Miscarriage ,Please Help

Updated on July 30, 2009
D.M. asks from Coopersburg, PA
33 answers

I have miscarried at 8 weeks. There was no heartbeat visable on the ultrasound. My body however has not passed everything yet....my doc gave me 3 options: wait and see if my body will naturally pass, or to give me medication to evoke abortion,or D&C. Anybody has any kind of experience with the medication or D&C or any other experience. Is there any risk of waiting for a weak or so before taking medication or doing D&C ? It is emotionally very difficult as it is.PLease help.THank you very much for answers.

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J.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I had a miscarriage, not knowing I was prego, and I bled and bled soaking pads and tampons, so I would go for the D and C option because thats what I eventually had to do since the bleeding would not stop.

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B.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I am very sorry that this has happened. I experienced a m/c a couple of years ago and know the pain you are feeling.

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E.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I am so sorry. When I was pregnant, they told me I would probably lose the baby (which I didn't, thank goodness) and in talking about the possibility, the OB STRONGLY recommended that I get the D & C-- for the emotional and physical reasons. I didn't have to go through it, but the D & C is what I would have done.

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J.R.

answers from Philadelphia on

D.,
So sorry for your loss. I experienced the same thing with my first pregnancy. My nurse practictioner advised me at first to allow the process to happen naturally. I had very light spotting for one day, then stopped bleeding for a couple of days. When it did start to happen, I bled VERY heavily for several days, with severe cramping. After a couple of days of physical pain, on top of the emotional pain, I was at my wits end, and all but begged for a D&C just to get the process over with. Had the D&C and had no problems. Light anesthesia and a very short recovery, little to no bleeding or pain after procedure (i think i took tylenol the first day). I just felt like prolonging the process was too much to handle on top of the extreme sadness I was already experiencing. Again, I am sorry for your loss and I hope my story helps.

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J.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

i'm very sorry!the EXACT same thing happened to me.i was 8 weeks and we went in for a ultrasound there was no heartbeat.i was devistated!the dr told me i could wait it out or have the d&c...i chose the d&c and i can honestly tell you it was the best choice.i had two other miscarriages before and it was a terrible thing.the d&c i went in at 7am(on valentine's day :( ) i was home by 1..it was very tough but i felt relieved afterwards.a few months later i got pregnant with our son gavin who is now 5 months old..everything happens for a reason its nothing you did these things just happen.the thing that really got me through it was my son ryan..he was a year old at the time and i swear his hugs and kisses and love healed my heart...best of luck to you and im so very sorry for your loss..don't be afraid to do the d&c though it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be...you can contact me if you need someone to talk to at [email protected]____.com :)

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B.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

Please know that it will get better. When I had my first miscarriage at 11 weeks, I was depressed & crying for an entire week. With that miscarriage, I needed a D&C and the procedure itself was fine physically. It's the emotional side that takes longer to heal. With my second miscarriage at 7 weeks, I had to naturally pass everything. For the second miscarriage, it was emotionally less traumatic, but it took awhile to pass, was painful (physically & emotionally) & I never knew when it was going to be over. If I had a choice, I would opt for the D&C right away. Once it's over, you can begin healing, physically & emotionally. My thoughts & prayers are with you. Good luck & take the time you need to grieve your loss.

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J.O.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Greetings!

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It's a tough thing.
I had 2 and the D & C was simple and painless. Doesn't take away the emotional factors...but that pain does ease over time. I have 3 healthy kids and am grateful for them every day. Good luck to you and don't give up on that 2nd baby!
Jen

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I'm very sorry for your loss. I had three miscarriages before I had my son at 39. The first was just naturally terminated, the baby was passed very early and it wasn't until later that I realized it even WAS a miscarriage. The next two were between 8-12 weeks and I had a D&C for both as the heartbeat was not detected and my body was not eliminating the baby on it's own. I was not given the option of medication to evoke abortion so I don't know about that. The D&C was not a scary or lengthy procedure. I was put into a "twilight" state with anesthetic and was basically "out" for most of the procedure. I just took it easy for a couple days afterward and had no real side effects...a little tenderness maybe but that was it. In all honesty, I probably spent more time in the recovery room than in the operating room waiting for the anesthesia to get out of my system.
Make the choice that seems best for you. As for me, once I found out that the baby had no heartbeat, I felt better getting the procedure done & over with as soon as possible. God bless and take good care of yourself at this difficult time. Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk.

