How Do You Teach Acceptance?

Just treat it as an opportunity to talk abut the similarities between people!

Kids are really, really accepting.

The first time I encountered this, my son was about 3 and he was "catching candy with other kids at a parade. He didn't get why this O. "grown up" guy was right there with all the kids--he had Down Syndrome. I explained to him in very simple terms that although his body had grown up (so to speak) his mind would always remain child-like due to a condition the man has had since birth. Then I explained that O. class-mate's sibling (that he knew) had Downs, etc.
Just be matter of fact. Don't impart pity--just understanding!

Lead by example

Open dialogue when you're at home about treating all people kindly.

Teach not to stare, point.

They will eventually get that. :)

I agree. Modeling is the way to go. Sorry this was so hard for you. But you've taken the first step by being aware of it yourself. You're so much farther along than most.

They WILL sense how you feel about it.......
If they ask questions, answer them simply.......like it's no big deal. People are all different, different sizes, different shapes, different colors and some people have problems that they are born with or maybe from an accident that makes them different too.......like when people are in a wheelchair, or people act different sometimes because of how there brain works (or doesn't work properly in an area) and they can't control it and it's hard for them but that's just their form of 'different'.

Model it. It is really the only way. I have seen over the years that kids model the same social attitudes as their parents, no matter what the parents try to "tell" them.

The only way to teach them is to practice the behavior you want them to have. It is fine to observe the behavior, which is really all you did. It is also normal to want to remove yourself because there is that chance they will ask and you want your answer to be PC.

Always best to discuss these things before hand or in your case as soon as you left. That way next time she won't have questions. Also keep in mind that it is normal for kids to ask questions so never act like she did something bad even if she worded it badly. :)

It is a constant teaching,I keep it simple..:"there are all kinds of people...some look or act different than us, they might look or act scary, but they really are not, when you get to know them.......if you have questions or comments at the moment, wait until we go home and we can talk about it, so we don't make anybody feel bad....it has always worked for me..I have a little guy and two teenagers, they are all very considerate...
I also explain, if you see somebody handicapped, who might needs a hand...HELP, don't just watch..

Actually, we don't really have to teach acceptance to children. We have to learn it FROM them.

Children are SOOOO tolerant. It's only when they get around jerk-face adults who teach them to be intolerant that their worldview changes.

So don't worry too much about it. Just be prepared to answer questions when she has to deal with what some dumb grown up told one of her friends/schoolmates.

I think it's understood to a certain extent that kids just don't know, so don't beat yourself up. It's happened to everyone.

I explain to my kids that everyone's made different and it's not a big deal; a nonissue... some people have blond hair, some people have one arm, some people have freckles, some people are hunched over... it was a loooong lesson, but they did learn. They don't even bat an eye at someone 'different' now, and I've even caught my kids repeating what I told them to their little friends :)

Lead by example.

Look for books about others with special needs. ( I took a special education class in college and there was a list in there covering exactly this. I will send you a list later.)

Talk to them about how people are different. If you are religious, discuss how God made everybody different. Even though the may look/act different from us, we are all the same! If you are not religious, still have the talk and just omit the God stuff! They are plenty old enough to start understanding these things, so don't hold back!

By reminding yourself that these are special angels sent here to teach US acceptence and to be toleratable. If children ask about it, don't get after them for asking, it makes them think something is bad about it. Just tell them an honest answer. When my granddaughter noticed a young child in a wheel chair she thought it was a stroller and she didn't understand how a big kid could be in a stroller. I explained to her that it is a wheel chair and he has to be in it because when he was born his legs didn't work. I also explain it for a mentally disable child we had at bible school when the kids wondered why he didn't act like they did, didn't talk good and all. I explained that when he was born his brain didn't work like ours does and that God makes people different and this is one of the ways He made someone different. Then we talk about how some people have blue eyes, some have brown eyes and the differences in each of them. I think that young children are more compassionate to those then they were when I was young and I think it is because instead of being in special schools they are now in public schools and the kids are exposed to the differences much more. Fear comes from the unknown and the more your child (and you) know about disibilities, the more you will be comfortable around them.

by not judging others. by not feeling discomfort or fear with others' disabilities. by embracing the diversity in others. Practice what you preach!

