How to Deal W a Miscarriage

I experienced a misscarriage about1.5 yrs ago. I was shocking and extremely painful( emotionally) my ob/gyn said it was a blighted ovum. All I can say is keep trying do not give up. You will concieve and carry a child to term...
best
Z.

How does the doctor want to handle this? Are they just waiting to see what happens, or do they want you to have a D & C? If there hasn't been any bleeding, and you're positive that you're feeling movement, then I would ask that the ultrasound be repeated in a week or two.

However, you should be prepared, because what the doctor said is possible...sometimes your body will simply absorb the fetus when it is so small and, for some reason, the fetus isnt viable, without you're feeling any pain, or having any bleeding.

Since this isn't your first pregnancy, I think if it were me, I would follow my own instincts, and insist that they repeat the ultrasound in another week or two.

I wish you the best of luck, and that you and the baby will be fine.

D.

Hi S..

I share in your pain, I had a miscarriage last year the first time that we tried to get pregnant, and it was devastating. The doctor told me at 6 weeks that there was no heartbeat, and no fetus, and my hormone levels were screwed up, but I wasn't bleeding or in pain, and so I didn't believe them. I thought they were all wrong and I was still pregnant. Which could be true, apparently that happens sometimes, but it is rather rare with today's technology. Can you imagine how devastating the wait time was? Knowing that you will probably miscarry but nothing was happening? Eventually, I had to have a shot of methotrexate (an injection) to force the miscarriage as my body would just not miscarry by itself. So essentially, I got pregant in February, found out that I would have a miscarriage in mid-March, and didn't actually miscarry until June 16. They give you the shot at the hospital and you miscarry within 2 or 3 days, you bleed and have cramps, and then it's over. I would not recommend a D&C for you if you want to try to get pregnant again. I know it's very very hard and painful emotionally right now, but please try to stay positive, you already have two children and I'm sure you can pregnant again. I miscarried in June, and got pregnant again in August. I now have a wonderful perfect little 9 month old angel at home. So please keep your head up, if it wasn't meant to be this time, then maybe that's best, maybe something would have gone wrong and made this experience even worse for you. Try to stay positive and talk to your doctor alot. Ask about methotrexate if you don't want a D&C (which I heard totally sucks), I think it's a better and safer option and they don't have to actually go inside of you and take out the fetus, it will expel on its own. Best of luck, I will say a prayer for you and hopefully you'll tell us all soon that you're pregnant again!!! You're still very young and will be ok!!!

Hey S.,

I went through the same thing at 14 weeks. My hormone levels dropped and all of my pregnancy symptoms disappeared. This was 25 years ago and I still remember it like yesterday. It was my first pregnancy so I really wasn't sure what was normal or not normal. The doctor sent me for an ultrasound and they found what they call a blighted ovum and said I would have to have a DNC to end the pregnancy. Needless to say I was inconsolable. I refused to believe it because I had no bleeding, cramping, nothing. I went for a second opinion only to have the same painful diagnosis. They scheduled me for a DNC and now mind you I was still in denial, my emotions were all over the place. And I don't know if fortunately is the right word but the night before the surgery I began to bleed and cramp and then it became a reality to me that there was something wrong. That this was not a viable pregnancy and they were not going to take my baby from me.I needed that to happen for me to be able to process what was happening to me. So whatever you have to do to help you to process this nightmare do it for you. Take as much time as you need and if it is fate nature will take its course. I am so sorry for your loss but if it does help three months later I was pregnant and my son who is going to be 24 next week. I also have a daughter who is 19 so hang in there and whatever you wish your family to be it will be. Good luck!!