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L.P.

answers from Harrisburg on

Hi D.,

I am so sorry for your loss. I too have experienced miscarriage and know how emotionally and physically hard it is.

I doubt it would hurt for you to wait for a week or so before making the decision that is right for you. I had a stillborn at 6 months pregnant and the doctor made me wait about a week to deliver her. I also miscarried at 3 weeks and my body naturally passed the baby within a week. I have had friends that had D&Cs. They said that it made them sore for a couple of days, but no complications. I don't have any knowledge on the medication.

My heart goes out to you at this hard time in your life.

{{{hugs}}}

L.

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J.G.

answers from Allentown on

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had to be check twice to be sure that it was truly a miscarriage and not a misdiagnosis during my last miscarriage.

I've had the experience of miscarrying naturally, with medication, and with a D&C. All of them have pros and cons and none are easy to deal with. With the natural route, it depends on how far you along, the longer you were, the longer the process of miscarriage may take. Even with the medication, it may hasten the process a little bit but it is still painful as if you're going through labor.

With the D&C I found it to be the quickest in terms of process and healing. Sure, I was a bit groggy after the procedure but I didn't have to wait as long nor did I have to experience the painful bleeding and cramping that came along with the natural or the medication process.

Many hugs to you as you heal.

J.

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J.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I am so sorry for your loss. Like the other women here, I too experienced a miscarriage. After 4 1/2 years of trying we got pregnant last summer with our first & I lost the baby just before 12 weeks.
I personally let it happen naturally, which is what my doctor's said they'd prefer. They told me that I could have a D&C if I wanted. They also said that as long as I wasn't running a fever or having severe abdominal pains that I just couldn't stand, that I could let it happen naturally & that if I did develope any of those symptoms that I should call them or go to the ER.
I miscarried two days after I had the ultrasound. It was a painful experience (more so emotionally than physically), but I am glad that it happened that way. As difficult as it was, being there awake & coherent when my baby left my body made me feel more of a bond in a way. I couldn't see anything but blood, although I checked & checked for the sac but never did see it. I continued to bleed lighter more period-like bleeding after that for about two weeks.
I had to go have blood work done every week to make sure that my HCG levels were dropping. It took a month for them to get back to zero. Every week when I got the blood test results back, I would cry again.
My experience may be different than the other ladies on here, because I had a blighted ovum, which is when the sac forms but the baby doesn't form. I had to go through the doctors telling me that there never was a baby & that I shouldn't call it a baby. It was a baby to me. So, there was no possibility of me seeing a fetus. I could see how that could be tramatic for someone. It's definitely a personal descision, because I wanted to be able to see my baby (or at least the sac), but I never did.
Letting it happen naturally can take a very long time. What went wrong with my baby happened clear back at 6 weeks, but since everything "appeared" normal I didn't get an ultrasound until 12 weeks when I started a little bleeding. Although the miscarriage itself happened only 2 days after I found out I was losing the baby, the whole process (with the blood work) took a month. I cried a lot & it was difficult, but I think that I needed that time to work through everything. I asked for another ultrasound when that month was up because I wanted to be certain that I had miscarried completely (& although it may sound stupid I was still hoping to see a perfectly healthy baby on that screen prooving everyone wrong). When the ultrasound confirmed that the sac & all of the "products of conception" were gone, it's one of the first times that I didn't cry. Although I was very sad, I had already had time to work through my emotions & now I was glad that the process was over completely.
I am so grateful to God for helping me through the whole process. It was very challenging but thankfully it strengthened me & my husband's faith rather than break it. I came out of the whole experience with an entirely different outlook on life. It helped me to let go of things that just don't matter & concentrate on what's really important in life.

