and sometimes that makes it worth it.

J.,
Although my husband isn't interested in football or any other TV sports watching, every fall I brace myself for the onset of his hunting season which lasts until Feb/Mar. He is a falconer & flys his bird EVERY DAY & sometimes 2X on the weekends (early morning & late afternoon). He use to be gone all day sometimes, but generally doesn't do this anymore. I had a tendancy to take it personally, thinking that he must prefer his birds company over mine! Our daughter is 4 now & for about the first couple of years it seemed that my husband wasn't all that interested in her either. I felt I had to coach him on how to interact & connect with her (even though this is my one & only child also!). At times I have been full of resentment about having to do this & felt that he should be trying to figure out how to be a good dad in every way possible on his own, just as I am doing my best to figure out how to be the best mother I can be. I don't know that we have solved any of these issues necessarily, but eventually he began to connect more & more with our daughter & now I often see in his eyes & hear in his voice how much he enjoys having a family to come home to. I think it takes longer for men to come around to realize what it means to be a good parent. I know with my husband that having other dads around who are commited to their family seems to influence him, if not in his actions at least in his awareness of how it compares to his own behavior. As for my own 'me time', I frequently slip out on the weekends when he gets back to go shopping & very rarely to meet up with a friend & am gone for several hours at a time(not always planned). He used to get irked that I would dissappear for long stretches, but now realizes that I need a break too & is happy enough to accommodate.
I'm not saying that it's right, but I think in general men are programed to be more autonomous than women & we have a hard time understanding & accepting that (I know I do). I also think that our society has changed alot in recent history in terms of gender equality & that men are riding a wave of the past when it comes to claiming their share of domestic responsibilities (childcare, housework, etc.). As much resentment as I feel being forced to spend time & energy just trying to get my husband to do his share of the work, I realize that he (& men in general) are not going to offer it up on their own. My experience is that he will let me do almost everything unless I speak up & ask for help. It's taken time & alot of pointing out of how much more I am taking on than he is to get him to do some of the work (including childcare). Still he makes plans without planning for who is going to take care of our daughter. Something I never do.
Good luck to you.

I think in general most men are more disconnected and selfish. He sounds pretty busy (as do you), so it's hard for you guys to have time together.

My experience with men is that you have to give them some of that selfish time, or they will make you pay. I would let him have his football time, without getting on his case for it. If you absolutely can't stand that maybe you can work out a deal where he only does it every other weekend. On the other hand, football season only lasts through January.

I'd give it to him. You will always do more of the work.

Well, I can relate in a way to your situation. Though my husband does not watch football he works full-time and has been in evening law school for the last 2 years. He would have classes three evenings a week and have to study Saturday and sunday for 8 hours minimum. We have a 3 year old and during that time I became very resentful of not having family time with him. Our solution was to hire a part-time nanny two days a week so that I would get a break and be able to run errands and work out and do things for myself. It really tightened our budget but it did help the situation. My nanny just quit and had to get another job since the other mom she was nannying for had gave her notice and she needed a full-time job. Now my husband is studying for the February BAR and I feel like ... here we go again! Do you have family close by? I would probably suggest 1. seeing if you can get some one to baby sit for a couple hours to get some time for yourself (even though, it's family time you want with your husband) and do something that makes you feel happy and full-filled since you are the one working full-time and 2. Getting together with others during that time for support even if it's not your husband. In the mean time maybe trying some of the other ideas mentioned above. Maybe every other Sunday you could take time for yourself and the other Sundays request your husband spend time with the family watching the game on TV. Negotiate something that makes you feel less resentful. I completely understand that feeling. When one partner is in school, especially with a baby, it can be very difficult on the marriage. Do whatever you can to make sure your needs are being met and you are getting alone time and that you have alone time with your husband too. Me and my husband have been going through some tough/challenging times with our relationship due to all of this so I wish you the best in finding a solution that makes you both feel happy.

Wow! You're probably overloaded with responses by now, but having been a sports widow for 16 years now, let me chime in on ways you can cope. I agree with getting the East coast satellite feed and/or DVR. Sports watching is a real downtime/therapeutic time for him. Respect that. It's a pain, I know. But it is what it is and you're not going to be able to change that. Maybe you can sign up for a class on Saturdays with your daughter for special mommy & me time - plus that takes the pressure off of you for finding ways to entertain your daughter. Also, I've found if I schedule an activity for the weekend (trip to the zoo, etc) my husband is more willing to go ( I guess out of respect/guilt) that I went to so much trouble planning it. Also, if you need time with girl friends, or time to yourself, just schedule it and let him deal with how he's going to watch sports and take care of the baby. It's amazing how resourceful they can become. HTH. Good luck.

