How to Help My Mom

Instead of a maid, perhaps she could hire someone to help her keep the house tidy AND care for her a bit more? Maybe someone in the medical field?

Or perhaps instead of a maid, she could hire a bodyguard?

I'm sorry this is happening, and I'm sorry your brother is a jerk.

Where does your Mom live? If it's in the U.S. you can call the State Office that handles senior citizen issues and ask them to do a check on her. If she's low income she may be eligible for a case manager. Tho, since she has a maid, she may have to pay for the service.

I'm not sure I'd get her a dog. They are a lot of responsibility and work. She would have to be the dog's alpha leader and train her to obey her. Otherwise a dog will take over and not be led by her. She would have to walk it at least a couple of times a day, especially if it's a large dog. Some small dogs could be let out but that wouldn't be ideal and probably wouldn't work unless her yard is fenced.

I suggest you need to talk seriously with your brother and get him involved. Perhaps he's not as concerned as you are and since you're not there I suggest you'll have to rely on him and his evaluation.

A security alarm also has to be managed. If she's forgetful, that won't help. She has to remember to turn it on and off at appropriate times.

You can have one installed that is connected to a security office who will then call her and if there's a problem, they'll call the police. The negative of having one is that after one or two false alarms she will get charged for them. It's been my experience that many people, and not just older ones, have many false alarms because they don't pay attention.

Please know that it's highly unlikely that anyone is going to break into her house and steal from her and even more unlikely that anyone is going to hurt her. If the maid's son or the maid steals they'll do it while having a legitimate reason to be in the house. She won't know it's happening. The alarm system will not prevent that.

Later: I'm not trying to discount your concern. I'd be worried too.

How old is your mother? I'm 70 and have friends who aren't able to move around because they don't move around. It really is true that if we don't use it, we lose it. That is especially true for walking/moving around. And it's hard for some people to keep moving when they don't feel well. Not feeling well becomes a vicious circle. We feel sick so we don't walk and then we feel sick because we're not walking and on it goes.

One friend has been over weight her entire adult life and this has ruined her knees. She limps because of the pain. I sprained my knee and my ankle many years ago and a couple of times a year they hurt and I limp.

I also have a friend with diabetes. She has peripheral neuropathy which means she can't feel her feet as well as she needs to to be able to get around easily. Her doctor wants her to keep walking but she's frightened of falling and so sits in her chair all day long. It's so sad.

These are just a few of ideas and may not fit with your mother at all.

I would have your brother step up his awareness of what is going on around your mom's home since he lives with her. Especially if you fear she is in danger. Could she possibly come to the US and live with you or near you? Perhaps the doctors in the US could figure out what her mysterious condition is all about.
Good luck!
A.

Do you have any friends who can go visit her? A dog is not going to be able to help her with her medical problems and will give her the responsibility to care for it. If she is having trouble walking who will make sure the dog gets out to potty?
You mom needs human intervention. A friend, an old teacher, minister someone you know and trust to visit her regularly.
You may have to arrange care for your children and go now. It's inconvenient but she needs you NOW. She is in bad health and you don't know what is wrong. Start making plans to go as soon as possible.

A dog is only as useful as its training, which takes time. Dobermans are not any more vicious than other breeds, and they are chosen as guard dogs for a reason. Many have been abused or improperly trained, so they have a bad reputation. But still they are chosen frequently so as a breed they are intelligent and loyal. But so are many other breeds. However, If your mother is not well, she's not going to be able to have the discipline and the know-how to train and maintain an animal. If your mother lets people into the house, the dog isn't going to protect her from their snooping into her things.

Waiting a year to have her checked out medically may be risky - how long can you afford to wait? How will you manage the stress of waiting it out? Who else will take advantage of your mother in the interim?

Your brother is not someone who can be relied upon. Anyone she hired may be a risk especially if she doesn't have good judgment (such as letting the maid's son "check" the house - who knows what that means? And there are people who will take advantage of the elderly and that's why they seek jobs working for them.

In this country, home health aides usually work for companies who do criminal record checks and sex offender checks, and they are bonded and insured. I don't know about Indonesia or the particular town she is in. Same thing with elder protective services - is there such an agency in her area?

Security alarms work on the perimeter of the house - doors and windows are alarmed, and if anyone breaks in, the alarms go off and dial the police or the alarm company, which then calls the homeowner or the police. Alarms can be set so that you can move around the house freely, and they have an optional feature that activates motion detectors within the home which you use when you are out. They aren't going to keep her safe from people she allows into the home, but they are good deterrents in terms of break-ins. You can't install it - the alarm company does it. A large dog with a big bark, even if it's a friendly breed and not bred to be a watch dog, can be too much trouble for someone breaking in - but again, what seems to concern you is the people known to your mother (e.g. the maid's son) who would be allowed in past the alarms and dogs.

Good luck to you and your mom.

Eleni:

Dogs are only vicious when raised that way. Doberman's are GREAT guard dogs. IF and ONLY if raised and trained properly. Like ANY animal - they can go bad, that's true. But overall??? It's not a BREED that's bad...it's the owners.

If you mom has a maid - sounds like she needs to fire her and find someone new. Possibly poisoning??? Make sure that in your country that your mom has a complete will set up - are they even used in Indonesia? Sorry - I've not lived there so I don't know the rules, laws, and customs.

If you want a security system set up - I would get one that has a camera system involved as well. There are many systems that have "nanny cams" that will allow DISCRETE cameras to be placed throughout the house so surveillance can be done in multiple locations.

I don't know about the Indonesian electrical system, phone system or anything else...so I can't answer your question as to WHAT SYSTEM will work in Indonesia.

The best thing you can do is have her move in with you. That would be the best security. Can you make that happen?

Do you or your mom have any long-time family friends that live nearby that can go check on her regularly? Can you call them and talk to them and tell them your concerns?

Your brother is going to have to handle this. He lives with her, and he lives in the country and can talk to the authorities. She needs to change her routine, too.

Tell him to change the locks so that this guy can't just walk in. Tell him to talk to the authorities about this guy.

If your mom can't move around well, she cannot handle a dog.

Can your brother hire a part-time nurse's aid for her? Someone would be there part of the time too. An reputable agency would be good for this.

I hope your brother will step up and work on this.

Dawn

Is there anyone she can employ as a companion? Sounds like she needs an able bodied dependable adult with her at least part of every day.
Is there a chance that this maid was actually acting as a friend, and getting her son to check the mechanics and safety of the house as a favor? Looking for safety issues, general repairs, etc., since your brother is not dependable?

I would get your mom a rottie! that and a life alert. that way she could always get help and rotties are great dogs. We just put down my 10 year old last month. They are loyal, respectful, and they will guard without being told/ taught to. They are the kind of dog that makes you family.

Either that or a boxer. Very good dogs as well. Same temperment. They are both very loving to the owner and will do anything for them.