Last November I got pregnant again & am now 2 weeks away from my due date with a little girl. I have been scared every day that something would happen to her. I've tried my best to enjoy the pregnancy & put her in God's hands rather than worry the whole time...but it's been difficult. I still think about our other baby every day. Some days are harder than others such as the baby's due date & the one year anniversary of the day we found out I was pregnant. Still, we've tried to find ways to cope & on baby's due date we gave our baby a (unisex) name, & this August we plan on planting a tree in baby's honor with a plaque & having a memorial service with just a few family members. We also want to begin to "give life" every year on baby's passing date, such as going to donate blood & finding a charity that helps babies or miscarriage research & donating to it. We want to take this terrible experience & have some good come from it. It sounds stupid to a lot of people (especially the doctors who tell me it was never a baby...we did switch drs btw), but it was a baby to us...our first child.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

God bless,
J.

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K.B.

answers from Harrisburg on

I had a miscarriage before my triplets, and after two sons. I thought I was 9 weeks but the baby was measuring 5.5 weeks with no heartbeat. In case I miscalculated they waited a week to see if a heartbeat would show but they assumed it would not. That's the first time I learned that a heartbeat can show as early as 4-5 weeks. Well, after a tortured week, the doc said there was still no heartbeat so we had the same three options as you. He was very honest. Letting it pass on it's own could take a very long time. He asked, do you want to do through that to wait for it to pass? The second option if taking the meds, he said that in his experience with those who took it, many came back to have the DNC anyway is it usually didn't work or didn't work well. The third option, the DNC can be done and over with. I chose the DNC. There's minimal discomfort and a minimal amount of time.

The doctor should be able to look at the fetus to see if it's dissolving back into the body or not. Mine was not. If it is not, the doc said that the best route would be the DNC because it could take forever or not at all for the fetus to come out naturally.

Good luck with it all. It's not easy.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
chat and events within 2 hour radius

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M.H.

answers from Sharon on

DON'T DO IT!!!!! :( *hugs*

Did you make them check again? Sometimes the instruments are faulty. Go to a studio to have it done if you need to. When I had mine done I could see all the bones and right into the chambers of the baby's heart as it beat. Did they use a doppler so you could hear the heartbeat? Was there no movement on the part of the fetus?

Pardon me. It's just that if it were me I'd probably do all this and more if someone told me my unborn child wasn't anymore... I wouldn't believe it unless I verified it several ways for myself... and then if it was true I'd would wait for my body to recognize this and pass it of its own accord naturally.

I'm so sorry. *HUGS*

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L.R.

answers from Allentown on

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand how you are feeling, the devestation is unbearable at times. In march the same thing happened to me. The Dr. told me to wait 3 weeks and see if it happened naturally. After a week and 1/2 I couldn't take it anymore emotionally knowing my baby was gone and called and he set up the d&c. I had a natural miscarriage once and it was an awful experience and very painful.The d&C was the best choice for me emotionally. You go to the hospital, see the nurse( the made me take a pregnancy test its protocol that was the hardest part, I was like are you serious you know what i am in here for) they give you an IV, you see the anestegiologist and they bring you in the or, they put you to sleep and you wake up and it it over. I had some cramping and bleeding for a few days, but it was nothing like the natural misscarriage I went through.( I ended up in the hospital anyway because of the heavy bleeding and they had to give me petocin to make my contractions stronger so I would pass the baby,)I heard from other women that the pill can be pretty rough and doesn't always work the 1st time. You need to do whats best for you. I will keep you in my prayers afterwards emotionally it was hard, it takes time to heal, and you will heal at your own pace. People will say stupid things even though they mean well. Like you can try again, at least you weren't to far along( thats the once that made me nuts) It happened for a reason, etc... Cry as much as you need to and it will happen weeks/months later. A few weeks ago we were out shopping and I saw a shirt that said I'm the big brother and I started crying in the store, so its natural and some people think you should be over it, especially if they have never experienced it before, you will never be over it but everday it does get easier. If you have any other questions send me a message. I will keep you in my prayers.
L.

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C.H.

answers from Allentown on

maybe it did and you don't recall? what do your blood tests say?