I think you should let your husband know that if he is spending 4 hours every weekend away from the home you should get the same kind of time. Maybe he will cut down his football time.

My husband is the same way. The sports package on our Satalite service is only 12.00 per month. Look into how much the sports plan is with your cable company, tell him you would appreciate it if he would at least watch it at home so you can be somewhat included. My husband and I always fight during football season, but less since I let him get the football package. He religiously watches the Miami Hurricanes (college football), Sunday and Monday night football, soccer, and sometimes helps his cousin coach the little league (mind you, we dont have any sons, and our daughters dont cheerlead). For every game I watch he has to give me 30min of undivided attention. For me... there are worse things he could be doing. I have to pick my battles carefully. I married him for who he is. Football and everything, even though it gets on my nerves sometimes.

I may be wrong, but your husband may be like many football fans, a fanatic, just as my son is. That part may be very hard to change and not worth the hassle. Here are a couple of ideas you could consider: Have your husband spend 2 hours in the early morning with your daughter alone while you have some "Me Time." Go get a pedicure or manicure, go shopping with a friend, or just alone to your favorite store. Go to a matinee if that works. Then come home refreshed and let him go to his game at the bar. It won't bother you as much. Or you could find another "football" wife with kid and have a play date for the 2 moms and kids during the game time. It's always hard to change others, but it's easy to change ourselves.

Hi J.,

Invest in a DVR (Digital Video Recorder) like Tivo. Then ask your husband to watch the game after your daughter has gone to bed. My husband is a basketball nut and he can get through a 2 1/2 hour basketball game in about an hour because with a DVR you can zip through the commercials. It really saves a lot of time. The only trick is to stay away from any media so he doesn't hear the scores before he watches the game.

How is he the rest of the week?? Is he very attentive and helps out with baby duties any other time, except on sundays?? If he is, I would say just let him have his 4 hours on Sundays... but if not, there has to be some type of compromise... Is there somethings that you would like to do on your own for a few hours a week?? If he is agreeable taking care of the baby so that you can get some "me" time of your own, then you shouldn't complain too much, but if he is unwilling, then I think the issue is a lot deeper than 4 hours every Sunday...

I am engaged to a football fan who lives far away from his team too, and I have three words for you: NFL Direct Ticket. It seems silly, but it made a huge difference for us. My fiance doesn't have to drive to a bar or restaurant to see the game, and during half time he can get a chore or two done around the house.

A long time ago, I decided that football was a battle that I wasn't going to fight. It's not worth it. Here's why: Football is less than half the year. I have projects and stuff that keep me busy year round, and I have never been asked to limit those or cut them out. It only seems fair, and in the scheme of things, it's only three hours once a week.

I recommend that you two compromise and split the day. You take the lead on child care during football, then when the game is over, he takes the lead for the next four hours. You get to spend that time how you want to, be that shopping, napping, hanging out with a friend, or whatever. You each get adult time, and you each get time one on one with your child.

Good luck!

Well...unacceptable to me. Sorry, I split all work 50/50. I will not allow it. I know it sounds harsh but bars are for single people and football is for home. We have turned it into family time. '

I put my foot down about 5 years into it. My son was 1. I just felt that I was just as important as everyone else. If he wants to go somewhere then he has to make arrangements. He and I are MUCH happier.

Lynn

Good morning!

So another one of us joins the club. I understand where you are coming from on this one. My husband also is addicted to football! Unfortunately I don't think that there is anything we can do about it. The don't think that there is anything wrong with it and can't understand why we get so angry or hurt. My advice to you is to just take you daughter somewhere EVERY Sunday ALL day even after football is over. Maybe then when he is "available" you won't be. I know it seems mean, but sometimes that is what works. Yes I know you need some time to yourself, but it is very hard to do that especially with a 15 month old. Sorry to not have any better advice on this, but football really is an addiction for some guys. Hopefully one day he will realize the importance of family and how fast your daughter will grow. Good luck!!

Find a compromise. Dialoque is necessary in all things marital. If you're dealing with it now, you'll be dealing with it in 5 years. Find a solution that you can BOTH live with, by spelling out what about the situation bothers you, why he feels he needs to handle it the way he does, what you really want from him, and find a compromise. It's not worth fighting about for the next 5 years. And remember a compromise is just that-something you both can live with. It's not giving in and being a martyr. It's not bending him to your will. It's not ultimatums or saying it's fine when it's not. Talk. Find a solution. This will only happen through conversation with your husband, not conversation with other women, LOL!

Boy, I feel for you. That's not a cool situation. I'm not in the exact same one, but maybe some of what works for us will work for you.