Dear S.,

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I had a miscarriage before I had my daughter (age 8) and it was a very emotional time. During that time I tried to really focus on myself and give myself what I needed. I made sure I saw my doctor again to get all my questions answered about my condition, I went for long walks to clear my head and spent time with my husband. In fact having a miscarriage really changed my life- because as a result of it I started a website (with a good friend of mine who also had a miscarriage) called www.OurHopePlace.com to help friends cope, hope and heal after miscarriage. We did this because we realized through our own experiences how devastating a miscarriage could be to us, our husbands and our family. In our website and blog we try to give personal and heartfelt advice to let other women know they are not alone in their feelings relating to miscarriage. I hope this helps.
Regards,
L.
Co-founder, www.OurHopePlace.com "Friends helping friends cope, hope and heal after a miscarriage."
Our Hope Place Blog: http://ourhopeplace.wordpress.com

I think you need to be able to accept it for what it is, like others have said Ultrasounds and dopplers are very accurate. I would not induce it or get the D&C quite yet, let mother nature do her work and let it go naturally. Take this time to reflect on your health and get those hormones in line.

S.,
I am very sorry that you are going through this. I have had several mc's including a 2nd trimester loss. It never gets any easier. During one of my mc's we thought that it was completed but it wasn't. It dragged on for nearly 10wks before finally being completed. Due to my unusual anatomy, nobody realized that on and off bleeding was actually related to an incomplete mc. The bleeding didn't begin for a few weeks after we realized that the pregnancy was not viable.

Every situation is different but it could take a while before you begin to bleed. It can be on and off bleeding for a long time. Talk to your Dr about if/when you might need to have a D&C. You may want to ask for another ultrasound to determine the status of the situation.

Don't be afraid to name your baby and to have a special ceremony if you need to. People don't like to talk about mcs. Some will even avoid you if they know about it--they just don't know what to say.

Feel free to reach out to me if you need to. I've been there way too many times and probably will understand how you are feeling.

(((HUGS)))

S.

I would find a local support group. There are definitely other mamas who have been through this, and will understand your situation.

I'm so sorry. Those ultrasounds are about as close to 100% proof as you can get, but I know you won't be able to really come to terms with this until your heart and body end up in the same place. Don't rush yourself!

Hi S.. First I want to say that I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's a very stressful situation. Ultrasounds are pretty accurate but if you still feel that there is hope, then wait it out for a bit. You could also ask to go to another Dr. for a second opinion. I will pray for you. If the worst is confirmed, just remember that you have 2 other children, so you know you are capable of carrying a healthy baby. I know these words probably don't help much right now, but I am thinking of you. Good luck.

Dear S.,
I am sorry for your loss. It is hard to deal with. Give yourself time to let go. If you need, there are plenty of support groups and us.
R.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. My best friend went through something similar. It was very traumatic for both of us as we were pregnant at the same time and our due dates were only a week apart. She was 14 weeks along, so it was considered a late miscarriage, and she had to go through the full process of labor to complete the miscarriage. When there is a problem, it's actually better that it happens earlier on, like it did with you. I'm imagining that the 1st ultrasound was several weeks ago and since there was no heartbeat then, it probably happened so early on, that there were no symptoms. It was so early in the pregnancy, the fetus would have been too small to feel any movement. It would have been only about 1 1/2 inches long at 11 weeks. It's normal for your intestines to slow and for gas to build up during the first trimester, so this is probably what you were feeling. Gas does feel similar to fetal movements, but any doctor will tell you that it is impossible to feel movement before 16 weeks because the uterus is so large compared to the fetus and the amniotic fluid provides a really secure barrier. I'm sorry that this is so hard to accept, but after 3 ultrasounds, you are only going to cause yourself more pain by denying that it has happened. If it would make you feel better, you can go to another OB and get a second opinion, but I think you need to try to accept it so you can properly grieve for your loss. Just take your time and let yourself cry and discuss it with your family. You can even have a sort of service where you invite those close to you to come over for support and talk about your feelings, say some prayers, etc.
And some day, when you are ready to try again, I'm sure you will have no problem. Many people have miscarriages early on. My mother and my aunt both had 3 children after having miscarriages. They are probably much more common than the statistics suggest, because there are women who didn't even know they were pregnant who have miscarriages really early on. I hope you are able to find some comfort in the love from your two children and your family and that you will eventually have that third healthy baby!