I miscarried around 6-7 weeks it took about a week for my blood levels to go to normal, I did have some bleeding but not that much and if after a week i'd have had to do the d/c

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A.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

Dear D.,
I wanted to write because I know the emotional and physical turmoil you are experiencing. While vacationing with my DD & DH in Spain, at 3 months I miscarried. Because of the lateness of my pregnancy, I had to go to the hospital for an emergency D&C. I was terrified but it was a very non-aggressive procedure. I was given an epidural as I had eaten within 5 hours and I was in twilight while the procedure was completed. I recovered at the hospital for about 5 hours and in fact demanded to check myself out as I did not want to stay overnight. I was weak for about 2 days and was told not to lift anything heavy for a week, including my DD. Within a week, physically, I was feeling much better. In fact i felt better physically than I had throughout my previous 3 months. Emotionally took longer but I allowed myself to cry and to talk to others and my husband and I had many checks with our midwives and were given the ok to try again after 3 months and I got pregnant with my now healthy 4 yr old DS.
I was very happy with my D&C experience and the emotional turmoil of my miscarriage eased with the comfort of friends, my DH, and my own comfort with mourning and patience.

I am sorry for your loss. And I suggest you don't wait too long because of the concerns with infection.

Fondly,
ann m.

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T.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

D., I am so sorry for your loss.

I have miscarried, the first time at 3 months, and it was physically and emotionally traumatic. I am sorry you are going through this.

I hemorrhaged and was taken to the ER, and I had a D&E there (by my ob).

This was before the Internet was big. I know there must be dozens of websites and message board offering emotional support, but I also recommend an organization called UNITE, that meets at local hospitals. (At least it did...this was a number of years ago.)

Thinking of you and wishing you the best....

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K.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I agree with Denise P. I had two miscarriages, one before my oldest son and one before my younger son. Both times I had D & C's when it was determined that there was no viable baby, or heartbeat. I felt that it made it a little easier to get past the pain. I had already been bleeding and this made me so upset every time I went to the bathroom. The D & C is quick and painless (sedation for a short time) and I felt like I could move on emotionally afterwards. The only drawback is you must wait for two months to get pregnant because you must wait for the lining of your uterus to build up again. Otherwise you would have increased risk of this happening again. I felt I needed a few months to recover emotionally anyway. I am so sorry for your loss, hope it helps to know that others know what you are going through. I will say prayers for you.

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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am very sorry for your loss. My sister choose to wait and see and then had to have a D&C. I think your body will let you know what to do. You are in my thoughts.

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B.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi,
I had two miscarriages, one before my first child and one inbetween my first and second child, the first one was at 12 weeks the second was at 16 weeks. Both times the doctor recommended a D&C and I was glad afterwards that I had it done. I waited a couple months to "heal" and then both times I got pregant right away and had healthy pregnacies. A friend of mine also had a miscarriage around the time of my first one but didn't have a D&C done, just waited. She ended up after six months with a bad infection and then had to get a D&C done anyway. I now have 3 children ages 19, 15 & 3 years old and they are the wonderful. The last one I had at 41, so there is still plently of time. I know it feels devastating but give your self a few months and things should work out for you. Good luck and God bless.

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J.H.

answers from York on

D.,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I too endured the loss of a child early in my pregnancy. The pain is very real and the months to come will bring a roller coaster of emotions. I was teaching at the time and my doctor recommended a D & E (similar to the D & C) procedure. We set it up for a Friday morning, but I ended up going in on Thursday because the vaginal ultrasound performed to check for the heartbeat caused the process to accelerate. I had very heavy bleeding. They told me it would be like a heavy period, but it was worse for me. I was passing "orange-sized" clots. This is why they took me to the hospital for the procedure. The procedure went very smoothly and I was home the same day. I wish the emotional and mental recovery was as smooth. The next several months were very difficult for me, but by the grace of God I pulled through. I decided to write a book about my experience to try to help other moms who must endure the same experience. It is my faith journey through the loss of a child. If you think it is something you would be interested in viewing, feel free to check out the website. http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-...

I will be praying for you- that you will be able to have a smooth transition through the loss and that you will be able to conceive again and carry full term as this is your heart's desire. God bless.