Have you ever noticed that at the park on Saturdays and Sundays, you see a lot of kids with just their dad? There are a lot of parents who give each other a break from time to time. You're doing that for him, and now he needs to do it for you.

My husband is a very devoted dad and was getting kind of down about having no personal time. His big thing is martial arts, and his teacher is far away, so it's a good five hours out of a Saturday when he goes. He really wanted to go, but was trying to be a nice dad--and getting really tired and frustrated. So I told him to go ahead and just let me sleep in.

He doesn't go every Saturday, but our kids really seem to enjoy having breakfast and morning playtime with Daddy. I enjoy getting to sleep in now and then; it really recharges me. And the surprise was that it turned into an adventure for me with the kids, too. We eat the lunches he doesn't like! We play silly games! When's it's arranged as special time, it becomes fun instead of a chore for everybody. It's still family time if it's not the whole family.

It's not totally equal, but it is something. Maybe he could do something like that for you? It would be fair for him to chip in more, and he would probably enjoy the time with your daughter if he got used to it.

So maybe it would work for you. Tell him how much fun your daughter has with him. Tell him you're actually glad he has something he enjoys, and you'd like some time for the things you enjoy. He'll probably come around.

Hi J.,
At my house it's golf and football. I think your husband's habit to watch the game every Sunday at a bar, is a bit excessive and I see your point. Maybe as a family, you pick a few hours on Sunday that you go somewhere. Ask your husband to choose the time whether in the morning or in the afternoon. I think that's fair if he can't give you Saturdays, you and your family take half the day on Sunday. Now, you need to recharge our batteries, and as a mom that works full time and has her child in day care, I always feel bad taking my own time away from her, but you have to. On Saturday mornings, you need to leave the baby with him and leave for an hour or two. It sounds like you and your husband have to have a "come to Jesus" conversation before it makes your marriage unbearable. Good luck and let us know.

Hey J.,
Hate to break it to you but if you are connected to any type of sports fan they will usually put sports first. I should know. i married one. except he's gone from 9 am on sunday and depending on who is playing he'll be back sometime between 9-11pm. so if you think 4 hours are dreading for you try a whole day. i just let it go . we have had battles since we have been together and it sucks. i always loose! therefore i just decided to spend the time with my daughter. we have absolutly NO family time at all. so i just have to deal with it. maybe that's why things havent gone too well for us lately. but seriously maybe you should let him know how you really feel towards this and maybe you could get him to listen if mot you could try counceling together. hopefully it will work for you! good luck.

A FOOTBALL GAME THAT LAST LESS THAN 2 HOURS! Here's the deal..NFL Ticket. It's a little pricey but worth it, then combine it with DVR. We've had the ticket for more than 10 years but this is the first with the DVR and it's the best.

We are outside in the daylight as much as possible with our horses, kids' sports, new home, etc. So now we record the game (and a couple shows after in case the game runs long) then we can watch my beloved Steelers at our leisure and the BEST part is you fast forward through commercials and TOs and the game takes less than two hours. I thought it would bother me to not be watching my boys in "real time" but suprisingly it didn't and then I didn't feel as guilty watching the game because I wasn't wasting half my weekend day not doing things with my kids or getting things done around the house.

As for the cost, break it down into cost per week and compare it to what is spent when he goes to the bar and the strain on your marriage. You just might find it isn't that expensive at all!

Good luck! And if you do get NFL Ticket, sit and watch with him and support his team or find a team of your own to root for.

hi, J.,
I see you have a ton of responses, so maybe someone else has said the same thing, but I didn't have time to read them all!
I know it sucks...believe me, I have issues like that of my own, so I understand!
maybe you can ask him to watch at home like the other moms said, but if that doesn't work, I would take that four hours to yourself! Schedule a playdate with a friend who has kids, go somewhere fun with your daughter. I mean, look...it is FOUR hours where you are free to do whatever fun thing with your daughter! Get out of the house, have some tea with some girlfriends or take a walk with a good friend. It will shift the focus away from the fact that you are stuck at home. If you have only one car, drop off your husband and go. Then schedule family time mid-afternoons on Sunday! Best of luck to you.
hang in there!