I find it interesting that you believe he was physically impaired....how did this manifest? Tourette's causes physical movements, but that's not impairment. Sounds a lot like you were judging him on appearance only - which is where your feelings of shame are coming from.

& as a head's up, my older son is a physically-impaired adult.....& you would never know it to look at him. He's walking on a titanium hip & rarely limps, but is considered disabled. Just saying.....legally he's disabled & you'd never know it....if you judged his book by the cover. Peace.

Grant I'm not a mother. However I'd like to recommend my award winning children's book, "A Lesson My Cat Taught Me" as a wonderful way to teach the acceptance of others for who they are and not what they are. While the book is geared for children between the ages of 5-8 it is an enjoyable by readers of any age. I invite you to check this book out on Amazon. There's a virtual presentation of the award there.

http://www.amazon.com/Lesson-My-Cat-Taught-Me/dp/1452810885
[There's a 10% currently available for the book]

Please excuse the latest of this reply as I've just found this site. I'd appreciate it if could share this with your friends and family.

Empathy means you will feel the issue of another person.
Caution is a good lesson to teach your children. Ask them to "use their gut".
They will need your guidance. As an adult, I have been mugged after encountering the needy and showing kindness. My "gut" did not register accept for the second time when I "went ape" on the guy, even telling him I am a cop...
So, our children need protection foremost. They have no firsthand experiences. And parents, keep your eyes wide open and just say no to anyone asking for money or assistance. They can go to a nearby church.
Keep your purse inside the grocery basket, as this is a common place for a criminal to score while you are checking out the aisles, the register, loading your car, your child...
It's a sad time; but some good old songs at home, in the car, at the park, and happy story times make for a more comforting and secure feeling...for us all.
Blessings, S.

I think you did fine actually. Your little one is only 3.

But soon they will notice and when they ask questions just be matter of fact and give very simplistic answers. I like how Denise said it.

Kids are very understanding.
Teaching goes on well after they are "old enough" to know, too.
At 10, 13, and 16 I can now explain a lot more. My daughter (16) has a boy with Aspergers on her swim team. He drives them all nuts, understandably. But when my daugher came home telling me how awful it was to be in the lane with D, I jumped down her throat.
I told her it sounded like he had a condition like Aspergers or Autism. At the time I didn't know. After I explained it to her, the light bulb went on and she agreed he did act like that. Come to find out he is very Aspie. My daughter has been patient with him and he considers her a friend, well as much as he can.

Have you read Carl Sommer's book "The Ugly Caterpillar"? All of his books concentrate on values and ideals that we would like our children to have.

"The Ugly Caterpillar" introduces the concept that what someone looks like on the outside is not as important as what they are inside on the inside; Inner beauty is most important!

I have thought about this too. I explain it to mydaughter as "everyone is different, just like skin color, eye color, likes and dislikes". The other month, we were at a fast food restaurant and there was a girl in a wheelchair with her family. I could tell she was staring at her, so i asked "what are you looking at over my shoulder so much?" She said "nothing." I wanted her to tell me "that girl." so we could talk about it. I didnt know if it was a good thing or bad thing. People with disabilities dont want to be ignored. So my daugther was learning about her just by looking at her. I did tell her it seems like your staring, and i want you to stop and she did. People with disabilities also tend to want others to be not be so ignorant. If we ignore them, no one is learning that. I hope that makes sense... i dont have the right answer either.

I teach my children that brains and bodies work in all different ways. I also teach my children to observe behavior. If someone is behaving in an erratic or odd way, give them more space. I present this as both a safety rule and a courtesy rule. If someone is having trouble controlling their hands, give them extra space so they don't accidentally hit you. You would get hurt and they would feel bad. If someone is acting like their brain doesn't work well (mental illness, drugs or alcohol), we are extra polite and give them extra space. We don't know what they are feeling or thinking and we want to help them feel safe.

We mostly have these conversations out of earshot of the individual in question. But even in earshot, very few people will get upset or offended at you instructing your children to treat them with the utmost respect and courtesy.

Incidentally, this also applies to cars. If a car is behaving erratically, don't assume it will stop at a stop sign....or even a curb. If a car is weaving around, it's probably best to get off the street until they're gone.