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D.S.

answers from Harrisburg on

I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. I've been in a similar situation. I went to the doctor at 9 weeks and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They scheduled me for an ultrasound which also showed either a very slow heart rate or none at all (they weren't sure if the heart beat they found was just an echo of mine) I went back in after the Christmas and New Year's holidays to find that the baby was the same gestational age (by this time it should have been over 13 weeks) and there was no heart beat. We decided to give it a week and if nothing happened, we would schedule a D&C. I did not need the D&C. I miscarried at home the next day without medical help. Miscarriage in general is hard emotionally. If you have to go for a medical procedure, I would try not to think of it as an abortion of any kind. I say this because the baby has already passed away. Taking a pill will induce a type of labor. You will have contractions and the baby will pass. It depends on whether you want to go through a labor and delivery experience on top of what you've already endured. I really hope this helps. I don't think there should be a problem with waiting a week. My baby's heart stopped at 6 1/2 weeks and never miscarried until 7 weeks later. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

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A.M.

answers from Scranton on

I am so sorry.
I had something called a blighted ovum-which is basically an empty sac. My body thought it was pregnant but my hormone levels weren't increasing properly. I had to keep going for bloodwork and ultrasounds and at 9 weeks, they said the sac was empty. I had the options of letting my body expel the sac on its own or having a D&E (which is like a D&C, but not exactly the same, but the end result is still the same).

I talked to my OB about it-and went with the D&E. I wanted it over and done with. I knew that waiting for it to happen on its own would be physically and emotionally painful for me. He said it could take 'a while' for my body to expel the sac on its own. I found out that the sac was empty on a Friday and they scheduled me for the surgery on Monday. It took about a half hour. I was put to sleep and given pain meds for when I got home. I missed 3 days of work (I took off 3 as the doc recommended but I felt fine by the 2nd day). It took some time for my body to feel 100% again but I wasn't waiting around for things to happen.

And then about a year after that, I became pregnant with my second daughter. She is now 15 months old.

I wish you peace and good health.

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K.T.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hello,
Sorry about your lost. The same thing happen with me, and I went through the D&C procedure, it is best for you to get the D&C procedure done as soon as you can. I know this is a really hard time for you. I don't know if there are any kind of risk of waiting for a week or so to do something, My doctor had me go for a D&C 2 days after I found out there was not heartbeat. With the D&C they put you under and the perform the procedure, i think they scrape you then suction the remains. Sorry if this is graphic. They you go to the recovery room and when you wake up your doctor will tell you how it went. Someone is going to have to go with you to drive you home, and also be a good support system for you. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss and everything will get better, keep you chin up!

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N.A.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I had 2 miscarrages and both times I had the d&c. I was already distrought over being told there was no heart beat that I didn't think I could wait the week to see if anything would happen on it's own.
I wish you the best of luck and will say a prayer for you.

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A.K.

answers from Johnstown on

I am so sorry for your loss. I am 21 years old, a mother of a wonderful 3 year old, and have had 2 miscarraiges in the past 2 years. I know how you feel. I had the d&c done both times. There is a great risk of hemmoridging if you let it come naturally. The D&C is very quick but i have had some problems with it. My first one went fine although i did lose alot of blood. The second one which was the day after last christmas went horribly wrong. The doctor didnt get everything out the first time and 8 days later i was rushed to the hospital bleeding horribly.They had to do the surgury over again. Since the last surgery, i have had severe leg and muscle pain, nausea, depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I thought i was going to die from all the blood i was losing. Its been 7 months since then and i havent felt normal or healthy one day since then. I strongly suggest not getting the d&C unless you know that you have a great doctor and hospital. The doc and hospital in my area are not that great. But, a friend of mine chose to let herself miscarry naturally and it took her more than a week to do so. It was very hard and emotional though. In any case with miscarraige the biggest risk to your health is hemmoridging..Definately check and make sure there is no family history of it and go from there. I wish you all the best and i hope you never have to go through this again. I wil be praying for you.