I have to agree with Carrie. It's not a year round thing and I know it is frustrating, but it sounds like this is the one thing he does for fun. If he continues to go to a sports bar, why don't you plan something really fun with your daughter like taking her out for ice-cream or to the park? No housework allowed! Just enjoy your child and make it Mommy and Daughter time. That said, I also agree with other responders who suggested getting cable or a dish so he can watch the games at home so you and your daughter can be involved too. We have a lot of fun watching various sports at my house and I was NEVER a fan until I met my husband. And I'll bet if you are willing to give on this your husband will be willing to do much more for you :)

J.,
I am so sorry you are unhappy. Have you tried having a heart to heart with him? Not all guys are like that but most of the time it's because someone important to them (you) spelled out their needs very clearly. Be respectful and use a lot of "I" messages. Clearly define what you need from him. Be respectful but forward and tell him how you feel. "When you leave on Sundays I feel like you do not value our family time." Or, "I understand your need to get away and do something for yourself because I have that same need. Could we take turns so I can have a little bit of time to myself as well?" Figure out exactly what would make the situation better for both of you before going to him so there is a solution to the problem. I wish you both the best. Enjoy your baby because they grow up so fast. Tell him that, too! :-)

Best wishes,
E.

Perspective -it's only 16 days a year and only four hours on those days, unless they are lucky enough to go into the post-season. Dress up you daughter in the team colors, take her out to the park and ask how the team did when your husband gets home. He's going to watch no matter what. Just support him instead of fighting him. The whole mood of the house will change and he might support you more on Saturdays or the off-season.

Everyone needs time away, discuss this with your husband on a day that is not Sunday. My husband watches football on Sat and Sun, but we have it on in the house and a lot of the time he does chores, like folding laundry or dishes, while he watches. I get to go out on Friday evenings so its a fair exchange. Both parents need to be reasonable and fair when it comes to taking time away. Coming up with a mutually agreeable plan is going to minimize the resentment. Your daughter will be fine as long as the time he spends with her he is present.

Hi, J.,
I know where you're coming from. Been there. However everyone needs some me time even if family time is very short. This of course especially includes you. You want very badly for your husband to understand that time with you and the baby is more important than football but it isn't going to happen. Time with you and the baby still requires that he be a responsible adult possibly planning an outing or helping you with the house or whatever and the football thing gives him a real break and time to refresh. You on the other hand need the same kind of break and you get to have the responsibilty of the baby during that time too. Not fair but then life isn't fair on so may levels. If you give up the struggle to keep your husband from the football and look for something that gives you a refreshing break your Sundays will be something to look forward to instead of a bitter resentful experience. Finding that something is the difficulty. Maybe a play group where there are other mothers you can talk to and get a different perspective on things you are struggling with or a hobby of some sort you can do while she is napping. Something that you are really interested in. Maybe even just a good book or a long hot bath. Look for something that refreshes you like watching the game refreshes him. Then the time you do have together on Sundays have a better chance of being positive and pleasant instead of a battle. Good Luck

My husband does the same thing except it's not football he's into, it's computers. I try not to nag him much since he works really hard, but we need our time too. Sometimes I just let him have his time (sometimes all day on the weekends) if he's been through a really stressful week and other times I let him know how I feel and try to get him away from the computer. He is pretty respectful of my wishes, as I am of his, and sometimes I think it goes in one ear and out the other.

What I've done in the past if I really need time away and he's just not getting it is ask him if he can watch our daughter while I go out with friends, even if it's just a couple of hours, and see his reaction. It's really never a problem, but if he is hesitant like he had something he really wanted to do, I just tell him I really need the time away, and point out how I haven't had much time away lately. I think men don't notice things like that. Once you put it into perspective for them like that they may pay attention more often.

The first time my husband watched our daughter alone it opened his eyes to how hard it really is. I came home and he was frustrated, and explained everything that had happened that night. I just looked at him and said, "It's not easy is it, I know because I do it all day, everday." I think it opened his eyes a bit. He is much more aware now. Remember, don't feel guilty if you feel like you need time away. It will make you a better mother if you can let off some steam now and then. Good luck!

A.

I can't speak for other men, but my husband watches the games at home and I can say to him, I'd like to go to the mall... or out to eat... or a movie... or whatever and he will stop watching and we will go. He realizes the importance of spending time together. Now... how you can get your husband to not put his game first, I don't know. I think it's just a bit of maturity that happens eventually. I wish you the best.

I can definitely sympathize - my husband has been gettng Raiders Season tickets for about 10 years now. We've been together for 17 year and have 3 children and he will not miss a game - although the Raiders don't play at home every weekend, but sometimes play fairly consecutively. This means that I am alone tending to the children when he is gone (in addition to him working very long hours during the week). I work long hours too, but get to work very early. We have had many arguments which, earlier in the years, almost sent me into early labor with our first child.