S. all I can tell you is the doctors dont know everything and it is YOUR body. If the baby is still viable you will know it soon, so dont do anything, but be happy. In another few weeks you will come to terms with it if you indeed have had a miscarriage. When you are ready to face it.

Your doctor should be checking your HCG levels every other day to see that they are lowering properly if in fact you did miscarry. Since your body isn't showing any signs of miscarriage that is what should be done. If the levels rise then the doctor was wrong, and you should see a different one. I suggest that you call your doctor's office in the morning and insist that you be referred to the lab for HCG level blood tests.

Hi S.,

I would wait it out. Someone told me that they had the same problem with the heartbeat and was told to have a DNC. She did not, she has a healthy boy now. Thank GOD! So I would just wait and see if you can.

I know this is very difficult for you. But if their not seeing anything on the ultrasounds, then chances are that you have have lost this pregnancy. You have to remember, that miscarriages happen for a reason. That is the body's way of telling us that something isn't going right. The baby isn't growing the way it should or something is very very wrong. When I miscarried, they did tests on the miscarriage and found that is was an under-developed egg that should never have been fertilized in the first place. Imagine if that pregnancy had continued, what would that childs life had been like. Not one worth living. This loss is just your body's way of telling you something isn't right. And it's better this way. That doesn't make it any easier for you. But you have to except that. Mourn the loss of this child, give your self time to yell, cry and scream. It's what you need to do. But you do need to do that, so that you can get yourself ready for a healthy pregnancy that will bring a new healthy baby into your life. But you need to except that you have lost this child and move on. Never forget, but move past it.

S., be good to yourself now. I'm sorry to hear that it is very likely you have lost your baby. I have lost two and it is not easy. Lean on your living children to get you through this, hug them and kiss them. I would think there is no rush to get a D&C - you can let things happen naturally, and as you wait, you can use the time to say goodbye. It might help you to make a journal or some sort of scrapbook with memories of the pregnancy. Some people think that's morbid, but you love this baby and s/he was already part of your family, so it may help you to keep some memories. I wish you luck in this journey and I wish you do have a healthy baby down the line somewhere.

I would wait to let nature take its course. Ultrasounds have often been wrong and healthy babies aborted for what was thought to be a "missed miscarriage." One thing you CAN do to get peace of mind about what is really going on, is get your HCG levels checked, and then rechecked a few days later. A miscarriage will show dropping levels. Thats what I did with my first loss, just to make sure they hadnt missed something on ultrasound. Hang in there... miscarriages arent easy. They are very h*** o* the heart, but there are many ways to remember and love your baby, even if they arent with you anymore.

I am sorry to say I have had the same experience. I was 16 wks and the uterus measured 12 wks. I didnt believe it either...convinced I felt movement I went to another doctor and didnt tell him I was pregnant and he did another sonogram which gave the same results so was forced to accept it. I was told to do a D&C because the fetus (which was there) would rot and cause infection that could cause massive illness and so I did. Being Catholic I wrestled with this for days before I could do the D&C thinking it was like an abortion but I did survive...after 15 years I had my 3rd child...a boy after 2 girls and he is teriffic! a real blessing

Hi S.

I think that although doctors do these things so many times and learn from experience, God is more powerful than any doctor and there is such a thing as miracles. Trust your gut instinct and go for 2nd and 3rd opinions and get your levels checked. Be prepared for good or bad results and know that you will be okay and that you will have to be strong for yourself or your children. I admire your ability to stick to your feelings of "maybe they are wrong" - it is truly amazing to me - because many of us, me included, tend to believe everything doctors say at times, especially when we feel vulnerable, so for that I admire your ability to stand on your own and believe in your heart that you may NOT have had a miscarriage. I will pray for you sweetie.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.