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E.H.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am 38, and have been pregnant 5 times, but i=only have two children. The other three pregnancies (two before the birth of my daughter in '05 and one before the birth of my son in '08) were "missed miscarriages", an ultrasound at 10-12 weeks, large amniotic sack, no heartbeat (docs estimated growth stopped around 8 weeks). I never miscarried naturally. The first two times I had a D & C, and the last time I took medication to induce a miscarriage. The medication did feel a bit like labor (but not as intense, believe me!) and the whole process lasted two days from beginning to end and I was "back to normal" physically, at least, with just spotting, but no discomfort for the rest of my cycle. The D & C might seem like the faster and less painful option, but believe me, it isn't. Both times my whole body was sore and I was much weaker than with the medication. It took me at least a week to be "up and running" after the D & C.

In your case, I would probably take the medication. THe emotions are rough whatever you do, but you need to make sure your body has completely voided the pregnancy, so you do not have any infection.

My heart goes out to you, I know how hard this was for me. But you know what, it was all worth it, because I have my beautiful babies.

Sending you love and blessings.....

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S.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I'm so sorry for your loss, I've been there six times myself, so I understand your pain. I ended up with a D&C after all but one of my miscarriages. The one that passed on its own was only a few weeks along, the other five were 8-10 weeks. My experience is that it was better to get the D&C. Emotionally I think it was better for me, but that is a personal call. Physically, twice I ended up in the ER for an emergency D&C and hospital stay due to infection. After that, a D&C was a given for me. The discomfort from the procedure is minimal.

My heart goes out to you. I wish you the best of luck. Hug your boy, he's the best medicine for a broken heart.

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K.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a "missed miscarriage" at about the same time. I opted to have the D&C instead of waiting or having the medicine. It was very painful, almost like childbirth while I was actually miscarrying (I've had three) and this way it alleviated the pain of my body going through it. I'm sure whatever option you choose it will be safe or your doctor would not have suggested it too you. If you do the D&C however, they will test to see if something was wrong with the baby or if it just never developed. Don't give up hope. I had three miscarriages and was blessed with my beautiful baby girl 2 years ago.

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi D.,

Let nature takes it's course. It is very difficult to go
through this. This will give you time to grieve over your loss.

I grieve with you. God give you the strength that you need to get through this. D.

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N.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi, so sorry for what you are going through.

I am re-sending this msg--I think it didn't post last time.

I was in a situation similar to yours. I was told by nurses that it was OK to wait a week as long as I did not show signs of infection (specificially fever). My whole placenta passed naturally.

Here are the details, which I hope will help you. I had an ultrasound at 10wks, showing no heartbeat and that growth stopped at 8 wks. Results were sent to my Dr, who scheduled an appt with me for 4 days later. I was not aware I miscarried. 2 days late I started bleeding profusely and was diagnosed in the ER as having miscarried. My Dr. never showed up in the ER, if he did I think he would have pushed for D & C. I did not want one, holding onto hope for a miracle. I sought the counsel of nurses (now realizing that Dr was no good). Although my family (not DH, but others)pushed for D&C, I waited. I had the assurance that waiting was not risky. About 3 days later, the whole placenta passed, no complications.

What you are experiencing is very hard. I feel you can wait a week and there is nothing wrong with that. I hope you are recieven the support you need. I prayed a lot and that helped me.

N.

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

No advice...Just wanted to send a virtual HUG!

Was down this road before our first but my body took care of the hard part without meds or D&C. We got pregnant the cycle immediately following the miscarriage with a healthy little boy. :) Hope something similar is in the cards for you - - - hang in there!!!

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A.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I am so sorry for your loss.I know how it feels as I have been in the exact same place a few times where we saw heartbeat at 6 weeks and then none at 8 weeks. I opted to have a d&c each time. A friend had a natural and saw the fetus and it was very traumatic. I personally could not imagine having to wait and then probably having to see the baby pass out of my body. Also if your doctor is planning to do tests for genetic abnormalities then D&c will be better option. If you do decide on a d&c ask them to do it in the operating room so that you can be either under deep sedation or anesthetised. It will be extremely traumatic emotionally if you get it done while awake
I hope that you get thru this time and are able to move on. Give yourself time to grieve. You lost something dear to your heart. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
Hope your dreams come true in the near future

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