It is tough and it does seem that many men never feel as connected as we would hope and can be very selfish. It has improved over the years and my husband will at times, give his tickets away. Although this has been a long battle I don't see him giving this up and I have learned to live with it. On the other hand, I have realized that I too deserve my own time and have put the ball in his court and have my own committments (my running team) every Saturday morning (early) and on a few weekday mornings. So he now has to go through what I go through on Sundays. However we both spend the remaining days and hours of the weekends doing family things.

Men can be extremely stubborn, but I didn't feel like fighting this one out forever as there are more important battles, but decided to get even. He has really come around now and plans his weekend stuff more accordingly and caringly.

When it was really bad, I stopped waiting around for him to do things after his games were over (especially because he never came home when he said he would and the children would suffer)and make plans with my friends and family so that when he did finally come home, it would be to an empty house. It was more effective for me to actually give him a piece of his own medicine, otherwise they don't get it through those thick skulls.

I hope this is helpful.

Like many of the other responses on here, we have turned football, baseball, etc. into a family activity. One of my daughters first words was "base...ball". She will actually stay on the couch with my husband (she is very active so staying still is not a frequent occurance) and watch sports or run around the room acting out a play. It's quite cute and it is good quality time.
But I will tell you I completely understand. My husband not only watches sports, he plays them too (golf, softball) and for the 1st year of my daughters life he did not back off his 3 nights of softball and weekend golf. It was a struggle but we finally came to agreement. I think the point came across when he realized I had cut back on my hobbies (running, time w/friends). It's just something that has to be done. You both chose to have a child and that does come with sacrifices, but good times also.
Good luck!

Hi J.,
I have been with my hubby for 22 yrs. married 18 of that. I am 36 with 2 boys. In the beginning of our married life when our first son was little I hated football season. It was a constant battle (and he watched at home) every season was fight season then I just decided it's easier to watch with him than be miserable. Me being angry didn't really affect him so my plan wasn't working. We really enjoy sitting and have snacks and a beer or two. My boys are 15 and 9 but when they were younger and he wanted to go out to watch the game we'd pick a family friendly sports place like applebees, chili's or even TGI Friday's the kids colored and had food and we enjoyed the game. Have it at the house with friends and make it a potluck. I know you can't do it every weekend but just try out a few things. If football really isn't for you then you just need to find something you enjoy and get away for a bit. Marriage is work and he needs to know how you feel but telling him when you are very angry doesn't work well. Do it when you are calm. Good Luck!

I hear you J. re: football season. And as it turns out, I like football, I just don't have time to dedicate the whole day to it. On top of it all, I ususally have to share my anniversary weekend with Super Bowl because the NFL moved everything up one week after 9/11 - so I have a bit of a love/hate thing going on myself.

However, you are going to have to accept that he really likes football and he shouldn't have to give it up. Like many others, I highly recommend the DirecTV DVR system with NFL Sunday ticket. That way, he can be at home for the game. The bar tabs will add up to that cost by the end of the season as there are 16 games I believe (plus playoffs). And if you plan something on a Sunday, he can DVR the game and watch it when he gets home and much more quickly at that. My daughter had a soccer game yesterday at 1pm - right at kickoff of the 49er game (our team) and I was sitting back wondering what he was going to do (headphones, trips to the car??). Turns out, he just recorded the game, stayed away from the radio and internet while we were out, saw the soccer game, and watched the 49er the game when he got home. He managed to watch it in just over an hour w/o the commercials and half time. That was my kind of game - LOL.

If your husband is resistent to this idea, then perhaps, this is more about "man time" than football. In that case, you guys need to talk about possible other nights for "man time." Like maybe Monday night ocassionally for Monday Night Football. Or perhaps a Friday night out with the boys. I think compromises can be reached. His team won't play on every Sunday with byes and Monday / Thursday / Saturday games that get infused within the season.

And if he gets his man time, you should be sure to get your girl time too, even if it's a Friday night, or Sunday or Saturday when he studies (find a babysitter during that time). Or weekdays after your daughter goes to bed. I actually go to Applebees with a friend just about every other Wednesday for appetizers and drinks at 9pm! My husband is generally in bed, my kids are in bed - as are my friend's - and the apps and drinks are half off!

Couldn't your husband pick up your daughter early from daycare and hang with her all evening while you go out and do something with your friends? Then he'll find out what it's like for you on Sundays. And he might think it's just fine, he won't mind. Or he'll suddenly go, "wow, this is a lot of work". That happened to my husband. I planned a scrapbooking weekend and was gone for two nights. Let's just say my husband has been much more helpful and respectful of us both having our own time since then (about 4 years ago).

In addition to "girl time" I would definitely plan things for Sunday on your own with your daughter. Try to just do your own thing. I had to learn that through many years of battles. You'll feel better knowing you took repsonsibility for your own happiness. Good luck.